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Do something funny mean, (like jelly on his burger instead of ketchup) and then tell him you are even when he realizes it. Maybe that will help him reframe it into seeing you in a different state over it
Getting your feelings hurt and realizing it isn’t going to kill you, are valuable parts of growing up. Just tell her.
He explicitly says that's the plan down the line but he can't afford it currently.
That sounds a lot like you two might have found an issue you cannot find a solution for on your own. If your existence is a trigger for his insecurities and he won't admit that he needs to work on this as its jeopardizing your relationship, then you can neither make yourself dumber for his benefit nor force him to find motivation and self esteem. He needs to seek out a professional, as you're most likely only going to push him further into his defense and coping mechanisms by trying to fix this for him. You could show him a clear path to getting better and finding himself, but it will always be a no go for him since it's YOUR plan, no matter how rational and successful it might be.
It sounds a lot like he holds resentment for you, which is something that will eventually eat away any foundation of trust and respect in your marriage.
Look. Love for someone is not enough in order to have a good longterm relationship with someone. You also have needs (like having an intellectual equal and someone with their own personality) and he is neither meeting these needs, nor acknowledging that he needs to work on these needs if he wants to continue with the relationship. From the very limited insight I have into your relationship, I'd say that the man will paint you as his oppressor no matter what you do. It's easy for me to say “get a divorce, you deserve better” (which you do), but I understand that you don't want to “throw the whole man away” when you love him. But as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. If he isn't open or ready to change on his own volition, then you can't stay with him to force it down his throat in an attempt to “save” him from his own issues. Thats the ugly thing about self improvement – it only sticks if we find a reason for it by ourselves. If he isn't ready, then no ultimatum and no therapy and no amount of talks with him will change that. Choose if you want to stick with someone who probably is on his path to resenting you for having a personality, goals and a sense of security in yourself – or if you might actually have a better life without him in it.
It's not wrong to try to fix this, but I'd say that you should go to a professional yourself to get some more professional input on the matter, rather than the very mixed bag of reddit opinions.
OP time to make like a tree and get the fuck outta there.
If they dont go to church now you are technically raising then as atheist immediately. How are they supposed to choose when they are grown up as they are not exposed to religion?.
Suggest to bring them to church once a month. By the time they are 12 / hit puberty, let them decide whether to stop or continue on. However people nowadays are not religious anymore it may get extinct soon, I dont think you would have any problems your children will be raised a religious bigot.
He might just not think it's important.
I have no idea what OP thought. I can tell you you’re painting with a wide brush. This scenario is sometimes true. But plenty of straight men and women are friends.
She totally cheated on you and now it’s over. Can you guys fix your marriage? Maybe but it would take real honesty and therapy. I personally think she would be just staying because it’s comfortable but that could be why you are staying too.