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Maybe give the guy a break. It's a display of loyalty. He wants to get to know you and not be that guy who is hooking up with 5 girls a week.
Why not see what he wants?
Agreed. Used to work in family court in my country; don't give up the money. If you don't need it, put it in a savings account or for them to use in college. But seriously, don't give up (and don't tell the courts you don't need it).
It's about 1-2 times a week for us as well. Mostly too tired from work during the weeks. We're both happy with how it is now.
Don't even bother with her. If she's willing to cheat with you, she'll cheat on you. Could take as long as 7 years. But it will happen.
He ADMITS that he raped her in this very post
According to you, it's a passive voice. That is your perspective and your opinion.
Your perspective may not be someone else's.
And again, they both aired worries at times and still had sex.
That means she and he both often aired worries and ended up having sex anyway.
This is the absolute best reply I could have read for this situation. It's weird, especially for OP, but they aren't siblings so it's not as taboo. But, if I thought of these kids as my kids, I would feel strange and I would feel betrayed that all these people have been keeping something from me when I trusted them implicitly. In the end it would be okay, but I would need to take some time to sort out my issues.
emotional cheating is a thing. his intentions are clear. this woman is on the forefront of his mind, not OP, and he's hiding it from her.
no good man. no good cheater.
He needs to say no once in a while to his family to make time for a relationship.
Normally, I'm not one to hop on the ending it train, but dealing with drug addicts is already difficult, but if she's at the stage where she's having sex for them? She's past the point of saving the relationship. Leave and make sure you take your stuff so she doesn't steal it for drug money. And after that, if she chooses to get better and asks for your help (after at least a week of her not begging for you to come back), then help if you feel like it. But don't stay in the relationship.
So OP. You decide here whether you’re okay with how things are now and stay. Or you decide you are NOT okay with how things are and you leave. Those are your two choices here. No others.
I’d suggest you give him an ultimatum at this point. Monogamous relationship or divorce.
Very valid points!
Did you even read my comment? Clearly not at all what I said. Cheating when drunk and being attacked are not at all the same thing.
Thank you for this perspective. I do not want to end up in this position, I am sorry you dod
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So she’d rather have you depressed than not lusting after her 24/7? Her ego is more important than your mental health? I could see it being a problem if it made you impotent, but your sex drive is still normal. What a horrible, selfish harpy.
Why is he sending shitload of stuff to her?
Did you ask what they were talking about? “Hey, what were you guys talking about?” Literally that simple.
The gun the he wants you to be will be registered under your name and anything he'll do with it will also comeback to you.
at the very least having a gun on you that isn't registered to you is a felony in most places, what if he tells the police where he got the gun? is that a risk you want to take?
Threatening suicide, stalking, blaming you for his bad behavior…all signs of an abusive relationship. Block him and his family every way you can and go on with your life.
I also require him to not abuse me mentally. Physically, emotionally, verbally, etc.
That’s not a sacrifice though. That’s requiring mutual respect. And yes boundaries are healthy but that’s what you do to keep yourself safe, that’s not you requiring sacrifice to prove love. And expectations are only ok if agreed on, you can go on expecting people to do shit if they don’t agree.
And choosing to sacrifice without being asked because it makes the other person happy is way different than forcing the other person to sacrifice to prove they love you. The first is sweet, the second one what you’re doing, is toxic.
My grandpa mashed up every meal in a restaurant too, he just said it tastes better that way. If he ordered, for example, steak and fries and veggies, he'd cut everything small with a knife, mash it into puree with his fork and then build a perfectly round mound of food on his plate. My father (his son) would try to do the same but my parents basically agreed the food mush would only sometimes be done at home with leftovers, not in restaurants because it embarrassed my mother too much and not with lovingly prepared homecooked meals.
Get the paternity test first. Remember, YOU are actually the “other guy”. She wasn't cheating ON you, she was cheating WITH you. Don't stress til you get the test.
It doesn’t add up!
Why would he be asking his friend if he was free for 1hr, if he was only dropping off keys?
The message sounds exactly like he was trying to book an appointment!
Do you share a cellphone plan or have access to his bills? If so, check the call and text logs.
Or, does your husband have an iPhone? If so, check his deleted messages.
I had a very similar situation happen. My husband was diagnosed with cancer last year. He has an ex he shares two kids with. Going through surgery and hospitals we were a family unit. Her and I texted constantly. We hugged it out. I was there for her and she was there for us. And we all cried a lot of tears. And they've been divorced for ten years.
You shared a life with this man. And you share a child. When the c word gets involved it opens a whole box of questions you don't have answers to. What if he dies. What if he lives. How will this effect our child going forward. What will our lives look like for the next six months. This will alter your life forever because it will alter your child's life.
Feel your feels. Let it out. Cry. Scream. Throw things. Breakdown. Do it all. The only thing that matters is your family of three. Make sure your child is ok and support the hell out of his dad. Everyone else's opinion doesn't mean squat. And if you're significant others left over this then you're better off.
You still haven't answered what you expect them to do? Drag their kid back to the house and lock him up?
Do you turned your fiancé into a sex worker? Or how bad is your fetish?
The POS needs to bring some money. Put a stop to his BS .
Talk to him direct. Your home, your family.
Yeah but it seems like OP didn't do anything to double check the things that happened.
Sure it's proof – but then again when the person you married is begging you that he didn't do it you should verify it. It could have done in an insanely simple manner too.
Husband says that it's not him using the account?
Use a fake profile and text the account.
Husband's intimate photos send ?
Make the husband file a case. Chances are if it was actually him he wouldn't have done it.
Check the phone for the app. Play store will show you if and when the app was downloaded.
Looks like OP didn't do any of this basic verification before dumping her husband.
I'm all for dumping cheaters – but OP jumped the gun in this one and I'm glad the husband is staying away.
Block him.
It’s an excuse to hide something he knows I wouldn’t like.
they could but, age can def be a factor.
Four months is nothing when it comes to substitute knowing someone and who they are. No, after 4 months you don't know him. You haven't had time to know him. Situation you described in your post also shows it. Calling someone isn't in any way a path to truly know someone. You didn't answer my question – where you learned that “he treated women like they were nothing”. What this is a sign of? That he does this normally, that's who he is and that he lied to you. If you want to believe that you truly know him and this is out of the character behavior, you are allowed to. I understand it hurts, but if you want to stay in denial you are setting yourself up for even more hurt and disappointment. It's up to you.
He laughing at you for defending your gf who is a clear liar. She almost definitely banged your buddy.
Will you ask if it’s worth fighting for when you guys had already made an arrangement that you would be equal partners raising the children. So I feel like you answered your own question but now you’re doubting yourself. No Reddit people should be telling you what decisions to make. However, that would hurt my feelings, especially given the fact he said that I had equal position he took it away the first time he disagreed with me.
Op doesn’t remember anything of the night? That is not voluntarily cheating he most likely got sexually assaulted
Your ex and his friend are manipulative and toxic. Not to mention childish.
I couldn’t see myself staying involved with people like that after harassing one of my friends.
Lol okay
It should be over tho, she lied to him for 3 years
You really need to block him and NOT unblock him. This is REALLY unhealthy behavior. He’s trying to keep you hanging on, and his behavior is rather irrational and dangerous. Stay away from him. If you run into him at your events, simply walk away like he doesn’t exist.
His reasons for texting you aren’t legit. He’s just keeping you hanging on! He told you who he is-BELIEVE him! The opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s indifference. Be indifferent. If you see him at an event, don’t engage him, keep your cool, let him say whatever he’s going to say, and reply with Ok, and WALK AWAY!!!
This isn’t something you can fix. Either you make peace with his habit or you consider it a deal breaker. But this isn’t the kind of thing you can ask someone to stop doing- it’s a decision they make on their own.
how about an absent best friend? I online in aus, you won't even know I'm your best bud
that totally works right?
If he wants an equal split, make sure you split everything equally.
A friend of mine has had some guy in the Netherlands send her money/buy her things for about 8 years now. She has had different long term relationships throughout those years and her partners have never been aware of 'Mr Netherlands'.
He has bought her her laptops, hair extensions, paid her phone contract, new Switch games, transfers money, you name it. They don't go overboard but if she ever asks or needs, he's there to help…
She sends him nudes, or at least she did years ago… I would assume she still does because he continues to finance her when she asks but idk. Maybe he just likes to help with no reward ??♀️.
Last thing I know of that he bought her was the Pokemon Scarlet game. So as you can see it isn't a constant thing and so doesn't arise suspicion in her partner.
Not saying OP's gf has someone like this but just wanna show in response to your suggestion that some people really DO have a 'sugar daddy'!! Even when they've never met before! ?
it amazes me that some of you give OP some kind of “spot” about it after she happily assisted in the actual cheating lol. agreeing to 100% utterly disagree. there is no appointed spot. Wife of the situation deserves a clean shot to, you know, BE loved and happy, period. it's not going to make a difference who tells her.
What you can do if you havent bought your dress yet. ask every female to wear white and every male to wear black…… you wear a black dress and your Fiance wears a white suit .
So without hving stressfull arguments with her what wont change her mind you will just change the rules
Don’t let these people shit on you. ?
It’s so hard and it just feels so dark. I keep comparing us to other couples who are “light” aka not going through something so heavy. ?
Well not we'll, please fix this I can barely read this
I may have an unpopular opinion on the 3 month thing and a 3some. I think this is the time to have these conversations. 3somes, poly etc. Not 10 years and after marriage. This way it is easier to end things or engage in it fully, without one partner feeling coerced into it. Now to OP, I think you found that you're not compatible. You broke the rules established in a sober state, but also the rules were bent with a verbal agreement when everyone was drunk. These are the consequences. May be best to move on right now.
Honestly, sticking around just to appease her brother might not be worth the drama. If you can, try explaining to him separately that things have become too toxic, and as much as you value your friendship, you need some distance from the situation. Make sure he knows it's nothing against him, and maybe find ways to hang out that don't involve her family. Better to stay out of the feud than let it consume everyone's lives.
Honestly, sticking around just to appease her brother might not be worth the drama. If you can, try explaining to him separately that things have become too toxic, and as much as you value your friendship, you need some distance from the situation. Make sure he knows it's nothing against him, and maybe find ways to hang out that don't involve her family. Better to stay out of the feud than let it consume everyone's lives.
So like, I have chronic nightmares, almost one every night if not more. And he's told me that whenever I have one to call him or wake him up and get comfort from him.
However, the other day, I had a REALLY bad one, and it basically had me feeling really closed off in the morning. I didn't tell him until later into the afternoon after basically no talking for most of the day and he asked me why I didn't wake him up.
Which I couldn't answer, because I KNEW he wanted to comfort me because he TOLD me and he did nothing to imply otherwise. But for some reason I had convinced myself that he wouldn't be interested or that it would be annoying for me to like, come to him for support.
I am glad he didn’t agree on an open relationship with you because even if you were cool with that, that doesn’t mean his long term gf is cool with it and you should care about that. So in the future, be careful about who you offer this kind of relationship to,make sure they do not already have a girlfriend, or you may unwittingly become a source of another woman’s pain and I can see you don’t want that.
I read your updates and holycrap, this guy is really a sicko. I am glad you now have the police involved and are taking things seriously. Your safety is most important right now. Once you are fully safe and comfortable, go ahead and let the gf know. She deserves to know before that scumbag gifts her with an incurable STD. For that matter, you should get checked out too.
I can’t fathom a 1500 snap with an ex.. why there an ex for a reason.. ore you’re just the rebound until she’s back with him.. well definitely sketchy.. how long have you been together?
Is there an alternative because as an indian teenager, therapy is like a taboo from where i come from and i cant ask my parents for therapy
Hey cheater/slut.
You still having fun?
Definitely let us know whether you gave your “British cream” (hork) to that woman whose post you were commenting on too.
Where did I say it was good or bad? Do you know what judgement means? You online in a conservative patriarchal society. I'm sorry every man around you has spent a hundred generations telling women otherwise but it was all lies.
Two months have passed and he unblocked me on everything. He messaged me “I dropped the charges”.
Lol, what charges? Dude sounds like a buffoon.
I'd suggest you block him and move on with your life.
Remind me! 2 days
This comment needs to be higher