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lol so not wanting your wife to go to raves do molly, acid and lsd is controlling? Reddit never ceases to amaze me.
Tbh no im not comfortable with it as for me I still consider it as cheating.
My heads a mess tbh right now. At times I say I dont want to be with him cause of this, other times I say im willing to accept it cause I want to be with him
You're done. If you're not the one he's marrying then it's over. By the sound of it this was always the plan and s future with you never existed.
Are you in therapy for your anxiety?
Straight up? OP’s boyfriend seems to be commitment phobic, and I would recommend that she cut him loose.
You listed scenarios where person really couldn’t affect the appearance change, that’s very different. I wouldn’t leave my partner for that.
In this case this is young woman who gained 60lbs in 2.5 years and didn’t make any effort to do something about that. I think it’s important in relationship both parents invest to their looks to keep attraction going.
Hey there, thanks so much for your response, I really appreciate it.
Yes we spoke about the move quite a few times, he’s very much determined that this does not need to mean a step back for us, before we moved in together we could only see each other over the weekends which I wasn’t too happy with, but hey we’re both working full time and he insisted that not seeing me for the whole week does not make him feel any different, basically ‘we are just where we left off’. And his argument about our relationship not progressing the same by us moving back out is ‘would you say our relationship wasn’t progressing before we moved in together?’ And fair enough, it was, it’s just different now as we got to online together for a bit and it just hits different, but he insists that it doesn’t have to be all negative. He did tell me that he does not want to go back to his parents’, but it’s not about the wants at this point, almost – if we don’t put in the work now, we will forever be paying someone elses mortgage , never owning anything that’s actually ours.
And regarding our covid situation – I’ve been around his family for half a decade now, they are absolutely wonderful people and treat me with the most respect and love, for which I am grateful, but that’s what happens when the religion rules your life on another level. His parents are a bit older, approaching their 70s now actually, so the generational differences are VAST. We knew exactly what this meant when I was moving in temporarily back then, it’s their house and that’s the rules, I can take it or leave it I guess. My boyfriend tried challenging this many times, us sleeping in the same bed simply goes against their beliefs, and we were made aware many times how unhappy they are with us moving in together earlier in the year, as we would be sleeping in the same bed. It’s annoying as hell, but hey, I love the man, I’m not going to make drama and go on his mum’s bad side when I can just suck it up. She’s mentioned many times that if they had a spare bedroom I could be living there full time.
I don't see the point of trying to stay together. This is going to eat you up, it will fester and it will bring nothing but resentment in the long run.
I would end it. Besides, there is something to be said about keeping your dignity.
Sounds like some scary control issues. He wants you to start his business not your own. Run.
50% of the video were teen videos.
Most porn is teen porn. Whether the actors in it are actually teens or not, most porn has teen in the title somewhere. The fact it is only 50% tells me he generally prefers older women in his porn.
their breasts are not fully developed
What makes you think they aren't fully developed? Because they were flat? A lot of adult women are very flat chested, and it isn't a sign they aren't fully developed.
Also I noticed he gets sexually aroused when I dress up looking youthful, looking like a teen.
He gets aroused when his 41 year old girlfriend dresses up sexy, and it is just more common for younger women to dress up sexy so you associate it with how teens dress despite it having nothing to do with youth.
None of those are red flags. It sounds like you are trying to protect your girls, which is admirable, but are taking it so far that you are overreacting to perfectly normal things.
That’s so cute lmfao
I agree that it’s strange in hindsight. She says she doesn’t remember actually taking the medication. I’m honestly hazy on it too. I thought I remembered the doctor telling her to just go through the treatment to be safe. In hindsight, I wouldn’t go through a round of antibiotics if I was certain I couldn’t have had it. That was 8 years ago now. When I brought up those concerns, she reached out herself to the pharmacy to prove she never filled it but their records don’t go back that far. For her to have had it and me not would mean that the cheating window had to have been very small right? I regret not asking for a follow up test and have a nude time making that leap without having done that. It’s unlikely, but possible and I would hate to be put in that situation if truly innocent.
I agree with the couples therapy part. Maybe a third party could help.
If it helps, I ended my relationship after “discussion” of a published article I found interesting. Can't even remember what it was on anymore. He would state something completely wrong, I would go “well, no, because…” and explain. And instead of, you know, understanding, he would jump to the completely opposite point of view because I guess he figured that one must be right then. It wasn't. Obviously.
My dad calls it someone else “trying to think with my brain”. I think that's accurate.
It took me some weeks after that discussion but I was done. I can absolutely respect, befriend and enjoy company of stupid people. But I know myself now. I cannot date them.
Honestly if THIS is all it takes then yes you should leave him. Poor man will be walking on eggshells his whole life around you.
Get the divorce, make it easy on him, and don’t try to screw him financially.
Then go get yourself into therapy before you ever even THINK about dating again.
I was speaking in a general sense. If someone has a hook-up on Saturday night without a condom, getting tested on Monday is pointless.
Just a heads up but that derrogative and racist term is rather disliked across most Asian cultures.
Please read about borderline personality disorder. I recommend “Stop Walking on Egg Shells” by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger.