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Can you at least get an STI check? And make her go get one too?
Honestly, at this point?
She's probably trickle-truthing you. I 100% don't believe that she didn't act on her attraction. The fact the actually fought to get you to 'accept', made me think she probably has crossed the line physically as well as emotionally.
Also, let's hope she doesn't get “lonely” again in the future.
You told him your deal breaker, he said she was more important. He flat out told you that she’s more special to him than you, the mother of his child.
You deserve better. Your child deserves a better example of the kind of respect a partner should be shown.
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So me and my boyfriend met through a mutual friend 4 months ago. We got on pretty well and seemed to complement each other well. But things turned sour when he started mentioning other girls when he was with me – especially other girls who were interested in him – like his co-workers. I have not met these co-workers so I cannot say how much of it is true but he says he's like the “love guru” for the girls in the office and outside – he “advices” them.
That sounded weird to me and I told him so. He responded by saying it's not weird and he only helps girls navigate these issues as he knows how guys think. So, I asked him would he like it if I did the same – asked another guy advice about him. We argued over text for 2 days, he was pissed off and hasn't talked to me since. It's been 1 and a half month now.
I messaged him a month after this just asking how he was doing as I missed talking to him, and his response was very cold.
We haven't blocked each other on anything and he views the “stories” I post yet doesn't say anything. I don't know if I should block him as that would help me move forward or should I initiate contact one last time as I still miss him or let this go?
If I contact him again, how should I go about it?
You’re not providing a good life for your child staying “trapped” to someone you very well don’t like, your child will learn all the wrong things about how to properly care for themselves and their needs and their partners. Staying together for the kids is the reason why the world is fucked up. Provide yourself a happy fulfilling life and your kids will follow suit, monkey see monkey do
First off I want to say grow up, but it sounds really mean. When you’re married, you have years that are all the years that are on some years your sexual some years not so much but everything flows within reasonable limits usually. Having children is difficult I never grew up, fell in love so much with my children first, and then my husband again for what kind of man he was than during that process. I never trusted anybody as much as when I was married and I was with a partner I knew would show up for me every day. This is not supposed to be Cinderella for him or for you, so find some kinky sex life that you share alone by yourselves embrace your children’s insanity and have a good life.
I'm someone who has always been friends with females. I'm the straight guy that gets invited to girls night. I make sure everyone gets home safe and have taken someone to my couch when they are too drunk.
Friends care for friends. It can be uncomfortable at first, but I'm sure he was just looking out for your girl like his own sister. Nothing more than friends.
Your soulmate is a cheater and a liar so if you’re ok with that let him come on over you deserve each other. The “roommate “ was some buddy who didn’t care he was cheating on his wife. Probably where he stayed when separated. Right now you just got fooled by a dog. If you talk to him or take him back you’re an idiot who will be the next one he cheats on.
I guess so yeah
I think the “work reservations” and the “thinking phase” was an excuse to give her time to continue to hook up and/or to make a decision betweem the two of you. It obviously didn't work out with him so now she is “okay” with the work thing. You are second choice.
My husband flipped. He demanded I go and it wasn’t up for debate. In the end we all went because I didn’t want the guilt trip and to have him hold it over me
well that is very bad. He endangered you and your daughters health by being a manipulative asshole.
You might need couples therapy to decide whether you want to stay with someone who treats you this way. Good luck!
No penetrative sex ever in a stalemate situation isn't much of a compromise. I actually agree with the person who said they are sexually incompatible.
I'm concerned about the rigid lack of trying to find ways to compromise when his needs are being met and he knows hers aren't.
There is a big difference in terms of side effects between when he's asking and what she's asking. The side effects for her taking oral contraceptives, compared to him using condoms is very lop sided. He's unwilling to compromise wearing a condom which really doesn't seem to be a big deal for him compared to her taking medication that messes with her hormones, weight gain, libido etc.
Even if he lied to the son, just by him telling his mother what the father said, lets the mom know there is something going on, and can start to get to the bottom of it.
I say this kindly, but firmly, my friend- end contact with this person and move on.
You don't actually benefit from this “relationship” at all. It's basically not real. Opposite ends of the world. Love-bombing you to hell from the start. You're not able to meet or see each other for years. She's full of drama, depression, sad stories/histories, and you are her couch therapist. She love-bombs you, you soak it all up, and want to be the hero to lift her up… with your short, 30-inch arms, from 9000 miles away.
I don't want to use the term “puppy love” because it may come across as disrespectful, but that's essentially what this boils down to. You have the equivalent of an NFT girlfriend, an online person that you've never physically met and won't, but have lofty dreams together as she puts you through emotional hell, using the power of an electronic screen.
You need to be strong, let this go, and realize just how little you actually get out of these interactions. Right now, you feel all this new-aged pressure to never abandon someone with emotional health issues. I get it. But that line of thinking is wrong. You don't need to set yourself on fire to try and keep her warm and happy- she won't even feel the heat through the screen.
Even without speaking each other's language, it is possible to communicate with a smile. You call having a visitor for a week “brutal”? Whatever happened to being a generous, gracious host and making room for one of the most important people in the life of the person you love?
That's my thinking too, like most relationships I know are open books in regards to finances, phones, etc. I wasn't sure if I was just being controlling or something, so I let it go after a few arguments
But I do think you're right about her being embarrassed. I will try a more gentle approach next time. Thank you!
Best advice ever. I hope OP follows up on this. I would stay away from the guy in any case. Anyhow, people with nothing to hide don't keep little baggies of Xanax pills do they? I don't know how many virgins have bizarre spotting like that after falling asleep. I think that that needs to be considered as well.
You dated a pick me. Probably your type. You can tell her “you’re not like other girls” and she can try to prove it by doing all the things pick mes do. Match made in heaven.
This is a him problem. Don’t make it a you problem.
He's allowed to not like them and it's entirely OK to be a deal breaker for him.
Just move on.
Don't hang around people who are that rude that they feel the need to comment on someone else's physical appearance
Don’t use drunk as an excuse when you talk to her! Because it’s not an excuse at all…..
You tell your BF you cheated and face the consequences.
You leaned a life lesson to never cheat again. It could have been avoided by breaking up at the beginning. You didn’t need to cheat. Time to be an honourable person.
Be honest and tell him that you don’t like doing that. He will accept that if he really loves you. We all have to do without things we want.
That way you won’t have to dread doing stuff with him. Tell him you were wrong for saying yes when you meant no and that you will be honest and communicate better moving forward.
It all comes down to communication. Just sit down with him and openly talk to him like you are talking to us. He seems like a nice guy and will probably appreciate the honesty. You should be able to ask or tell him anything.
It is far from unreasonable to not tell them until after the 3 month mark. Most couples do not tell anyone until the first trimester ends, as it is only at that point that the risk of miscarriage drops significantly.
Do not modify your desire when you want to tell them, just to try and make it better. Do what makes you most comfortable.
Wow. Your fiancé is super racist. What do you see in him? That would be a major deal breaker for me.
Your gf hasn't been dating this man for a year. She knows what other men like, not what he likes.
u/sad_girl_0810 you're talking about two different things and one thing in common that's missing. First there's a 1.5 year FWB situationship and some possible self identified feelings developing and the other item is a PE premature ejaculation the last two times. The thing that's missing and the one thing in common is communication.
Need to be able to have communication and take the temperature of the relationship. Would strongly suggest that you don't initially face your partner and say something like, “We need to talk” as that can sound like he's in trouble or come across as confrontational. Instead if possible sit down on a couch side by side or at an angle with a calendar, a couple of notebooks and ask to talk about trying to schedule each other on the calendar and have a thought exercise about how to make it happen. He has his list, you have yours and there's things that are really important that's called needs and that is the venn diagram intersection and then the wants are outside of the needs. The needs get discussed first and then the wants are also addressed and sorted out. Really very hot to find that amazing person who has that long matching needs list and if there's enough there to build upon, each time there's that match a positive recognition reward reinforcement is front facing consummated with a kiss or other combination of verbal and nonverbal communication such as a smile etc.
You both could be catching feelings and each of you are waiting for the other to say I'm ready. Metaphor of two or more people say that they want to go to the store later at an unspecified time but everyone is waiting on each other not realizing that everyone is actually ready and waiting on everyone else until someone says, “Are you ready yet?” A man might place an artificial barrier to commitment to a LTR partner for himself on certain individual goals of job career financial etc. You both might have some things to sort out and that's honest conversation about the type of relationship dynamic you both really want. You actually may have had a DADT don't ask don't tell open relationship structure without ever talking about it so far, where both of you had one or more sex partners because that's what FWB can mean. What does transitioning mean then? It means opening up the conversation about anything and everything and what has been happening for the last 1.5 years. That means you both are able to forgive yourself and your partner and have a level of compersion for your partner now and going forward. For some people keeping things at fwb is because you can't agree on short term and long term goals. Go down the list of things that cause a relationship to fail. Can you talk about it? One of those topics is sex! What do you do when your partner has diminishing or non existent sex drive? Read r/HLcommunity where one partner wants to have sex but their partner can't or won't. What are you going to do? Sex is important. You both could take an attachment style test. You both could take a “sexual fantasy” test where only the corresponding answers are provided. You say you are catching feelings, does that mean you want a more traditional committed monogamous relationship structure or a non monogamous relationship where the DADT structure stays in place (not recommended for new relationships) or something like an open relationship team structure? What does BF GF mean? No matter what decisions are made about some type of ENM relationship will require a lot of research and discussion for at least six months if not a year. You might both want to stop the DADT and just talk about things awhile and go with a team structure. Designating time on the calendar a consistent basis to talk about things, designating time to do an actual activity outside IRL in real life outside the bedroom. “Are you ready yet? Are you ready for a life partner?”
The communication piece about PE is about him. The communication piece about sex is also about you. If neither one of you are getting the needs and wants met in the bedroom it manifests outside of the bedroom in your relationship. Up to you, but maybe discuss the aforementioned first. Your call, but being able to have the healthy conversation about anything and everything and relationships with sex is important. Even though most LTR monogamous partners have extradyadic fantasies only half of all couples are actually able to talk about it. Half of all monogamous couples have serious communication issues about sex!
step number one: you tell your boyfriend you thought sbout it and realized how ungrateful you are and how good he is to you and beg for his forgiveness
step number two: you treat him like an amazing person that he is for a few days and then ask if you could go back to how it was (since you have now seen your errors and you will never do it again)
step number three: you open a new bank account to which he has no access and transfer half of the money to it
step number four: you leave him and never look back