I understand what you're saying, but I want to be clear that I don't think she looked better with her eating disorder body. I meant to give that as background, and mentioned the first weight gain because she had difficulties accepting it. And yes, the reason I'm having a harder time making her feel attractive is the fact that I find her slightly less attractive; which is a me thing. The thing is, I'm still interested in her and love her very much and find her attractive. That's why I'm hoping my mind can expand and find that part of her more attractive again. also, I added in a PS that she's difinitely not obese, just put on some weight. maybeI put the emphasis too muchon her weight and should've approached it more like “I'm not as sexually attracted as I have been in the past and feel like I have to hide it to protect her self-esteem”. That's essentially what I sort of meant but I see now that I might have approached it the wrong way
Oh yeah, I literally asked my husband what I should say and he said to either not respond or just give a short response saying thanks and hope he’s doing well too! I wouldn’t want to be anything but transparent with something like this in my marriage
He's got some extra weight but nothing crazy. He is a bulky guy though. Someone mentioned in a comment a kind of… Condition? I don't know if he'd call it that, but something that causes stuff to kind of leak between poops. Still, if I had that happening to me I'd be going to the bathroom just to make sure I'm clean and definitely see a doctor
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I wonder with time you will see that there were red flags before his big blow up? He full on showed his true colors because he couldn't hold in his rage that his children chose to be with their mother instead of him, and he can't reflect that it's not their mother, but that they have a bigger extended family to be with so wanted to be where they are going to have the most fun.
Kids are selfish but it's not them trying to be malicious. Yes he takes it all personally and can't lash out at his children so he takes out his rage on you.
But this isn't the only time he will take his anger out on you. Any stresses from outside his family life he will take out on you too, because he has to be charming to other people.
I wonder if there has been little things he's done to insult you that you hide brushed off as him just having had a bad day or whatever.
If your GF's plans do not have room for you to travel with her and do not include a return date, then she is breaking up with you, whether or not she comes out and says it.
LDR's are hot. An indefinitely LDR is unlikely to be fulfilling and very, very likely to end badly (IOW, in a way that forecloses friendship between the two of you and/or includes infidelity).
Having issues around sex is a common thing. You mentioned growing up being shamed about sex so it’s created some issues around it. You would benefit from therapy about this and about life in general. I go to therapy and it’s been amazing. In principal I believe everyone should go to therapy. Life is hot.
BUT, and a big BUT, is that you don’t go to therapy for him. This is for you. His issues of you not orgasming the way he wants to, that’s his issue. He should go to therapy for that, and I’m sure other things, too.
Like others have said, if he wants to make you orgasm then he needs to put in the work and listen to you and your body. Life is too short to be with a man who gives bad sex. And if you’re having to fake it, then that’s bad sex.
Are you okay that your friendship is dependant on him being in love with you? If you tell him in no uncertain terms that it is a platonic friendship and he needs to respect your relationship and he gets mad then stop talking to him. It doesn’t seem like it is a friendship on his end. Have a serious talk with him and if he crossed boundaries stop pretending that he’s your friend
You manage to make yourself come, isn't it proof enough for him that the problem is not you? Plus I am sure you don't take 2 hours and 86 sex toys, so the message is quite clear.
He is trying to change the narrative when facts point to the contrary.
How is it insecure to think it’s a red flag if someone is having sex with more than one person while I’m dating her? That just means she doesn’t value sex the same way I do. Meaning it’s a red flag
He may have missed that the videos were there. As you mentioned somewhere, that was a four year long relationship and videos/pictures from say 3-4 years ago may get lots in the electronic junk that resides on his computer.
As long as those videos were NOT taken after you two started dating and being exclusive…
Tall to him. Let him know that you made a mistake and you need some support and assurances from him. Also, let him know that you understand if he feels hurt and that his privacy invaded.
I have an ex that was the exact same way. And then the dickhead went out and cheated on me.
I understand what you're saying, but I want to be clear that I don't think she looked better with her eating disorder body. I meant to give that as background, and mentioned the first weight gain because she had difficulties accepting it. And yes, the reason I'm having a harder time making her feel attractive is the fact that I find her slightly less attractive; which is a me thing. The thing is, I'm still interested in her and love her very much and find her attractive. That's why I'm hoping my mind can expand and find that part of her more attractive again. also, I added in a PS that she's difinitely not obese, just put on some weight. maybeI put the emphasis too muchon her weight and should've approached it more like “I'm not as sexually attracted as I have been in the past and feel like I have to hide it to protect her self-esteem”. That's essentially what I sort of meant but I see now that I might have approached it the wrong way
Oh yeah, I literally asked my husband what I should say and he said to either not respond or just give a short response saying thanks and hope he’s doing well too! I wouldn’t want to be anything but transparent with something like this in my marriage
He's got some extra weight but nothing crazy. He is a bulky guy though. Someone mentioned in a comment a kind of… Condition? I don't know if he'd call it that, but something that causes stuff to kind of leak between poops. Still, if I had that happening to me I'd be going to the bathroom just to make sure I'm clean and definitely see a doctor
Dormancy still tests positive after 14 days of infection. It is an infection without symptoms.
A guy saying he hopes your date goes well doesn’t means much else without some more context.
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I wonder with time you will see that there were red flags before his big blow up? He full on showed his true colors because he couldn't hold in his rage that his children chose to be with their mother instead of him, and he can't reflect that it's not their mother, but that they have a bigger extended family to be with so wanted to be where they are going to have the most fun.
Kids are selfish but it's not them trying to be malicious. Yes he takes it all personally and can't lash out at his children so he takes out his rage on you.
But this isn't the only time he will take his anger out on you. Any stresses from outside his family life he will take out on you too, because he has to be charming to other people.
I wonder if there has been little things he's done to insult you that you hide brushed off as him just having had a bad day or whatever.
If your GF's plans do not have room for you to travel with her and do not include a return date, then she is breaking up with you, whether or not she comes out and says it.
LDR's are hot. An indefinitely LDR is unlikely to be fulfilling and very, very likely to end badly (IOW, in a way that forecloses friendship between the two of you and/or includes infidelity).
Having issues around sex is a common thing. You mentioned growing up being shamed about sex so it’s created some issues around it. You would benefit from therapy about this and about life in general. I go to therapy and it’s been amazing. In principal I believe everyone should go to therapy. Life is hot.
BUT, and a big BUT, is that you don’t go to therapy for him. This is for you. His issues of you not orgasming the way he wants to, that’s his issue. He should go to therapy for that, and I’m sure other things, too.
Like others have said, if he wants to make you orgasm then he needs to put in the work and listen to you and your body. Life is too short to be with a man who gives bad sex. And if you’re having to fake it, then that’s bad sex.
I don’t think she should have to txt you when she goes on nights out with her friends.
Also why do you care what these other women are to him? You are literally nothing to him
Are you okay that your friendship is dependant on him being in love with you? If you tell him in no uncertain terms that it is a platonic friendship and he needs to respect your relationship and he gets mad then stop talking to him. It doesn’t seem like it is a friendship on his end. Have a serious talk with him and if he crossed boundaries stop pretending that he’s your friend
You manage to make yourself come, isn't it proof enough for him that the problem is not you? Plus I am sure you don't take 2 hours and 86 sex toys, so the message is quite clear.
He is trying to change the narrative when facts point to the contrary.
Again, did NOT ask, loser!
What you don't believe that everyone all of a sudden started calling her his girlfriend right at the one year mark?
putting a bandaid on a gushing wound
oof, this is exactly what the situation feels like right now.. perfect description of my anxiety about this.
She’s an alpha widow. She will never love you like she did the previous guy, move on and cut your losses.
So would you prefer to tell him or risk that the money man tells him?
We've found the BF!
How is it insecure to think it’s a red flag if someone is having sex with more than one person while I’m dating her? That just means she doesn’t value sex the same way I do. Meaning it’s a red flag
He may have missed that the videos were there. As you mentioned somewhere, that was a four year long relationship and videos/pictures from say 3-4 years ago may get lots in the electronic junk that resides on his computer.
As long as those videos were NOT taken after you two started dating and being exclusive…
Tall to him. Let him know that you made a mistake and you need some support and assurances from him. Also, let him know that you understand if he feels hurt and that his privacy invaded.
Why are you asking Reddit about this? The answer to your problem is obvious.
We’ll look at that… he took out the trash all by himself after all!
Me starting realize that I’m never going to be rid of the headache my family gives me and that headache will soon and probably already is my gf’s too.
There is a way to get rid of that headache.
You're allowed to cut toxic people out of your life for your own mental wellbeing, no matter how much DNA you may share with them.
I didn’t really make a blanket statement about her though. I just said health and weight are connected.