It sounds like your then-girlfriend was willing to tolerate your daughter and nieces, barely, for exactly as long as she felt like she had to. Once she felt secure in the marriage apparently she felt like they would be removed from your life in favor of any “real” kids you two chose to have.
So anyways my wife (age 23 at the time of meeting her now (29) was very open to me being an active father and uncle. She would tag along with us everywhere. Her and I still had our weekends alone typically weekends and holidays that I didn’t have my daughter. Things progressed between my wife and I and we eventually I decided to marry her because the girls absolutely loved her and she cared for them as well. Her and I dated for 3 years and have been married for 2 and a half years now but suddenly something has changed. She has become more withdrawn from being active in their lives. She doesn’t go to their school functions or events. She always asks and seems perturbed that I have anything to do with my daughter or nieces.
Take how hurtful and confusing this sudden change has been for you, then multiply it by about a thousand and you'll get some idea of how upsetting and cruel it seemed to your daughter and nieces that this woman who they thought liked them is now treating them like garbage. Then grow a backbone and stand up for them. Because this:
I haven’t bought my daughter any gifts or even simple birthday cards for the past two years for fear of being criticized by my wife on how much I spent.
…is completely fucking unacceptable. You've allowed your wife to bully you into treating your 12 year old daughter like a stranger, and you're only CONTEMPLATING ending the marriage over it? Exactly how poorly does someone need to treat your own child before you'll get off your ass and be a father?
My wife repeatedly tells me that my daughter is a brat and that my daughter is ungrateful. My wife doesn’t speak to my daughter and doesn’t help me with any of my daughter’s activities.
This is toxic as hell. And I'll remind you again that as confusing and upsetting as this is for you it is infinitely worse for your daughter, who has seen someone who pretended to love her turn on her the moment she got married to her dad. And then she had to watch that person successfully convince her dad to essentially disown her.
I'm a stepfather. If I ever treated one of my stepchildren even 1/1000th as poorly as your wife is treating your daughter my wife would divorce me so fast it would make my head spin and she would be right to do it. I have no idea how you've let this situation devolve this far without intervening. Even if you do the right thing now it may be too late to rebuild any trust with your daughter, since she's now seen where she actually fits in to her father's priorities.
So youre ok w being her “other” man while she plays the singles w coworkers and strangers… yea thatll work out great. If shes taking it off its for a reason…. she doesnt want to see it while cheating…
Now… she might have just been drunk and horny and you were available. If you are her friend, talk to her. Ask her if she is interested in taking your friendship to another level.
If he “did everything for (you)” then there is the possibility that the relationship was more of a strain on him than he was letting on, and more than it was for you. Also, if you had nursing school and a job, but he just had a job, there is a good chance he was sitting alone thinking about the relationship, and how he couldn't spend much time actually IN it, and it wore him down.
He's not attached to you anymore, and you need to come to terms with that.
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She was put in an uncomfortable position where she was left alone, her friends pressured her, and then she felt she couldn’t say no.
She told you immediate afterwards.
Having her change her number is excessive and a little controlling. There is nothing wrong with just blocking the number or telling the guy he has the wrong number if he ever reaches out.
Her not going to any bars in the future is excessive as well.
I would recommend that you have an open conversation with your girlfriend. Understand why she felt uncomfortable. ASK her what she thinks the proper route is to make sure she doesn’t not end up being in this situation again. And then SUPPORT her in making those changes.
I have refused to give out my number before and gotten cussed out. Almost assaulted. It’s not worth it. The path of least resistance is sometimes the better choice.
It’s okay to let her know that you’re upset. But under the circumstances, you should be more worried about the fact that your girlfriend didn’t feel safe to say no in this situation. And help her figure out how to self advocate or avoid these types of situations in the future. Again, through supporting her not making demands about what she MUST do.
She was already backed into a corner and felt pressured by her friends and this guy. Don’t be another person to back her into a corner with demands.
I lost a significant other almost 10 years ago. It's a horrible pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Honestly? Therapy. I Waited several years and by the time I went trauma had cut in real deep. Take some time, but I definitely recommend talking to someone. It does help long term
It's definitely a bit quick to be considering marriage after just 6 months, especially with the distance and new job in the mix. The fact that he's pressuring you and involving others isn't cool either. My advice? Have a serious, open conversation about your feelings, boundaries, and why you think it's too soon. If he can't respect that, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. Trust your gut and take your time!
The prenup can be designed to protect both of you.
I recommend you watch some of the related dave ramsey videos on youtube because he is someone who used to be against prenups but then switched to being for prenups.
It is one of those things that, in theory, you agree that you should not need them but in reality they are needed , when you put on your seatbelt you are not saying he is a bad driver. When you buy life insurance, you are not hoping to die. You want to protect your children. There are countless things that can go wrong that are out of your control, and your boyfriends control that dont neven need to be bad faith.
That means it was up to them to face what's to come. The issue is in the attitude.
From what OP described, his reaction was not pretty. And I doubt it's something he told/showed her before they engaged in sexual relationship.
I don't see her being unfair after seeing the side of a man she loves where he's throwing around not pretty things.
It's one thing to have a proper discussion. I do see OP describes what she gave as arguements – her financial capabilities at least or self-sufficiency.
He went full in with threats, cries, manipulation. I don't see any mention of a proper discussion from him with him stating his views without all those threats.
I do see her not seeing him as a partner anymore and being quite fair given the circumstances.
A true surprise has no knowledge and therefore can’t be a lie. A surprise time may change due to reasons. Maybe he planned to and changed his mind? Doesn’t make it a lie.
The fact she’s complaining to you and not handling it with her BF should tell you there are problems with the relationship and their communication.
Yeah, I kind of liked him. He would show signs that he likes me then say stuff like he’s not in the right mindset to connect with me. Honestly, I was getting tired of playing these games and wanted him to explain how he really feels.
Everyone now is a narcist….getting old.
She did you a favor. LDR’s never work out
I am a girl, he’s a guy
Wow wtf. Your parents sound shit. Im sure you love them but wtf.
r/lostredditors
It's understandable how you feel. I would feel the same way.
It sounds like your then-girlfriend was willing to tolerate your daughter and nieces, barely, for exactly as long as she felt like she had to. Once she felt secure in the marriage apparently she felt like they would be removed from your life in favor of any “real” kids you two chose to have.
So anyways my wife (age 23 at the time of meeting her now (29) was very open to me being an active father and uncle. She would tag along with us everywhere. Her and I still had our weekends alone typically weekends and holidays that I didn’t have my daughter. Things progressed between my wife and I and we eventually I decided to marry her because the girls absolutely loved her and she cared for them as well. Her and I dated for 3 years and have been married for 2 and a half years now but suddenly something has changed. She has become more withdrawn from being active in their lives. She doesn’t go to their school functions or events. She always asks and seems perturbed that I have anything to do with my daughter or nieces.
Take how hurtful and confusing this sudden change has been for you, then multiply it by about a thousand and you'll get some idea of how upsetting and cruel it seemed to your daughter and nieces that this woman who they thought liked them is now treating them like garbage. Then grow a backbone and stand up for them. Because this:
I haven’t bought my daughter any gifts or even simple birthday cards for the past two years for fear of being criticized by my wife on how much I spent.
…is completely fucking unacceptable. You've allowed your wife to bully you into treating your 12 year old daughter like a stranger, and you're only CONTEMPLATING ending the marriage over it? Exactly how poorly does someone need to treat your own child before you'll get off your ass and be a father?
My wife repeatedly tells me that my daughter is a brat and that my daughter is ungrateful. My wife doesn’t speak to my daughter and doesn’t help me with any of my daughter’s activities.
This is toxic as hell. And I'll remind you again that as confusing and upsetting as this is for you it is infinitely worse for your daughter, who has seen someone who pretended to love her turn on her the moment she got married to her dad. And then she had to watch that person successfully convince her dad to essentially disown her.
I'm a stepfather. If I ever treated one of my stepchildren even 1/1000th as poorly as your wife is treating your daughter my wife would divorce me so fast it would make my head spin and she would be right to do it. I have no idea how you've let this situation devolve this far without intervening. Even if you do the right thing now it may be too late to rebuild any trust with your daughter, since she's now seen where she actually fits in to her father's priorities.
He’s trying to place the blame on you. He’s gaslighting you. It’s not your fault at all. He’s lying to you.
Degeneracy? Jesus fucking Christ.
Nah bro, you are fucked up and she is right to both point it out and not want anything to do with it after two years.
A coke addict regretting his actions. Shocked, absolutely shocked.
Wow, i never even thought of that. You are right, im just wondering what the reason behind it was. Was it to get stuff?
So youre ok w being her “other” man while she plays the singles w coworkers and strangers… yea thatll work out great. If shes taking it off its for a reason…. she doesnt want to see it while cheating…
And this is why we have to be vigilant that the handmaid's tale doesn't actually come to life
Friendship is the best foundation of love.
Now… she might have just been drunk and horny and you were available. If you are her friend, talk to her. Ask her if she is interested in taking your friendship to another level.
If he “did everything for (you)” then there is the possibility that the relationship was more of a strain on him than he was letting on, and more than it was for you. Also, if you had nursing school and a job, but he just had a job, there is a good chance he was sitting alone thinking about the relationship, and how he couldn't spend much time actually IN it, and it wore him down.
He's not attached to you anymore, and you need to come to terms with that.
Tell no, the trip Is only for you guys.
Indeed, woah is you
Give a man a fish vs. teach a man to catfish.
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She was put in an uncomfortable position where she was left alone, her friends pressured her, and then she felt she couldn’t say no.
She told you immediate afterwards.
Having her change her number is excessive and a little controlling. There is nothing wrong with just blocking the number or telling the guy he has the wrong number if he ever reaches out.
Her not going to any bars in the future is excessive as well.
I would recommend that you have an open conversation with your girlfriend. Understand why she felt uncomfortable. ASK her what she thinks the proper route is to make sure she doesn’t not end up being in this situation again. And then SUPPORT her in making those changes.
I have refused to give out my number before and gotten cussed out. Almost assaulted. It’s not worth it. The path of least resistance is sometimes the better choice.
It’s okay to let her know that you’re upset. But under the circumstances, you should be more worried about the fact that your girlfriend didn’t feel safe to say no in this situation. And help her figure out how to self advocate or avoid these types of situations in the future. Again, through supporting her not making demands about what she MUST do.
She was already backed into a corner and felt pressured by her friends and this guy. Don’t be another person to back her into a corner with demands.
All racism is based off of hate and intolerance
You keep forgiving him; so why wouldn’t he keep doing it?
I lost a significant other almost 10 years ago. It's a horrible pain. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Honestly? Therapy. I Waited several years and by the time I went trauma had cut in real deep. Take some time, but I definitely recommend talking to someone. It does help long term
My deepest condolences.
People say nasty things to hurt you, not because they are true. Don't believe his words.
It's definitely a bit quick to be considering marriage after just 6 months, especially with the distance and new job in the mix. The fact that he's pressuring you and involving others isn't cool either. My advice? Have a serious, open conversation about your feelings, boundaries, and why you think it's too soon. If he can't respect that, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. Trust your gut and take your time!
The prenup can be designed to protect both of you.
I recommend you watch some of the related dave ramsey videos on youtube because he is someone who used to be against prenups but then switched to being for prenups.
It is one of those things that, in theory, you agree that you should not need them but in reality they are needed , when you put on your seatbelt you are not saying he is a bad driver. When you buy life insurance, you are not hoping to die. You want to protect your children. There are countless things that can go wrong that are out of your control, and your boyfriends control that dont neven need to be bad faith.
6 months later he turned up on my doorstep with an engagement ring
the BALLS on this coward
And yet they both were having sex.
That means it was up to them to face what's to come. The issue is in the attitude.
From what OP described, his reaction was not pretty. And I doubt it's something he told/showed her before they engaged in sexual relationship.
I don't see her being unfair after seeing the side of a man she loves where he's throwing around not pretty things.
It's one thing to have a proper discussion. I do see OP describes what she gave as arguements – her financial capabilities at least or self-sufficiency.
He went full in with threats, cries, manipulation. I don't see any mention of a proper discussion from him with him stating his views without all those threats.
I do see her not seeing him as a partner anymore and being quite fair given the circumstances.
They for sure do not belong together.
You don’t know why it didn’t happen.
A true surprise has no knowledge and therefore can’t be a lie. A surprise time may change due to reasons. Maybe he planned to and changed his mind? Doesn’t make it a lie.
The fact she’s complaining to you and not handling it with her BF should tell you there are problems with the relationship and their communication.
It’s pretty much unanimous
Yeah, I kind of liked him. He would show signs that he likes me then say stuff like he’s not in the right mindset to connect with me. Honestly, I was getting tired of playing these games and wanted him to explain how he really feels.