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I’m confused by your follow up comments. You are saying you are literally locked into your apartment and only your father and the care service can open your door.
So what if there’s a fire?
This feels very trolly to me. If it’s not, there’s nothing you can do but wear a good mask. It’s really no different with your dad being sick than going into the grocery where other people are sick also. You just have to protect yourself.
I’m immunocompromised and I’ve managed to avoid Covid even though between my partner and his son, we’ve had Covid in the house 5 times. I wear an n95, not a skimpy surgical mask.
I’m so sorry. I know that after an abusive relationship, anything feels better because the new person isn’t abusing you in the way your previous partners were. It’s very easy to fall into a false sense of security because you feel safer emotionally and physically but, honey, this behavior is awful. He might not be hitting or verbally abusing you but full disclosure, you should NOT be with someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries. You should NOT be with someone who has VERY HOT women as his Lock Screen (it is disgusting and disrespectful). AND you should not be with someone who uses that disgusting, “well at least I’m coming home to you”, bullshit. You are a beautiful person who is deserving of love and respect. His actions tell you how much he cares about and respects you. You deserve so much better.
Is she like 4’ tall? Because an 18 year old at 113 lbs is going to be pretty small regardless of height
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No. Simple reason. She has never lived alone. Therefore, she sees no problem in moving from her parents caretaking her to having you caretaking her.
Over the time of the Master's degree you will grow to resent her more and more.
At the end of a typical Masters (when you have never paid for your own shit) she will want to do some intern work or other low or no paying stuff for “experience in her field”.
At the end of all this she will be frustrated at YOU for pushing her to 'finally get a fucking job' and she will leave you because you don't “support her” despite paying all her bills.
In 10 years she will look back and realize that you really were a good guy.
You aren't the first person to experience this!!! You aren't even in the first 1000 people.
No. Tell her that you can both move in together when she is done her Masters and has a job. Tell her “you should focus on school right now”.
Of course she wants you to foot the bill!!!
I want you to pay for my education too. If I ask nice and say PLEASE can I go back to school fulltime too?
Tell her this plan doesn't work for you.
And just let her feel upset. You cannot change her feelings.
If this is a mature relationship then she will figure out a new plan that is harder for HER rather than harder for YOU.
LET HER BE UPSET. SHE IS ALLOWED TO BE UPSET. BUT THAT DOESN'T ALLOW HER TO MAKE YOU DO THIS.
“Stop guilt tripping me.”
Or redirect: “So have you figured out where you'll stay during uni?”
“Will your parents still be giving you money for incidentals?'
Time to be direct. After you give a solid No… it gets easier to hold your position.
As long as you waffle she will push because it will be a cushy setup for her.
You're asking a lot of another person. It shouldn't be anyone elses responsibility to make you into a better person, thats all on you and the choices you make. He watched you burn because hes not obligated to step in, maybe he thought this was a good lesson for you to learn. Your mental health, although not your fault, is your responsibility and yours alone. Don't make it someone else responsibility to monitor you, thats not really fair to expect of a partner. A therapist would be much better suited for that and would be you taking responsibility.
Yeah no for sure, I guess idk how to approach the wording without it sounding accusatory. Cause like I said, I don’t really think he’s doing anything it’s just gotten to a point where it’s enough that I’ve noticed it.
Or he is a bigamist. Check the records office.
Sadly she is
Most people would.
Let her leave
Thanks great advice and yeah the time aspect right now is what’s hurting me. I’ve slept with 8 people and been in a serious relationship before. I try to remind myself of that as she doesn’t really care or know any girls I’ve been with. Thanks
Honest question.. how are you an adult in the world who has never heard about sunless tanning? Spray tan? Nothing?
Yeah I’ve made really fucking clear that i genuinely just want what’s best for him and if it’s that what makes him happy I support it. Still leaves me blindsided with looking for new apartments. He can do whatever tf he wants but if he cared even a little bit he would keep me in the loop
Guy has a DeCaprio complex. Once you're past 25…. he is moving on.
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My intention was never to lead her on, I just hated seeing her hurting. And, if I'm honest, it's possible that I could change my mind. If there is anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with it's her, and I honestly might just end up caving to keep her happy. But also, I trust my wife. Did she change her mind in the relationship ship? Yes. But we literally just had a discussion yesterday about how baby trapping can end up ruining relationships and end up running people away. This has absolutely nothing to do with that, I just mainly wish there was a way to keep her happy without a child. I have these hopes that “oh, it'll get better once we have a better place where she can be home more, see my son more, have more pets (she's an animal person), and blah blah blah.” But I really don't know. I'm at the point to where I've been worn down and I don't even know what I want or what to do.
Gina spun such a good story when we first met, at this point, I can't tell truth from fiction. But we should have a long discussion after we both have a chance to let our emotions settle. I admit I ambushed her and put her against the ropes and I wasn't in a good place in my head either so that last conversation wasn't really fair.
I may take Becky up on her offer though and get some perspective.
What do you have to lose telling her how you feel if you just going to break up any?
There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind when you develop feelings, I’m sure she did to, that’s why the damn broke, bc your both available and have feelings.
I guess I was hugging him and we danced for a little bit.
You put your hands on another man in an affectionate way in front of your boyfriend. How is that not you getting handsy?
I know this really isn’t a big deal
As far as I'm concerned it is a big deal. What you've described here is like the definition of toxic masculinity imo.