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Keep the cat. Lose the guy.
Wanting more money than you need for a perfectly comfortable life is pathological; seek therapy.
So it’s kind of a lose/ lose situation regardless of what we do, huh?
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You're afraid to put your foot down because when you do, it will end the relationship?
This is definitely separation worthy. You need to feel safe and your wife seems to be doing everything opposite of making you feel safe.
End the friendship because she cant respect your relationshop but make sure its in a public place. If it was the other way around and a guy was harrassing a girl like that it would very much be called sexual harrassment.
There are so many shades here I can't tell what's really happening, but basically asking questions before coming to conclusion is at baseline a good thing, if she is asking questions in a way you feel is calculated to annoy you I guess you could ask her to change her tone.
I get the impression (possibly false! I don't know you) that you have a tendency to get uptight and mad about inconsequential things and she might just be trying to decide whether it's worth arguing with you about.
You might be right and that’s nude to do. I just think at some point she will want to have the same beliefs as I do as in wanting to settle down. I personally think it’s a phase that she wants to travel. A few months ago she just wanted to be back home and with her family now all of a sudden she wants to move away. Thank you for your response ?
Maybe I do need therapy. But honestly I tried it before and it never worked
That’s so…. gahhh, such flawed logic. Is it wrong for a 40 year old and a 48 year old to date? Of course not! It’s not just the actual age gap that matters, it’s the percentage of one person’s age against the other. 22 is 73% as old as 30. 15 is 68% as old as 22! As the get older the percent goes up and it makes less and less of a difference
Buddy, it's kind of a dick move to just be back when you want. I'd say stick to the apologizing part. Can you imagine trying to contact someone for 2years?? After being close for several years before and that too in such a difficult time. She was losing her eyesight and you just left her. Fuck man, you might have felt guilty or this time but it doesn't even come close to the misery you brought to her.
I don't think you deserve her in your life to be honest but if you can help her in any way, please do that.
It’s really not okay even if you hadn’t told her to stop. This is her FANTASY which means she FANTASIZES about this shit. I’m all for exploring your kinks… unless it’s some disgusting and hurtful shit like this. You should absolutely break up with her not just because this is a really gross and concerning glimpse into her mind, but because blows you off when you say it’s not cool and fails to consider how this might affect you
It really sounds like she expects you to “take care of her” and doesn't think she should return the effort. See if she comes up with thoughtful gifts in the next two weeks. Don't buy her any birthday gifts before that.
I personally suspect that she's trying to get you to dish out for her birthday and that's why she started weaseling with “there will be more gifts over time”. Hell, she even missed Christmas! I don't think she's looking for an equal partnership and is aiming towards a spoiled princess relationship where nobody spoils you. And you deserve to be a little spoiled as well.
Also, birthday gifts over 500 seem really excessive to me, especially if they're not a shared experience like a vacation (at least at this point where you're not earning that much). Try to establish a reasonable budget with her. I mean, if she gave you a list, it would be reasonable if you got her one expensive thing or two cheaper ones, not the whole damn list.
I have tried accepting it, but still don’t have an answer. I know this coworker thing is mostly a symptom of the underlying issue.
Another factor is that neither my partner nor I have the means to live! separately. Not a reason to stay together, but part of why I am so cautious about this. I don’t want to blow up our lives.
Maybe talking to my coworker was a mistake, like another commenter said. I can honestly analyze myself and say it’s the only thing I’ve done about any of this that was possibly out of line. Tbh I’m proud of myself for living with this shit for so long compared to my past. Anyhow, I was thinking about step 9 – wouldn’t it be selfish of me to unburden my guilt onto my partner? Telling him would only cause him pain. I am fairly certain he wouldn’t handle it well. I love him and don’t want to leave but also don’t know if I can live like this forever. Partner knows this. I haven’t been able to accept it, nor have I been able to know that leaving is the right decision for me.
My relationship is otherwise pretty healthy, it would be an easier decision if it weren’t. I’m really scared to leave or talk about it with him because then he might leave, and I don’t know if that’s what I want or if that’s the right thing.
Boy I am tired of my brain right now.
it’s definitely a thing, but this is just…?
she told you she had something important at work the next morning, you remembered this, you completely disregarded this because you were “so turned on”, she barely got any sleep, couldn’t fall back asleep after you woke her up, she isn’t talking to you, now you’re here asking reddit if you made a huge mistake?
buddy you’re incredibly dense, yes you made a huge mistake, you massively fucked up congrats
Dude what?
If a man is that insecure to blow out his brains over her laughing at another mans joke it ain’t the woman’s problem.
I’ve already done on my own, it’s been awhile since he saw them and we can’t afford to visit if we don’t stay with them.
I don’t think it’s entirely odd that we stay there, everyone in my family does. I get that others might be different but I don’t think it’s odd is all I’m saying. He doesn’t have to interact with them the entire time, he is putting pressure on himself to interact more then he can handle and feeling guilty for being in the room.
I honestly wouldn't waste my time speculating as to whether there's deeper meaning to what he did. He could have done it because you two are close friends and he was talking to you like close friends do. He could have just been venting. He could have been trying to make you jealous. We can't possibly know.
If you're into him though, why not just ask him out on a date. Why just live! your life based on what's been “alluded” to? Shoot your shot.
Are you taking 2 cars or taking the bus to visit your home town? Was he offered a +1 on the invite? Do you know his friends? Well you be paying for your half of the travel and the wedding gift?
So many questions.
Moving in with him seemed like the right thing to do at the time. His relationship with his ex wasn’t exactly at the forefront of my mind because it was easy to have a quick conversation about it, he’d apologize and offer to change something (no longer see her/talk to her/etc.) which eased my mind. These things have “added up” to cause an even bigger problem (i.e., me being more insecure) as time goes on. I’m lost 🙁 and I know what you mean about my insecure attachment style causing me to think I’m always the problem when that might not be the case, I’m pretty good at forgiving bad behaviour because I assume I’m the crazy one. Thank you for your perspective here.
There isn't a lot of good here. Daughter is upset you are still with the guy.
Try family counseling
Okay speaking as a woman, here's my advice since no one seems to be actually offering any. She might be feeling insecure about the porn. Like maybe you aren't attracted to her as you “chose” it over her. Did you tell her that you tried to wake her and that the situation was becoming uncomfortable and Distracting? I know some women I know are uncomfortable with porn unless the women look similar to them, or no porn at all. It depends on the person. Have you guys ever discussed feelings around porn usage? If not, maybe you should as porn really isn't important to the end goal. I hope it works out. You seem to really care about her and you're right to be upset. She also has valid feelings.
Sorry to hear about your past experience of SA. I would definitely recommend you seek therapy before engaging in a relationship. From a guy's pov, sex is extremely important in a relationship. He's just being honest with you, probably nothing personal judging from what you've said.
It sounds like his love language is words of affirmation, which if you aren't the type of person, it's gonna cause some awkwardness. Perhaps you can work on your own version of verbal expressions of love that feels natural and satisfying.
In his mind he is paying for sex. Maybe find someone does see more in you than a prostitute