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Look at my other post i just posted. Its not the only red flag. So yes its leading me to overthink and assume
Lol
but when asked about it she says she wasn’t raped.
She is in denial. This is a common trauma response. This is not your responsibility as a bf to work through. Help her as much as she'll allow, but not your job to push. Get her into therapy if you can. Maybe start with suggesting you go to couples therapy?
and that she gave awful head,
You should tell him that people who are encouraged to drink more than they are comfortable with are not known for being really proficient at sexual acts. Of course, neither are those that have to encourage others to drink excessively in order to have sex. (Or you know, not say all that and just leave it alone.)
she doesn’t want me to do it because she is fine now and because she doesn’t want this whole situation to resurface…
Trauma response again.
so if I never want to see him again I pretty much need to say bye to my friends group…
Personally I think you should discuss with your individual friends what happened, and drop everyone that either doesn't believe you, or suggests you are just trying to start shit. Also warn the wives, girlfriends, and female friends of the group so they know to be on their guard. I'm pretty much convinced just from what you've said here that this actually did happen, that gf is making up nothing, and that she needs all the help and support you can give her.
Try to get her into therapy, even if you need to tell her it is couple's counseling to work through the sex issues you stated here, not because you have problems with it but just because you want to figure out how to handle it better for her sake. And yours. Throw yourself under the bus if you need to. If you can get her into therapy this way, start slow just by talking through some of the issues you have had and how to handle them better, and let the therapist find the trauma, if that is what needs to happen. She is denying so hard, I'm afraid of what she is going to have to deal with just to START dealing with all this.
i don’t like drawing attention to myself. I’m cold, un engaging, callous and usually upset/angry about something. so i have 2 options from where i sit. pick one or leave my post alone so others will see it so i can get something useful instead of this obvious, already tried and failed countlessly nonsense.
She broke up with you. It’s not on you to worry about her well being.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. Living in a constant state of panic and dread is not healthy at all. Eventually that panic will just turn into full blown resentment and the marriage will be over anyways.
Has your fiance tried anything to help with his anger outburst? Maybe you guys need some marriage therapy that will also help him with anger management as well as your processing some of your trauma response.
With how many times you’ve explicitly had boundaries violated and been lied to about it, there’s one option: he cuts her out completely. They don’t talk privately. He’s not in any group chats she’s in. They don’t play any games together. He doesn’t go on any trips she goes on.
He has demonstrated clearly to you that as long as she is in his life, he will prioritize his friendship with her over his marriage to you. You either have to accept that he does this, or you give him the ultimatum. There is only room for one of you in his life.
Tell her you never want to see that guy in your house, she is not to contact him, and you need to do DNA on your children. Tell her if crosses any of those boundaries, she can just leave and never come back. You are nothing but her ATM and he is her bf.
If it helps, I've had a couple of threesomes (same woman, different partners, one MMF, one MFF). They were both great, incredibly fun, hard as fuck, and it made our relationship stronger.
Bro, run.
Don’t have a kid just to please her or to “save the relationship”. You’ll resent her, she’ll resent you, the kid won’t have the support they need.
Let her leave, you’re not at the same place
No, that doesn't seem to be the case, but her “interest” in one of my friends, especially, and more generally how she speaks to me about other men has really caught me off guard and I haven't found it an appropriate topic for someone you're just starting to date and fresh in a relationship with. On this point, I mentioned we're not “official” yet, but even so, I personally don't buy into the whole “fair game for dating around and hook-ups until you're official!” card and she's brought that up about how her other friends date in that style as well. IDK. Overall, I've just felt very uncomfortable with things that I would expect someone you're just starting to date to not be so straightforward about, as if I'm one of her girlfriends.
So how much good does a man have to do, to earn the right to abuse you?
You should see a therapist to work on your insecurities.
I wonder if he means the child is HER son and HIS stepson. If they have been together since the child was a baby, he may think of him as his own. That could explain why he takes care of him, and he may intend to continue the relationship with the child after he and his ex are living separately. And, yeah, his ex sounds crazy, but maybe OP omitted a few things about their relationship and why they're going their separate ways. But anyway you look at it, he's free to show the apartment to others, including his boyfriend. The boyfriend shouldn't move in until she moves out, but no reason he shouldn't stop by. OP says they won't let things get sexual.
…she needs a new stylist, like, yesterday. One who knows how to work with curly hair, not against it. Curly hair can be fussy, you can't just go to supercuts and get it handled right. But that's more of a long term fix.
In the short term, I would suggest focusing on the other things you find attractive about her. Her eyes, her lips, her hands, whatever. Find other traits and pay attention to that instead of worrying about her hair.
Bro, she's cheating on you.