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Toxic and immature. Grow up and let it go
Thank you for your words, I think it's both of us being toxic. He said that after I was sad and hurt that he doesn't listen to me and I acted jealous again about his new girl friend and the feeling of being easily replaced… I'm feeling lonely cuz we don't share anything with each other anymore, especially him. I tried to tell him that but what I heard in return is I am the one who sees it like that and it's my insecurity (again) I want to work on this. But he says he isn't doing anything wrong and I should do more and change And honestly I know I was a shitty towards him lately, I think I just had enough of this blaming and negative words. The point is he thinks the same, as I don't care, and from my side I think he doesn't At this point I don't know who is manipulating who y'know
You two are young, with very young children. You have both had cheating episodes. I would definitely try counseling first. If that doesn’t work, then you can consider divorce. But if you love each other and want to remain a family, it wouldn’t hurt to get some counseling and have some very open conversations about both of your boundaries and marriage expectations going forward.
It’s about compulsiveness, not the amount.
Finding other attractive is something completely different from following them on ig because he wants to see their bikini pictures.
Or “lemme tell you why you’re wrong, darlin’” lol
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I have no idea why you need to catch him doing anything. The second someone told me they loved me and thought about me so much that I had to buy my own present on Christmas…that’s a hard pass.
What clinic is turning away patients?
A dog is an easy fix. A kid with an awful wife? Not so easy.
You can talk to him but I doubt anything will change. That's his family. I think you should have paid attention to how he and his family were beforehand because this doesn't sound like the best relationship for you.
I’m glad you care so little about a baby’s life that you keep supporting this AH who is an abuser.
Point us to the post where the man was told to grow up and birthdays are only for kids when his wife refused to do anything special. I challenge you.
She reduced him to an insecure teenager? LOL. It’s always someone else’s fault. This dude needs help and to stop blaming the victim who he deceived.
I hope that’s not what you truly took from what I said, because if it is, you missed the whole point. Or, you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Or, want to come off as a r/niceguys
My point in all of this is that you obviously are behind in your experience with healthy relationships and healthy boundaries. So this is an opportunity for you to catch up.
If, after learning this stuff for the first time, you still pursue her, then no, you’re not a wolf in sheep’s clothing. That would make you a shitty wolf in what would very obviously be some shitty wolves clothing.
Follow me? If you truly didn’t know that none of that is okay, which I believed seemed like the case, then although you meant no harm, it’s not a good idea, and now you know.
But, now that you know, if you continued to pursue this very unwell woman, then that would just make you a shitty man.
And like I said, over and over in my original comment to you, my sense was that you didn’t know, and now that you’re being told, you should leave her be and make an effort, on your own, to get more information about what healthy relationships look like. I figured you were lacking experience with this stuff for your age, in which case, like anything else that we are ignorant of at 40 years old, when we find out that we don’t know what we are supposed to know by this spot in our lives, we have an obligation to go acquire that knowledge and implement it in our lives.
But if you took away from everything I said that I thought you “were a wolf in sheep’s clothing”? Then, no, you’ve missed the point entirely. Reread my original post. It wasn’t vague or cryptic. It said exactly what I thought about this, as a man of a similar age to you.
Sounds like she’s going through something, and probably taking it out (undeservedly) on you. Next time you see her, how about this: “Hey, honey, you’ve seemed a little unhappy lately, and I’ve been concerned about you. Is everything ok, and is there anything I can do to make it better?”
This isn't going to be the most popular opinion here, considering the amount of comments here dunking on your ex.
I think you did the right thing. You need time to process and to decide on when you're willing to forgive.
However I don't think you should walk away totally, or at least not to the extent of totally shutting down what happens after you decide if you can ever see her as a partner in your life.
Here's my take. Peer pressure is an absolute bitch. It's pervasive, manipulative and an absolute nightmare in every scenario it's present. There are people who are immune to it, and some who are strong enough to overcome it but those people arent the most common.
She has shown that she is neither of those, but that's not so much of a character flaw, as it is human nature.
What exactly were her options? Tell them to stop? She did, and they kept going
Tell HR? That's a salon. I doubt that function exists
Quit the job? Sure, but that has other strings attached. I'm not sure exactly how the entire salon industry works, but it's probably smaller than you believe and word travels.
It's sort of like being in an closed echo chamber. If you're surrounded by a opinion, even if it's contrary to your own, eventually it'll wear you down and make sense.
None of this is an excuse for her actions, but it is a reason for clarity
You already know all the bad, dumb shit that she did.
Let me highlight the opposite.
She called you, she realized that she fucked up. Depending on how you want to look at this, either she had a moment or someone clarified what a dumbass she is. The fact that she did reach out is a positive
She told the truth and faced the consequence to her friends. And family. According to you, she didn't lie. She told the truth to everyone and took the shit. There was no self preservation instinct for her, no need to reason, justify or convince others. She knew she fucked up, she faced the music. That takes so much more strength than most people realize.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. I'll reclarify my points here.
You're not wrong. You did the right thing. You are ALLOWED and SUPPOSED to feel the hurt, the betrayal, the anger and the exhilaration of watching her realize that she fucked up. You're not a bad person, nor lessor because you wanted her to know what she threw away. You are allowed to have this. And you are allowed to own this.
She is wrong. There's no other way around it. She has told you the reasons, and what she's going to do to solve the issues but at the end, she is still wrong.
She has apologized but it's up to you to decide when that apology, if ever, will matter to you. That is your time, not anyone else's. 3 months, 6 months, whatever. It's up to you to decide all of this.
At the end of the day, the only advice they I can give is that people are allowed to make mistakes, but not everyone deserves to be forgiven. It's up to you to take a look and see if the contrition that she will have is appropriate and genuine
I won't wish you luck, because that's what what you need. But I do wish you clarity, because that is what you will want.
Please open your eyes. You are old enough to know you deserve better
Tbh it sounds like it. How rude. Are you sure she's really your friend? I wouldn't say that to anyone. Especially not someone I care about.
He wanted to hurt her. Let's not make him out to be a Saint. That's a move designed to hurt.
Then again, I always doubt these one sided posts, where the person who was hurt is this paragon of relationships. Everyone has flaws, this guy only talks about his good side.
Why would the kids have to be in the post? It's a post about finding a husband fucking his sister, the kids could have been in school or at a friend's house.
He has actually said it and his actions show it, like there’s a difference between how guys act with girls they see as friends and girls they have feelings for and it’s clear
But… the whole point of this post is that there was more to the story than you know. Why can’t there be even more beyond that? Admittedly, I don’t know, but neither do you. It’s up to you and your comfort whether that matters to you or not.
You mean your do-over family?
OP is not my client, as I don’t work for him. How is he my client?
OP can have his viewpoint and I don’t disagree if they both come to the same conclusion. This should have been agreed upon prior to her getting pregnant. Him expressing what he would like is fine, but from his comments she doesn’t seem aligned. Takes two to make the kids and to raise them, not just the one who birthed them.
Again, your view is your own and I respect that we disagree. I’m sure the mother to your children is loving her time raising the kids at home. That’s your mutual decision as parents and I’m sure you are both aligned with that!
“she still talks like she is going back to work in a few months” – has it occurred to you that she might want to return to work, that she would like to be around other adults having adult conversations, that she would like to have an identity outside of 'mom' and 'wife'? has it occurred to you that's its not actually up to you and if she “talks like she's going back to work” that maybe she actually means it and you'll have to accept it? you don't know her mind better than her and frankly you sound sexist saying things like this.
That doesn't make sense, cheaper for gas?? He has to drive home the next day, Do you use less gas in the day or something ?? ??
I'd tell him he cant stay over anymore and if he wants to see the friend, friend has to come to your place from now on.
Don't take no for answer that how it is from now on, say if he don't like it he can leave.
And why is a 24 year old hanging with a 53 year old??♀️
I'd say tell him he can't stay there anymore and if he wants to see him friend has to come to your house once a month for dinner and that's all. If he doesn't like it then he leaves.
If you look on amazon or online you can but listening devices and put it in his car, see what they talk about on phone.
But yeah that sounds wierd to me
I don’t know what advice you’re really searching for, but a big piece would be therapy for yourself. I think the best route is you taking time to be by yourself, work on learning about yourself, your attachment styles, how to spot manipulative tactics, why you thought this ex lover was worth giving thousands just because he was there for you emotionally. It’s not your fault that he ended up being a horrible person, and you can’t change the past. You’ll have to accept that he might start dming you and blackmailing you in future and your sex tape will come to light if you don’t cave again. You can try to ask for legal advice about the situation, file a police report if you have proof he was extorting you.
You dated someone for 6 years and couldn’t remember her birthday?
You're in an abusive relationship. You need to set up a safety plan to stay safe from her, break up with her (don't do it face to face, she will attack you again), block her everywhere.
I also strongly recommend you to educate yourself about healthy and unhealthy relationships. To learn about how you can recognise red flag behaviours. And potentially to get therapy to work on your self esteem and to learn how to set boundaries if needed.
A good resource to learn more about healthy and unhealthy relationships is loveisrespect.org
Please also file a complaint with the police for cat theft, she stole your car.
Well, I don't think it's stupid to have these feelings. But, if she is not only resistant to this idea, but repulsed by it, I would honestly try to distance myself. Sharing a picture is not a big deal. It's possible she's self conscious, but it's also possible she's lied to you about something that a picture would reveal. It's also possible that she senses that you have feelings and doesn't want things to escalate. If it's just being self conscious, that should be something she tells you and you should be able to talk about it. But if it's anything else, I would just start distancing now so you're not hurt.
Buy your new home in a safe area which doesn’t remind you of your ex, because you may get nostalgic and even regretful from time to time.
Remember any fun things you put off doing because your ex wasn’t much into them? Do them now, whether you have company or not.
Any chores you used to rely on him to do? Rip the bandaid and learn to do them all…or at least find a good handyman if you’re clumsy like me :-). Being independent is a great route to happiness!
Don’t let anyone tell you that being single in your 30s sucks. It doesn’t!!!!
I see posts almost daily on this sub that are actually from the other party trying to discuss their own fantasies. Language like “buddy” and “railed” sounds way more like a straight dude.
Not non-consensual intimacy more like local porn.
That is good advice thank you. you’re right. I don’t think there’s really anything I can do to improve the situation.
Damn I was proud when I saved 1k. I took a wrong turn somewhere in life…
Can you share an example of what you’d like her to say?
It shouldn’t be very tricky to fold it into a D/s dynamic? You can demand that she call you by certain names and you can ask her to recite affirmations both about yourself and herself.
Oops sorry! Yes, I said that! It was a mix of a joke and genuine feelings. I should’ve confronted her about it in another convo. Definitely take full responsibility for it. The whole situation was this: I walked to her apt. I had 0 hours of sleep. I said I didn’t want to do anything that day (Friday) because I was exhausted. She surprised me with cake and a gift. I smiled and said thank you. Hugged her and she seemed disappointed bc it was a half hug. Then I said that. Then we walked to the couch and I tried to sit down and she pushed me from sitting down saying “if you’re so tired why don’t you go lay down on the bed?” And I was like I wanna sit on the couch. That lasted for like 5 mins. And she stormed out into her room. Texted me that. Then came out and tried to be fine
Wtf? I was playing Subnautica, and my bf accidentally made me crash my Seamoth (barely damaged it tbh) bc he jumped on the bed to cuddle me, and he profusely apologized and asked if I wanted to be left alone to play….I would be beyond pissed if he did something like that on purpose! I can't believe how immature your gf is, and she thinks you liking games is the problem?
I’m glad you’re father is going to be fine.
Honestly, I would just show him this post which is full of love for him.