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Ah that would make sense
There is no advice to be given here.
Because the anxious side of me really want to hear from him. I want to see where he’s at in the breakup. I’m more of a let’s fix it now and together. And I’m scared if I’m not there he’s going to forget about me. Which is stupid because we dated for 15 months and this was a big relationship for both sides. Like I was the first girlfriend he brought to meet his whole family.
Thats why I dont have kids. Have been married for more than 10 years and nothing has changed much from when we started living together.
My 2 best friends got divorced in the first 3 years after having their first kids.
What I am trying to say is that some people are better with kids. Im pretty sure some others are even better once they have kids, but this is surely me and probably your partner as well.
Honestly, even the tone of your post here seems harsh. I read this internally with an extremely sharp edge to it. There's not enough information to figure out what's really going on here, but either you're rude or your boyfriend is soft. There's not really any in-between here.
Sounds like a great project to put your energy into. Is there something you always wanted for yourself you could work on too? I would worry that even in his absence you are pouring a lot of heartfelt energy into him.
It sounds like you crack the poos at him a lot.
Ask yourself whether you'd speak to a stranger the same way, and then ask yourself why you think it's ok to treat a loved one worse than you'd treat a stranger.
Definitely think they should wait a few days due to the intense stress of multiple situations.
I agree with you on that. I'm just not sure how to go about that. It's not like I run into her very often, especiallynot in the same way we would in your twenties. So I'm not sure how to make opportunities to just talk. I don't want to be the annoying guy who's always messaging “Hey, how are you?” on facebook.
You're entitled to talk or not talk to whomever you so choose. Just be aware that anyone who leaves a relationship for you will also leave you for the next shiny object. Your former friend might be making more sense than you think. Good luck.
As a male in STEM, specifically engineering, I'm here to tell you that none of the women I've encountered in my field are below average, and most get promoted or recognized before their male counterparts. Among men a much larger portion underperform.
The thing is, now it become a moral story.
Is it legal to sleep with a 19yo? Yup Is it morally ok? It depends Is it morally ok if it’s your student? Nope
The thing is, in court, the person who initiated the consumption of drugs and sexual intercourse will be asked and will change the course of the trial. There’s a good difference between being a predator & having sex with someone that wants you but you shouldn’t.
That’s all
You’re still so, so young. Way too young to get dragged into “step” parenting a baby that’s not yours with your non-official “boyfriend”. Why are you doing this to yourself?
Ignoring it is the best option but my passive aggressive take is to put return to sender on anything that is labeled incorrectly. When something is labeled correctly, then you can accept it. It took my MIL about a year to remember that my last name didn't change. We have one kiddo who has my last name. I could tell she was miffed when we told her but she has accepted it now.
I’d recommend going about this situation with as much grace and kindness as you can. You and your wife need to be on the same page and that won’t happen if you’re openly resenting her.
First of all, don’t listen to the commenters telling you to get a paternity test. Your wife seems obsessed with you; I sincerely doubt she’d cheat on you. And also, don’t confront her asking if she’s actually pregnant ??♀️ People in this sub like to take things to the extreme, I swear.
What you should do is sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her. You need to tell her what you’re feeling and how she has hurt you. You need to be open and honest, in a way that encourages her to do the same. Don’t go in guns blazing. Approach it as a mature, adult conversation. She already previously agreed to divorce so I think this approach would allow you and her to lay everything out on the table without it turning into a fight. Focus the conversation on how the baby doesn’t change your feelings and you don’t want to stay together for the sake of it; you don’t want to raise a child in a split household & you’re sorry but you’re not looking forward to this child either. The truth is the only way out.
I don’t blame her for wanting to abort if you guys end things. Who wants to be a single mother? And if she’s alienated everyone, she doesn’t have much of a support system for herself. It’s fair to want to abort. You need to be 100% ok with that and offer her your support. Because she likely wants reassurance she’s not a terrible person for wanting to terminate. Do not make her feel guilty. Hear her out and offer support. She’ll do the same in return.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope for a positive outcome for both you and your wife.
How old are his kids? When exactly did he introduce you to them?
Why is he not divorced yet? Why hasn't he been upfront about his messages to his wife?
Your wife is an older predator that's with you because you were too young to tell her off.
She is entirely in the wrong for this double standard. I'm a bi woman and it literally doesn't matter. If she gets to do it then so do you.
I will say one thing you may want to change about any open relationships you're in going forward:
I haven’t had sex with my wife because I’ve been doing my thing with this woman my wife knows about her and it’s been amazing.
Yeah you're supposed to still have sex with your partner and not ignore them. You're young though so I think this was just a mistake not intentional.
Your wife is still at fault here and is manipulating you for her own selfishness.
Lol, had us there in the first half. . . Is sitting here thinking “I’ve found my GF panties in my laundry 3 weeks after she left, it’s entirely plausible someone else’s just ended up there”. . . Then she went and started trying to stop you from checking if it was really her BIL underwear. . . We all know it isn’t unless they are into some Alabama special porn style shit. . . Ask him, get the denial; then decide if this lier is worth your time.
He probably does, but assumed correctly that claiming he doesn't would be enough for you. You should check online for other profiles and I'm with your friend that you should confront him.
You aren't his girlfriend, and he isn't willing to commit to you in a relationship.
Why should you sacrifice your wellbeing for someone demanding your support under those circumstances?
I understand you don't want to be cruel. But isn't it more cruel to yourself to continue doing that?
That is probably not the best idea unless all the assets were op's coming into the marriage.
Wouldn't surprise me if he attempts it, op needs a lawyer.
She's cheating on you and crapping all over you while she's doing it. She did the playground version of sticking her tongue out at you. If your best friend is it out of the country, maybe you can hang out at his place while you save for a place. You're married, and even with everything in her name, it's still common property unless you have a prenup that says it isn't. Maybe you have other friends, or you can find an apartment with a roommate? Move her stuff into another room, and get your stuff in order.
It’s only 5 years, not an investment to stay. You’re so young, enjoy your life.
Go look in r/DeadBedrooms.
Work with her to fix this or bail before the wedding.
Wait, when you said paint her feet black or white did you mean the whole foot or just her nails? I had no idea black or white nails were for porn stars??
Okay? But anyone who knowingly engages someone in a relationship is still wrong. So is the person looking for it. Not getting your point here
OP is NTA
wrong sub 😛
I read through some of these comments.
You said English isn't your native language. That can cause a LOT of miscommunications. If he's confused by your meaning of the word “fun”, use another word like “enjoyment” or “pleasure”. However, I'm surprised that your English is almost perfect except for not understanding that word – but I will let it slide. You mention you're an “ace” and “asexual” (I think that's what “ace” means in this context). Does he know that? Is he aware of that? I tried looking up “ace”, and Google gave me the standard definitions. I'm assuming you're some type of expat in an English speaking country. In most English speaking countries, people seek out relationships that are “fun”, or brings them enjoyment. For some people, this may mean a one night stand or hookups. For others, it's the emotional stimulation that exists being with another person who they value to share common pleasurable experiences.
I think her parents were probably thrilled you took her off your hands. I’m not sure how you didn’t see this before you made it legal, but that doesn’t really help you. Just don’t get her pregnant. Personally, I would quit having sex with her. That’s much safer than condoms. I don’t think she’s going to change. You are going to have to do what’s best for you. Just don’t get her pregnant.
Well you can find if childish all you like but everyone has their boundaries and I don’t like man ogling at hard women on social media, what does he gain from liking it … nothing but what does he gain from avoiding it… a whole lot
It’s ok to be a tenant, even if your “landlord” is your partner. If you guys have a solid relationship, that part is just semantics. I would personally want a lease agreement to protect me in case of something unforeseen
She is, the words I can still take, but the actions are what hurt me the most.
Ha ha yeah she was nuts! Thanks for the hugs x
He is abusive, you are going to be better once he is gone.
Take the position, your plans for the future and his at this point in time do not match and that is a worry some problem in a relationship. Strong and long lasting relationships are built upon mutual goals and dreams for the future, and at this point in time your career goals and where to online don't match his plan.
I married the first man I had sex with. He knew I never had any other partners but called me names because I dated and kissed a couple boys before we married at 18. He never got over his feelings of inadequacy and the accusations ended up part of his abuse cycle with me. I was so done with his BS. He had emotional affairs regularly and after he finally cheated on me I got a Divorce. He told everyone he cheated but the family and friend group was still split on who was wrong there and they still suspect ME of cheating. He never implied the kids were not his though. They all look like him and like me, and his brother's kids look and act like mine.
Leave him. It is either he want to push this onto you to blame if he cheats. Or he has massive insecurity about himself so he want to turn you into his puppy and he can make himself like a man. Seriously, he’s giving you an exit. Leave him
I’m not saying that she’s satan or whatever, she made a mistake that could happen to anybody, but realistically she should have known better. Like you said, you don’t go up to your girlfriend and go “look at my big girl”, it’s inconsiderate and there’s no way to make it sound not demeaning.
But I agree with what everyone else is saying. A simple conversation could clear all this stuff up quite easily.