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No one needs their partner's consent to cheat. They both want this. What's stopping them from doing so?
You need to tell your gf you cheated. The rest of your situation doesn't matter as you don't deserve either for being a cheater.
Yeah.
It’s dumb that when the shoe is on the other foot, people like you act it’s just perfectly fine to be racist.
Honestly, is he okay? This seems to be encroaching on mental illness.
You might be able to convince her to stay, and even have sex with you, but you won't be able to change how she feels about sex with you.
No he didn’t
I get it. You’re afraid to leave. This is more common than men want to admit.
But you have to. You must. Whether you’re afraid or not.
You know you will never get over this. You will never trust her in the same way again. You will always wonder.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Sometimes it’s just better to be alone.
This is one of those times.
“You are wonderful for getting me flowers, but I really love and desire the transient nature and natural aroma of a freshly cut flower as well, hint hint.”
I find it very disrespectful to both her and your husband's family that you expect your SIL's long time best friend, who is clearly part of the family at this point, to disappear into exile because your husband slept with her once, an eternity ago and I'm guessing before he met you.
You're petty, jealous despite your claims (otherwise you would not care this intently after 12 years), and probably need therapy to get over your issues instead of attempting to permanently alienate your husband and children from their relatives because of whatever morass of ugliness is happening in your head.
Thank you, I also thought that healed scars don’t need a TW but a lot of people seem to disagree. I’m going to try and explain my side and apologize, hopefully she opens up to sort things out 🙁
It's not normal behavior, and it's a red flag. He deliberately joked about something sensitive that he knew would be hurtful. If you had made an issue of it and called him out, you would have been “over sensitive” and “over reacting” because he's “just joking around, jeez.” But really, he wants you to internalize all that self doubt and insecurity to give himself the upper hand. It's definitely a strategy on his part and it's SO GROSS. Maybe I'm giving him way too much credit and there's another reason? Like maybe he wants to brag that he's been with lots of women (gross), or that you don't match his preferred porn image (gross), or he has a complete lack of social skills… but it's unlikely. He just sounds like your normal run of the mill douchebag who is trying to “neg” you. GET AWAY from this creep.
Yeah you're right… I'm probably just afraid that we won't be able to solve it in a way that we can accept. Last time we discussed it we came to the conclusion that it'll improve once she progresses to her next career level as she'll have a better schedule then, but that could be some time away (2-3 years).
We have an otherwise perfect relationship, we haven't even had a fight yet.
Then it's a moot point. Even if you contributed to the pregnancy, if she wants to terminate it, that's her call.
By not choosing, you picked a side. There was a story where the parents stayed neutral when their daughter was dating their son's bully. Almost every commentor was trashing the parents for staying neutral. The idea was that by staying neutral, you are picking sides. Quite honestly, if you end up getting married and your spouse cheats on you with someone 20 years younger, hope you don't get too upset when no one rallies around you.
Your gf is definitely in the wrong here. It's absolutely unacceptable to go around pushing strangers, and she shouldn't have screamed at you. Granted, it's kind of rude of you to tell her to be quiet when she got pissed, but she was massively overreacting and took it out on you and that poor girl who didn't mean to upset anyone.
Do you know why she overreacted? Is there more to the story, or is she prone to this kind of aggression? Do you often tell her to be quiet or shrug off her concerns?
Avoid as much as possible. Don't argue, don't fight. Go grey
I don't want this to sound wrong…..which means it will……but it is fucking hair. Like this thing that will grow back. He shouldn't piss over it so much and you shouldn't piss over it so much.
Update: we broke up.
Well this went exactly how I’d expected it would go
She lied and covered it up since last year. I don’t think I’d be able to trust her again. Not to mention gave you an STD
Sorry OP
You tried your best but the court systems failed you. This is not on you. You cant give your son your all if serious mental health issues aren’t addressed. I hope you grow and heal from this and I’m sure he will understand once hes older.
People describe smells differently, sharp if often used to describe strong smells. For example I’ve heard onions described as both sharp smelling and musty. So that’s why I gave additional info to compare. As for diabetes, that smell is described more often as sweet, fruity, or chemical like, and has similarity with the smell of acetone or nail polish remover, or decaying apple. If that’s the smell, then that would probably be diabetes.
I fail to see the problem besides you seeing problems. Does she love you? Does she think about you? If yes then what exactly is the issue? You feel left out? Because you are left out not on vacation. Is that bad? No. Be glad she has a good time.
She is not responsible for your need for attachment. She is also not responsible for your insecurities.
And you being responsible for that should be glad that you have someone attached to you, which could make yourself more secure instead of less
Ugh, what a horrible situation. I suggest separating your finances from your GF's so she only has access to her own money to support her sister, and don't cut your GF any slack on your shared expenses either. If you have plans to get married, postpone them indefinitely. I personally would end a relationship over this. I'm sorry.
Or his cheating with his business partner
It sounds like there is some other argument going on. The idea that women hit peak attractiveness at a certain age is silly, as there is no objective way of determining this. But when the argument moved off into you supposedly letting your feelings determine what you perceive to be true, it sounds as if there is some other issue that is bothering him that he's expressing improperly.
Trust me. For the same price it's way worth it to have your own place.
Your anxiety is interfering in your relationships. By definition, that means it’s an issue, and you should see a professional about it. Plenty of people I know benefit from therapy, and plenty of people I know benefit from pharmaceuticals for their anxiety. Some benefit from both. Some handle their anxiety through exercise and mindfulness.
Most people I know with severe anxiety end up seeing a therapist for at least a bit to get a sense of what a therapist can offer and consider DBT to get skills for handling their anxiety.
Ah yeah, the old, “men shouldn’t have to ever face consequences argument”.
This guy repeated unprotected sex. What did he think would happen?
Are you arguing that people with penises are not smart enough to understand basic biology? Or that they should avoid consequences for their choices? Or that women should bear all expense and responsibility for all children? That’s what your smart suggestion leads to. I’m not in Sweden or whatever the fuck, in the US the govt isn’t going to spoil those dads and feed the kids for them. Good luck getting an abortion in the south. The kids and their moms starve. And don’t try to feed them in school either, that’s socialism. I grew up in inner city schools. Dads were nonexistent, moms destitute, kids starving and acting like sociopaths because they’ve had such little love or care. But yeah… men’s rights.
Their advice is often about exploiting stuff like this to emotionally coerce girls into relationships or doing things under the guise of dating. Don't be like that.
Message her to reschedule. Give a day and time so it isn't left open ended again. DAte, Friday, 9pm, here, that work?
If she remains vague, flakey, wishwashy, doesn't reply relatively promptly, or just bails last minute then yeah. The facial was a facade, so to speak. You accept it is a pity and let her go because you don't need that drama in your life.
But if she seems receptive, engaged, then it's entirely possible she was so excited about the idea of the date she forgot she had a scheduled event and that might actually be kind of a good sign.
But either way be assertive here so that there is less left to ambiguity. You are drawing that line in the sand, see if she crosses it and if she doesn't it wasn't meant to be so to speak.
Absolutely tell him. He will be pissed if he finds out after the fact. Is courteous to your SO. He may or may not want to go with that knowledge.
I just wanted to say thank you to those who have taken the time to respond. I'm not sure why responses appear to be auto-deleting, but I am able to see a small portion of them in my notifications.
I am not sure you know how lucky you are you haven't had a baby or two by now. You have 2 choices: Break up or have a vasectomy and stay with her. Your reproductive rights are your own.
Hi OP, think about it like this. Your boyfriend of two years, who at this point, likely has said he loves you, drunkenly encouraged his male friends to laugh at you while in a vulnerable state and also joined in. Guy friends who could see your very hot bottom, who you don’t know so well. Instead of being your champion and closing the door for you, he added to your embarrassment. His apologies don’t mean anything because he has also insulted you and blamed you for the situation/ leaving.
Spin the situation around. If you loved someone, is that how you would treat them? And is that how you want to be loved? Personally I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I had to explain and argue with why I was upset. Leave. Don’t waste more of your time.
Why do you need him to admit it? Honest question. Why does that matter to you.
That’s the only question that is important.
Will you leave him when he admits it? Will you forgive him when he admits it? You are not being honest with yourself, you’re not being respectful to yourself, you are letting him cross all your boundaries.
You know he is cheating either accept it or stand up for yourself and leave.
Maintaining his mental health is not your responsibility. Staying with him is damaging your own mental health and your feelings matter just as much as his. If he threatens to hurt himself when you break up with him, call 911 and tell them what he's saying and that you think he's in danger. And then walk away and block him everywhere.
Put your personal pay check on your personal account.
He gets an old Camry and dave ramsey
been an adult for five minutes
I’ve been living on my own for 3 years, have a house that I own, make 100k+ per year, own a brand new car, and still have 50k left in the bank. I’m doing more adulting than you most likely.
I am going to college soon. I will pay no tuition, only housing and food costs.
You in a comment that you know this is coming from your trauma, so on some level you realize this is all in your head, right? I know from first hand experience that mental illness is a mother to deal with and it takes time to come up with healthy coping mechanisms. But sometimes you gotta tell yourself the truth: this is not how people in a healthy relationship treat their partners. I think you should break up so you can focus on your own healing.
We don't know what OP does for a living. We do know she has accrued the necessary PTO, that it is her benefit, and that her boss, who knows the ebb and flow of the workplace better than any of us, approved the time.
Yes, people get shafted by others going on vacation sometimes. That doesn't mean everyone just drops projects with no notice and dumps them on coworkers. This commenter has a negative/hostile relationship with his coworkers and is projecting it onto OP's situation.