You need to withdraw the visa because it's fraud to let it continue it's course if you don't intend to marry.
Also, are you seriously such a doormat that you are going to be her plan B? So if her break doesn't go well, you are going to agree to marry her? This is just dumb. You need to respect yourself more.
I don’t think this is about actual money at all – but respect.
You chose risk vs reward, but she saw it as total disrespect for her opinion, and then absolute reliance on her to keep yourselves afloat.
Yes things are fine financially now, but I would bet she is still emotionally scarred by the way you dismissed her, and then made her responsible for your survival while you got to chase your dreams.
You can leave him alone and let him do adult stuff for himself but you also need to decide if you want to deal with a lifetime of this. I absolutely couldn’t. My father in law is like this. He will wait until the last possible minute to do a task. Examples: if a bill is due on a certain day, he will wait 10 minutes before the time it’s due or before the place closes (not all his stuff is on Autopay), he will wait until the last day to send in his tax info every year, he’s suppose to be filing paperwork for his retirement that’s due in the next couple months and he’s had the papers to do it for a year.
Some people just operate this way but it drives me crazy. So you need to decide if you’re willing to put up with it and/or pick up the slack throughout your relationship.
Addicts have to decide that quitting is what they want, outside of that they will never quit for anyone else because the driver isn’t enough. You need to decide if you are ready for that until the day comes when she decides she is ready, if you are not ok playing second fiddle your only choice is to get out. Sorry man.
“Aside from ex comments, she’s an actual sweetheart”
Or she just acts like enough of a sweetheart to have you keep paying for everything. And regarding her ex, she’s either not at all over him or she’s using him to steadily neg you and erode your self esteem (so you’re less likely to have the confidence to leave and can continue paying for everything).
Why don’t you try an experiment: say moving forward that you expect her to contribute fairly to date nights and other expenses and see if she’s still a sweetheart?
Emotions are weird, so I wouldn't read too much into it. It could be any number of things, but I wouldn't assume that it's her having feelings for her ex.
The cops have even called on him for the dog numerous times. They don’t care, animal control doesn’t even help the dogs here that are outside and starving. ?
I know this is a bad defense but I definitely did not mean it when I said it to him. I found out he was trying to hook up with another younger girl on instagram, and he actively lied about it until I got definitive proof. I was drunk which doesn’t excuse it but I texted “go die” when angry about the situation. Absolutely does not make it okay at all. But later on he found out I lied about other stuff (granted it wasn’t me trying to hook up with anyone but I definitely was pathological in many ways) and he told me over multiple days that I should die in a gutter and that the world is better off without me.. and instead of saying sorry afterward he has told me he does mean harm on people who continually lie to him. I guess that maybe that is justified? I don’t feel the way about others but maybe since I lied as well it’s a normal reaction? I don’t know
And why are you afraid to tell the counselor the whole story? Let them do their job and don't do it for them lol, if your wife wants to tell them let her it's really stupid not to.
Not even nonmonogamy. My partners can and do date other people. I need them to be honest and trustworthy for it to be safe, including not trying to date other married people or break up families.
Moreover, my partners show me that I am important, valued, cherished and desired. I don't have to question that, even when they are dating and love others. They certainly don't check out over hypothetical relationships.
Yeah but you have to understand that him acting like this really feels disrespectful. I think your partner should be your no 1 hypeman/hypewoman and he clearly just isn‘t/wasn‘t. I wouldn‘t suggest giving him another chance because it‘s just a matter of time he will completely shatter her self confidence again.
You need to decide if you’re willing to wait for her to feel comfortable enough in her sexuality to do the things you want. Ultimately you cannot force her to display her sexuality on social media or in public. And definitely do not give her an ultimatum, I.e. “ tell everyone we’re dating or I’m breaking up with you”.
Damn that's though , ur hurt in a different way not everyone cries or feels pain the same , i do advice to still visit even if you feel like not Just because despite u wanting a good memory to stay what if you never get a moment to visit again that would be horrible like for both u and ur mom . Like even if there is a chance for a clear moment ur mom would probably still want to see you / talk since u are her daughter. Anyway
I appreciate the sentiment, but we align so well on so many levels. We care incredibly deeply for each other and make each other immensely happy. This is not something that I am just going to end the relationship over, not by a long shot. But I know if I keep pushing the feelings down it’s going to harm us in the long run so I am trying to figure out how to best work through it now. I do understand the difference between a romantic relationship and internet fans, but I can’t help but continuing to feel this way nonetheless. I am trying to decide whether to continue holding my tongue about it and hope it goes away one day, or discuss it openly with her
From my perspective it kind of sounds like she’s asking for reassurance that you enjoyed it/are satisfied. But like others suggested, it won’t hurt to ask her.
Will you be able / allowed to work in your new country? If yes, that makes the moving out process easier. You can pass those finals, get a job and move on to the next phase of your life.
If no, I recommend getting in touch with your family or researching local women's shelters or even visiting your consulate to get assistance in getting back to your previous country.
I think he was being honest.
Good lord. Girl how old are you?
I'm glad lol! It was a zillion years ago, I'm happily married to an amazing man and have a lovely life. So all good here!
You can't..people like him need therapy and for him to do that he has to admit he needs help. He won't.
Don't waste your life.
You need to withdraw the visa because it's fraud to let it continue it's course if you don't intend to marry.
Also, are you seriously such a doormat that you are going to be her plan B? So if her break doesn't go well, you are going to agree to marry her? This is just dumb. You need to respect yourself more.
Sorry girl, I’m 99% sure you’re the other woman. He’s cheating on his wife with you.
Try talking to his wife. Maybe she would be willing to end their relationship. It isn't just up to him.
If this was the other way around, you were the father….we would be having a very different conversation. I’m really sad for this baby.
I mean, what…do you think he had a girl in the laundry room with him?
Why does he have to open up and tell you?
I don’t think this is about actual money at all – but respect.
You chose risk vs reward, but she saw it as total disrespect for her opinion, and then absolute reliance on her to keep yourselves afloat.
Yes things are fine financially now, but I would bet she is still emotionally scarred by the way you dismissed her, and then made her responsible for your survival while you got to chase your dreams.
You can leave him alone and let him do adult stuff for himself but you also need to decide if you want to deal with a lifetime of this. I absolutely couldn’t. My father in law is like this. He will wait until the last possible minute to do a task. Examples: if a bill is due on a certain day, he will wait 10 minutes before the time it’s due or before the place closes (not all his stuff is on Autopay), he will wait until the last day to send in his tax info every year, he’s suppose to be filing paperwork for his retirement that’s due in the next couple months and he’s had the papers to do it for a year.
Some people just operate this way but it drives me crazy. So you need to decide if you’re willing to put up with it and/or pick up the slack throughout your relationship.
Addicts have to decide that quitting is what they want, outside of that they will never quit for anyone else because the driver isn’t enough. You need to decide if you are ready for that until the day comes when she decides she is ready, if you are not ok playing second fiddle your only choice is to get out. Sorry man.
He isn't joking – he's declaring intent.
After two months??? Yikes.
“Aside from ex comments, she’s an actual sweetheart”
Or she just acts like enough of a sweetheart to have you keep paying for everything. And regarding her ex, she’s either not at all over him or she’s using him to steadily neg you and erode your self esteem (so you’re less likely to have the confidence to leave and can continue paying for everything).
Why don’t you try an experiment: say moving forward that you expect her to contribute fairly to date nights and other expenses and see if she’s still a sweetheart?
You can be or not be friends with who you want. Ask your friend's ex to see if you should stay friends for a different perspective.
Emotions are weird, so I wouldn't read too much into it. It could be any number of things, but I wouldn't assume that it's her having feelings for her ex.
The cops have even called on him for the dog numerous times. They don’t care, animal control doesn’t even help the dogs here that are outside and starving. ?
I know this is a bad defense but I definitely did not mean it when I said it to him. I found out he was trying to hook up with another younger girl on instagram, and he actively lied about it until I got definitive proof. I was drunk which doesn’t excuse it but I texted “go die” when angry about the situation. Absolutely does not make it okay at all. But later on he found out I lied about other stuff (granted it wasn’t me trying to hook up with anyone but I definitely was pathological in many ways) and he told me over multiple days that I should die in a gutter and that the world is better off without me.. and instead of saying sorry afterward he has told me he does mean harm on people who continually lie to him. I guess that maybe that is justified? I don’t feel the way about others but maybe since I lied as well it’s a normal reaction? I don’t know
And why are you afraid to tell the counselor the whole story? Let them do their job and don't do it for them lol, if your wife wants to tell them let her it's really stupid not to.
Not even nonmonogamy. My partners can and do date other people. I need them to be honest and trustworthy for it to be safe, including not trying to date other married people or break up families.
Moreover, my partners show me that I am important, valued, cherished and desired. I don't have to question that, even when they are dating and love others. They certainly don't check out over hypothetical relationships.
Yeah but you have to understand that him acting like this really feels disrespectful. I think your partner should be your no 1 hypeman/hypewoman and he clearly just isn‘t/wasn‘t. I wouldn‘t suggest giving him another chance because it‘s just a matter of time he will completely shatter her self confidence again.
I don't have a drinking problem don't assume
You need to decide if you’re willing to wait for her to feel comfortable enough in her sexuality to do the things you want. Ultimately you cannot force her to display her sexuality on social media or in public. And definitely do not give her an ultimatum, I.e. “ tell everyone we’re dating or I’m breaking up with you”.
Damn that's though , ur hurt in a different way not everyone cries or feels pain the same , i do advice to still visit even if you feel like not Just because despite u wanting a good memory to stay what if you never get a moment to visit again that would be horrible like for both u and ur mom . Like even if there is a chance for a clear moment ur mom would probably still want to see you / talk since u are her daughter. Anyway
Hopefully things will get better, stay strong
From Just a random stranger
I appreciate the sentiment, but we align so well on so many levels. We care incredibly deeply for each other and make each other immensely happy. This is not something that I am just going to end the relationship over, not by a long shot. But I know if I keep pushing the feelings down it’s going to harm us in the long run so I am trying to figure out how to best work through it now. I do understand the difference between a romantic relationship and internet fans, but I can’t help but continuing to feel this way nonetheless. I am trying to decide whether to continue holding my tongue about it and hope it goes away one day, or discuss it openly with her
From my perspective it kind of sounds like she’s asking for reassurance that you enjoyed it/are satisfied. But like others suggested, it won’t hurt to ask her.
Will you be able / allowed to work in your new country? If yes, that makes the moving out process easier. You can pass those finals, get a job and move on to the next phase of your life.
If no, I recommend getting in touch with your family or researching local women's shelters or even visiting your consulate to get assistance in getting back to your previous country.
Best of luck to you.
That made me throb
Well that sucks. I'm a guy, and could totally understand the need there.