Spirituals1ut on-line sex chats for YOU!
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I am going to tackle it head on. The relationship is very much on the outs and I don't have much hope for it unfortunately.
Thank you for your advice on how to frame the question. Very helpful.
You know that you don't “accidentally” give anyone a hickey. Its a conscious act because you have to suck, not just kiss. You gave her a few yourself so you know – which begs the question: Since you know its not an accident, why are you asking us? Hickeys are a cringey way of displaying that you are having intimnate time. The only thing more cringey would be bragging about it on reddit by asking a question you already know the answer to.
It isn't about “painting a beautiful picture here.”
It's about reality, and specifically recognizing that people don't break up after five years without a reason.
You've asked us to guess what that is without admitting any particular fault on your side.
What are we supposed to say? “She sounds like a fool”?
Either she gave you a reason you're not reporting or she gave you no reason, but it seems highly improbable that there was no reason. It also seems highly improbable that M doesn't know it, since he's been your friend for a long time. It further seems highly improbable that M disapproves of that reason, given that he isn't jettisoning your ex.
? ? ?
Nope, you got it wrong, and u/Creative_Recover got it right.
If your GF would feel an actual connection to you, they would like to share what they do and with who, so you could be excited about it as well.
So why doesn't she share? She comes from a different culture? Then even more communication is needed.
Oh, she is bad at communicating? Dude, those 1-word-replies means she isn't that interested in the conversation, and she is hoping you will stop probing.
Weird.
But you answered your own worries already:
The problem is that she prioritizes work so much in her life that it does feel like relationship is her second priority
Some people do not have time for a relationship. Those people shouldn't be in a relationship, as they are not fully into it. I am sorry you are the one left hanging, but if they don't make an effort, then you aren't a priority, and if you are not a priority, you are not in a relationship.
Exactly what they said OP. My husband is black I'm not. He speaks a whole different language culturally he always gets comments about why he didn't marry a traditional woman! Because he didn't love one. It's a them problem dont let stupid ppl with ignorant views ruin your happiness or steal the joy u bring each other.
I rlly hope she dumps you
You are coming from the naive viewpoint that this old man would never be lying to you about what is really going on inside his head? HE lied the whole time. A 43 yr old man who has sex w such a young woman is viewed as gross by most all the rest of us who are this age btw. I'm 42F and I have a 22 yr old son. None of his friends are anything but naive young babies. So are u
So why are you in the relationship? There's no sex, the “spark is gone” and she has a crush on someone else.
I don‘t think this will make it better but she lived nearly a year in my head instead of 6
I (18f) have been dating a guy (20m) for roughly a month
You already have your answer. Don't wait on a relationship you're not even that invested in yet. Besides, one month with someone you clearly don't know that well, versus 18 to 24 months inside? There's a lot of drama you don't need to invite into your life.
Even if he was giving her all this plus a large monthly allowance, it still wouldn’t be worth it
No drinking with him. If she needs to explain to him, she can do it over a phone call.
Legit, my fiancé is 26. He's positively elated to be happy and in a serious relationship
Everyone just screws whomever they want!! What could possibly go wrong??
You may not see yourself as that, but the way you describe your relationship makes it sound like you are a “bang maid”. You do everything to take care of him and his child and are available to him for sex, but don’t get what you need out of the relationship.
I think you are clinging to what people have apparently told you all your life, that you’re an “old soul”/“mature for your age”. So, you believe that you are meant to be with someone older when in actuality it’s probably from childhood trauma that forced you to grow up quickly. It doesn’t, at least how you describe it, seem like you have had a time to be carefree and not responsible for someone else and their needs. Then you ascribe it to your love language to explain why you do it.
Believe me, my love language is Acts of Service as well. I often find myself doing things for others and not always feeling that love reciprocated. Because its not just what we do for others which makes it our love language, but what we need as well.
This man had no business getting involved with someone so young. I mean jc, you obviously started getting involved when you were what 19/20? . “The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions.”
You maybe an “old soul” and don’t like being called immature, but with age comes wisdom from experience. You don’t have such relationship experiences which make it easier for him to “mold” you into the partner he wants. He proposed because he saw the writing in the wall… “she moved here a couple years ago, I need to move this relationship somewhat forward to get her to stay. Now I can drag out the engagement for a bit.” I can see why your dad doesn’t like him.
I was engaged before, and called it off at 27. A year later met someone, and married by 29. Have 2 beautiful girls. Being 25 and an old soul doesn’t mean you must get married now, because you are getting older. I think it’s more of you’ve invested this much time and energy, so you think marriage the next step. You don’t want to feel like you have wasted 5+ years. It’s the sunk cost fallacy. Don’t fall for it. Think maybe more along the lines of how many more years do you want to waste?
The best way to have little or no money is to online like the culture. That is true everywhere in the world. The difference between spending and investing is the difference between having wealth and not having much.
She has told you what you can expect from her. The decision is your now.
Ew that is terrible. What an ass. I’d have to end it I think.
Saw your update OP. Stay strong. Make your exit plan as soon as possible. Stop acknowledging or countering her arguments. It's just her trying to manipulate you into staying again. You got this.
You should start posting about random hobbies to see how wonky she can be.
“So excited for my first improv class tonight!”
“I think I'm going to get my pilot's lincence”
“Does anyone know any fire breathers or unicyclists? I've always wanted to learn”
Good job man. Stay firm. It's nude, especially when you're physically attracted to her. But you have to use your big head over your little head. I am guilty of having sex with an ex and it only brings trouble.
I understand you pretty well. I also have anxiety and depression. I also have autism and other disabilities. I have a driver license, but wouldn't drive because other people are unpredictable. Fortunately Germany has great publice transport and is a wellfare state, so rent and living is guaranteed.
I don't know if your bf doesn't mean it good, but if he can't understand that those ultimatums and “you have to” just cause you more panic, he isn’t the right one. He must understand that you change anytime soon and this is who you are right now. Pushing just cause anxiety. He can't make plans like if he had a gf with no disabilities.
Well I certainly wouldn't get married anytime soon.
wrong/right certainly sounds like what the woman wants. To not rush things, enjoy the moment and see how things go..you know, general dating things at a couple months in.
Stupid games, stupid prizes.
Agreed. You also don't know how long that arm was there or if it's been there before. She knows she crossed a line, she's not stupid. The guy was making his move and at that moment/ evening she was friendly to it. She liked the attention and may have done this before. As of now, I wouldn't be ok with her going out drinking with said friend. I don't think you should care if she says you are controlling. You caught her in a pub with a guy's arm around her jeez.
I’m well aware he’s an alcoholic that refuses to stop.
That's good. I'll skip straight to the advice I give to anyone who's in a relationship with an addict who refuses to stop: get out of the relationship. He will choose the addiction over your feelings every time.
I've ignored her, but I can't stop thinking about our time together. I want to try and get back together. If that's not possible I'm going to have to find a new hobby lol
Yes I should kick her ass out?
He's already been planning to kill you.
If you don't get out NOW -and I mean today or tomorrow – he's going to kill you and possibly your child.
Listen to people when they tell you who they are.
An arm on that shoulder is NOT intimately touching
A lot of women aren’t going to be able to shoot their partner, statistically a woman is more likely to have the gun taken and used against them.
I’m not saying don’t learn or have one. But if you introduce a gun to a domestic violence situation you better be able to fucking use it. Immediately. It’s not stop or I’ll shoot, no begging them to stop or leave.
Tell him everything you told us, and don't ask him if something is wrong, tell him something is wrong and that's why you're leaving him
You communicated to him as you say straight up and he didn't reciprocate. Unless he is really shy I would say be isn't interested. Stop hoping for him to ask you out, move on to someone else.
Haha, I’m totally sure. I laugh because that would be impossible for him to hide, I met him through mutual friends (my best friend) and they’ve all known him since like grade 1 or jr high, so that would be a nude one to hide.
It stars Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson. In the movie he becomes addicted to his AI to the point where he shuns real flesh and blood women. It’s a very good movie. Kind of sad but genuine. I’m not sure if it will help your girlfriend but watching it might help her gain a bit of perspective.
I do it like I am licking a melting popsicle. My husband loves it.
He can go start a relationship with his friend since they hate women so much
That's fishy, huh.
And that if I was more present and a better partner then she wouldn’t feel the need to keep things from me because of how I react to them.
Nice victim blaming, lady. Maybe it's time for her to get a fucking job if she's so bored all day.
She sounds narcissistic
Oh, it’s kind of you to look for an admirable reason too, but your last two sentences aren’t true.
Ppl with really high responsibility jobs often do more working out and more disciplined stress relief, because they need, their clients need it, and their families need it.
Your first sentence was correct. I’m not sure you can fix that unfortunately. He’s taking his stress out on you and that’s not ok. You can try to entice him into yoga, meditation, workouts or creative pursuits before he gets home or as soon as he gets home.
You can be indirect: send him articles about job stress and its effects and how to cope. Hope he catches the hint.
You can be honest: “I know you don’t mean to, but you’re taking the stress of your job out on me 3-4x/wk which is a lot. I love you very much, but it’s not ok with me to bear the brunt of your job stress, and I really worry about your long-term health because of it. It’s not healthy for you to just keep the stress in. I’m asking you to join a sports team or a workout group, do yoga and meditation or VR workouts with me for 45min when you get home each day, or do something else you’d like to try that has evidence of providing healthy, active stress relief. Can you pick one to try?”
You don't. You leave. Honestly, no good will come of staying.
You can't seriously expect him to leave his job? Just ignore him and get on with your life – what he does doesn't matter.
“Outdoors and physical activities” that are not OK for pregnant women are unlikely to be appropriate for people with a wide variety of disabilities, and often involve equipment and/or training that not everyone has. Not to mention there's a high potential for bait-and-switch: If you invited me to a wedding reception and then told me that actually, get in, loser, we're going kayaking, I'd be pissed.
TL;DR: You are entitled to do whatever you want for your wedding. If you do not make it welcoming to everyone, expect a lot of people to decline. If you have your heart set on being outside/active, consider whether eloping is right for you, and/or you are actually planning your honeymoon.
She should’ve said no at the onset of the relationship not lie to you several times. She does sound a little hang up on this particular ex. But you can’t delete the past.
Don't change your plans. I missed out on a wedding at 35 weeks with prodromal labor, but I still don't regret not going and never in a million years would I have been offended that the couple didn't move their wedding.
Oh the fucked brother no doubt about it. Shy you think she waited this long to tell you. You're being trickle truthed buddy. The only cuddled? Touched each others legs? Yeah right
Why are you rearranging dates for a pregnant person??have your wedding.
two years is nothing. just block him. seriously. he is a misogynist and literally thinks of you as less of a person. why waste any more of your precious time on him?
Not without losing the deposit etc
I would invest in some really nice headphones for you to use when he’s doing his chores. Audiobooks and podcasts all the way, my friend.
Well the last one was more of a situation where I did ask her out
No, you didn't. You parroted HER LINE from ages ago so she parroted YOUR STUPID RESPONSE back to you to keep up the flirting. That is NOT asking her out on a date. That's where you've messed up and kept up this act of stringing her along.
You know how to ask someone out? You say it directly and you call it a date.
“Hey, do you wanna get dinner with me as a date this week?”
You have no room to be upset or whiny or accuse her of playing you when you've done this stupid game of your own accord. You're crying on other subreddits about being played when she's likely talking to her friends about this dunce at work who's refusing to ask her out for some reason.
Go ask her out and knock off the whining.
Yes
If his behavior would upset you – then he should not have done it.
Studies find coworkers are the #1 source of affair partners. Therefore you should be concerned.
Consequently instead of hiding her, he needs to provide you greater transparency, including all non business contact and discussion topics.
Okay take a deep breath. Now block his number. Stop talking to him. Your relationship is over. You’re incompatible.
Feel your feelings. Get mad. Get sad. Talk to your friends. Move on. You’re going to feel a lot better in a few months. I promise.
I think it's kind of fun to guess how long someone has been married based on their rings.
I think OP has bigger problems than the ring though. Although switching rings three times before getting married seems extremely problematic, especially if she picked the second ring.
Nope he's bein' a poo head by placing an expectation like that on you.
It's not his body to make decisions for. Everyone's got their own timeline as Belta mentioned (previous poster). So even if it frustrates him, that's a him issue, and he doesn't need to make it a you issue.
Because it's not. As a couple, he should be working to support you, not tearing you down.
You bring a great question of why marry someone if you have this unhealthy expectation? No idea OP. He's an ass for having something like that in the first place.
For starters, break up with your boyfriend. Living a fantasy never turns out good in the end. I'd also take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if you're truly fit to be in a relationship at this time. Sex/physical touch means so much to you that you broke the trust of your partner. Its clear you are not on the same page with each other when it comes to your needs. If he isn't willing to seek help or learn more about his own sexuality – this relationship is dead.
Average poly moment
You really want to online like this forever?
Those are the only 2 reasons you can see for her to lie? Nothing else, huh? Could she be the manipulative one? Does the ex even know OP is in the picture? Maybe she is hiding the relationships from both the ex and OP.
thank you for being kind about ur response. i appreciate that :’) we broke up before for about a week cos of these thoughts and then we decided to try things again and it seems they won’t go away so it seems I will have to make that decision. I just don’t want him to think I’m abandoning him again. All my friends love him as well and say he’s good for me and they all said i’d be making a mistake if i ended things w him. 🙁
Gosh, you are absolutely right about that. He has a dependency on alcohol no matter what kind of alcohol it is.
Don't sext with guys you've never met. It can turn into exactly what it turned into. Hold back on the sexual stuff until you have a commitment.
We don’t know that this is from masturbating and any woman who nicks her vagina or knows it’s ashy from a skin issue would not send a picture of it to a guy. He is way too bold and comfortable with his penis looking like that and it’s very much giving and STD vibe.
You are welcome, and yeah, i can relate to that myself, took me 27 years to figure this out 🙂 Hope the best for both of you! godspeed
Don’t have sex.
yeah, break up. no doubt she has noticed the low interest, so this would be kindest.
but -what would be wrong with dating some real-life, local women? Don't online your whole life in virtual land.
Why are you, as a woman, dating a man who does not like women?
I don’t want to come across as harsh because I know this must be so painful and confusing but please remember she didn’t do this spontaneously. This wasn’t a heat of the moment mistake where she went home drunk with a guy and slept with him (which would still be inexcusable to me but some people are more forgiving of something like that). She planned this out. She sought him out after you sent him away and she planned to spend the night with him. That’s a series of choices she made. And it didn’t sound like it was going to be a one time thing based on their texts.
I couldn’t forgive something like that. Maybe you can but be very careful that you’re not wavering because of the sunken cost fallacy or some belief that she didn’t really mean it and it was one lapse in judgement. What she did sucked. Don’t minimize it and if you even consider letting her back in your life you need to really hold her accountable for that.
They do make good puzzles calendars.
This behavior on his part is called Negging. It's being negative and making someone feel bad to dominate them. Once they get you down they “bread crumb” you with a little crumb of kindness and you are supposed to lap it up and do whatever they want.
You were drugged. I'm so sorry.
If you are hesitating, then you need to listen to that. Any partner who respects and loves you should want you to feel certain and clear-eyed.
The reality is that these kinds of cultural differences are pretty major. If you weren't raised in his culture to believe that women are second-class citizens to be kept pure for and subservient to their husbands, you are going to have either a very difficult or very short marriage, if not both. He has already demonstrated that he feels he can start making more requirements of you based on how close to marriage you are. How do you think it will be after the wedding? As far as he, his culture, and his family are concerned, he will own you. If that's not what you want for yourself or your future daughters, RUN LIKE HELL and chalk this up to experience. Even if he is a lovely man, this kind of fundamental incompatibility will only lead to heartache, anger, and misery. Possibly worse. Women risk their lives every day to get away from the very kind of marriage you would be signing up for.
If they limited visits to like 2 hours then maybe I would be cool with every week (twice a week sounds daunting) but they always have to linger for like 6 hours and it is just exhausting. As soon as they leave MY HUSBAND NAPS.
Not to be that guy but teaching future generations kind of is special. Like sure, there’s obviously shitty ones, but teaching is kind of one of the most special jobs there is
Yes confront her. I know most people here will say “it's just a like” and “they can still be friends” etc but you need to sit her down and set boundaries. Out of respect for you she should not be initiating any kind of contact with her ex.
Whenever you want and feel ready for it. You have no obligations to anyone else but yourself.
Whenever you feel ready
So he thinks you're a prostitute or you owe him? Emotional blackmail if you don't do what I want I get mad and make you suffer my attitude
Then please leave him.
I mean generally men don't care about a women's careers, it's does not have the same pull attraction wise.
He is an idiot for at least not doing some research since it's important to you.
Connected to who, exactly? This doesn’t make any fucking sense.
First of all, you should online together for at least 2years before ever putting her name on anything. People can become very different when they live! together. She seems very selfish. I would take a step back personally and look at everything clearly before jumping in.
She just explained what it was (a queen of hearts playing card, her ex has king of hearts) and changed the subject.
It's pretty blurry and faded now anyway, can't see why she'd want to keep it.
It's absolutely normal to be insecure about a person your SO had sex with while she's parading him around infront of you. What's NOT normal is to have former sexual parents dancing all around your current relationship. It's not in the past if he's currently hanging around and no one should tolerate that behavior.
Dude…she's 29. How much longer you gonna stick around and wait for her to “fully realize life”??? If it hasn't happened by now, it ain't happening.
Meanwhile, if she's literally doing nothing besides eating, drinking, and sleeping, then it would be worthwhile for her to perhaps seek some form of therapy to help her navigate whatever internal thing she has going on that is preventing her from being a contributing partner and engage in life.
She’s a doctor. I find it nude to believe that someone with that much intelligence can’t understand math.
” unfortunately i cannot provide the love you desire, so for both our sakes I'm breaking it off.” Simple, gets to the point and offers an explanation.
It is, and I understand that and he has every right too. I understand that too. I’m not sure either of us are ready to walk away just yet though, but it almost feels like I should just let him go after hurting him this badly
Your parents just want the best for you, but they don’t realize that you know what is the best for yourself. Is nude to convince someone what is better for you when they think they know better and ignore your true feelings. You should talk with them and ask at least to give him a chance.
Stop talking about your ex so much, for starters. Figure out what your gf likes to receive to remind her that she’s loved and give her that. If you love her, then make sure she knows that.
You definitely did not cheat but I’d take this breakup as a blessing in disguise! I know it’s nude to go through especially when you still love the person but the way he’s handled this whole problem is a huge red flag. He shouldn’t be bringing this up and using this against you throughout your relationship when you didn’t even do anything wrong. I understand he’s hurt but a mature 30 year old man should be able to properly communicate. Especially after you doing all of those things to make him comfortable (moving out, etc.)
Him breaking up with you and getting back together is also a huge red flag and doesn’t speak well for how he’d handle any problems in the future. Also still speaking to his ex that he was sexting right before you guys got together would not be okay in my book. Good luck and I hope this all works out!!
Maybe just maybe your mother is lying, has dementia, mental illness or addiction issues
Confused on how wearing a skirt means ur bare ass is on a seat…ur skirt should be covering your butt when you sit
well, i learned something today!
Listen do you really think she can’t look at you I’m sure she adores you sooooo much trust me
Your boyfriend is the problem.
Your past makes you feel like you are not worthy of good treatment. Everyone recommends therapy, I know. But in your case it could save a perfectly good relationship before your baggage from the past sabotages it.