I know the right thing to do would just be to leave but I love him too much. I can’t do it. I met him at my lowest point and he helped me so much with depression and stopping me from SH. I can’t just leave him
Ah, ok, so the issues are weight and passivity. Both are changes that have impacted you a lot. So for both, rather than ask him to lose weight and fix the passivity, ask him why the change. Find out what’s going on or if hes struggling with something, and offer to help if he is. Sometimes people want to change but don’t know how or need more support to do so. So figure out if he wants to change, and if so then brain storm ideas that could help him do so (weight gain and more passive could be a physical or mental health issue so a doc and therapist appointment might be useful). And then give it time to see if there’s improvement. If there is, give him support and appreciation, as that will spur more effort. And if he doesn’t want to change, then you need to decide if these issues are important enough to you to get a divorce over. As one might disagree, some might agree, but what matters most is what you think, as you’re the one who has to live! with the consequences of what ever choice you make. What ever you decide, I hope it turns out for the best for both of you. Good luck.
Women's shelter. Asap. You need out. Now. This WILL ESCALATE. And because you cannot leave easily, you absolutely need to call a shelter. They will help you both short term with a place to stay right away, but also long term with helping you get services quickly like houses and funding. Even schooling and job retraining can be helped through them by getting you out higher in lists for these services.
You feel weird because it is a place where woman are seen and treated as sex objects. It's where woman are disrespected.
Anyone who supports such a place will pull the energies of desperation and lack into their lives. The sleazy greasy energy sticks to those who dare dip into it.
When we have harsh emotions, it's usually for real legitimate reasons.
I get that family is important to you, but for some people, family just doesn’t hold that same value and friends, their found family, are what really matter.
Neither of you are in the wrong for wanting what you do. Seattle’s not home for you, but Texas isn’t home for her either. If this is so important to you that you feel the need to make an ultimatum and you don’t want any outcome outside of permanently relocating back, you’re better off splitting up. Trying to force her into your desired outcome will just generate resentment and lead to the same ending.
Also record your conversations with her. If you can produce a large volume of evidence of her shit behaviour between now and graduation then you can finally have the talk with him and back it up. Then he has to really think about how he responds and can’t dismiss you as easily. He may still side with her but he can never say he didn’t know.
Hey man, my first love broke up with me after 5 years when I was 21. It’s the worst thing ever. It’s all I could think about.
However, what made it 10000% worse was trying to be friends with her afterwards. Your comments sound exactly like I was feeling so I know what you’re going through. Trying to be friends is a TERRIBLE idea.
Let me tell you now, you need to fully accept that this is over or you will feel like this for a LONG TIME. Being friends with her is just clinging onto hope. Deep down you don’t want to be her friend, you want her to love you back.
Stop trying to be her friend. Stop contacting her. It’s going to make you fucking miserable for a very long time if you keep in contact. Take it from someone who did exactly that.
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He should be accepting you for what you are now. Past relations and experiences have moulded your present character. And if he finds you very likeable today then he should be thankful for those experiences.
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If it takes a village to raise children your daughter should have consulted the village before she decided to get pregnant. You are not obligated to be a full time carer and I would point out to your daughter how selfish she is being to assume you are giving up your life to basically raise her child. I assume she's give her in laws the same speech?
You say that you’re currently incredibly attracted to her. So why do you think additional weight would change that? When you fall in love with a person, sex becomes more about their essence than their body.
Do you think that if she gains more weight, you’ll love her less? In that case, you should not marry her.
You need to “humble” yourself? I would be very upset if a man said this to me. Women need to be strong and ARE strong. What are some of the things you supposedly always think you’re right about? Just my opinion but I think anyone over 21 who makes a big deal out of their birthday every single year is kinda immature
You texted every day about when she was coming home. Did I miss the part where you apologized every day? Where you made any plan to ease her mind about it happening again? Like,not working in the same place.
Ok i don't know if I'm confused but ejaculation as far as I know is when a cum comes out of a penis (yk, sperm and all that), are you referring to her orgasms? Or squirt? Or does she have a penis?
I don’t even know what to say to you. But I don’t think you should be allowed to date you’re still way too young if your friends are telling you who to break up with and influencing you that much. So you go and hurt this girl who really likes you because your friends don’t like her are you 15
It’s ok to try and work it out too. Talk to her. Ask her if she respects you. If she can give you an honest answer set times to work on your relationship. If she goes off on how she was blah blah blah. Stop her. Does she respect you. You know you love her. Does she love you? If you feel like you want to give it another try then do it. Don’t drag it out though. You sound more mature than she is. Good luck
Haha my ex / baby daddy did the same thing. Admitted to all his affairs after court was finalized even after vehemently denying it for 2 years straight.
Love of your life. If you marry someone you don't love you will miserable anyway. Do you think it is going to be healthy?
Besides you need to decide for whom you live! your life. For yourself or for your parents. IF you think pursuing your personal happiness in somehow unfair to your family then ask yourself this. Do they actually love you if they would choose to completely ruin relations with you, because you have chosen to marry the woman you love? No at this point it isn't love it is possesion and valuing cultural norms more than loving their own child.
The natural order of things is parents choose to give birth to children, and have responsibility to raise them, but they do not own them. Children are free to pursue their own way of life.
Of course since you have free choice you can also choose to be miserable, so there is that.
Hm you’re getting really deep and assuming a lot. Let me reiterate “in todays world” and “some of these 19 year olds” from my original comment.
It’s absolutely on a case by case basis. I was 17 when my first boyfriend was 24 but I also grew up in a different country and was forced to mature at a young age. TODAY, I cannot even fathom my 16 year old cousin even having a boyfriend. Majority of kids today are maturing at a vastly slower pace than some of us did decades ago. Additionally, due to things like technology, social media, covid, etc. a lot of these kids don’t have the same social skills we had gained. That plays a huge part in this. My comment has nothing to do with Reddit ? just society in general.
Well, there's absolutely no doubt that she's referring to your partner. So now it boils down to whether you trust your partner despite someone directly accusing them of cheating. The first caveat is that cheaters lie. Noone thinks that their SO would lie when they've been caught red-handed – but I can tell you from experience that some people will just lie to your face; right to the bitter end.
Conversely; you have no relationship with the other woman – and she either lied to your face when she told you that nothing was going on; or she's lying now. So either way – you know she is a liar for sure.
That fact alone would edge me towards trusting my partner – but if I was in his shoes; I would be livid and calling her straight away asking “wtf is this shit!?!?” If he is only protesting his innocence and isn't angry about being accused, then it may point towards some guilt on his part too.
You're in a tough spot here. You probably just need to decide what the most likely tale was and then draw a line under it. If you can't trust your SO, then you probably need to walk away as it won't get any easier from here.
Talk to a lawyer to find out about child support, then kick his cheating ass out. This is unsalvageable. Your baby will be better off growing up without this poor example of a partner.
There are just more reasons to resist this than to give into it. Not only do you risk ruining the friendship in hitting on him but if you identify as female and he's a gay man you're not even of the gender he's attracted to. Bet the person he “hooked up with” is male, which you don't identify as. So maybe try to redirect your feelings toward someone who's actually capable of being attracted to you as you are. LARPing being a guy just to get with this person wouldn't be good for your emotional wellness.
Your behaviour is normal, plus if you’re out at an event you can’t be punching a time clock every so often just because someone demands it. It’s an unreasonable demand. If your gf doesn’t get her issues sorted soon it’ll wreck your head as well as her own. Why does her mind default to “you were having sex” rather than you stopped because you were chatting ? Or something equally reasonable?
You choose your sister, if for no other reason than this ultimatum shows your girlfriend is not a very good person and completely lacking in empathy. She doesn't have to like your sister to understand that this situation is hurting you as well, and for your own peace of mind you have to find a way to help her.
She doesn't love you OP, or she wouldn't have asked you to make this choice in the first place.
Thank you for your honesty! I wholly agree about my frustration being taken out on my boyfriend. He has known the roommates for 8yrs and I’ve only known them as long as we’ve been dating so I feel like my bf is the only person who can resolve this conflict for me (since he doesn’t feel comfortable with the way I would resolve it)
I didn’t mean for it to come across as my autism driving the boat. I included it because with the conflict of the roommates being there, people would advise that I should’ve just “let it go” and I agree and I tried to to my fullest ability. In my attempt to “let it go” I drank too much and conducted myself in a way my bf didn’t like and it was very unbecoming of me
This is one of those can of worms situations. Make sure he is okay with whoever you choose, make sure it is clear weather this is a one time thing or not. And above all else put his worries about this first. If he gives you the go ahead, good, if he decides no more, then no more.
Aside from that, just be open and honest with the person you are engaging this with. No one wants unintentional hurt feelings either.
My fiancé doesn’t understand my “witchy” natural side all the time & still brought me home a dead dried out baby bat when he was roofing. You don’t have to understand to be accepting & he just seems like a dick lol
Whatever you do, do not make it about yourself. Its time to buckle down and try to weather the storm.
The upcoming months for your GF is going to be a lot… And it could cause her to completely withdrawal emotionally from the relationship.
If you encounter that, don't combat it and make things more complicated. If she needs space, so be it. It may be a series of unfortunate events that causes the relationship to fall apart and there is nothing you could have done to save it.
I know its challenging situation considering it was an ex of hers. But try and not view that way. It was a very recent chapter in her life that ended and to find out someone you once loved has passed, that is naked to go through.
I hope you do that and I hope you find the support you need. You were 100% drugged and r*ped and it happens to men all the time. Your ex's mentality is a huge reason why we don't hear about men's SA more often. Far too many people think like her.
I'm glad you're not with her anymore. You really don't need someone like that in your life. But I do hope you get professional help.
If I said it sounds like she's incredibly self-centered and sees it as your job to do and be and say exactly what she wants all the time, would you be able to refute that?
They don’t have to actually be about to die, but they have to think that they are going to die. This includes situations such as serious injury and sexual violence because our minds interpret that violence in a similar way.
You should never have given him the 15 grand. My Christ! Why did you let yourself be blackmailed? Why didn't you just come clean with your husband and involve the police that this creep is blackmailing you to the tune of a huge amount of money by holding you hostage with sex tapes? The police will have found a way to entrap and arrest him for this. Jeez you're in a pickle right now. Go to the police and tell them everything. You found out about your husband's extra marital affairs and you stayed with him. Tell him yours and he better stay with you. You both have done some serious bad shit and need to hang together now. Go to the police
Being alone doesn’t equate to lonely. Especially if it’s an unhealthy relationship or something you’re just not into. They deserve to be freed too, with gentle honesty.
I promise you this is all true, I've never used reddit, first post so really trying to explain it without giving too much information out, my ex M26 has a new gf he lives with F25 her ex is the one I was persuing M32
This is a result of you being 18 years old, and not figuring out yet that its totally an okay thing to just communicate your concerns to get to the bottom of your own anxieties. What do I mean by that?
Just ask.
If you don't know where he stands, ask him what he wants out of your situationship. Is he looking for something serious, does he just want to hook up? Does he see this going somewhere more serious?
People waste so much time, energy, and anxiety pussyfooting around on 'what ifs' 'maybes' 'what are they thinking?' 'Oh he's not into me anymore' – when all of it has a reasonably easy solution. Just talk to them.
Tell them what you want out of the relationship. Don't be afraid about whether what you want being totally different from what they want. Its nothing you have to be embarassed about because there are two outcomes:
You either both want the same thing and you don't have to be anxious anymore because you know where each other stand.
Or you both don't, and you have clarity and can now move on with your life and find someone that does want the same thing.
TLDR – Time is precious. Don't waste it worrying. Communicate what you want. Find out what he wants. If its not the same thing, move on. Eventually, you'll find someone who wants the same thing that you do.
Please reconsider the bichectomy – the long term results are not good. That fat supports your cheeks and as you age, if you have it removed, your whole face will sag.
She did mention it was something that she thought about in high school when I asked when the “past” exactly was, but this was when she was kind of backtracking.
I have a feeling if I said I would want to try it she would be all aboard for it. This is why I want to bring it up. I’m not sure if she said all that because of my initial reaction or actually thinks it’s just a “fantasy”. Why else would she even mention it?
The “official” advice is mid price range. It shows you appreciate their hospitality, but you won't take advantage. Always stay lower than your host but avoid the cheapest item on the menu.
Not everyone who lives in America is an ex-convict with violent tendencies and an alcohol problem. Yes, Swiss culture is different – for example, your parents are legally obliged to support you through your education.
There are tons of great men out there closer to home. I would ditch this loser and find someone better.
it might be easier to stay. she might get more if you do. but you say you have a really bad relationship with your parents and i guarantee you what your daughter needs more is a happy, loving mother who can properly care for her more than anything material. i say leave. be happy and enjoy being free with your little one. caring for children can already be so naked why put the constant pressure of unsupportive parents in addition you know? what's more you seem like you have a good head on your shoulder and already know how to be independent. i feel like everything points to leaving.
I did acknowledge your opinion. We ended up discussing it and I guess we were too young for it. It ended in us settling it down for now until we are in the right time of our lives. My brain fog went away because of your reply. Thank you deeply
Just leave. You will be miserable. Relationships are never the same once you take a cheating partner back. The trust and emotional safety are gone. What is the point?
Absolutely this. I have a very planned-for and I tentional 5 month old. We are stable, married and wanted her for a long time. She is by all accounts as easy as a baby can be (started sleeping through the night at 3 months, independently plays for up to 10-15 minutes already, no health issues, etc.)
It is still the hardest thing I've ever done and I am constantly exhausted.
I love her but if she was forced on me this would be impossible.
He's not an emotional person, he'll probably just feel bad and it's gonna ruin his day with his family.
I think he'll get over it easily but it's gonna sting a lot for a few days.
Also, this is purely selfish, but it's gonna hurt me too to leave him and I also have an event tomorrow. I think the best time for it would be Sunday so I can take the time to tell him without ruining anyone's event.
I would go. I would be very low key, if there’s a burial after I wouldn’t follow on, but I would go. I know how much every person who came when we buried my mom meant. So I would go.
For the love of God, and in the name of all things holy please break up with this AH. Save yourself. You deserve so much better. A good man would never treat you this way. My husband knows about my past history of abuse and would never ever ever pressure me for sex.
She’s trying to baby trap you, by using the illusion that she’s pregnant.
You should demand the following:
she takes a pregnancy test in front of you, using a test that you bought if positive, a blood test to prove that she is pregnant must also be done in your presence. The results will be made available to you until she does the above, you will not entertain any note discussion on pregnancy if she is pregnant, make sure you ask for a paternity test
We’ve had conversations about lqbt ans womens topics and sometimes he gets it and other times he says things fueled by live! ignorance or saying how the other side (men/straight people) also get hit
I am so sorry. If you feel like dm-ing me, I can try to help. I understand if it is too difficult to talk about. Are you getting help with PTSD? It really is an awful experience, and there is no way on this planet I would have been able to get through the process if I had to do it on my own. If you want them, I am sending many hugs from afar. You shouldn't have had to navigate any of this on your own. I can't imagine how much more difficult that made everything. It makes me so angry on your behalf.
Liking naked girls on Instagram is a team activity. It’s only cool if you both do it.
I know the right thing to do would just be to leave but I love him too much. I can’t do it. I met him at my lowest point and he helped me so much with depression and stopping me from SH. I can’t just leave him
Ah, ok, so the issues are weight and passivity. Both are changes that have impacted you a lot. So for both, rather than ask him to lose weight and fix the passivity, ask him why the change. Find out what’s going on or if hes struggling with something, and offer to help if he is. Sometimes people want to change but don’t know how or need more support to do so. So figure out if he wants to change, and if so then brain storm ideas that could help him do so (weight gain and more passive could be a physical or mental health issue so a doc and therapist appointment might be useful). And then give it time to see if there’s improvement. If there is, give him support and appreciation, as that will spur more effort. And if he doesn’t want to change, then you need to decide if these issues are important enough to you to get a divorce over. As one might disagree, some might agree, but what matters most is what you think, as you’re the one who has to live! with the consequences of what ever choice you make. What ever you decide, I hope it turns out for the best for both of you. Good luck.
We’ve hurt each other for sure. Maybe we need counseling.
Women's shelter. Asap. You need out. Now. This WILL ESCALATE. And because you cannot leave easily, you absolutely need to call a shelter. They will help you both short term with a place to stay right away, but also long term with helping you get services quickly like houses and funding. Even schooling and job retraining can be helped through them by getting you out higher in lists for these services.
Good luck. Get out.
You feel weird because it is a place where woman are seen and treated as sex objects. It's where woman are disrespected.
Anyone who supports such a place will pull the energies of desperation and lack into their lives. The sleazy greasy energy sticks to those who dare dip into it.
When we have harsh emotions, it's usually for real legitimate reasons.
I get that family is important to you, but for some people, family just doesn’t hold that same value and friends, their found family, are what really matter.
Neither of you are in the wrong for wanting what you do. Seattle’s not home for you, but Texas isn’t home for her either. If this is so important to you that you feel the need to make an ultimatum and you don’t want any outcome outside of permanently relocating back, you’re better off splitting up. Trying to force her into your desired outcome will just generate resentment and lead to the same ending.
It's Christmas time…put your difference aside for now and go see your family
I agree, laughing at it is passive aggressive and condescending. How about being open to what feedback people give you?
This is EXACTLY how he will parent little humans.
Run.
Doesn’t sound like he’s being judgmental. It just sounds like he’s making conversation.
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We've discussed this situation specifically a little bit
So why not discuss it in therapy more. Couples therapy is a great place to discuss this and iron out your feelings.
Yea time to leave, quit wasting your time
That's literally what he is saying.
Damn ladies you need to chill.
thank you.
Honestly, she should. Might be pretty funny if he goes along with it. Role playing as two mutual friends getting it on sounds hilarious
Also record your conversations with her. If you can produce a large volume of evidence of her shit behaviour between now and graduation then you can finally have the talk with him and back it up. Then he has to really think about how he responds and can’t dismiss you as easily. He may still side with her but he can never say he didn’t know.
Hey man, my first love broke up with me after 5 years when I was 21. It’s the worst thing ever. It’s all I could think about.
However, what made it 10000% worse was trying to be friends with her afterwards. Your comments sound exactly like I was feeling so I know what you’re going through. Trying to be friends is a TERRIBLE idea.
Let me tell you now, you need to fully accept that this is over or you will feel like this for a LONG TIME. Being friends with her is just clinging onto hope. Deep down you don’t want to be her friend, you want her to love you back.
Stop trying to be her friend. Stop contacting her. It’s going to make you fucking miserable for a very long time if you keep in contact. Take it from someone who did exactly that.
And no, we never got back together.
Lol, no. They advocate for not being your own child’s bully though. I feel really bad for your kids based on your responses alone.
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He should be accepting you for what you are now. Past relations and experiences have moulded your present character. And if he finds you very likeable today then he should be thankful for those experiences.
I know 🙁
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If it takes a village to raise children your daughter should have consulted the village before she decided to get pregnant. You are not obligated to be a full time carer and I would point out to your daughter how selfish she is being to assume you are giving up your life to basically raise her child. I assume she's give her in laws the same speech?
Hey thanks for replying. So I know her in real life, but not very well. Hence why I’ve taken the social media approach.
You say that you’re currently incredibly attracted to her. So why do you think additional weight would change that? When you fall in love with a person, sex becomes more about their essence than their body.
Do you think that if she gains more weight, you’ll love her less? In that case, you should not marry her.
Nah. I had my kids start doing chores as soon as they could walk.
She didn’t even make the freaking sandwich
Guys are very sensitive about dick size. Best not to bring it up at all
You need to “humble” yourself? I would be very upset if a man said this to me. Women need to be strong and ARE strong. What are some of the things you supposedly always think you’re right about? Just my opinion but I think anyone over 21 who makes a big deal out of their birthday every single year is kinda immature
You texted every day about when she was coming home. Did I miss the part where you apologized every day? Where you made any plan to ease her mind about it happening again? Like,not working in the same place.
Patients, esp old ladies, sometimes wear literally buckets of perfume…
Ok i don't know if I'm confused but ejaculation as far as I know is when a cum comes out of a penis (yk, sperm and all that), are you referring to her orgasms? Or squirt? Or does she have a penis?
Sorry this is all just confusing
I don’t even know what to say to you. But I don’t think you should be allowed to date you’re still way too young if your friends are telling you who to break up with and influencing you that much. So you go and hurt this girl who really likes you because your friends don’t like her are you 15
It’s ok to try and work it out too. Talk to her. Ask her if she respects you. If she can give you an honest answer set times to work on your relationship. If she goes off on how she was blah blah blah. Stop her. Does she respect you. You know you love her. Does she love you? If you feel like you want to give it another try then do it. Don’t drag it out though. You sound more mature than she is. Good luck
Change your phone passcodes. You deserve as much account “security” as he does. The rules shouldn't be different for you.
Haha my ex / baby daddy did the same thing. Admitted to all his affairs after court was finalized even after vehemently denying it for 2 years straight.
Because she doesn’t accept herself without it. That’s very toxic.
Yeah. So is trying to make her not wear makeup at all.
This is not something you can fix.
Love of your life. If you marry someone you don't love you will miserable anyway. Do you think it is going to be healthy?
Besides you need to decide for whom you live! your life. For yourself or for your parents. IF you think pursuing your personal happiness in somehow unfair to your family then ask yourself this. Do they actually love you if they would choose to completely ruin relations with you, because you have chosen to marry the woman you love? No at this point it isn't love it is possesion and valuing cultural norms more than loving their own child.
The natural order of things is parents choose to give birth to children, and have responsibility to raise them, but they do not own them. Children are free to pursue their own way of life.
Of course since you have free choice you can also choose to be miserable, so there is that.
Hm you’re getting really deep and assuming a lot. Let me reiterate “in todays world” and “some of these 19 year olds” from my original comment.
It’s absolutely on a case by case basis. I was 17 when my first boyfriend was 24 but I also grew up in a different country and was forced to mature at a young age. TODAY, I cannot even fathom my 16 year old cousin even having a boyfriend. Majority of kids today are maturing at a vastly slower pace than some of us did decades ago. Additionally, due to things like technology, social media, covid, etc. a lot of these kids don’t have the same social skills we had gained. That plays a huge part in this. My comment has nothing to do with Reddit ? just society in general.
She just said that she ain’t playing housewife without a ring and that
I do not. Ever. Want to know what this is referring to ?
Well, there's absolutely no doubt that she's referring to your partner. So now it boils down to whether you trust your partner despite someone directly accusing them of cheating. The first caveat is that cheaters lie. Noone thinks that their SO would lie when they've been caught red-handed – but I can tell you from experience that some people will just lie to your face; right to the bitter end.
Conversely; you have no relationship with the other woman – and she either lied to your face when she told you that nothing was going on; or she's lying now. So either way – you know she is a liar for sure.
That fact alone would edge me towards trusting my partner – but if I was in his shoes; I would be livid and calling her straight away asking “wtf is this shit!?!?” If he is only protesting his innocence and isn't angry about being accused, then it may point towards some guilt on his part too.
You're in a tough spot here. You probably just need to decide what the most likely tale was and then draw a line under it. If you can't trust your SO, then you probably need to walk away as it won't get any easier from here.
“Take it”? Take what? Being scrutinized all the time for shit I didn’t do? Fuck no dude
Talk to a lawyer to find out about child support, then kick his cheating ass out. This is unsalvageable. Your baby will be better off growing up without this poor example of a partner.
There are just more reasons to resist this than to give into it. Not only do you risk ruining the friendship in hitting on him but if you identify as female and he's a gay man you're not even of the gender he's attracted to. Bet the person he “hooked up with” is male, which you don't identify as. So maybe try to redirect your feelings toward someone who's actually capable of being attracted to you as you are. LARPing being a guy just to get with this person wouldn't be good for your emotional wellness.
Has she ever lived alone?
There are layers of formality involved that don't come into play during everyday conversation.
A letter is more formal than an email with a text being bottom of the list.
This is important when apologizing for something.
Your behaviour is normal, plus if you’re out at an event you can’t be punching a time clock every so often just because someone demands it. It’s an unreasonable demand. If your gf doesn’t get her issues sorted soon it’ll wreck your head as well as her own. Why does her mind default to “you were having sex” rather than you stopped because you were chatting ? Or something equally reasonable?
Well. At least he's envisioning you staying with her that long. Lol.
All relationships will have naked ships.
His example is one potential. Extremely very hot to predict if it'll ever come true however
You choose your sister, if for no other reason than this ultimatum shows your girlfriend is not a very good person and completely lacking in empathy. She doesn't have to like your sister to understand that this situation is hurting you as well, and for your own peace of mind you have to find a way to help her.
She doesn't love you OP, or she wouldn't have asked you to make this choice in the first place.
Being on the spectrum does not give you a free pass
Thank you for your honesty! I wholly agree about my frustration being taken out on my boyfriend. He has known the roommates for 8yrs and I’ve only known them as long as we’ve been dating so I feel like my bf is the only person who can resolve this conflict for me (since he doesn’t feel comfortable with the way I would resolve it)
I didn’t mean for it to come across as my autism driving the boat. I included it because with the conflict of the roommates being there, people would advise that I should’ve just “let it go” and I agree and I tried to to my fullest ability. In my attempt to “let it go” I drank too much and conducted myself in a way my bf didn’t like and it was very unbecoming of me
This is one of those can of worms situations. Make sure he is okay with whoever you choose, make sure it is clear weather this is a one time thing or not. And above all else put his worries about this first. If he gives you the go ahead, good, if he decides no more, then no more.
Aside from that, just be open and honest with the person you are engaging this with. No one wants unintentional hurt feelings either.
i think it's dangerous to touch her again, she might to the exact same thing and like men is easier to accuse than women after all.
My fiancé doesn’t understand my “witchy” natural side all the time & still brought me home a dead dried out baby bat when he was roofing. You don’t have to understand to be accepting & he just seems like a dick lol
Please tell me that you never left them alone!!!! Please tell me?
Yes I am. I’ve made my mind up, it seems days ago.
Yikes, that is a tough situation.
Whatever you do, do not make it about yourself. Its time to buckle down and try to weather the storm.
The upcoming months for your GF is going to be a lot… And it could cause her to completely withdrawal emotionally from the relationship.
If you encounter that, don't combat it and make things more complicated. If she needs space, so be it. It may be a series of unfortunate events that causes the relationship to fall apart and there is nothing you could have done to save it.
I know its challenging situation considering it was an ex of hers. But try and not view that way. It was a very recent chapter in her life that ended and to find out someone you once loved has passed, that is naked to go through.
I hope you do that and I hope you find the support you need. You were 100% drugged and r*ped and it happens to men all the time. Your ex's mentality is a huge reason why we don't hear about men's SA more often. Far too many people think like her.
I'm glad you're not with her anymore. You really don't need someone like that in your life. But I do hope you get professional help.
If I said it sounds like she's incredibly self-centered and sees it as your job to do and be and say exactly what she wants all the time, would you be able to refute that?
Thank you.
Came here to say this and now I don't have to. My work here is done. Thank you, Prize Crow.
Fair enough, just hate seeing the stigma over something that isn’t right
Maybe instead of working out 20 hours a week he could spend some of that time looking after the kids.
Okay, then I misread it. Once , twice, either way
He’s done it once and he’ll do it again. Let her know so she can make an informed decision about her relationship.
Not sure why you're getting downvoted. It's terrifying behavior.
As a writer who dabbles in erotica, I would run too. He sounds scary.
???
You don’t let him smoke. He’s gonna choose to do it or not either way. He makes his own decisions.
If that’s a deal breaker, it’s time to break up.
If it’s not. Don’t ask whether he’s smoked or not. That’s beating around the bush and treating him like a child. Be direct.
If he agreed to your boundaries, you call out the issue like adults and ask why he has zero respect for the boundaries you set together.
The lack of respect is the bigger issue. That’s what needs changing more than heater habits.
Take her to Golden Corral. I go there every year for my birthday. You can even get a free meal if you join the birthday club.
Again????
They don’t have to actually be about to die, but they have to think that they are going to die. This includes situations such as serious injury and sexual violence because our minds interpret that violence in a similar way.
You should never have given him the 15 grand. My Christ! Why did you let yourself be blackmailed? Why didn't you just come clean with your husband and involve the police that this creep is blackmailing you to the tune of a huge amount of money by holding you hostage with sex tapes? The police will have found a way to entrap and arrest him for this. Jeez you're in a pickle right now. Go to the police and tell them everything. You found out about your husband's extra marital affairs and you stayed with him. Tell him yours and he better stay with you. You both have done some serious bad shit and need to hang together now. Go to the police
Being alone doesn’t equate to lonely. Especially if it’s an unhealthy relationship or something you’re just not into. They deserve to be freed too, with gentle honesty.
Best of luck, things will get better for both of u ??
I promise you this is all true, I've never used reddit, first post so really trying to explain it without giving too much information out, my ex M26 has a new gf he lives with F25 her ex is the one I was persuing M32
This is a result of you being 18 years old, and not figuring out yet that its totally an okay thing to just communicate your concerns to get to the bottom of your own anxieties. What do I mean by that?
Just ask.
If you don't know where he stands, ask him what he wants out of your situationship. Is he looking for something serious, does he just want to hook up? Does he see this going somewhere more serious?
People waste so much time, energy, and anxiety pussyfooting around on 'what ifs' 'maybes' 'what are they thinking?' 'Oh he's not into me anymore' – when all of it has a reasonably easy solution. Just talk to them.
Tell them what you want out of the relationship. Don't be afraid about whether what you want being totally different from what they want. Its nothing you have to be embarassed about because there are two outcomes:
You either both want the same thing and you don't have to be anxious anymore because you know where each other stand.
Or you both don't, and you have clarity and can now move on with your life and find someone that does want the same thing.
TLDR – Time is precious. Don't waste it worrying. Communicate what you want. Find out what he wants. If its not the same thing, move on. Eventually, you'll find someone who wants the same thing that you do.
We aren’t buddies or anything but we’re cordial .
If he didn’t tell he’d go anal she couldn’t give permission ??♀️
Please reconsider the bichectomy – the long term results are not good. That fat supports your cheeks and as you age, if you have it removed, your whole face will sag.
Of course. You can’t put a timeline on healing from trauma. Just be straight with them about disengaging from the friendship.
Best of luck with everything
She did mention it was something that she thought about in high school when I asked when the “past” exactly was, but this was when she was kind of backtracking.
I have a feeling if I said I would want to try it she would be all aboard for it. This is why I want to bring it up. I’m not sure if she said all that because of my initial reaction or actually thinks it’s just a “fantasy”. Why else would she even mention it?
She wanted to sleep with someone she considers a brother?????
That’s creepy and weird
The “official” advice is mid price range. It shows you appreciate their hospitality, but you won't take advantage. Always stay lower than your host but avoid the cheapest item on the menu.
You make me sick.
Please don't ask for parental permission to marry, your girlfriend is not their property, and it's not 1876.
She will purposefully do and say random things to get a reaction out of me either negative or positive.
Just say “cool stuff”.
I didn’t bring up emotional damages?
Not everyone who lives in America is an ex-convict with violent tendencies and an alcohol problem. Yes, Swiss culture is different – for example, your parents are legally obliged to support you through your education.
There are tons of great men out there closer to home. I would ditch this loser and find someone better.
Not that. Every day 3x a week. Weeks got 7 days so if she does it only 3 times she can't do it every day.
Yeah, read the ages the wrong way round. Point still stands though. That friendship and that friend group is lost.
it might be easier to stay. she might get more if you do. but you say you have a really bad relationship with your parents and i guarantee you what your daughter needs more is a happy, loving mother who can properly care for her more than anything material. i say leave. be happy and enjoy being free with your little one. caring for children can already be so naked why put the constant pressure of unsupportive parents in addition you know? what's more you seem like you have a good head on your shoulder and already know how to be independent. i feel like everything points to leaving.
One is worse than two
“Honey, I've always wanted to know what it felt like to fuck a marshmellow”
Yes, no. You might be over sensitive, and he might be over dramatic. Both are valid, but neither invalidates the other point.
A petty person will wait until he is sick to spit it back in his face.
For him, I'm curious what he has experienced that made him jump to such extremes. But still, he can be empathetic to your condition without coddling.
I don't baby my gf when she is sick but I do wish she gets better and do things to make her day easier. Tho I always suggest movement.
The body recovers better when Mobile and hydrated. Even in cancer patients.
I did acknowledge your opinion. We ended up discussing it and I guess we were too young for it. It ended in us settling it down for now until we are in the right time of our lives. My brain fog went away because of your reply. Thank you deeply
Was it like this before you were married?
Just leave. You will be miserable. Relationships are never the same once you take a cheating partner back. The trust and emotional safety are gone. What is the point?
Nothing we can say to her, but we can say it to you.
If something bothers you, you are actually not supposed to say it doesn't bother you if it will be bothering you.
She's really rude, but you understand how you have a very unhelpful speaking style right?
Absolutely this. I have a very planned-for and I tentional 5 month old. We are stable, married and wanted her for a long time. She is by all accounts as easy as a baby can be (started sleeping through the night at 3 months, independently plays for up to 10-15 minutes already, no health issues, etc.)
It is still the hardest thing I've ever done and I am constantly exhausted.
I love her but if she was forced on me this would be impossible.
He's not an emotional person, he'll probably just feel bad and it's gonna ruin his day with his family.
I think he'll get over it easily but it's gonna sting a lot for a few days.
Also, this is purely selfish, but it's gonna hurt me too to leave him and I also have an event tomorrow. I think the best time for it would be Sunday so I can take the time to tell him without ruining anyone's event.
I would go. I would be very low key, if there’s a burial after I wouldn’t follow on, but I would go. I know how much every person who came when we buried my mom meant. So I would go.
For the love of God, and in the name of all things holy please break up with this AH. Save yourself. You deserve so much better. A good man would never treat you this way. My husband knows about my past history of abuse and would never ever ever pressure me for sex.
OP this guy is showing You some very red flags. This early in the relationship is a real bad sign in my opinion. Go visit your parents.
He's into her. You have every right to feel the way you feel. What you do, is ditch him. 100% ditch him otherwise you look like a fool.
Go for it! I have had women slide right into my DMs all the time. Confidence is nice!
She’s trying to baby trap you, by using the illusion that she’s pregnant.
You should demand the following:
she takes a pregnancy test in front of you, using a test that you bought if positive, a blood test to prove that she is pregnant must also be done in your presence. The results will be made available to you until she does the above, you will not entertain any note discussion on pregnancy if she is pregnant, make sure you ask for a paternity test
We’ve had conversations about lqbt ans womens topics and sometimes he gets it and other times he says things fueled by live! ignorance or saying how the other side (men/straight people) also get hit
I am so sorry. If you feel like dm-ing me, I can try to help. I understand if it is too difficult to talk about. Are you getting help with PTSD? It really is an awful experience, and there is no way on this planet I would have been able to get through the process if I had to do it on my own. If you want them, I am sending many hugs from afar. You shouldn't have had to navigate any of this on your own. I can't imagine how much more difficult that made everything. It makes me so angry on your behalf.
He’s jerkin u around, I’d get back on the app