16 thoughts on “StrangeAnn on-line webcams for YOU!”
THIS. There are many different ways of expressing your disagreement/disapproval of what your partner is saying or expressing without using words like “stupid,” dumb, ignorant, etc. These are words that are meant to belittle and make people feel smaller than the person using the word and anyone using these words knows it will lead to the person they are using them against feeling hurt. This is 100% a deal breaker in a relationship in my opinion.
My niece is like that. She has a fair complexion, blue eyes and white blond hair while the rest of us are all dark haired with mostly green or hazel eyes. People always think the same as they do about your daughter but she’s definitely ours. When we visited my Mom’s side of the family recently we were looking at a photo album of her extended family and saw many version of my niece right there. Of course if it really bothers you to the point you think about this a lot you can always do a test. I just hope your daughter never finds out. This would crush her if she turns out to be like my niece.
There is no advice “assuming you're not going to leave”. If she knows you won't leave, then there is no risk to her doing what she wants and you letting her get away with it.
If she goes to this party, maybe she won't cheat. But then what? Now you've set the terms that she can do this kind of thing without consequence. What happens next time she gets invited to a party without you? What happens the 10th time? Are you sure she will never be tempted to overstep that boundary when you have consistently let her step over all the boundaries leading up to that point?
Any way you slice it, that must suck for her. She’s about to have her entire friend group blown up because she questioned someone’s (admittedly questionable, not wrong, but questionable) cosplay costume.
You’re misrepresenting the dynamics we were given by OP. This isn’t happening to Kate because she dared to “question” someone’s costume. She went to the the cosplayer’s SO to enlist his help against her, and when she was correctly (questionable or not) shut down, she condescendingly tells OP that she thought he was better than this.
Reframing this as though Kate is a passive victim of circumstance or her own curiosity is really just denying her agency in how this unfolded.
Emotional reactions are automatic physical responses to stimuli. You’re right in that we don’t have control over those reactions. But, you’re confusing an emotional reaction with emotionally reactive behavior. We do have control in how we behave, and in fact, it’s the ONLY thing we have actual control over. If I am experiencing an emotional reaction (feeling sick to my stomach, shaking, turning red, etc), that reaction is informed by many variables- past experiences, trauma, mood, exhaustion, etc. and therefore, by nature, irrational. It is then our responsibility to interpret that reaction and identify the feelings/needs attached, and then apply logic/reason/compassion in our behavioral response. Having a strong negative emotional reaction to an event/stimulus is not an justification for behaving in a way that harms others. Any emotional reaction experienced by an individual is outside their control and valid, and also our behavior- as long as we aren’t detached from a shared reality- is fully within our control. When we perceive our emotional reactions as rational without consideration to the very individual experiences informing them, we run the risk of believing our emotionally reactive behavior is rational- when it demonstrably not. When someone’s actions are objectively harmful to another person they are making a choice, and suggesting we don’t have control over how we behave towards someone else in emotionally charged circumstances enables abuse.
You’re an asshole bc you sound controlling af and no I did not edit it. You really need to respect people bc you don’t seem like it. Like I said ACCEPT IT and move on it’s not so hot. If you got a problem with it then too bad
Please don’t wait until he hurts you or your child to leave. Let a good friend know what’s going on, find an income source (even if it’s not much), and be sure your husband doesn’t know where you’re going when you leave.
The thing that concerns me with the fast shift in his attitude, could he become violent and physically abusive? Please be careful and watch carefully for another shift in his behavior.
Honestly if you two were basically LDR, based on this info alone I think it’d be pretty hot to not lose attraction for me personally anyway. I think if breaking up was the right choice for you and your child then it was the right choice. He insinuated you used him for a “free trip” so he got the truth. Maybe he’ll learn from that for future relationships, who knows.
I never thought cooking was considered special since my husband made me to believe it was not anyway. So I thought it would be normal to just cook for myself but for two I guess, but now I agree cooking is out of line.
So now you know and now you can be more giving. Women just tend to be both more vocal and more emotionally expressive. You need to make space for him to have needs and concerns too.
THIS. There are many different ways of expressing your disagreement/disapproval of what your partner is saying or expressing without using words like “stupid,” dumb, ignorant, etc. These are words that are meant to belittle and make people feel smaller than the person using the word and anyone using these words knows it will lead to the person they are using them against feeling hurt. This is 100% a deal breaker in a relationship in my opinion.
The smile you just gave me was award enough
My niece is like that. She has a fair complexion, blue eyes and white blond hair while the rest of us are all dark haired with mostly green or hazel eyes. People always think the same as they do about your daughter but she’s definitely ours. When we visited my Mom’s side of the family recently we were looking at a photo album of her extended family and saw many version of my niece right there. Of course if it really bothers you to the point you think about this a lot you can always do a test. I just hope your daughter never finds out. This would crush her if she turns out to be like my niece.
u/summersun358, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
There is no advice “assuming you're not going to leave”. If she knows you won't leave, then there is no risk to her doing what she wants and you letting her get away with it.
If she goes to this party, maybe she won't cheat. But then what? Now you've set the terms that she can do this kind of thing without consequence. What happens next time she gets invited to a party without you? What happens the 10th time? Are you sure she will never be tempted to overstep that boundary when you have consistently let her step over all the boundaries leading up to that point?
Any way you slice it, that must suck for her. She’s about to have her entire friend group blown up because she questioned someone’s (admittedly questionable, not wrong, but questionable) cosplay costume.
You’re misrepresenting the dynamics we were given by OP. This isn’t happening to Kate because she dared to “question” someone’s costume. She went to the the cosplayer’s SO to enlist his help against her, and when she was correctly (questionable or not) shut down, she condescendingly tells OP that she thought he was better than this.
Reframing this as though Kate is a passive victim of circumstance or her own curiosity is really just denying her agency in how this unfolded.
Emotional reactions are automatic physical responses to stimuli. You’re right in that we don’t have control over those reactions. But, you’re confusing an emotional reaction with emotionally reactive behavior. We do have control in how we behave, and in fact, it’s the ONLY thing we have actual control over. If I am experiencing an emotional reaction (feeling sick to my stomach, shaking, turning red, etc), that reaction is informed by many variables- past experiences, trauma, mood, exhaustion, etc. and therefore, by nature, irrational. It is then our responsibility to interpret that reaction and identify the feelings/needs attached, and then apply logic/reason/compassion in our behavioral response. Having a strong negative emotional reaction to an event/stimulus is not an justification for behaving in a way that harms others. Any emotional reaction experienced by an individual is outside their control and valid, and also our behavior- as long as we aren’t detached from a shared reality- is fully within our control. When we perceive our emotional reactions as rational without consideration to the very individual experiences informing them, we run the risk of believing our emotionally reactive behavior is rational- when it demonstrably not. When someone’s actions are objectively harmful to another person they are making a choice, and suggesting we don’t have control over how we behave towards someone else in emotionally charged circumstances enables abuse.
He goes to therapy too yes.
She is remorseful that you found out.
You’re an asshole bc you sound controlling af and no I did not edit it. You really need to respect people bc you don’t seem like it. Like I said ACCEPT IT and move on it’s not so hot. If you got a problem with it then too bad
Please don’t wait until he hurts you or your child to leave. Let a good friend know what’s going on, find an income source (even if it’s not much), and be sure your husband doesn’t know where you’re going when you leave.
The thing that concerns me with the fast shift in his attitude, could he become violent and physically abusive? Please be careful and watch carefully for another shift in his behavior.
Question: how does he go to work? I don’t think there is no meat in the lunch room?
Honestly if you two were basically LDR, based on this info alone I think it’d be pretty hot to not lose attraction for me personally anyway. I think if breaking up was the right choice for you and your child then it was the right choice. He insinuated you used him for a “free trip” so he got the truth. Maybe he’ll learn from that for future relationships, who knows.
I never thought cooking was considered special since my husband made me to believe it was not anyway. So I thought it would be normal to just cook for myself but for two I guess, but now I agree cooking is out of line.
So now you know and now you can be more giving. Women just tend to be both more vocal and more emotionally expressive. You need to make space for him to have needs and concerns too.