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Model from: co
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Birth Date: 1997-03-19
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Yeah we do have a pretty good relationship, the sex situation is one of the few real pain points for me. And I haven't really been able to make much progress over the years of our relationship. If anything we've moved backwards, early in the relationship she would try oral sex sort of halfheartedly for maybe 5-10 seconds before getting bored/tired/grossed out and quitting, at time of writing it's been half a year since she tried to go down on me. The only reason I'm reaching out to internet strangers (you've been great by the way, I really appreciate you taking the time to give advice on this) is that I'm pretty much out of ideas.
Hi. At a minimum, it's an emotional affair. I would tell him you are going to file for divorce unless he finds another job asap, goes NC with her and blocks, and deletes her number. Then you have an open phone policy and either have all his texts and messages show up on your phone, too, or have them saved to an iCloud he can't delete them from. He also gives you access to all his social media accounts. He writes out a timeline of their affair and what they have done. Call her spouse and let him know what you found and see if he will share with you what he found. Let him know asap. IC and MC are a must. These are the minimum requirements for reconciliation. I would also do location sharing as well. Buy him the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. Go see an attorney to at least learn your rights. Make copies of everything. I would consider reporting them to HR.
Yes. Run.
It's hot to see that you're being “groomed” – you are 19 and he's never expressed any romantic interest or asked to meet IRL.
However, the circumstances of the meeting and deeper connection that was forged matter. Maybe he was just lonely or bored; maybe COVID played a role in the deeper connection.
I'd say this – if you find value in having an older person to talk to about life, you can continue to play games on-line. Just don't take it IRL. Don't make it romantic.
It's odd, but life is plenty odd. It hasn't gotten weird in 3 years. Perhaps it won't ever get weird.
Then you have your answer.
Humans are not these incredibly mysterious animals.
In your case you either have Trust….or at least the beginnings know as
“benefit of the doubt” or you don't
No Trust = No Relationship.
Its just that easy.
Your mom should tell her sister that she can't help her when she's not willing to help herself.
tell him to shut it.
To the point to where I worry it will become physical. He has thrown things and put holes in the wall because of it
Gently…. that is physical domestic violence. Those are fights that have become physical. He is showing you the violent acts he wants to do TO you. Please do not allow yourself to continue to think of this as “not physical” abuse. It is.
It's not Co2 poisoning, but CO poisoning you gotta worry about.
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Neither, I only use it as an expression of my own emotions. Same with the ellipses. I've never consciously used them to extract a certain reaction or action, it's always only been an expression in my mind.
Having worked in high end places, I've seen worse, but it's worth a discussion. I'd bring it up casually and not right before or after a dinner. Maybe even Google etiquette articles and pull the old “hey look at this article I found about food sharing habits…” or be blunt and tell him that you've noticed some of the things he does makes your dining companions uncomfortable, and maybe he needs to tone it down a little. Honestly nit sharing food/utensils should be common sense at this point with well…everything.
He will probably be embarrassed at first, but we all have to learn at some point, and I'm sure he'd rather know now than find out later and think no one respected him enough to stop him from acting a fool.
As far as tweaking the menu though, for those prices, it's always worth calling ahead or at least asking, worst they can say is no. Yes there's etiquette, but hospitality workers are in the business of pleasing guests, so I'd focus more on his grill using/food sharing habits.
Stop talking to him. All communication should go through your lawyer or a child communication app.
Sometimes you can't see the forest from the trees
She doesn’t know how she feels anymore and doesn’t care if we break up or not. I’m starting to put my faith in trusting her even if I start overthinking. But I’m scared to get hurt. She doesn’t trust me cuz if the past when I was doing the same thing.
It's your business because the person she had sexual relations with is someone you are close to.
Imagine going to a work party and she fucked your boss on a tinder date and you had to find out because your boss gossiped with your co workers.
This is relevant to your social relationships, and if she cant see that then shes gonna put you in awkward positions very often. She knows shes wrong, she knows she should tell you, but she also knows the full truth may result in her being single.
Shes not worth it. A good woman will be straight with you and consider your feelings, the same way you're scared to tread on hers.
thanks!
Exactly right. She (and any of her friends who are in committed relationships) is looking for attention in an inappropriate manner. If she feels like she needs to get validation from someone else, then she shouldn’t be with you – and you shouldn’t be with her.
And don’t get me started on how badly they’d be treating the men who they’re planning to do this to. The majority of them will be guys who are single and looking for a partner (some for the short term, some for a longer term), and they’re going to be wasting their time with these immature brats playing games.
the experience will be different for everyone, but this happened to me somewhat recently, so here's my relatively fresh perspective:
for the first two weeks, i had two emotions: crippling anxiety/depression and then carefree feelings. i had so much time to clean, catch up, do my own thing, etc. but many days i also just cried and cried and cried. my husband did many of the same things as you – got me food, pampering, support, etc. he always reassured me that we could survive on his salary alone for a while.
weeks three through five, i buckled down and worked hard on my resume and interview skills. i told my husband that since i was unemployed, i could do all the cooking/cleaning. I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS. looking for a job is a full-time job. this is when the nightmares started. i kept having dreams where my boss would yell at me.
after two months, the depression spiral started. the drinking ramped up. for every 50 job applications i sent out, i was lucky to get any response on half of them. i'd get one or two interview requests. then i'd get a rejection email. every molecule of hope evaporated. i had nothing left. at this point, it didn't matter what my husband did for me. i was so empty inside. i couldn't clean, i couldn't cook, i couldn't do anything.
it's been four months. i'm still unemployed. i'm sort of coming out of the long, dark tunnel. but the guilt and depression really damaged me. it's hot and slow and painful to pull myself out of it.
get him on your health insurance first so that he can start talking to a therapist now. have him file for unemployment once he's ready to actually start looking again. above all else, ensure he searches for jobs during “work hours” and then spend quality time with him in the evening. the only times i ever felt normal or could lift my mood were evenings spent with my husband. and lastly – just know that your efforts to help him feel better won't always work, but that's not your fault. you'll both get through it, but it's HARD. take care of your own mental health, too.
Send him back to his parents so they can finish raising him.