Tell him you can’t afford it. From your comments, if your bf really can’t understand the concept of money and debt, then this is gonna become a major problem. Dude brought this up last minute because it’s not a big deal to him. It’s a big deal to you (rightfully so), and it’s astonishing that he can’t see that.
A difference in lifestyle is one thing, but a partner needs to be considerate of your situation. There’s gotta be mutual understanding, while it seems like your bf is off living in candy land.
Not sure what country you’re in but here in the UK the usual recommendation is therapy alongside medication not just medication alone. Some people opt just for the therapy without the medication. The GPs do unfortunately hand out the meds like they are sweets because for pharmaceutical companies it’s big business and while GPs are following guidelines (they usually follow a score via a patient questionnaire that monitors anxiety and depression and base the diagnosis and prescription of meds on whether the patient hits a certain score) the other key thing they’re supposed to ask is how long the patient has been feeling this way and if it is 4 weeks or more consistently, then meds may be prescribed. Of course it is a recommendation and the patient is not obligated to take the meds. In your wife’s case I would recommend she sees her GP again and tries a different type of medication for example Sertraline or Citalopram. Normally after 3 to 4 weeks on the meds she will notice a difference. Quite often in the first week anxiety is experienced on a very high level, patients are recommended to ride it through and stick with it. It gets worse before it gets better. Having said that it’s entirely normal for people to try a different kind of antidepressant if the one they are ok doesn’t agree with them but this needs to be done under the guidance of her GP. I definitely recommend therapy along side the meds. The lack of libido is a common side effect and again can depend on the type of medication. Sometimes it is the dosage as well that needs to be altered. Not all antidepressants have the same effect on everyone it really varies from person to person. The numbness she is going through right now if she’s been on them for a few weeks, sounds as though it may shift but I really recommend she sees her GP again. I know it’s very hot but be patient with her, these things are beyond her control and she will thaw and get through the icy numb stage
focused on punishing my mother? I literally wrote the post to ask for advice on how to move on with my relationship with her because we are close and i just found out that i dont know her at all.
Trust is definitely built, but it sounds like you went into this with none at all. If you’re having doubts about her feelings for an ex, talk to her about it. If you want to continue on with her, that is.
A partner should make you feel safe and respected when talking about boundaries and be willing to have open discussion. She’s not meeting your most basic (pretty reasonable) demands.
She’s not going to be better – and you can’t make her better. She has to want it for herself.
From my male perspective. Porn is a tool. Unless you want sex every night, and that gets routine, porn is used by the partner that is more horny just to scratch the itch. If it’s not there, I will end up asking my partner even when I know she’s not in the mood and that causes the toon and rejection from both sides. We have always been open about it’s use.
No I was just making a post and said even though I already know my decision I’m just curious what others would do in this situation and some commentary on it.
Sure. I think the main problem for us is that we agreed to keep our finances separate because, as my brother put it, I have a better cash flow and they have a better capital stock (also because on top of their inheritance, part of their salary goes into a tax-deductible saving account that they can unblock every 10 years or for certain reasons, house renovations included).
OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please tho — look at the behavior of her supposed best friend as a red flag too. It’s good she told you, not cool that she’s effectively fishing for you immediately after sending you proof your fiancé — her “best friend” cheated on you. Take this time to heal and process, then move on without anyone in her social circle in your life.
Very true. Once a cop has your number then the whole department has your vehicle marked to watch out for. You'll end up getting pulled over and ticketed for the dumbest stuff.
All of that is figured out ! We will be double income each going into our own accounts. I have family and friends near by god forbid so does he. It’s not going to be for another 2 months roughly but yes if course we both acknowledge it’s early but there’s a lot of pros to it. But yes yes we both have incomes that will be for our independent needs.
He’s trying to get out of marrying you, an say that the reason he won’t propose is because you wouldn’t wear the fake ring. Ring of not marriage is marriage, it’s doesn’t end just because your not wearing the ring.
That’s definitely a risk! And it happens – it’s up to you to decide if you want to take that leap or if you’re happy being friends. But I can tell you for sure: pining for someone and never making a move is a shitty position to put yourself in.
Not to be intrusive but how is your relationship with your husband now? Has he expressed remorse and give you an explanation
Tell him you can’t afford it. From your comments, if your bf really can’t understand the concept of money and debt, then this is gonna become a major problem. Dude brought this up last minute because it’s not a big deal to him. It’s a big deal to you (rightfully so), and it’s astonishing that he can’t see that.
A difference in lifestyle is one thing, but a partner needs to be considerate of your situation. There’s gotta be mutual understanding, while it seems like your bf is off living in candy land.
You are so right. Some of these replies are unbelievable.
Not sure what country you’re in but here in the UK the usual recommendation is therapy alongside medication not just medication alone. Some people opt just for the therapy without the medication. The GPs do unfortunately hand out the meds like they are sweets because for pharmaceutical companies it’s big business and while GPs are following guidelines (they usually follow a score via a patient questionnaire that monitors anxiety and depression and base the diagnosis and prescription of meds on whether the patient hits a certain score) the other key thing they’re supposed to ask is how long the patient has been feeling this way and if it is 4 weeks or more consistently, then meds may be prescribed. Of course it is a recommendation and the patient is not obligated to take the meds. In your wife’s case I would recommend she sees her GP again and tries a different type of medication for example Sertraline or Citalopram. Normally after 3 to 4 weeks on the meds she will notice a difference. Quite often in the first week anxiety is experienced on a very high level, patients are recommended to ride it through and stick with it. It gets worse before it gets better. Having said that it’s entirely normal for people to try a different kind of antidepressant if the one they are ok doesn’t agree with them but this needs to be done under the guidance of her GP. I definitely recommend therapy along side the meds. The lack of libido is a common side effect and again can depend on the type of medication. Sometimes it is the dosage as well that needs to be altered. Not all antidepressants have the same effect on everyone it really varies from person to person. The numbness she is going through right now if she’s been on them for a few weeks, sounds as though it may shift but I really recommend she sees her GP again. I know it’s very hot but be patient with her, these things are beyond her control and she will thaw and get through the icy numb stage
focused on punishing my mother? I literally wrote the post to ask for advice on how to move on with my relationship with her because we are close and i just found out that i dont know her at all.
Give him a bit of space. It might be tjenejd of things, or he might just need time to adjust.
Do you get actual panic attacks or is it anxiety attacks?
Trust is definitely built, but it sounds like you went into this with none at all. If you’re having doubts about her feelings for an ex, talk to her about it. If you want to continue on with her, that is.
A partner should make you feel safe and respected when talking about boundaries and be willing to have open discussion. She’s not meeting your most basic (pretty reasonable) demands.
She’s not going to be better – and you can’t make her better. She has to want it for herself.
From my male perspective. Porn is a tool. Unless you want sex every night, and that gets routine, porn is used by the partner that is more horny just to scratch the itch. If it’s not there, I will end up asking my partner even when I know she’s not in the mood and that causes the toon and rejection from both sides. We have always been open about it’s use.
No I was just making a post and said even though I already know my decision I’m just curious what others would do in this situation and some commentary on it.
Sure. I think the main problem for us is that we agreed to keep our finances separate because, as my brother put it, I have a better cash flow and they have a better capital stock (also because on top of their inheritance, part of their salary goes into a tax-deductible saving account that they can unblock every 10 years or for certain reasons, house renovations included).
OP, I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please tho — look at the behavior of her supposed best friend as a red flag too. It’s good she told you, not cool that she’s effectively fishing for you immediately after sending you proof your fiancé — her “best friend” cheated on you. Take this time to heal and process, then move on without anyone in her social circle in your life.
Very true. Once a cop has your number then the whole department has your vehicle marked to watch out for. You'll end up getting pulled over and ticketed for the dumbest stuff.
All of that is figured out ! We will be double income each going into our own accounts. I have family and friends near by god forbid so does he. It’s not going to be for another 2 months roughly but yes if course we both acknowledge it’s early but there’s a lot of pros to it. But yes yes we both have incomes that will be for our independent needs.
I think you need a serious, cards-on-the-table conversation about it at the very least.
You are not the problem at all. He needs to be more responsible.
He’s trying to get out of marrying you, an say that the reason he won’t propose is because you wouldn’t wear the fake ring. Ring of not marriage is marriage, it’s doesn’t end just because your not wearing the ring.
Tell her no thanks
'Swinging lifestyle has caught his eye'. LOL. I bet.
Yeah well, tell him good luck with that. If he thinks he's going to get laid left and right he's in for a rude awakening, in my experience.
That’s definitely a risk! And it happens – it’s up to you to decide if you want to take that leap or if you’re happy being friends. But I can tell you for sure: pining for someone and never making a move is a shitty position to put yourself in.
only being friends with people you've known since 2nd grade is pretty rare.
yes, adults make friends. lol. i met one of my best friends at work when we were 30.