See you don’t get my point because your taking this as if I went up to only you and said this. YOU may be accepting of polygamy, even if you don’t want it yourself, but others go out of they’re way to shame poly people for the fun of it.
And, YOU may not be cut throat about a monogamous relationship, but I’m sure it would not take much to remind you how many people literally kill the ones they loved because they cheated on or left them.
If you're open with your wife, then you should tell her exactly what went on. I would want to know if something like this happened between my sister and my husband.
You also shouldn't have stayed in the embrace while she was caressing your arm and interacting with you like that. You knew it was wrong, so why enable it?
If something like this happened to my husband, and he didn't stop it in it's tracks (just as you didn't stop it), I'd literally feel betrayed, hurt, and upset. Feeling bad for someone in the moment isn't an excuse to not stop inappropriate behavior.
I'm recently divorced, and the ladies I've been out with just straight up bought me drinks and food. I was really surprised at first. I'm very grateful for their hospitality and of course I've reciprocated.
I was just impressed they volunteered to buy me shit
Yep. Not too long ago I remember a girl asking how to gently convey to her bf to stop leaving literal shitstains on the sheets because he didn't want to wipe his ass.
He’s begging because he got caught. If he really cared he would of had a conversation with you on improving the relationship, not going to cheat on his co-worker
You can absolutely be “in love.” The problem is that being in love doesn't count for much. It doesn't mean that you belong together, it doesn't mean that you'll never grow tired of each other, it doesn't mean that making big commitments to each other will turn out well.
There are never any guarantees of any of those things, but your odds of success get better with a) more life experience, b) more awareness of who you will be as an adult and what you actually want, and c) more time to learn about your partner and how the two of you work together. Those are all things that come with getting older.
Your schedule does not make your sleep more important. If you’re the one with the issue you can move. My fiancé gets nude at night. If I wake up and it’s bothering me I don’t wake him up and kick him out even though I have to get up for work 2 hours before him. It’s nice to sleep but it’s nicer to not be an asshole to your partner
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
4 month relationship.
GF only sleeps on average about 4 nights a week – she pulls all nighters the other 3, and it almost always results in her being in extreme muscle pain which means I have to massage her for hours, her having emotional breakdowns, and being irritable to the point where I’m on edge around her.
She also calls me selfish for wanting to sleep, and gets angry at me for telling her the solution to these problems is to get more sleep. I am now unable to get my usual amount of sleep because she wakes me up mid sleep to massage/get food for her etc, and gets angry at me for going to sleep before her.
I don’t know how to get the point across that getting 8+ hours of sleep a night will be a huge help to her and solve a lot of her problems, and that it’s not fair to deprive me of my sleep. Please help!
He doesn't sound like a respectful caring boyfriend/person so if you have to stay with this jerk you need to have a talk with him about you're expectations as you should never assume he knows how to treat a woman because he doesn't.
No. “Right now” implies he may be down the line and the friend is obviously not the sharpest tool in the box or the most balanced character. If he was to reach her, he should say he is not interested in her. Period. And then block her.
A lot of people are under the impression that people who practice Polyamory are immune to jealousy, and while some people don't experience it, jealously is still a pretty common emotion.
The difference is how we handle that jealousy. We can rationalize that it is normal to feel emotions and we look for the cause of it. Are you jealous because you feel like you are being excluded, or you worry that they are happier without you? These are normal fears, and the best thing you can do is to talk to your partners about it.
As I hope you know, communication is essential in every relationship, and especially in polyamorous relationships. It is okay to tell your partners that you feel jealous, and you would like to work together to help you mitigate that feeling.
You also might want to check out The Jealousy Workbook which you can buy on Amazon. It's a great way work through emotions.
I think it’s just a much his business to tell you as hers and you should be equally as annoyed with him keeping information from you too. He’s your best friend not an acquaintance. It’s not disrespectful at all, just a heads up hey we have a history type of thing this is what went down. Clearly it’s uncomfortable for her to talk about, and it was before you so you need to decide whether you want to drop it or not. Their relationship had nothing to do with you and didn’t seem to have much to it, you’re thinking too much into this. Perhaps she didn’t say anything because it was insignificant and she didn’t want to make it weird. Unless there are any other red flags where she seems to be dishonest then break up otherwise just drop it imo.
You have to think who would have a motive to go to this effort to show your gf is cheating, and why? Your best buddy saying “Sorry man but I saw your girl out with another guy last night, I just felt like I had to tell you,” makes sense. But someone remaining anonymous like this and leaving weird notes, sounds like they want to break you two up. Most likely because they want a chance with either her or you.
This is probably fake, but hypothetically, that would be the case.
Dude when I was a kid I took a dump but saw there was no toilet paper so I saw the Clorox wipes and thought it would be an excellent alternative. I was wrong. Felt like my anus was on fire. And she put that on your dick??
Trust me, you're not the weird one here. At best she's got really strange hangups, at worst she has a lot of mental health issues going on.
Imagine your whole 30+ years of future active sex life where it becomes a chore because you're not satisfied, or you don't know what you want. Imagine having to do it almost every day for 30 years and may not even enjoy it. Imagine you getting divorced for whatever reason, will you stop having sex because you saved it for just one man, even if he's not in your life anymore? No one said you have to sleep with everyone, but no one is gonna punish you if you try it with someone, especially the person you want to marry.
Marriage doesn't guarantee you anything in regards to sex.
I mean… it's quite a lot of time to spend religiously on yourself. 1 in 4 weekends you're completely gone on your own…. I'd find that a little much if my partner did that. Would you feel weird if 1 in 4 weekends your boyfriend and his daughter spent an entire weekend together from Friday evening to Sunday evening, uncontactable, and you were excluded because the point was for them to spend time together? Maybe you wouldn't but it's still kind of intense don't you think? I'm not saying you're wrong, and your bf is being a total baby trying to sabotage it, but… it's still a lot.
I just wanted to make it clear that you can love somebody even if in your heart you feel like it won’t work. And that if she ultimately decides to divorce anyways that decision should be respected. I hope things get better as you seem dedicated to making things work
No. It's not evidence of anything. People have bad days. If it was a one time thing, I would not read that much into it. Accuse you of what? You do seem like you overthink.
Yes! Hiring a cleaner just hides the problem, which OP correctly identified in the edit. It doesn’t fix his entitlement and the fact he doesn’t respect her. I for one would not be able to move forward in the relationship until my partner showed me they understand I’m not their bloody servant.
Hilarious.
Some utilitarian out there got a boner when you posted this I stg
End it now, or by force later.
See you don’t get my point because your taking this as if I went up to only you and said this. YOU may be accepting of polygamy, even if you don’t want it yourself, but others go out of they’re way to shame poly people for the fun of it.
And, YOU may not be cut throat about a monogamous relationship, but I’m sure it would not take much to remind you how many people literally kill the ones they loved because they cheated on or left them.
If you're open with your wife, then you should tell her exactly what went on. I would want to know if something like this happened between my sister and my husband.
You also shouldn't have stayed in the embrace while she was caressing your arm and interacting with you like that. You knew it was wrong, so why enable it?
If something like this happened to my husband, and he didn't stop it in it's tracks (just as you didn't stop it), I'd literally feel betrayed, hurt, and upset. Feeling bad for someone in the moment isn't an excuse to not stop inappropriate behavior.
I'm recently divorced, and the ladies I've been out with just straight up bought me drinks and food. I was really surprised at first. I'm very grateful for their hospitality and of course I've reciprocated.
I was just impressed they volunteered to buy me shit
Ok I'm gonna do it
You know your bf is a ?when this post is one of the most fucked up things I have read on Reddit.
Yep. Not too long ago I remember a girl asking how to gently convey to her bf to stop leaving literal shitstains on the sheets because he didn't want to wipe his ass.
I'm done with the internet for today. Just done.
u/eforelysian, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
good point
He’s begging because he got caught. If he really cared he would of had a conversation with you on improving the relationship, not going to cheat on his co-worker
You can absolutely be “in love.” The problem is that being in love doesn't count for much. It doesn't mean that you belong together, it doesn't mean that you'll never grow tired of each other, it doesn't mean that making big commitments to each other will turn out well.
There are never any guarantees of any of those things, but your odds of success get better with a) more life experience, b) more awareness of who you will be as an adult and what you actually want, and c) more time to learn about your partner and how the two of you work together. Those are all things that come with getting older.
Your schedule does not make your sleep more important. If you’re the one with the issue you can move. My fiancé gets nude at night. If I wake up and it’s bothering me I don’t wake him up and kick him out even though I have to get up for work 2 hours before him. It’s nice to sleep but it’s nicer to not be an asshole to your partner
How many times are you going to fall for the same lie?
Lmao he’s my boyfriend but I agree he’s crazy and I’m getting ready to exit if it keeps going
If you feel stuck, you probably should leave this relationship. You're probably just not a match and that's ok.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
4 month relationship.
GF only sleeps on average about 4 nights a week – she pulls all nighters the other 3, and it almost always results in her being in extreme muscle pain which means I have to massage her for hours, her having emotional breakdowns, and being irritable to the point where I’m on edge around her.
She also calls me selfish for wanting to sleep, and gets angry at me for telling her the solution to these problems is to get more sleep. I am now unable to get my usual amount of sleep because she wakes me up mid sleep to massage/get food for her etc, and gets angry at me for going to sleep before her.
I don’t know how to get the point across that getting 8+ hours of sleep a night will be a huge help to her and solve a lot of her problems, and that it’s not fair to deprive me of my sleep. Please help!
He doesn't sound like a respectful caring boyfriend/person so if you have to stay with this jerk you need to have a talk with him about you're expectations as you should never assume he knows how to treat a woman because he doesn't.
You shouldn’t date coworkers.
It’s almost always a bad idea, and usually doesn’t end well.
No. “Right now” implies he may be down the line and the friend is obviously not the sharpest tool in the box or the most balanced character. If he was to reach her, he should say he is not interested in her. Period. And then block her.
A lot of people are under the impression that people who practice Polyamory are immune to jealousy, and while some people don't experience it, jealously is still a pretty common emotion.
The difference is how we handle that jealousy. We can rationalize that it is normal to feel emotions and we look for the cause of it. Are you jealous because you feel like you are being excluded, or you worry that they are happier without you? These are normal fears, and the best thing you can do is to talk to your partners about it.
As I hope you know, communication is essential in every relationship, and especially in polyamorous relationships. It is okay to tell your partners that you feel jealous, and you would like to work together to help you mitigate that feeling.
You also might want to check out The Jealousy Workbook which you can buy on Amazon. It's a great way work through emotions.
Stalked? You are tripping!
The only thing OP did wrong was not looking him up BEFORE she ever hung out with him.
It will be creepy. A guy did this to me. She didn’t match because she isn’t interested. The app for this was an option and it didn’t work out.
So your not over her, don't talk to her.
Never talk to her again.
That situation could have ended much worse, and you're lucky you got out of it clean.
I think it’s just a much his business to tell you as hers and you should be equally as annoyed with him keeping information from you too. He’s your best friend not an acquaintance. It’s not disrespectful at all, just a heads up hey we have a history type of thing this is what went down. Clearly it’s uncomfortable for her to talk about, and it was before you so you need to decide whether you want to drop it or not. Their relationship had nothing to do with you and didn’t seem to have much to it, you’re thinking too much into this. Perhaps she didn’t say anything because it was insignificant and she didn’t want to make it weird. Unless there are any other red flags where she seems to be dishonest then break up otherwise just drop it imo.
You have to think who would have a motive to go to this effort to show your gf is cheating, and why? Your best buddy saying “Sorry man but I saw your girl out with another guy last night, I just felt like I had to tell you,” makes sense. But someone remaining anonymous like this and leaving weird notes, sounds like they want to break you two up. Most likely because they want a chance with either her or you.
This is probably fake, but hypothetically, that would be the case.
Don’t let pity top every thing else. Please read all the comments carefully, people have worded their concerns way better than I.
Dude when I was a kid I took a dump but saw there was no toilet paper so I saw the Clorox wipes and thought it would be an excellent alternative. I was wrong. Felt like my anus was on fire. And she put that on your dick??
Trust me, you're not the weird one here. At best she's got really strange hangups, at worst she has a lot of mental health issues going on.
Haha yes I was confused why you would say that when the rest made so much sense.
Imagine your whole 30+ years of future active sex life where it becomes a chore because you're not satisfied, or you don't know what you want. Imagine having to do it almost every day for 30 years and may not even enjoy it. Imagine you getting divorced for whatever reason, will you stop having sex because you saved it for just one man, even if he's not in your life anymore? No one said you have to sleep with everyone, but no one is gonna punish you if you try it with someone, especially the person you want to marry.
Marriage doesn't guarantee you anything in regards to sex.
I mean… it's quite a lot of time to spend religiously on yourself. 1 in 4 weekends you're completely gone on your own…. I'd find that a little much if my partner did that. Would you feel weird if 1 in 4 weekends your boyfriend and his daughter spent an entire weekend together from Friday evening to Sunday evening, uncontactable, and you were excluded because the point was for them to spend time together? Maybe you wouldn't but it's still kind of intense don't you think? I'm not saying you're wrong, and your bf is being a total baby trying to sabotage it, but… it's still a lot.
wat?
Yes, ew that's gross.
I agree. If she deflexs, blame her ex, trys to trivialise it, you have your answer!
I just wanted to make it clear that you can love somebody even if in your heart you feel like it won’t work. And that if she ultimately decides to divorce anyways that decision should be respected. I hope things get better as you seem dedicated to making things work
No. It's not evidence of anything. People have bad days. If it was a one time thing, I would not read that much into it. Accuse you of what? You do seem like you overthink.
I think you need to learn how to read.
Aren't opinions fun?
Yes! Hiring a cleaner just hides the problem, which OP correctly identified in the edit. It doesn’t fix his entitlement and the fact he doesn’t respect her. I for one would not be able to move forward in the relationship until my partner showed me they understand I’m not their bloody servant.