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You're not an asshole for liking him. However, you may want to consider the situation carefully.
In no particular order:
On any day on reddit, there are many stories of people attracted to former bf/gf of friends. When they asked the friend, the friend said “no problem” – but HUGE problem and drama. Dating a friend's former bf means that you are dating within the same social circle. If it goes bad, you create drama within your entire friend group and may not have a lot of support. If the guy was on/off with your friend, it suggests that he's conflicted about his feelings. How do you know he's over her (no matter what he says). Will you be comfortable when you are hanging out with him and your friend who is his ex? Will you always feel a bit uncomfortable? What if your friend changes her mind – once again – about liking him?
The takeaway is that, when it comes to romantic relationships, people often act irrationally and emotionally. Dating your friend's ex may work out wonderfully or create massive drama for you. She may go from being your friend to your enemy very quickly and try to turn all your friends against you.
Just be ready for potential drama if you decide to date him.
I don't know if I'm attractive but I have good energy, so lot of guys have asked B if I'm single and I've gotten dms from regulars already( no idea how they found me, my profile picture is of a fish) . I never give any info on my personal life, but i did tell A so I know B was referring to A when saying that it sounds “like an invitation” . I trully believe B is as clueless as I am. He's just trying to figure what we're thinking , one at a time . ” A” is a nice guy from what we've known, really cute and caring so B is probably taking care of his friend not me.
A lot of times, people experience a certain situation that makes them feel anxious about something. In response, we will try to fill the unknown with possible information in an effort to create a solution. This is commonly referred to as “jumping the gun,” “rushing to conclusion,” or “making assumptions.” (You mentioned English is a 3rd language so I gave extra terminologies in case you weren't familiar)
In this case, the 'something' you're feeling anxiety about is your relationship with your friend. The 'certain situation' that's causing you to feel anxious about your relationship is her absence from your wedding. And the solution you've created is ending your friendship with her. I won't rule out the possibility that this other girl decided to blow you off, but I will tell you that in my own personal experience, I've found that my anxiety can often be unnecessary. A lot of times, I've discovered that my perception of the events was skewed by my own insecurities. Maybe that's not you, but you did mention you talked to her about it and you feel that you're being lied to. If you aren't willing to accept her explanation and you aren't willing to let go or move on, then cutting her off is the only other option you've left yourself- which begs the question of why you've come here for advice
It’s also fetishizing it because they think that opens the door for MFF 3somes
But nob fits this situation better
Any time he threatens to kill himself, tell the police so they can go do a welfare check and put him in a 72-hour hold if he's serious. Report the stalking threats to the police. Make sure he's not got access to any of your accounts, and change all passwords and if you need to get new credit cards with new numbers.
So what's your question here? People are telling you the honest truth, but you keep making excuses for him. It sounds like you're looking for some kind of validation to stay in the relationship, when deep down you know you shouldn't.
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If this is the only problem with your relationship, wait and see if you get used to it. It’s only been a short time since she’s looked different. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t.
But, do not tell her that you liked it better before. It’s done and she can’t go back, regardless of what she or anyone else thinks. If she’s someone who felt the need to change her face so dramatically, I’m assuming she’s already very sensitive to how others see her. Don’t add to her insecurities by complaining about something that’s permanent for her.
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I was serious when I told her I'd understand how a mistake like that could happen in a situation like that.
Overall, you sound like a great guy, but also like a huge doormat. Cheating isn't a “mistake”. Your wife knew what she was doing. She lied to you for ages, she broke your boundaries.
Even if she didn't have sex with the other guy (make sure to get tested….she most likely didn't use a condom for the bj), you can't trust her.
And tbh, there might be more to the story than she and the couple right now let on. So be careful.
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I don't have a personal-personal experience, so, I'm sorry if my input is not that helpful.
However, I have a story of my neighbours. Let's call them Mary and Joe.
They both had quite happy marriages (as far as I could tell being a pre-teen kid) and, strangely, didn't communicate with each other much as neighbouring families. Mind you, it was decades ago and there was that mindset that each neighborhood had to online practically intertwined.
I was still living there when Mary's husband died – heart attack, as far as I know, or something similar with heart involved. They didn't have kids. She found her calling in tutoring younger school kids math – she was an accountant (? not 100% sure, though) before retirement and it kinda worked great? I was already way into my teens (14-15, I think, as I moved away at 16) so I only heard about it briefly. I, however, catched those moments where she was baking cookies for “the young peas”. Meaning everyone younger than her.
Joe had two marriages before that. I vaguely remember his first wife – a harpy, truly. Hated all of the humankind (children especially), her husbands included. Rumor said she literally was the cause of her first husband's death – drove him to a cardiac arrest or something, lol. Awful woman. Joe, I quote, “Sent her back to her harpy of a mother”. Divorce was the talk of the whole neighborhood.
His second wife was a blessing, truly. She was a nice, kind woman – met her a few times and stayed for a friendly chat. Though, couldn't say much more about her as I was deep in uni in another city at that point. She died in a car accident. Technically. Stupid, stupid death. Made it to our local newspaper. From what my grandma said, Joe was soooo badly crushed emotionally.
Guess what? A few years ago I came home for a visit and saw them two together, holding hands, going somewhere. My grandma spilled the beans – they were dating. The best part? They are still “dating”. As in, they online in their own houses, have their own households and from the outside are basically two neighbours. Dating. They seem to be madly in love but, since they're both 80+ already (I think, since they are younger than my gran), they have such established lives and fulfilling marriages prior to this that they decided to keep everything the way it was.
Last year I came again to visit gran, but saw only Mary. Joe was in hospital with covid (he's good now, my gran is still excited to share happy gossip, lol). But, man, I swear, Mary looked younger than she was years ago. She was happy and beaming. I do think, it was partially because Joe managed to kick covid's ass but other than that – she was glowing with love and happiness. Still called me a little pea, I absolutely didn't mind it, hehe. I mean, they are both old, let's be honest, she was not like suddenly she's 50 again, nope, but she was veeeeery active for someone her age. Very. Hope she still is.
Sooooo. Sorry for this long wall of text. Just wanted to share. I think, it's possible to find fulfilling relationship with someone sharing your vision of what it should be.
Ive always been told by female friends that breaking up because of sex isn’t a good reason to break up, is that simply not true? And if so maybe the advice I should be asking for is, how do I leave her in a way that wouldn’t make her absolutely heart-broken and hate-my-guts
Possibly because she, like many women, have had a boyfriend who considered it “suspicious” if she didn't report interactions like this to him. If my ex heard that a guy had flirted with me and I hadn't told him about it, I'd get screamed at and have to let him go through my phone. My friends have had similar experiences.
I've even seen posts here where guys were upset that a guy had asked their gf for her number and she didn't tell him. Some people seem to think you need to tell your SO stuff like this.
There are huge risks to cribs. There are huge risks to putting baby in a room alone.
Again, do your research.
Also, I’m being perfectly civil, if you cannot handle someone correcting you that’s You Problem
Of course you don’t, that’s why you’re defending her.
What a shit comparison. Tinder has one purpose only, a pretty transparent one, whereas clubbing can be for different things. OP says she likes music and dancing, that's the reason she goes, not to find hookups. If her boyfriend doesn't trust her, that's his issue, not hers. You do realize you can meet people to fuck literally anywhere? Is he gonna ask her not to stay late at work for a project out of fear she'll fuck her coworkers?
He's abusive, and though I am so sorry for the heartache you are experiencing with the loss of you child, I'm glad you found out what a total douche bag this guy is before you married him.
Do you have family that can help? Friends? You need to get someplace safe.
It’s two months. It sounds as if this was a last minute visit. I would talk about it when you see him.
This is probably one of those “grass is always greener” type situations. On top of that you always want what you can't have and now it's become clear to you that what you couldn't have might be available.
But the biggest thing here is that it has taken something very little for you to be reconsidering your entire engagement and marriage to your fiance. That's significant. You even mentioned about ending things with him as an ethical way to approach this, meaning you've at the very least considered it.
I feel for your fiance in this situation. This is completely unfair to him. The reason you get engaged and get married is because you believe they are the one for you. Obviously you do not. Take some real time to assess your feelings here because this is a life altering decision you're going to be making.
Your bf needs to go to Al-Anon and realize he’s an enabler and their “friendship” is highly toxic for both. She needs to go to rehab. And my advice for you, if your bf can’t set strict boundaries you need to take steps to protect yourself. I have firsthand lived with addicts who were not seeking treatment. They stole from me, they severely impacted my quality of life in my own home, and on a couple occasions I was physically threatened.
How do you handle it? Offer to go to Al-Anon w your bf and tell him absolutely not is she moving in and you’ll stay too. Not sure why it’s “his decision and you can’t say anything” if you online there, if that’s true you should address a relationship imbalance too, and disrespect for your feelings coning from your bf.
Good luck
Wondering about whom they think marriages should be?
Common man… you know she’s lying and cheating. You know what you have to do.
Listen, you are free to put up any boundary that makes you feel comfortable. If she taking this trip is one, then it's your right to enforce it. That being said, you should have a conversation with her about it, let her know your feelings in a kind and understanding manner, and let her know that this is a boundary.
My personal opinion is that she should be able to make any decision that she wants, but you owe it to her to let her know what is at stake here.
He's taking advantage of you…