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This woman is wack!
Your gf is a jerk. Hopefully it’s just because she’s young and she’ll grow some empathy but brother you don’t need that in your life. You obviously have a lot of love in your heart and you’re still young. Save that for someone who deserves it. You sound like a solid dude, you’ll meet someone who deserves you I promise
You guys are a team. You’ve gotten through so much, you can get through this. Tell him
Just a word on the venting: it isn’t to be taken as something you are responsible for or failing. For some people, it is a safety valve. I do it all the time- it is also if you have a stressful responsible job, the pressure gets too much. But it doesn’t necessarily mean she is actually unhappy, just working out what gets her down in the day. Make jokes and demonise the people she moans about, but throw it off if you can or set boundaries such as 15 minutes venting limit. There is plenty of job advice here, but perhaps she could do two jobs vet part time and something that pays but isn’t too stressful for the rest of the week?
I'm actually being gender neutral. Let me swap the genders so you get where I'm coming from.
If a married man was gifted, say, the latest iPhone “just because” from a young woman he knows has a crush on him, would you call him rude for not accepting it? Or would you call him smart for opening himself to a problem and the appearance of impropriety?
Also in response to your “all she did was accept a gift”, what if the gift was lingerie? Should she accept it because it would be rude?
And BTW, some men have a foot fetish. For all we know the thought of her slipping her feet into those sneakers he picked out and purchased is enough to give him a boner. Maybe OP's bf knows that.
The good news is that you don't need evidence of her cheating to end this non marital relationship. Not sure why you think you have to prove your case in a court of law to break up. This relationship was over the moment you started tracking her phone. Geez.
It's not perfect. Your bf will always be a son first. If you marry him, his role of son will always be more important than his role of husband. He is far from perfect, let him know that while you want to be in a relationship with him you can no longer cope with the influence his mum has on that relationship. Leave.
This makes more sense tbh… also i know she will never cheat… but this is finally something that makes sense.. thanks
oh u are so right! i didn’t shave for nothing, might as well put it to good use tomorrow ??
It’s an unfortunate part of the human experience of being vulnerable and opening ourselves up to someone. Or at least a possible part.
No, he explicitly said to them that they wouldn't meet on his birthday, but on the weekend. This is just a case of a family thinking that they know better and that surely them being there is a great surprise to him. Well, instead THEY got a huge surprise.
That seems like the perfect response and can't imagine why that would make you upset
Don’t. That almost certainly isn’t fun for her.
Tell her she’ll have to accept it. At the end of the day your girlfriend isn’t comfortable doing that and I don’t blame her. Maybe talk to your dad or sister.
Just look inside and see what is more important fo you. Your wife or your friend. Act accordingly
How so? Obviously I’m trying to do what’s best. Some of you are rude. Do you not think I can’t leave or even get a breather myself? I am trying to find a solution to this. Without him loosing his mind and spiraling into a manic episode which will effect our livelihood. So given the whole situation, sometimes it’s not that easy.
Yeah the survey is on the other side of the story. You're forgetting how they met. The women are attracted to the job, either police or military. They will hang out at the bases or bars to meet them. They don't have well paying careers so they can get trapped in an abusive relationship because they have no where to go. Many aren't abused and just have kids as a taken care of sahm.
People process emotions differently. Just because the commenter did or didn't cry doesn't mean your gf shouldn't or should've cried. I honestly think she cried because of reasons above.
I'm in the process of a divorce. My STBX always made me feel less than, always put himself above me, despite paying all his bills and birthing his child–he had the audacity to say that I could never be 1/3 of his cheating ex. Do you know how painful it was to hear that? And he claimed he'd never get married again. Let's say in 2 yrs, I find out he gets married. Despite being less emotional than the average person, I would still probably cry. Not in public because I don't cry in front of people, but still, the tears would be there. I would mourn for the lies and the ego filled version of him, and mourn for that poor girl he'd marry because it wouldn't be worth it.
Tears are tears. As long as your girlfriend apologized, then it's possible to move on. I think you're lacking empathy because in itself is a red flag.
You were bawling and she STILL went out???? She doesn’t gaf about you homie
might want to try using moisturizer on the days you're not having sex.
I have stroked often enough to have bruised the side my thumb is on and it's even callused/chafes. Adding moisturizer has made that go away.
It's free (and smart) to talk to a divorce lawyer.
My bf is 45 (I’m 43) and his daughter is about to turn 22. This age gap stuff is cringey.
Living her truth means you will suffer. She knows this and is still willing to go through with it. This is one shitty partner you have there. Go and find someone you are compatible with and who will take your feelings into account.
Telling you what you can and can't do is controlling.
If he phrased it as, “I can't be with somebody who goes to bars without me.” It would be a boundary. He is describing his own actions.
So yes, it's a red flag and controlling.
That's actually a good idea to just return the stuff so that it's not cluttering my place.
Maybe he has performance anxiety.
Def seems like that awkward limbo of who is gonna make the first move
Sounds to me like she's attracted to you. She's handling it in a kind of high school type manner, but that's where I'm putting my money.
Her thoughts (my suspicion): She's recognized that you can be swayed, and the more she keeps throwing this out there, the greater the chance you'll begin to doubt yourself. That's when she'll swoop in and offer to guide you on your new path of discovery!
I agree with this. OP you are more than in your right to be disappointed and to for God's sakes stop giving him money if it's causing so much resentment. And you know you don't have to clean up after them right.. u could just stop playing maid! It's not your responsibility!
But his brother is a literal kid. 18yolds are teenagers. Where do u want his brother to go if he kicks him out so u can move in? The kids already lost one home. Should he be homeless?
Your bf is trying to help his blood here. Should he try to do a bit more and make sure he secures rent on his own. Yes! Should his brother maybe get a part time job or atleast clean the house also yes.
But u can't honestly fucking expect him to kick the kid out!
If u don't want to on-line with them and you guys can't get a bigger place jst live alone if u want to stay in this relationship! And if u don't you are right to want to break up too.
She won't, and may be that's why she is moving on you might be too overwhelming.
He sounds like a douchebag imo.
Who set up the Autopay and put all the account numbers in ?
That's an individual decision. I've known plenty of people who were alone in relationships and were in need of a relationship. Just cause you've broken up with someone doesn't necessarily mean you're traumatized. Then I've known others who have never recovered and are old lonely people. I'm just saying you're the one that brought up not rushing. He's just validating & trying to ease your fears, probably honestly. Then again, he could just be saving face to not look like an eager beaver. Only he knows for serious, but based on this tiny fragment of y'all's convos, that's my opinion.