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Good for you!
Lmao I used to think that about friends at that age and I know better now. That said it probably depends if they have an actual bond with you.
If they’re willing to let you be mistreated to look cool or to follow the bro-pack, sadly it seems that’s more important to them
Also it seems ime that bros will be extra bros before hoes ( extra stupid to gain peer approval) when drinking and this behaviour isn’t even uncommon
(putting down ur girl or letting her be put down by others when they’re drinking to get a laugh)
it’s social desperation, and it stinks of poor character to me – some guys grow out of it. Some don’t, lmao don’t let aging fool ya, some guys at 60 aren’t as mature as a guy at 25. It’s more about the personality of The person overall I think. They improve over time but how immature and douchey they start out absolutely Does matter
The worst is high school and then uni but then it’s just that no one sees one another anymore they’re still dickheads just more from afar lmao
You don’t want to make something so inconsequential a big deal? For kicks and giggles say that you have kids with this sweet guy…you going to think it’s an inconsequential thing when he is willing to pay for your son’s education but not your daughter’s college education because she’s just not as bright as her brother only because she’s a girl? Is that what you want to sign up for? How in every argument you are wrong because he’s smarter and you just don’t understand complex concepts?
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Do you actually want a baby? Something completely dependent on you for years? Or do you just want something that will unconditionally love you? My aunt had children because she wanted something to love her and she became extremely abusive to them because she never actually wanted that responsibility.
I'm sorry people aren't getting that this is an EXAMPLE of a persistent behavior which effects a lot more than spices. Even with that, I'm surprised at the response you are getting – it is true that communication styles are highly cultural and not necessarily a matter of one being better or worse, but it is also true that a conflict in communication styles is poison to intimate long term relationships.
Difference in communication styles can exist, but conflict and lack of respect over them should be addressed and can absolutely be a core reason for a divorce – that's what you guys are having. Couples counseling can help, but bear in mind that requires you both see the conflict as a whole as a problem and want to fix it. Your wife seems to feel that her side is not a problem, does she see your side as a problem though? As in even if you stop bothering her about it would she see your underlying dislike of her communication style/tendency toward direct communication as an issue?
If so, there may be ground for a resolution, but if she doesn't see anything here she wants to work out with you the counseling would just be an exercise in futility. Personal therapy for yourself might help with making decisions though.
To validate that you aren't completely crazy: I also prefer direct communication, and would not be happy with someone who does the behavior described. It's deeply unsettling to have someone decide for you based on inferences surrounding the central topic, instead of just asking you so you can speak directly to what you prefer – I think people here are vastly underestimating how often people who do this are wrong in their assessment of the people or topic they are trying to infer about.
For example (read: EXAMPLE), your wife might have inferred that you really really wanted to use thyme because you talked about it at length, when actually you were just kind of missing her and wanted to extend the conversation. Now she's decided not to even say anything about sage, because of that assumption, and you both eat a dinner that could have been better if she said something. You can easily see how this can royally screw up important conversations, when one person thinks they can perfectly understand someone else by talking around things without ever actually directly talking about the things.
Again, this is highly cultural and if you grew up with it, you would be better at recognizing when this is happening, know how to state your preferences back in the same circumspect way as well as how to make guesses as to what she wants – that doesn't make you wrong but it is helpful to understand that whole swaths of people use this communication style and find it works for them (as this thread shows). By that same token, the communication you prefer is also normal and practiced by many many people (even though the comments here try to assert otherwise).
Direct communication has many advantages and I genuinely believe it is demonstrably better, but if people don't want to use it they won't and it's not appropriate to be disrespectful about it or constantly try to change them. Your choice is whether to engage or not.
Abusers are also very good at acting.
My ex and my dad both acted like innocent choir boys whenever confronted with it.
My dad hurt my mum most of my childhood. I asked him about it when I got older and he acted like the most innocent sweet man, with barely any recollection of what had happened, if I hadn’t seen him do it with my own eyes I honestly could’ve believed him.
So last night I found out that my fiancée has 45k in credit card debt.
For most it would already be a dealbreaker that she wasn't upfront about this BEFORE you got engaged.
She got a 15k loan because she quit her job as a mortgage officer because she didn’t like the vp. She said it was to help her transition and find another job. She has a job but wants to quit because she wants to get married and then move shortly after.
I hope you see all the red flags. How about her sorting out her life first before thinking about marriage?
I think his penis needs to not be a part of their sex sessions.
That's such a rude thing to say. It's like you don't even care about his sexual pleasure, only care about the woman's.
How so? She already knows I don’t have a libido; how is reiterating this point leading on?
The comment you replied too is basically sarcasm.
Over half the people on this post are blaming me for her actions, talking down to me, etc… your own comment included.
I don't know how people would want me to feel any other sort of way when they're blaming me for her using me.
So you can claim this is a fake story, or say I have issues. But the comment youre replying to is how people WANT me to react. Either that or completely break things off with her, both are incredibly extreme takes and not rational whatsoever.
I do think I have to take action, and can't let it continue. No I don't think I deserve to be stepped on, by her, or people here blaming me for her actions.
You know that feeling you had that she was lying to you about the gym? That’s the feeling you’re going to have pretty much every time she’s somewhere else. Do you want to on-line that way?
THANK YOU people call me crazy for acting exclusive when you’re just dating, excuse me since when did you date multiple people at once? The purpose to dating is to form a connection ain’t it? Hoe you forming a connection when you’re connected down south with 5 different people
Because you’re telling me not to have children with my boyfriend …. And you know that’s my dream. You want to hurt my feelings for some reason and I can’t think of anything else other than you’re mad because I don’t want a job.
People who have jobs are so mad that I don’t want one. Like, you can’t accept it or something.
Not everyone is cut out for the workplace and that’s okay. I would be better off being a mother and a wife because that’s what I’m passionate about. It’s no different than someone who’s passionate about being an engineer….
how do i stop taking it out on my bf though :/ or feeling like he should be talking to me more bc of how my friends are always in contact with theirs?
I think the difference would be is this man thirsting in dms and is she giving him the time of day. If he’s some weirdo stalking her tweets to perma like her but has zero engagement else where like comments/dms etc then it’s really a you issue and you should try to evaluate why it bothers you on such a deep level.
Your boyfriends love is conditional, your dogs love is unconditional. The dog wins!
Your child is still young and you can work with your partner to have a stable co-parenting relationship. I would talk with the family lawyer and ask them about going to a women's shelter. You can look up lawyers who help women escape abusive situations in your area. Try to find a job if you don't have one already. You need to gain independence to protect yourself and your child. I know that this is difficult and you shouldn't have to deal with both men and their gross behavior. I do feel that you are in danger and your child in this extreme case won't benefit from being around any of his fathers extended family. I wish you the best!
Las Vegas is open, treat yourself.
But he’s not saying he made a mistake. He thinks that OP is overreacting, which means he doesn’t care or doesn’t grasp the full implications of what he did. It’s one thing if he had said ‘you’re right. That was messed up, I’m lucky I didn’t hurt someone or myself. I’m going to be more responsible moving forward.’
No, he doesn’t think it was that big of a deal. Certainly doesn’t think it was callous, thoughtless, disregarding of others lives. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if something was a mistake.
The incident happened during a time when you weren't yet a couple. People often keep their options open during such phases because so many would-be relationships burn out before they have even flickered into life, but it is also common for people to stay quiet about such stuff because it can make the other party feel like things weren't so “special”.
The important thing here though is that the connection you had was real and special regardless of what else was going on in your lives at the time, and this connection rode through to become the strongest winner during a time when she really could have gone out with anyone (and was perfectly entitled to as well).
If you need to talk about it more, talk about it some more. But make sure you put an end to the chapter soon (don't let it drag on and don't let it consume you). If you over-focus on this issue (which is a bit of a non-issue) it will destroy what has otherwise been a great relationship. And if things are otherwise great between the both of you, I think it would be rather foolish to throw away the relationship because of something that occurred in its earliest formative days before you were officially a couple.
You need to throw the Hollywood and traditional notions of relationships out. A relationship doesn't have to have perfect, pure and star-crossed beginnings for it to end up becoming the best thing that ever happened to you. As long as your GF has been entirely devoted to you since you actually agreed to get together, then that is what matters most.
sounds terrifyingly familiar…
At this point it's a moral and ethics difference. This relationship is done.
If you miss him to the point where you cannot function without him around, yes you are unhealthily dependent on him.
My take. She has a problem, but that problem is not your problem to fix.
People getting back with their “ex” in jail happens very often from what I’ve heard.
No, no, no. This is not okay and it won’t end here. Stop it all now or you’ll regret it later.
Ooof. Yeah that feeling of 'finally being loved' or rather, finally feeling like someone who is worthy of being loved is a big barrier to this situation. It sounds like he may have been feeling down and definitely lacking self-esteem. I definitely wouldn't say anything on him finding another partner, one who really loves him is out there for him– he wouldn't take that well.
I bet he's feeling like it's a small price to pay to be abused and controlled like this if he can be loved by another, even though we both know this isn't love and it definitely isn't healthy. Because he loves her, 'flaws' and all, and it's better than being alone.
This is a scenario that abusers take advantage of. I'm so sorry this is happening to you all and him. I hope he can find peace and love within himself sooner rather than later. I wish you luck.
Um if I’m reading this right you have only been seeing each other for 6 months or so and exclusively only a few months. Falling in love varies person to person just because you fell in love enough to tell him doesn’t mean he did as well and expecting him to say it just because you said it and then being offended that he didn’t is weird behavior and then you saying you see him differently is even worse.
Most people START to fall in love after about 3 months of exclusively seeing someone and some people say it as soon as they do while others wait a little longer to confirm the feeling but a lot of people say I love you back even though they don’t mean it or feel it yet because y’all be confessing so early and it gives people pressure.
I think you should be understanding that he doesn’t want to say it until he’s certain at least you know he’s not saying it to make you feel better. If after a year of y’all being together and he still hasn’t said it then confront him or break up but to do that now when y’all are still a new couple is ridiculous.
Oh honey, it sounds like you've been through a lot with your husband. It's understandable that you're feeling unsatisfied and exploring other options, but remember that cheating is never the answer. It's important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being, but also to do so in a way that's respectful to yourself and others. Have you considered talking to your husband about your feelings and potentially seeking counseling or therapy to work through your issues? It may also be helpful to reach out to friends and family for support during this difficult time. Remember, you deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect.