Dude, the biggest mistake you'd make would be to apologise. Believe in yourself, believe that you did nothing wrong, stop being a soft cock and tell her how stupid she sounds. You'll win trust me.
Well there's no exact way to. You jist gonna have to stop and that's it. If you dont, you are ruining it for both of you, specially him. You are making him pay for the wrongs of another guy.
And maybe that's the whole point. You still have lots of anger/sadness inside you, and you need some kind of outlet, otherwise you will keep dumping it o your partner. So go find something to let it out, maybe therapy, maybe martial arts, maybe videogames.
If nothing helps, do the right thing and break up with him
Your child's learning is vastly more important than your ex's ego. That's all that would be wounded by this honestly. If she gets upset she gets upset.
She made those choices and they are hurting your child. Relationship be damned. Your child's education and opportunities are vastly more important than her feelings being hurt. If you don't do it, one of those teachers or the principal will If they actually follow the law and deem your child's education important.
My principal already wants to take my student's mom to court. She has other siblings that this affects and just because my student is fairing okay doesn't mean that her chronic lateness isn't hurting the others.
Regardless of whatever restaurant she works at, she will be exposed to being hit on regularly.
Sorry bud, its just a shit thing waitresses have to deal with, they would probably love to have their job free of it… but men are thirsty af, we could work on that.
With hooters, obviously opens the door to a higher frequency, but no matter the restaurant, she will not be free of it. Either you're going to trust her or not.
Yes, you are being crazy. Take what you learned and apply it to some future relationships. But there is more for you to learn.
This isn’t just about you. If you genuinely care about her as a person, you would think about her happiness. Your thinking is entirely focused on what would make you happy. But she is happy without you.
And it won’t work. You had your shot. You didn’t make the right moves to keep her. Now you realize you undervalued her. But she has moved on. All the way on.
That's a very normal and reasonable thing to request in a committed relationship. Especially given it's just about reassurance regarding safety rather than being super possessive or whatever. No thoughts beyond that.
Life lesson: never try to change someone you date. Never assume they will change. Never hope they will change. They are who they are. They were like thay before you started dating them, they will be like that while you date them, and they will still be like that after you stop dating them.
If you don't like the way someone is… DONT DATE THEM.
TBH she sounds like a riot. There is some raunchy dude out there who will love her for exactly who she is. You are not that dude. You are just going to make her feel bad about herself. Don't do that.
Yep, love can blind you from someone who is not a great personality fit for him long term. I made this mistake and strongly advise him to really think about his long-term happiness
I know this is petty af but clap back and start doing something weird with your body hair (I’m sure you could think an equivalent to his pedo stash) and when he comments about how weird it is, you’ll have a hand to play.
Very helpful, thank you so much for talking to me.
He always makes it seem as though he could never live without me, whereas I know I'd be fine living without him. I would not off myself if I broke up with him or any boyfriend, I am sufficient enough to keep myself company alone.
I feel like I might feel a bit more secure in making a decision of whether or not I want to stay with him when I start and get settled into university in a few months. Do you think that's cruel?
Respectfully, the relationship advice sub is the wrong one. You don’t have a relationship problem, you have a you problem.
If you can’t get therapy, maybe look for subreddits geared toward individual advice and therapy type information about processing and dealing with change.
Improving myself is the only thing that will make him regret leaving, if anything. Going on to be a better woman than he will ever find again and disappearing from his life completely is what fuels thoughts of „what ifs“ and possible regret. I didn‘t expect so many to automatically think of a psycho stalker ex in that regard; I wasn’t born yesterday, I know that that‘s the last thing that fuels true regret.
I don't care about weed… I smoke it too. Why are we acting like there's no possible way for weed to be an addiction and I'm just an uptight bitch? I don't CARE that it's weed. I'm just worried because he has had issues with it in the past, which he told me to help him. I'm trying to do what he asked me to do. He told me he didn't like what it did to him. Why am I an asshole for trying to help him when he asked for it?
The problem is you chose to ignore the warning signs. You hoped things would get better but you let it fester to the point where you're married and unhappy. Don't have children. You will love your kids but yes. You will be more miserable.
There is a lot to unpack here. If you're done. You're done. Make it quick and as painless as possible for her. You both could use the therapy as individuals and as a couple, should you give your wife a chance.
So what do you do moving forward? You have to accept that your wife has always been this person and you hoped she would change. You guilt yourself into staying into this relationship because she would be devastated. In this relationship, it sounds like one is content and the other is dissatisfied. That is not likely to change unless both people work at it. Relationships are give and takes. Compromises and working together. Sure, there are conflicts and disagreements along the way. But this is unhealthy for both of you. Especially with how you communicate and stay in an unfilling relationship for so long.
Sex is important but on the scale of most to least, it varies per person . Your situation is you've been patient and don't see it getting better. Your patience is worn thin. So you're done.
To your wife, this will hurt her. She will feel blinded sided and unfair because you didn't end the relationship sooner for the mismatching sex drive and have bottled up your frustrations. You've been going with the flow and got comfortable despite being unhappy.
Sounds like you may also have some boundary issues and settled for her. In a twisted way, convinced yourself that she needs you. So you have to stay. That's a very limited view and you've got essentially shackled yourself.
That's why I encourage you to seek individual therapy. Regardless of who you date in the future, there will be differences in values. Next time, don't commit to someone and continually progress life building with them if those differences are deal breakers.
It's okay to grow apart and want different things in life. What's not okay is staying in a relationship where you are unhappy and leading your partner on. You both deserve to be happy and with more compatible partners.
Also, hold yourself accountable to take action sooner. Don't be afraid to hurt someone over compatibility issues sooner. It's a horrible situation for both of you. But I put the onus on you because you shouldn't compromised to these extreme levels. And ignored the problem to the point of marriage.
What is the lie?
Ex. If you were busty and he was into busty women, would that change anything?
You were happy before. Why are you unhappy about him being happy?
Dude, the biggest mistake you'd make would be to apologise. Believe in yourself, believe that you did nothing wrong, stop being a soft cock and tell her how stupid she sounds. You'll win trust me.
Well there's no exact way to. You jist gonna have to stop and that's it. If you dont, you are ruining it for both of you, specially him. You are making him pay for the wrongs of another guy.
And maybe that's the whole point. You still have lots of anger/sadness inside you, and you need some kind of outlet, otherwise you will keep dumping it o your partner. So go find something to let it out, maybe therapy, maybe martial arts, maybe videogames.
If nothing helps, do the right thing and break up with him
Your child's learning is vastly more important than your ex's ego. That's all that would be wounded by this honestly. If she gets upset she gets upset.
She made those choices and they are hurting your child. Relationship be damned. Your child's education and opportunities are vastly more important than her feelings being hurt. If you don't do it, one of those teachers or the principal will If they actually follow the law and deem your child's education important.
My principal already wants to take my student's mom to court. She has other siblings that this affects and just because my student is fairing okay doesn't mean that her chronic lateness isn't hurting the others.
This sounds like a very toxic relationship. I would end it if I were you
Regardless of whatever restaurant she works at, she will be exposed to being hit on regularly.
Sorry bud, its just a shit thing waitresses have to deal with, they would probably love to have their job free of it… but men are thirsty af, we could work on that.
With hooters, obviously opens the door to a higher frequency, but no matter the restaurant, she will not be free of it. Either you're going to trust her or not.
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Yes, you are being crazy. Take what you learned and apply it to some future relationships. But there is more for you to learn.
This isn’t just about you. If you genuinely care about her as a person, you would think about her happiness. Your thinking is entirely focused on what would make you happy. But she is happy without you.
And it won’t work. You had your shot. You didn’t make the right moves to keep her. Now you realize you undervalued her. But she has moved on. All the way on.
And a plane ticket will reverse that?
That's a very normal and reasonable thing to request in a committed relationship. Especially given it's just about reassurance regarding safety rather than being super possessive or whatever. No thoughts beyond that.
I’m sorry. Take time to grieve and heal. You’ll find the right person who aligns with your future when you’re ready to.
I found a much better car by the looks of it so I think this will work but it looks like it’ll be about the same cost
Your cats repeat that it was the fault of the dog that t-boned them while they had the right of way…
Life lesson: never try to change someone you date. Never assume they will change. Never hope they will change. They are who they are. They were like thay before you started dating them, they will be like that while you date them, and they will still be like that after you stop dating them.
If you don't like the way someone is… DONT DATE THEM.
TBH she sounds like a riot. There is some raunchy dude out there who will love her for exactly who she is. You are not that dude. You are just going to make her feel bad about herself. Don't do that.
Yep, love can blind you from someone who is not a great personality fit for him long term. I made this mistake and strongly advise him to really think about his long-term happiness
I know this is petty af but clap back and start doing something weird with your body hair (I’m sure you could think an equivalent to his pedo stash) and when he comments about how weird it is, you’ll have a hand to play.
there’s not been a single day that I did not cry.
I refuse to believe there is such a weak man in this world but here we are now.
pls break up with her the moment you read my comment. she shouldn't waste another second with someone like you
Bad move moving in with her when she’s still hung up on her ex. Hopefully you still have the boxes to pack her up.
So get help.
He is playing you. He doesn’t love you. Don’t believe the love bombing. Please seek help, things will get worse if you stay with him.
Her boundary is not riding with his dad again. I don't see anyone trying to force her to do that. Talking about why is not going against her boundary.
Nope, he has cheated on you.
I will thank you
Very helpful, thank you so much for talking to me.
He always makes it seem as though he could never live without me, whereas I know I'd be fine living without him. I would not off myself if I broke up with him or any boyfriend, I am sufficient enough to keep myself company alone.
I feel like I might feel a bit more secure in making a decision of whether or not I want to stay with him when I start and get settled into university in a few months. Do you think that's cruel?
Respectfully, the relationship advice sub is the wrong one. You don’t have a relationship problem, you have a you problem.
If you can’t get therapy, maybe look for subreddits geared toward individual advice and therapy type information about processing and dealing with change.
Rapists don't change
Improving myself is the only thing that will make him regret leaving, if anything. Going on to be a better woman than he will ever find again and disappearing from his life completely is what fuels thoughts of „what ifs“ and possible regret. I didn‘t expect so many to automatically think of a psycho stalker ex in that regard; I wasn’t born yesterday, I know that that‘s the last thing that fuels true regret.
Well done! Onward and upward from here 😀
I don't care about weed… I smoke it too. Why are we acting like there's no possible way for weed to be an addiction and I'm just an uptight bitch? I don't CARE that it's weed. I'm just worried because he has had issues with it in the past, which he told me to help him. I'm trying to do what he asked me to do. He told me he didn't like what it did to him. Why am I an asshole for trying to help him when he asked for it?
The problem is you chose to ignore the warning signs. You hoped things would get better but you let it fester to the point where you're married and unhappy. Don't have children. You will love your kids but yes. You will be more miserable.
There is a lot to unpack here. If you're done. You're done. Make it quick and as painless as possible for her. You both could use the therapy as individuals and as a couple, should you give your wife a chance.
So what do you do moving forward? You have to accept that your wife has always been this person and you hoped she would change. You guilt yourself into staying into this relationship because she would be devastated. In this relationship, it sounds like one is content and the other is dissatisfied. That is not likely to change unless both people work at it. Relationships are give and takes. Compromises and working together. Sure, there are conflicts and disagreements along the way. But this is unhealthy for both of you. Especially with how you communicate and stay in an unfilling relationship for so long.
Sex is important but on the scale of most to least, it varies per person . Your situation is you've been patient and don't see it getting better. Your patience is worn thin. So you're done.
To your wife, this will hurt her. She will feel blinded sided and unfair because you didn't end the relationship sooner for the mismatching sex drive and have bottled up your frustrations. You've been going with the flow and got comfortable despite being unhappy.
Sounds like you may also have some boundary issues and settled for her. In a twisted way, convinced yourself that she needs you. So you have to stay. That's a very limited view and you've got essentially shackled yourself.
That's why I encourage you to seek individual therapy. Regardless of who you date in the future, there will be differences in values. Next time, don't commit to someone and continually progress life building with them if those differences are deal breakers.
It's okay to grow apart and want different things in life. What's not okay is staying in a relationship where you are unhappy and leading your partner on. You both deserve to be happy and with more compatible partners.
Also, hold yourself accountable to take action sooner. Don't be afraid to hurt someone over compatibility issues sooner. It's a horrible situation for both of you. But I put the onus on you because you shouldn't compromised to these extreme levels. And ignored the problem to the point of marriage.
My dude you don’t need advice. Your gut is correct. ?