Ah, i get that. As a guy w a really low sex drive, i just. I cant keep up with that, and its something im insecure about, because guys are supposed to be the horny ones, its weird to not be, so you mightve (accidentally) hit a soft spot there. Not only that but is that happened consistently, you should and do expect his low sex drive? He shouldve also communicated his discomfort with you earlier though if itd been happening for a while. But his reaction to your crying was also Not Good, youre allowed to feel guilty for hurting him? Pretty sure thats normal? Ask him why it bothers him so much, and mention why you tend to cry about hurting people (just try not to make it about you-remember all feelings are valid, always. Dont try to make him feel guilty, because he could be disturbed by or unused to a genuinely apologetic reaction.). Overall, yall should talk this out, specifically (sorry for the bad format, on mobile):
How should yall communicate about sex?
If hes notin the mood, is he okay with you trying to get him in the mood, if thats even possible. Talk about this lightly. If the answer is yes, try it out once and see how it goes. Its okay if he changes his mind.
How will you deal with your sexual needs? Open relationship? Sexy photos, dildo of his dick? Maybe just the good ol vibrator? You jerking off around him? Whatever works. Again, if the answer is yes, be ready for the occasional no. It is not a rejection of you, he just has low sex drive.
Finally, think about what answers you'd be ok with. In what context can you continue thisrelationship? Tread lightly around potential dissapointment/rejection. If you think you migh be angry at the prospect or in the moment, id reccoment writing it out. He seems very sensitive to your reaction on this topic, and vice versa. Which is okayand totally normal/expected! Theres a lot of pressure to have a specific kind of relationship, and youre going to have to go against that for this one. Its okay to have whatever feeling youre gonna feel about it.
As a woman who has been through a few relationships before settling down, this makes me nervous. I feel like she may already know what it is and doesn’t want to read it because she’s not ready for that?
I had something similar happen on the proposal but it went way overboard and it was just awful. I would maybe attempt once more in an intimate area but if it doesn’t work, have a backup to propose to her. And do it privately. I say private because if it is because she doesn’t want to get married right now, you both save yourselves the embarrassing aftermath. ??
Story: When I was 21 my first bf of a year proposed to me with a card and initially I thought it was a joke, but then he started crying about how he felt like I wasn’t taking his genuine feelings into account and I stupidly said yes because I felt bad for him. I immediately regretted it.
He was like a leech after that for a week, wouldn’t stop texting, was making plans about all this future stuff (like 10 years down and how he wanted to tell his family and everything even though they didn’t like me). I told him to not say anything and then I then avoided him for like a week. Stopped replying to his messages, avoided the places I would usually be, wouldn’t acknowledge him when he’d come in as a customer at my job, etc. It was bad! I then gathered myself and broke it off, gave him back the ring and all his gifts and said no.
Don’t be my ex-bf. If she does read it and looks like she’s going for the no, respect her answer. ??
Your first paragraph brushes through how you found it. I might be the only one but to me it reads like he came clean where in fact, 2 paragraphs later it turns out that you had to snoop to find out. I can’t help but think that if you didn’t, you’d never know.
Jill sounds either clueless or is maliciously setting you up. I can’t work out a scenario in which it is ok to suggest to a friend that they befriend their SO’s affair partner. And all because it would be nice for the three of you to hang out?! Jfc.
The person who should go above and beyond and way outside of their comfort zone to give you closure is your bf. You can’t just go around and say “hey, I wish I was single to see how things go with you” and leave it at that.
it's not literally about texting, it's about being thought of. OP clearly did not think of that lady until the next time he felt like fucking. lack of comms just underscores that.
No dummy, you haven’t. OP didn’t offer ANYTHING but demonization of a mother who is trying to do the right thing. I’m sorry that everything is cut and dry/black & white in your world but actual human beings are messy, flawed, and stupid. They’re also compassionate, loving, and kind. They’re all of those things at once. If you wanna critique, OFFER something in your critique. If your answer to a mother trying to make her children feel safe and loved in her home, despite a husband who seems to want the opposite, is nothing but insults; just go away. She’s doing the very hot thing and all you two can do is offer stupidity. Familial relationships aren’t simple matters. They’re complex and Messy.
OP you’re the only one on this relationship with any love in their heart. He doesn’t love or respect you he made that clear with his easily debukable lying and clear attempts at cheating. Get a lawyer get as much evidence as possible and divorce him.
Well she gave me the candy plus she tried talking to me a few times so that’s why I thought she liked me. I just said texted her hey a few times and then asked her if she wanted to go look at Christmas lights then she blocked my number
Yes. Bc after 2 years shit should be more meaningful
Ah, i get that. As a guy w a really low sex drive, i just. I cant keep up with that, and its something im insecure about, because guys are supposed to be the horny ones, its weird to not be, so you mightve (accidentally) hit a soft spot there. Not only that but is that happened consistently, you should and do expect his low sex drive? He shouldve also communicated his discomfort with you earlier though if itd been happening for a while. But his reaction to your crying was also Not Good, youre allowed to feel guilty for hurting him? Pretty sure thats normal? Ask him why it bothers him so much, and mention why you tend to cry about hurting people (just try not to make it about you-remember all feelings are valid, always. Dont try to make him feel guilty, because he could be disturbed by or unused to a genuinely apologetic reaction.). Overall, yall should talk this out, specifically (sorry for the bad format, on mobile):
How should yall communicate about sex?
If hes notin the mood, is he okay with you trying to get him in the mood, if thats even possible. Talk about this lightly. If the answer is yes, try it out once and see how it goes. Its okay if he changes his mind.
How will you deal with your sexual needs? Open relationship? Sexy photos, dildo of his dick? Maybe just the good ol vibrator? You jerking off around him? Whatever works. Again, if the answer is yes, be ready for the occasional no. It is not a rejection of you, he just has low sex drive.
Finally, think about what answers you'd be ok with. In what context can you continue thisrelationship? Tread lightly around potential dissapointment/rejection. If you think you migh be angry at the prospect or in the moment, id reccoment writing it out. He seems very sensitive to your reaction on this topic, and vice versa. Which is okayand totally normal/expected! Theres a lot of pressure to have a specific kind of relationship, and youre going to have to go against that for this one. Its okay to have whatever feeling youre gonna feel about it.
As a woman who has been through a few relationships before settling down, this makes me nervous. I feel like she may already know what it is and doesn’t want to read it because she’s not ready for that?
I had something similar happen on the proposal but it went way overboard and it was just awful. I would maybe attempt once more in an intimate area but if it doesn’t work, have a backup to propose to her. And do it privately. I say private because if it is because she doesn’t want to get married right now, you both save yourselves the embarrassing aftermath. ??
Story: When I was 21 my first bf of a year proposed to me with a card and initially I thought it was a joke, but then he started crying about how he felt like I wasn’t taking his genuine feelings into account and I stupidly said yes because I felt bad for him. I immediately regretted it.
He was like a leech after that for a week, wouldn’t stop texting, was making plans about all this future stuff (like 10 years down and how he wanted to tell his family and everything even though they didn’t like me). I told him to not say anything and then I then avoided him for like a week. Stopped replying to his messages, avoided the places I would usually be, wouldn’t acknowledge him when he’d come in as a customer at my job, etc. It was bad! I then gathered myself and broke it off, gave him back the ring and all his gifts and said no.
Don’t be my ex-bf. If she does read it and looks like she’s going for the no, respect her answer. ??
Ok there you go
Where’s the confusion?
So she can't swim in public either?
Open the door and give him some ice cream with his spoon
There is way too many people in this couple.
Your first paragraph brushes through how you found it. I might be the only one but to me it reads like he came clean where in fact, 2 paragraphs later it turns out that you had to snoop to find out. I can’t help but think that if you didn’t, you’d never know.
Jill sounds either clueless or is maliciously setting you up. I can’t work out a scenario in which it is ok to suggest to a friend that they befriend their SO’s affair partner. And all because it would be nice for the three of you to hang out?! Jfc.
The person who should go above and beyond and way outside of their comfort zone to give you closure is your bf. You can’t just go around and say “hey, I wish I was single to see how things go with you” and leave it at that.
it's not literally about texting, it's about being thought of. OP clearly did not think of that lady until the next time he felt like fucking. lack of comms just underscores that.
Yes!! During sex with him too
Make yourself happy.
You don't need to justify leaving someone who makes you unhappy.
Don't settle for the bottom when you know you can reach the top.
No dummy, you haven’t. OP didn’t offer ANYTHING but demonization of a mother who is trying to do the right thing. I’m sorry that everything is cut and dry/black & white in your world but actual human beings are messy, flawed, and stupid. They’re also compassionate, loving, and kind. They’re all of those things at once. If you wanna critique, OFFER something in your critique. If your answer to a mother trying to make her children feel safe and loved in her home, despite a husband who seems to want the opposite, is nothing but insults; just go away. She’s doing the very hot thing and all you two can do is offer stupidity. Familial relationships aren’t simple matters. They’re complex and Messy.
I understand that which I why I said “typically”.
Maybe start with couples consoling, so the 2 of you can try together. Maybe once he feels safer seeking therapy, he will be more open to it.
So he's cheated, you want to cheat and the relationship is generally toxic. Why are you still in it?
Love how you never mentioned the age gap. What a shitshow.
OP you’re the only one on this relationship with any love in their heart. He doesn’t love or respect you he made that clear with his easily debukable lying and clear attempts at cheating. Get a lawyer get as much evidence as possible and divorce him.
She’s not reaching out for work.
If it was really a work call they could easily do it.
They’re using coded language for a call about something else which is why they’re struggling to find time to do it.
Well she gave me the candy plus she tried talking to me a few times so that’s why I thought she liked me. I just said texted her hey a few times and then asked her if she wanted to go look at Christmas lights then she blocked my number
He's done. He's being enough of a jerk for you to leave so you can be the bad guy.
Stop feeling awful all the time, end it. Don't pit up with this for another day.
You need a guy who is sweet and kind. Not whatever this guy is.