You were in a relationship for a while at that point. She never had issues in similar circumstances before and you don't have a crystal ball, op.
Communication isn't easy but I don't think this is completely on you, if all she did was say that she was uncomfortable at the idea of someone overhearing.
I think the incident would have persisted in your memory if anything else was different from the norm.
You can apologise, and in future check in more with your partners during intercourse – or have a talk with your partners before getting very hot and agreeing on something specific to say to stop the sex, just in case.
I don’t think you’re being insensitive but I’ve no idea if you’re partner is being manipulative. They’re certainly not being direct however.
Your partner is basically saying they are insecure and don’t trust you, and that they don’t want you to have anything whatsoever to do with anyone you have had any sort of relationship with, even if it was just casual.
For me, this would be a deal breaker, but it’s up to you what sort of restrictions you’re willing to accept from a partner.
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You are allowed to set boundaries with what you are and are not comfortable with. That is your right. Just like he is also allowed to do the same. He is also allowed to decide that a relationship isn't for him if there's a boundary he doesn't like. Also same as you. I think most people would agree that having an expectation that ones partner wouldn't be sharing physical intimacy with another person is a fair expectation. Ultimately though it's up to you and your partner to decide what is fair and not controlling.
For reference there are people out there who have the boundary that you can't have friends of the opposite gender. To a lot of people that's not acceptable, to some it is. As long as you are both honest, open, communicate clearly, and agree, then it's not a problem. When I say agree, I don't mean someone has to agree with a boundary, I'm shortening down that they agree to stay in a relationship with that as a boundary.
Yeah, I see the gift as OP being a good father and showing his daughter what good communication and good adult relationships look like. Good parents put aside their issues to coparent their kids right?
i mean this in the kindest way possible, but i think you need to seek therapy. your family is currently not an appropriate support network for you and don't seem to understand your needs and are not supporting you in a healthy way for you. you are not being too dramatic, but i think it would really help to have a professional to talk to so you can help process all of these feelings you're having and be able to set boundaries for your family to help keep you safe and comfortable. good luck OP. really rooting for you.
Sure, she will suspect it. She knows your social circle, and who is possible and who isn't. But, as soon as you confirm it, it will be real for her.
P.s. make sure this is really what you and your wife want. Sometimes this is said, and she doesn't want to lose you, but also doesn't like you to be with someone else because it affirms her inability to provide for you in this way.
As an added extra tip: If you do this, most likely your wife will feel very insecure about this. Make sure you let her know you will not leave her. Take her on dates, give her massages, the usual, whatever you can do to reaffirm her that you still love her.
Wow – he is not understandably angry – this is irrational. People decompress in different ways, and if he reacts or judges you in this manner, time to walk away. A better reaction would be surprise, how cute, so sweet etc. See the difference ?
I have a whole ass PhD, tenured position, loads of research. In other words I am by definition something of an intellectual. Do you know what I allow myself? Escapist reading including fantasy, smut, horror. You know who doesn’t do escapism? Killjoys. People who will lose the enjoyment of escape – making it harder and harder to relax and unwind – until they can only relax when they remove themselves entirely from life for vacations or get sucked into addictions. They also become increasingly unable to empathize with the experiences of others outside their own circles because they narrow their ability to communicate outside of fellow snobs. Yea, snobs. Because only a snob would have the audacity to freaking judge the leisure practices that allow you to keep your brain in high functioning mode the rest of the day. It seems he’s trying to project an performative image more than actually doing these things for leisure.
I loathe those who view their “sophisticated” spaces/activities as some sort of gatekeeping function. Yuck
His GF set the standard for an expectation of privacy by looking at his phone.
I agree grow up and have an honest conversation with her about your feelings and what you saw. Be calm and reassuring to her you want to be a better BF to her going forward id that is what she wants.
When is been dating my ex husband for three months, I almost broke up with him because he was two hours late picking me up for a party I wanted to go to very badly. I wish I would have. It was a sign of things to come. He has been
The answer is obvious, though scary. Either he shows more effort or you are gone.
I mean, six years is quite a time. You should try to talk to him one last time, give him a last chance to change. Tell him how you feel and what you expect. But if nothing changes within a fixed timeframe (set by yourself, like within two month), then leave.
If you choose to leave, plan your Exit. Get a place to stay (rent a flat), plan how to pack your stuff and how to go. Get transportation (rent a car or uhaul), but be sure to get out of this place safe.
Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
If you try to fix the relationship, make fix plans for shared house duties. And one method might help, when both do it: at least once a day do something special for your partner. Nothing big, not necessarily, but small things like fixing his coffee his favourite way, he bringing you flowers, you making the bed nice, he placing a little chocolate on your pillow. This makes sure you think of him in a loving way at least once a day and vice versa.
So someone is trying to compliment you and tell you what they love about you, jokingly or otherwise, and your response is to repeatedly get upset?
Frogs are cute as hell, man.
Calling someone pretty enough to kiss and have sex with is a bad thing, how?
I'm lost on how this guy being silly or telling you you're attractive is so bad.
This may be an age gap thing where you're interpreting playful “teasing” flirtation as being negative. It is and was the norm until recently, and still largely is, in his generation.
Wouldn’t it be easier for you to work on enhancing your libido?
Not trying to be mean, but if this guy is your soulmate, you really want him to press to fuck others every time you get stressed? Life is always stressful.
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Are you 12? Yeesh. Tell the guy why you were such a dick to him then leave him the hell alone and go work on yourself.
You were in a relationship for a while at that point. She never had issues in similar circumstances before and you don't have a crystal ball, op.
Communication isn't easy but I don't think this is completely on you, if all she did was say that she was uncomfortable at the idea of someone overhearing.
I think the incident would have persisted in your memory if anything else was different from the norm.
You can apologise, and in future check in more with your partners during intercourse – or have a talk with your partners before getting very hot and agreeing on something specific to say to stop the sex, just in case.
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I don’t think you’re being insensitive but I’ve no idea if you’re partner is being manipulative. They’re certainly not being direct however.
Your partner is basically saying they are insecure and don’t trust you, and that they don’t want you to have anything whatsoever to do with anyone you have had any sort of relationship with, even if it was just casual.
For me, this would be a deal breaker, but it’s up to you what sort of restrictions you’re willing to accept from a partner.
The ghetto
Hello /u/Effective-Fox-3390,
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She’s a capper
You are allowed to set boundaries with what you are and are not comfortable with. That is your right. Just like he is also allowed to do the same. He is also allowed to decide that a relationship isn't for him if there's a boundary he doesn't like. Also same as you. I think most people would agree that having an expectation that ones partner wouldn't be sharing physical intimacy with another person is a fair expectation. Ultimately though it's up to you and your partner to decide what is fair and not controlling.
For reference there are people out there who have the boundary that you can't have friends of the opposite gender. To a lot of people that's not acceptable, to some it is. As long as you are both honest, open, communicate clearly, and agree, then it's not a problem. When I say agree, I don't mean someone has to agree with a boundary, I'm shortening down that they agree to stay in a relationship with that as a boundary.
Yeah, I see the gift as OP being a good father and showing his daughter what good communication and good adult relationships look like. Good parents put aside their issues to coparent their kids right?
The girlfriend seems like a trouble maker.
i mean this in the kindest way possible, but i think you need to seek therapy. your family is currently not an appropriate support network for you and don't seem to understand your needs and are not supporting you in a healthy way for you. you are not being too dramatic, but i think it would really help to have a professional to talk to so you can help process all of these feelings you're having and be able to set boundaries for your family to help keep you safe and comfortable. good luck OP. really rooting for you.
No, she doesn't want to know for sure.
Sure, she will suspect it. She knows your social circle, and who is possible and who isn't. But, as soon as you confirm it, it will be real for her.
P.s. make sure this is really what you and your wife want. Sometimes this is said, and she doesn't want to lose you, but also doesn't like you to be with someone else because it affirms her inability to provide for you in this way.
As an added extra tip: If you do this, most likely your wife will feel very insecure about this. Make sure you let her know you will not leave her. Take her on dates, give her massages, the usual, whatever you can do to reaffirm her that you still love her.
good point, i have clarified that now. i do love her, i tell her this and that i like her as well.
WOW… run my friend. This was just a preview of coming attractions…
He cheated. It's over.
Wtf did I just read? Surely can't be serious!
Well, let’s pretend that he’s really who he says he is – he isn’t a catfish, he isn’t married, etc.
This just isn’t the type of relationship you want
Block him.
Wow – he is not understandably angry – this is irrational. People decompress in different ways, and if he reacts or judges you in this manner, time to walk away. A better reaction would be surprise, how cute, so sweet etc. See the difference ?
I have a whole ass PhD, tenured position, loads of research. In other words I am by definition something of an intellectual. Do you know what I allow myself? Escapist reading including fantasy, smut, horror. You know who doesn’t do escapism? Killjoys. People who will lose the enjoyment of escape – making it harder and harder to relax and unwind – until they can only relax when they remove themselves entirely from life for vacations or get sucked into addictions. They also become increasingly unable to empathize with the experiences of others outside their own circles because they narrow their ability to communicate outside of fellow snobs. Yea, snobs. Because only a snob would have the audacity to freaking judge the leisure practices that allow you to keep your brain in high functioning mode the rest of the day. It seems he’s trying to project an performative image more than actually doing these things for leisure.
I loathe those who view their “sophisticated” spaces/activities as some sort of gatekeeping function. Yuck
Are you demented? Wtf
His GF set the standard for an expectation of privacy by looking at his phone.
I agree grow up and have an honest conversation with her about your feelings and what you saw. Be calm and reassuring to her you want to be a better BF to her going forward id that is what she wants.
At the moment it is impossible for me to go to the doctor, with my baby at home, the expenses, food and services, etc., I do not have much money
Makes sense to me then. Most people want to have some experiences before settling down.
you're saying anyone who doesn't behave like you is lame? I think it's lame to freak out because your partner had sex with other people years ago.
When is been dating my ex husband for three months, I almost broke up with him because he was two hours late picking me up for a party I wanted to go to very badly. I wish I would have. It was a sign of things to come. He has been
The answer is obvious, though scary. Either he shows more effort or you are gone.
I mean, six years is quite a time. You should try to talk to him one last time, give him a last chance to change. Tell him how you feel and what you expect. But if nothing changes within a fixed timeframe (set by yourself, like within two month), then leave.
If you choose to leave, plan your Exit. Get a place to stay (rent a flat), plan how to pack your stuff and how to go. Get transportation (rent a car or uhaul), but be sure to get out of this place safe.
Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
If you try to fix the relationship, make fix plans for shared house duties. And one method might help, when both do it: at least once a day do something special for your partner. Nothing big, not necessarily, but small things like fixing his coffee his favourite way, he bringing you flowers, you making the bed nice, he placing a little chocolate on your pillow. This makes sure you think of him in a loving way at least once a day and vice versa.
So someone is trying to compliment you and tell you what they love about you, jokingly or otherwise, and your response is to repeatedly get upset?
Frogs are cute as hell, man.
Calling someone pretty enough to kiss and have sex with is a bad thing, how?
I'm lost on how this guy being silly or telling you you're attractive is so bad.
This may be an age gap thing where you're interpreting playful “teasing” flirtation as being negative. It is and was the norm until recently, and still largely is, in his generation.
Wouldn’t it be easier for you to work on enhancing your libido?
Not trying to be mean, but if this guy is your soulmate, you really want him to press to fuck others every time you get stressed? Life is always stressful.
Be logical.
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