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This could be an insight into her childhood and how the behaviour she experienced, whether directed at her or towards others in front of her, was.
You definitely need to communicate with her as she can't be expected to change if she doesn't know there is an issue.
Don't therapise her, and don't make accusations.
“I feel… when you say/do…”
If she truly cares about the impact of her behaviour she will listen and try to understand how it makes you feel.
She should hopefully show remorse and try to adjust her behaviour.
If she is dismissive or gaslights then you know she has no intention of changing and that will be the answer you're looking for.
It's also worth noting this may be something she needs to work on in therapy as sometimes behaviours like these can't simply be changed without understanding where they come from and why.
So your bf is racist basically?
IMO Like many things it's ok in moderation, unfortunately it's very addictive and if it grows beyond moderation, you face all the negative consequences.
I have a no known racist in my house. It sounds like your grown aunt is facing the consequences of her actions. While hoarding is a mental illness in mu opinion, not getting treatment for 20 years is no excuse. Tell your mom to call adult protective services (if in the US) and then tell your mom she has done her part.
Djndb, your GF's abusive behaviors cannot be excused — but perhaps can be explained, especially if you would speak to a psychologist in your city. They may be due to her having very weak control over her own emotions (i.e., a lack of emotional skills she had no chance to learn in childhood). My exW has that problem. If it is an issue for your GF, you likely would be seeing 4 other red flags.
The first is a strong abandonment fear. I therefore ask whether, a few months into your relationship, she started showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other women — or tried to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? She would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over her. Moreover, she usually would hate being alone by herself.
Second, you would be seeing her rely heavily on black-white thinking, wherein she tends to categorize some people as “all good” (“with me”) or “all bad” (“against me”) and will recategorize them — in just a few seconds — from one polar extreme to the other based on a minor infraction.
Because she also uses B-W thinking in judging HERSELF, she would rarely acknowledge making a mistake or having a flaw. Doing so would imply, in her mind, she is “all bad.” She thus would blame nearly all misfortunes/mistakes on you and view herself as “The Victim.”
Further, to “validate” her victim status, she would keep a detailed mental list of every infraction/mistake you ever did (real or imagined) and would not hesitate to pull out the entire list to defend herself in the most insignificant disagreement with you. Moreover, this B-W thinking also would be evident in her frequent use of all-or-nothing expressions like “you ALWAYS…” and “you NEVER….”
Third, you generally would not see her directing her anger at casual friends, coworkers, or total strangers. She usually gets along fine with them. Rather, her outbursts and temper tantrums almost exclusively would be directed against a close loved one (e.g., against you, a sibling, or her parents).
Fourth, you are convinced that she truly loves you. But you frequently see her flipping, on a dime, between Jekyll (loving you) and Hyde (devaluing or hating you) — often making you feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Such flips would occur in a few seconds in response to some minor thing you say or do. A few hours or days later, she can flip back just as quickly.
Djndb, have you been seeing strong occurrences of all 4 of these red flags?
You leave.
He can't make you stay. You just have to get the guts to do it and be done. That's it. Trying to “make him leave you” by saying nasty things to him is just shitty of you. You don't want this, so just end this. Whatever issues he has, he isn't going to do it. So you should take responsibility and end it. You're gonna fuck him up.
You’re trying to create drama. Do you have an abusive past that motivates you to create chaos when it’s not necessary?
Choose to love your partner and actively build a life with them or don’t. Stop this rubbish of “I’m not an eraser” talk! What a disrespectful way to respond when your partner was trying to talk through a disagreement with you.
Whats the point of getting back with her you already broke up
Update us pls. Not just bc were nosy, I feel so horrible for her (and you). She just wanted her happily ever after and doesn’t even get 3 years. We’re rooting for you. You seem like the friend everyone deserves
You are as stupid as you are arrogant. Bye.
Why do you think that, as a grown up, your cuddle time is more important than that of your child?
INFO: Is she asking you to be the go between or is she going directly to your mom? Is she trying to get into the same field/company as you or your mom? Is your mom comfortable putting her professional reputation on the line for ex?
Are you Fing delusional? There can be either of the 2 scenarios-
She's cheating
She's dumb enough to play along for this scam BS.
In either case it's bad.
If she's cheating then she is making the shittiest story and you're believing that –
She explains to me that she hasn't felt like I've been giving her enough attention romantically and socially and that she feels like I only want her for sex. This is something we have talked about and I have been working on and improving way before the conversations started. So I feel betrayed and in a sense to me and my views it's not cheating, but it feels worse.
So she thinks that you're using her fir sex and here she's giving intimacy to a random guy and for what attention? She's lying to your face.
If what she's saying is true then she's literally putting her, your and your daughter in danger-
First they are being casual before it moves on to flirting then outright sexting, nudes and all. Then I start seeing pictures of our daughter and “good morning” wake up videos going into our daughters bedroom saying good morning little that she would send to him. Apparently she is a single mother now because her husband was abusive and the guy in the photos with her and her daughter is just a gay friend. This all makes sense because she has been increasingly on her phone, right next to me on the couch at romantic dinner and even told me that she hasn't been feeling good lately and that's why she's been going to bed early. No calls or video chats were ever made just texting, sexting and nudes sent. So I am inclined to beleive the whole scammer story, that and I saw the initial messages.
She's giving that guy a tour of your house, your kid and everything that can be used against you guys. Wake the hell up and grow a spine.
Is this a troll attempt? Because it certainly looks like one.
mostly from an environmental standpoint
Yeah, believable. As if anyone here would believe that someone like OP would thoroughly research eyeshadow ingredients to make any valid points…
Why would that normal stage of development make someone incapable of deceit or unable to compete intellectually with an older person? 24 year olds are not idiotic by default.
I'm not sure if I'm calm or just to depressed to properly function correctly.
I posted on social media he doesn't have them because he's “private” and he's had his job for a few years. And I have used the insurance all is good it checks out. The worst part is I can't find anything and everything he said checks out. It's very confusing
I’m starting therapy on Monday, so I’m taking steps, but I’m genuinely concerned still. Also, she means the world to me, and I really don’t want to leave her, no matter how much it hurts
The guy was lying out his asshole and she needed reassurance that she wasn't overthinking things. Boundaries are set by the couple in the relationship so its not really our place to say if they were crossed or not. However, I think its pretty universally accepted that he crossed one when he created a web of lies so that he can work out with another girl lol
Yes.
Yes, I'm the op
It's an open relationship with 3 people in it, obviously you aren't going to get somebody's full romantic attention, it's part of how this arrangement works.
This is like asking why water is wet imo
Not that you deserve an explanation but if you must know – a condom AND plan b was used. But apparently this kid was determined to get here and who am I to decide otherwise. The circumstances of this child’s conception has NO affect whatsoever with the amount of love and care she would be raised with so again I say my child will not suffer. No need to project your negativity into my unborn child’s life.
He needs a therapist. That this happened is not in doubt. But he needs to learn how to
Accept that it happened. But it isn’t happening now.
Then understand that it isn’t necessary to carry this around every.
Learn how to leave it in the past.
It will always be a memory. However, leaving it in the past let’s him move forward.
Not saying it is easy. But it is doable. I know personally.
I really want to try to communicate this point: I am not endorsing the mother's behavior. I too to not enter people's bedrooms without knocking including my child.
What I would do and what you would do having nothing to do with this household.
This household includes a family that OP is not a part of. They have their idiosyncracies. I would not want to live with them so I don't. I live in my own house. If I needed to online with them I would do the only reasonable thing and learn to tolerate the imperfect situation.
i watch porn long before i met my wife. when we first met i was open to her about this habit, she didn't stop me even though she wasn't a fan.
when we were long distance she sent me nudes and i stop watching porn and masturbate solely looking at her nudes. now we're married and we record some videos of us having sex, and most times when i masturbate i watched those videos.
i just feel if i have enough sex or “masturbation content” from my partner, i don't even bother to watch porn.
i feel bad for the next guy you gonna date tbh.
It's not always about that. Sometimes you just want some alone time.
what kind of an idiot stores cash in the house in large enough quantities to worry about in case of a fire and not in some form of fireproof safe?
If only there were places where you could safely store your money, like some kind of a sperm bank, but for money.
After your edit and quoting his text, it seems to me that he was talking about chronological preceding, not a priority level. While you are right that others, especially friends shouldn't always precede the priority of the partner (eg. choosing to spend time with friends over the spouse), he's also right that you aren't the only important person in his life, and sometimes he has to prioritize someone else over you (eg a friend having an emergency or needs support/help while you are alright and your plans were mundane like having a dinner and watching a movie or smth).
I think it's rather circumstantial unless it's a habitual neglect in favor of others
I think the downvotes are because the initial comment was already gender neutral.
It would be like seeing a post that reads, “I never understand cheating in a relationship. Why don't people just separate first?” and then responding with “tbf women cheat too. “
You're not wrong, but you also repeated what the other person said but specified one gender when the original statement already covered everyone.
It takes it from all-inclusive and makes it gender specific even though the problem is the behavior, not the gender.
Friend, you are confused. You broke up. It’s over. You owe her nothing and she owes you nothing. It was stupid to make a deal about what you would and would not do post breakup because you both owe it to yourselves to move on, and moping around pining over the other person is the opposite of moving on. She didn’t disrespect you, she just did what single people do.
This isn't me. This was posted like 4 hours ago. Is this a coincidence or your girlfriend?
Good luck. Either way, you’ll have more information.