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I don’t think the problem is your sister, I think it’s you.
Stick your foot down say “no” if she doesnt want to let it go. Get a divorce and go back home you don’t want to deal with this.
Tbh if it was me the mention of an open relationship instant divorce.
You should probably leave it alone because he's already stated he wants something romantic with you. You didn't meet platonically, you met on a dating site. The goal of the dating site is to make romantic connections. Also if he does accept your friendship, you'll always have to be aware he has anterior motive in being your friend. Is he truly there for you or is he just waiting for an opportunity.
You're free to reach out, but fully expect rejection.
You’re going to realize that throughout life people you care about are going to make bad decisions, thats just life.
To be fair, it sounds like you both dodged a bullet by splitting up. Go see a therapist and work on you, let him do what he's going to do, but I would recommend no contact.
Hi, can I just ask why you think that?
Your response was to block them? Goodness. There are definitely good reasons someone could ghost someone, especially if they found out particularly dangerous information. You do seem to be assuming a lot, no?
I've had several committed relationships over the years and only one asshole cheated on me. There are plenty of non cheating men out there.
Respect yourself enough stay far away from anyone who yells at you and calls you names, because they aren’t your friend. Dump this loser.
i assume he was the one who asked you out
Kinda being replaced it’s hard to explain
Get therapy, leave him alone and work on your racist tendencies. Jesus.
Babies don’t fix marriages. They make marriages harder. That’s why so many couples divorce in the first year after having a baby. Don’t let her use the guilt of a possible abortion trap you in a relationship you don’t want. And let’s be honest, would you want to raise a child in your home the way it is now? Because a kid isn’t going to magically change how you and your wife interact. Stick to your original plan. Also, don’t be shocked if she’s faking the pregnancy.
I think both of you made a mistake. He wants his kid which I can't blame him for and every new parent is beyond overwhelmed but I think he feels too comfortable with you, to the point of harassing you thinking you owe him something. Personally the “flee the state” idea would be my choice but you shouldn't have to be forced out of your life. Maybe get a restraining order, definitely a lawyer, etc
Thank you for your reply! It gave me some great insights. Maybe you think the way I described her is pretty strange, but I am probably a bit biased I would say. So yeah maybe you are right, but that’s why I came onto this subreddit. To receive unbiased opinions.
Of course it’s easier said than done. Yes she has seen a doctor before, but it doesn’t help at the moment. I will go back to my hometown in 1 week, so maybe it will be easier to talk to her about this situation. Thank you for your reply!! Appreciate it
Is he really amazing as in personable and creative and present, or is he performing porn activities he has seen online?
I doubt a therapist had said that. This is more of her lies.
I’m going to assume what you’re asking, cause you’re not really being direct:
Just run with the assumption that she wanted to be comfortable while at home and didn’t think you were the type to ogle her, in front of your girlfriend.
If she’s the type to make gestures in front of her friend, you want nothing to do with it.
If you’re assuming this was the “hint” for a three way, don’t bother.
Threesomes aren’t for the type of people who dance around the subject or “suggest”. They work when all parties act like adults and openly discuss the want, boundaries and comfort.
Anything else is a recipe for disaster.
I fully support a partner leaving even though they have a mental illness. I had those intrusive thoughts about a particular thing and he was going to leave. You know what I did? Got therapy and worked on myself. 2 years later I am thankful my partner didnt leave me. If it was any longer then that I would fully support him leaving because I understand how toxic this is and that he deserves his own happiness. That he does not have to be tied down to me and miserable because of the thoughts I had. Actually if you treat your partner like crap, and you want to play the victim card and try to coerce them to stay and be miserable you are just a selfish person and they should leave you anyway.
I didn't see a problem with this but I did mention that it would make me feel more comfortable if they knew about me.
??? How is this even achievable in the long term?
Also.. why?? I still don't understand why you're uncomfortable with your boyfriends EX knowing about you. I mean, it's not really achievable either is it? Lets say that some of his friends are friends with Lori, but they aren't his ex. According to your rules, he could tell them about you and then, they could in turn tell Lori, if she asked, or if it was brought up in a conversation…
Regardless of that, I don't actually understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Can you explain this in a little more detail please?
I don’t understand why she is so upset and why she refuses to talk to me
If you break the silence and lead with anything, best lead with an apology. It can be odd, being at your partner's place, with their friends/housemates there and then get abandoned for 45 minutes. That's a long time to be twiddling your thumbs. Hard to know what to do with yourself at that point. Chill, sleep, go down and join them? It's an awkward situation to be in.
So probably best to apologise, explain that the conversation was heavy, unexpected and you lost track of time. If it's a regular thing, make it less regular assuming things aren't already done. Also a heads up can help, acknowledge she's there on her own and at least explain that there's some real shit going down with a friend and you've got to go offer support.
Only narcissists call other people toxic.
Thank you for the suggestion, this will likely be what I do.
Don't quit the job you worked hard for without a viable alternative.
Don’t cheat because you’ll end up regretting it.
Just end it with him.
Nah op you’re seeing someone, that means im seeing someone exclusively. Why else bring up you’re seeing anybody? You bring it up as a deterrent. You’re right.
It's not easy, but it is possible. And it's the only real solution. You can't rely on a single friend for your entire life. Friends come and go.
Oh I see so she's not 'your girl' she sees you as a friend, because no one cries when someone they like kisses them. She cried because she didn't like it and doesn't like you. Best leave her alone. She led you on for 7 months!!
If I were 23 and dating an 18 year old I would feel very bad about myself…
You snooped, found something completely average and now you are freaking out.
Lol. Some upgrade he got.
You don't “only work one week” you work 2 goddamn jobs.
You didn't get the job out of luck, don't tell yourself that shit, you may have already been on their books but they ain't about to hand jobs/extra work out to people they know to be lazy. You're obviously a hard worker and got rewarded for it.
He works less hours than you, but somehow he's the only one working their ass off? So he doesn't respect you either, fabulous.
I don't understand what he expects from you? To simply not work so he feels better?
Obviously this reeks of sexism and I gotta ask, why even bother at this point?
Partners should support and raise each other up. Not whatever the fuck he's doing. You can do better, he's a child.
Aside from this sounding like you are just lonely and reaching for the familiar… (which is almost always a bad ending)
There are other details we need to know. Is she single?
That's most important. If not, move on. Don't try to insert yourself into her life if she has moved on and is doing well because you feel some reminiscing or lonelinesss angst. It sounds as if you are assuming she's be down with getting back together.
But if she is single, ask her out for dinner and see where it goes. Simple.
a lot of it lies in the fact we online together :/ quite honestly we might as well just call ourselves friends. but you’re right, he’s just using my old mistakes as some weak ammo against me so he can go do whatever. that’s a good point.
I don't think you should proceed with wedding planning based on this comment, and I think you should reevaluate whether you want a relationship with her at all.
so is it not sex if my penis doesnt consent to it? wtf does that even mean?
I don’t know what people do about shopping addictions, but she needs whatever they need. I can’t make any specific recommendations.
And you should hire a cleaner to come once a week to do a deep clean.
Well talk to her then… She might just overcompensating because of the hysterectomy.
But so does she..they both want to be pillow princesses. So maybe they should learn to spoon ??♀️
Honey, I know it hurt to see that, but you need to focus on your recovery and not what his friend thinks of you. Personally I don't think anything good will come from you bringing it up. He can't police his friend's thoughts. Discuss what you saw with your therapist and proceed from there.
Your friend needs a suicide helpline, support and councelling; not a promise of a girlfriend. His mental state is unstable and this is a time for worry.
Text him this
I wonder if they don’t want to give up one of the last things he made. I would consider asking if you could get a photocopy of it. Or if they could text you a photo or email one.
You should cut contact with him and send your evidence with explanation to the wife as you are probably not the only one. The wife should at least know the truth even if the marriage is ‘open’.
Ask her
Fuck this idiot off There's nothing wrong with you don't let this fool ruin your self esteem, get rid he needs to grow up
You should tell her future husband. He ought to know that the woman he’s about to marry already wants to cheat.
How did you deal with your bf?
Why are you trying to see the best in all people? That will only make bad people be able to take advantage of you. There are psychopaths without empathy, there are sadists who enjoy seeing other people cry, feel bad, feel ashamed. Being able to see both good and bad in people is important. Recognizing signs of exploitation, deceit, manipulation and lying is essential to lead a mentally healthy life.
You know his history, you know what vibes you get from him, you know what he has a tendency to do. Tell him you don't want him to contact you anymore, and block him.
Your boyfriend is a lazy mooch and that's the harsh truth.
He's almost 30, cut this bullshit “he's not sure what he wants in terms of his career, path, sitting on his balls doing nothing” and blah-blah-blah.
He wants to do nothing and have everything.
If he can't deal with his own shit – go back home and have his mama/papa/friends/acquaintances do his job.
Google what weaponized incompetence is.
If a person of 28 years old can't figure how to get a job, they need to get a grip and, in fact, use their brains to figure it out.
Not everything is his life will be handled to him by your momma.
Why do women have children with such trash men!
No. The point stands regardless of if I think it's fake. It's extremely hilarious that people don't think there's anything wrong with stating something as fact about someone's culture when you don't even know about the person's actual country. Lol such an American trait
Oh no.. he told it to someone. I Wonder who told him tho..
Please do not change who you are for this guy!!! Trust me, a lot of people LOVE a loud, outgoing, friendly and confident person. Please don’t let him make you think you need to be quieter or more “feminine”. This may just be a mismatch of personalities and that’s okay. Trust me you will find someone else who is obsessed with you and your personality just how it is!
As long as you understand that this would just be easing into an inevitable breakup you just tell him you can't keep up with him sexually so you're giving him a hall pass to sleep with other people. You could perhaps keep up an “open relationship” for a few years while he works through the hormones of youthful indiscretion. But eventually he'll have sex with someone he's able to bond with, and that's when he'll leave you. It's fine to be asexual or just disinterested in sex. But you can't really be like that and expect to maintain a relationship with someone who has a libido. You and he may just be a mismatch.
You can only control so much, and have exhausted all the tools you can use in the relationship to help him. At this point, he needs you to leave him to motivate some sort of change.
My ex wife would do that. I wish she did it before we got married so I could've made an informed decision.
Why would you make peace with it? He's repulsive. If he's doing this after 5 months, what treats are in store for you after 5 years?
If someone I was dating for 5 months farted during sex, and held me under the covers after farting, I would have road runner dust behind me.
As my therapist told me, there's nothing you've done that you can't undo. It'll take some planning, but you can get out of this mess.
And he is a loser. It's not your job to fix him. He doesn't have to be mean for you to leave him.
But the thing is he didn't tell me he was living with a landlord/friend and that he was wearing a hairpiece.
When I saw the hairpiece all hell broke loose
Does he not have a credit card or saving for emergencies??? Idk how people go through life like that. Definitely be direct. “Hey so remember that cash I gave you for your repairs? When can you pay me back?”
Pt 2 & we know where near that stage yet
This is what happens when adults don't communicate. Still, it happens. Decide if you want to fix it and if you do maybe get together to look at wedding pics over dessert.
“Reddit is so extreme?” This is the first time something like this has happened, which a drastic sudden change in behaviour would indicate there is likely a mental or physical health issue at play. Why on earth would you jump to “immaturity and lack of coping skills” if this was the first time this happened lol obviously it's not a pattern
several things, but most important:
1) finish school, that is the priority.
2) a baby will not aid her healing journey, a babay wull exasprate it.
3) no one is ever really financially prepared for a baby even if you think you are. If you wait for the right conditions you will never have a child. Just have a baby when the child can be your priority and you feel mentally prepared to have one.
You married someone based on their looks because you’re a shallow person. You said all those bullshit vows knowing your love is paper thin and skin deep. Looks fade, especially if she decides to have children with you. 20lb is actually nothing in terms of weight. You should tel her so she can make up her mind if she wants to stay with a shallow toolbag.
“Sin” isn’t simple imperfection, it’s regarding knowledge and behavior outside the will of Yahweh. It’s inherently self hating because it’s inextricably bound to the concept of hell, something you’ve avoided addressing at multiple comments now presumably because you’re aware you can’t defend it.
You sound like a robot.
You can have a mature conversation, and if she acts like she doesn't get why this was ridiculously immature and disrespectful, you can buy her some shapewear for your next date.
So why didn’t you remove yourself 2 years ago?