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Yeah two times is not something I’m comfortable calling a coincidence. This is fucked and I’m shocked he is so blind as to not realize how incredibly wrong he is.
EXACTLY like I don’t want to break up with her, that’s a huge overreaction but I do want a sincere apology and reassurance it won’t happen again
if you read the post she’s already meeting that criteria
Do not break girl code! It is wrong to make a pass at someone in a relationship no matter what. Crushes at your age come and go but friends can more easily stick around! try to put it out of your mind and it will go away eventually.
If you like Bob go for it! Do what makes you happy
Uh break up?? Y'all are long distance too, so like just break up babes. You know you need to, we're all going to tell you the same thing.
Gather courage and do it. You'll be standing up for yourself and it'll feel really good.
It's over. Just break up
There are a lot of things in life that are challenging. And there are a lot of things in life that are nude to know.
Sex is not something that should be challenging at 18.
Move on.
There's nothing about her contacting you again that suggests she's sorry for what she's put people through. My guess is she's still dancing on the strings of your ex BF. Whether this is a ploy to get to your youngest or something else, the way this is already affecting you is telling. I'd suggest not having contact with her. Just tell her you're not emotionally ready to undo all the progress you've made. Block her if she persists.
Maybe if HE is the one baby-trapping her. He knew she wasn't on birth control and convinced her to let him have sex without a condom as a birthday present! That's a pretty strange present to ask for if he didn't want her to get pregnant.
This. A proposal should be personal and take your partner’s desires into account. This proposal was kind of the opposite of that.
You are ruining your bf's physical snd mental health and you can't give a crap about it? You are an awful human being.
He's also pretty dumb for keeping your cheating ass arround, but hey, I'm pretty sure you also did your pretty share of manipulation to stay together.
Honestly, you should probably leave everyone alone.
Don’t save her she don’t wanna be saved
As future best put it.
She belongs to the streets.
Thank you, this made me cry because I know you’re right. I wish I didn’t need to deal with both things right now.
I know you wont judge, i know you guys pretty well by now!;) but the mods apparantly do, when i type the real word, i keep getting the error ” something went wrong” untill i change or delete all the swear words, or if they do let it get posted, it gets removed and i get a” be civil” message from them. I see many ppl writing all sort of d ,b,d,f words here, but for some reason i think i am registred on the mods' radars. So i'll have to f*ck up the word.:)
Snd ummm Im pretty sure f*ed up is the most common spelling for the semi-censored version. But to show comradeship and solidarity to you, i changed them to effed-up. 🙂
Man this is gonna go on TikTok that's for sure
Get an abortion
I know you want to trust and believe in him, but even this guy himself doesn't know what it and he's going to be like.
I find it kind of hard to believe that you just struck up a relationship with a convicted incarcerated convict by sheer accident. This is not a situation where you just casually meet or bump into someone. Speaking to him every day for years, it almost sounds like it's been a therapeutic experience for you. A lot of women who seek put LDR's with convicts, do so because they want stuff like a relationship power dynamic that's under their control, are addicted to bad-boy types, or want to find love & fulfillment in life by “rescuing” a guy (Etc). And most of these relationships don't survive after the guy becomes free and gets to live! life freely on his own terms.
Your dad is sensible and is just looking out for you. Don't try to force your dad to accept the dynamic before it's had any chance to exist and cope in a normal society environment, because you won't know who you're really dating until then.
What if I asked her to have some food with me, since we also have a college event that day? Or participate in one of the competitons with me?
The guilt isn’t around the pregnancy or the termination. The guilt is around knowing something he does not, that doesn’t physically affect him, but could mentally affect him in either a positive or negative way. Just because he knows doesn’t mean my mind would necessarily change.
Two things:-
First- you deserve better, so if you don't leave, at least take more time to decide if this is the right long-term relationship decision for you.
Second- even when you are in a committed relationship, it is possible to have friends of the opposite gender. The issue is trust with your partner and the boundaries that exist within those friendships. If there is constant suspicion between you, it just isn't going to work. If you aren't comfortable with his friendships with these women, it isn't going to work.
Please take the time to talk about this, and be clear what you feel is a respectful and trusting relationship with this guy. If he can't provide it, then you know what to do.
I don't understand what is to be embarrassed about and you seem mad about being friends with her.
So what if you're friends with someone your partner had hooked up with in the past? Do you want to hold that one night against her? Is that enough to not be her friend?
It would have been nice and more considerate of him to tell you beforehand. For sure. But otherwise…
And are you ever going to get it?
All the ones she reads have graphic sex scenes.
We’ve been through rough patches but we both wanted it to work. We were long distance while she was at university and I think she wondered what it would be like to be more free. I’m a generally irritable person so that causes pressure.
She explained that after a lengthy court battle, her options were 50/50 or signing away custody. That was the deal.
So far I have read zero redeeming qualities about him? What is there to love? He shoved you towards a random dog, then grabs you by the throat. I don't see Love there. I see Red Flags
Do not be with someone who will try to bully you into having kids before you’re ready
7 years is all you need to know. If he was going to marry you he would have done it by now.
If it’s a lot for him to handle then he’s not the right person for you. Everyone worries sometimes and it’s fair enough, I think, to say ‘ can you let me know that you got home safely?’ All the rest of this nonsense is ridiculous and I would tell him to piss off.
You aren't entitled to friendship at any point in time. But 10 years on and still mad about having a loving marriage with her brother is silly. Or at least still putting up walls about it is. OP's friend is treating her like a sister in law who's an acquaintance. Which is fine I guess.
Being upset about your friend dating your sibling feels like something to be mad about as a child, not an adult. And after 10 years of marriage and 3 children it seems even sillier.
My brother in law has been completely rejected by his controlling family for joining mine. And I work twice as nude to make him feel welcomed by my family. I introduced him to my sister. It seems pretty crappy that OP's being rejected for joining the family of people who she loves.
After some of the feedback on here, I realize ex-wives will keep ex-husband’s last names – not because they still have some weird desire to rekindle anything – but because it’s such a pain in the ass to actually go back to your maiden name. Thank you for your advice.
I’m trying to think of something more useless to me than tales of other people’s sex. So far, no luck.
Part of the problem is that he views difference of opinions as disrespect. He thinks you are disrespecting him because you have a different opinion. That's really dehumanizing. He doesn't think your own personal beliefs are valid and in fact thinks you're rude for having them. I don't understand how you have lived with a man like this for so long.
Is he going to do this every time you make a change he doesn't like? Get a haircut, what clothes to wear etc.
If he's willing to break up over something this small, then he obviously doesn't value you very much
You get over this by breaking up with your uninterested soon to be ex boyfriend and quickly finding a new guy who can’t keep his hands off you.
I wouldn’t even mind the creative writing if it was at least good. All these posts are so low effort, like work for that karma a little bit.
“We're going to have sex and if you don't want to, I'll rape you.”
Where exactly is the joke?
when I confronted him instead of apologizing or saying he regrets the comment he just bluntly stated that he didn’t even know where to buy roofies.
So he would just straight-up rape you instead of drug you?
I don't know how you two normally banter, but it sounds like you're not okay with it. When you confronted him, he didn't even apologize. He thinks he is in the home stretch regarding the wedding.
So the question is: are you okay with it? Do you feel safe with him? If one or both of the answers are 'No', I think you should call off the wedding and get somewhere safe.
You'll keep trying to find the middle ground for a solution and she will do whatever she wants with the help of her support. Imagine if she started accusing you of being an abusive person or filed a false report just to get back at you for break up, what are you gonna do then? You'll be stuck in that middle ground trying to find where the F you need to go.
Dude, when someone shows you their true colours, you need to see them and not close your eyes.
Consult a lawyer ASAP and start documenting/ recording (if that's legal in your state) every interaction with her. Also, start accounting for all the expenses you have made for her as a counter for her claim.
The coke would explain the ability to drink more than usual and not blackout.
Apparently the girl doesn’t drink or do drugs so it’s 109% SA
Cut your losses, and bail out amicably. Sexual incompatibility will be the ruin of that relationship. You will end resenting him or even worse, hating yourself. A few months is time enough to rpedict how things will go, and they usually wont get better.
And opening it up on his end will end in disaster! OP, you are very clear in your posts. This is NOT what you want for either of you. Do not entertain having a one-sided open relationship. You're still going to have to coparent with this man, and you want to end it as amicably as possible. You're going to end up resenting him so much more if he's sleeping with other people.
If she worked on her eating habits and trying to be healthy, that would make a huge difference in how you view her. She's not, though. I say this as someone with an “obese” bmi, you don't have to feel attraction for someone who won't work on themselves. Even just doing one or the other, eating healthier or being more active, would show she's concerned about her health. Right now, she's setting a really bad example for your son. That's something you guys need to consider. This little boy is looking at mom stuffing her face with chicken nuggets all the time. Dont get me wrong, i love me some nuggets. But there are alternatives. Is she willing to try other things? Air fried cauliflower is amazing and pretty similar to nuggets. Toss it in a bit of Buffalo sauce and you'll get your junk food/carb fix while eating a vegetable. Same goes for cauliflower fried rice. That stuff is delicious. Smells like ass while it's cooking, but afterward you'd never know. There's tons of options for her.
Have you tried waking him up with sex? He might be might be pleasuring before having sex with you so he lasts longer but doesn't realize how not finishing is affecting you. Just a guess.
Have you brought it up?
Yeah, he should have told you what he was going to do before he did it.
This makes me think he’s a person that wants to be dominant and wants a submissive that would do anything for them.
Not healthy.
Why is it a problem with getting a gift?
That's so cute!
1) you can ask her mom. that's gonna be easiest but can be awkward if you don't know her well.
2) casually bring it up. “oh I want to get some Easter flowers for my mom/birthday flowers for my sister. What kind of flowers do girls like?” And try to pry it out that way
3) go to a florist or a trader Joe's and find a pretty bouquet. Even if you don't know her exact favorite flowers picking out a bouquet that “feels like her” could be really sweet. For example, if she loves pink and blue finding a bunch with those colors, or if she is like a ray of sunshine try some sunflower and write in the note why yo picked those for her.
Good luck!
Your family is being shitty, but the upside is when you have that baby you'll be waaayyy too busy to care who has more expensive car seat and who gets more attention from your mom.
Maybe you can lean on your partners family during this time?
As someone with adhd, and similar issues. I don’t want to burden my partner at all.
I bought a google home it’s like 25$ and connects to my Wi-Fi and phone. I can set it to remind me to do things on all days or some days and varying times.
Have one closest to his main area and set reminders like do dishes, clean cabinets exc.
I have cleaning the stainless steel once a month, brushing teeth daily, exc and so on. However discuss this with him and explain that it’s very important to you because you feel like you’re doing it all alone and when y’all set up the speaker reminders he needs to do them right away so he doesn’t forget
If he’s not okay with this and agrees, and follows through. It’s fully intentional at that point and he doesn’t care about your feelings and burdening you
You speaking up is optional but your bf needs to kick his ass. That's all. F*ck everything else. If other “friends” are around but silent about this douchebag's behavior towards your bf then they're not friends. The asshole should be kicked out the group as everyone SHOULD be uncomfortable with how your bf is being treated.
At this point anyone not having his back needs to be cursed out at the very least and y'all need new friends.
Ok, I’m (38f) going to speak from the perspective of a pansexual married to a man (12 years in July). He knows that I am making a sacrifice to be in a monogamous marriage and it’s a sacrifice that I find worth it. So yes, I do miss women sometimes. He knows that I’m hugely attracted to a woman that I have to work with occasionally (usually through zoom) and have zero interest in her romantically. My relationship with my partner is more important to me than any other person I’ve met other than our kid. My husband is my partner until death do us part.
You were both young when you started seeing each other, which means your brains have been growing and may still be growing. This sounds like it might be a communication error. Especially if you use words like “vulgar Harry Potter erotica” around your wife. That’s kink shaming. Not cool. This might be the source of your problem. How can she feel sexy around you enough to want to have sex if you are shaming her for things that make her feel desire?
What makes you different from the other 6 guys to her?
Hey Boston can be okay, good luck.
Just friend zone her, be clear you'd love to be friends but no more.
I am sorry but I don’t see how you resent your boyfriend for other people liking him. What others do and how they feel is beyond his control.
From what you explained it’s not like he was leaning into her behaviour. And was visibility uncomfortable. Do you want him to be cold to any girl or guy he meets excepting you ?
Look the hygiene thing won't change. I learned that the nude way with my ex. He NEVER washed his hands ever, and showered less than once a week even if I begged him. I would tell him soap turns me on, try to get him into the shower for sexy stuff. It got worse and worse and caused many fights and ultimately resentment on both sides. Accept his level of personal hygiene or don't and leave. This is something even therapy often cannot change.
The chores thing you have more hope of changing, when I linked my partner to an article I loved on the “mental load” he really took that onboard and he's probably better than me at chores now, I often come out to do them and they're done.
Honestly I'd leave on the hygiene alone. My fiancé is so clean he's possibly cleaner than I am…and if he brought up a hygiene issue with me I'd move mountains to change for him and his comfort….but guys tend to not think this way in my experience. They're either hygiene conscious or not.
I wouldn't ultimatum I would just break it off. These are things he has to grow up about in his own time. If you don't want to break it up try counselling, if it works woohoo, if it doesn't well you can feel better knowing you tried. It's much better than an ultimatum.
Thank you for the update! Very glad to hear you are kindling an actual romantic relationship with FWB.
As for the harassment. When crazy texts again, immediately warn her not to try to contact you again, not even via a third party. After she does it three times afterward you clearly telling her not to harass you, then instead of police starion, go to the court and insist on filing for a no harassment order. Be armed with all your evidence, including the stuff prior to telling her to stop. A judge will likely grant it. That order will give the police more of a legal ground to pick her up if she violates that order after being served. I had to do this myself before, and as I was up there showing all the text messages to the judge, I wasn't even half way through when he grabbed his pen and signed it.
I'd say valid. It's nude to trust once trust has been violated. Then he does it again. Do you truly want to be associated with someone that is a Jekyll and Hyde? What's real, Mr. Vulgar or Mr. Pretend?
What I’m trying to state is that she slapped him to garner a reaction, not to be abusive.
I don’t get it. Hitting someone to get a reaction is abusive. Abuse does not mean hitting someone for the sake of hitting them.
She can be tired of her husband behaviour (justifiably) and at the same time she can be abusive towards him. They are not mutually esclusive.
Religion is just another way to keep people under control. Your family is toxic af.
Make an appointment with another vet at a time your mom can drive you & the dog there. Insist that she go.
My guess is that your mom is truly afraid of any bad news. The fact is, though, that your dog can be in low-level pain without either of you realizing it.
You need legal and law enforcement advice, not relationship advice.
If she assaulted you, file a report. Document your wounds. See a doctor. Keep track/write down any and all contact.
Have nothing to do with her. If you see her in public, walk away. If she is invited to private parties you are also invited to, don't attend and explain to the host why.
Boundaries are not the same thing as tolerating assault or battery.
I was a child of a single mother as well. When she wasn’t single and she was back with my dad, it was hell. Substance abuse, fighting, neglect, emotional neglect.
Just leave. Your kid might think they miss mommy, like I thought I missed daddy, but it’s surface level compared to the harm that staying in this relationship does.
“Stay together for the kids” is never a reason. Economic adjustment is manageable.
Sincerely, a single mom with a happy child.
You are both consenting vaccinated adults. If you think the relationship worth pursuing, do so. You could ask her if she feels at all uneasy at the age difference, if she's on board do her the courtesy of believing she knows her own mind.
How long have you been together?
Why on earth would you allow this. She thinks you are a chump.
Hullo hen, fellow Scot here ??.
It might be that your boyfriend has an idea in his head of ‘speaking properly’ or whatever prejudice he’s learned. There’s a lot of that kind of attitude in Scotland sadly, and it’s especially worse if you speak any Scots words outwith the English language. You might face some of this prejudice going forward too, to be honest.
However… that doesn’t mean that you have to change. It means your bawbag boyfriend needs to challenge his prejudices. If he doesn’t challenge his prejudices or change his attitude, then he can bolt. Life is too short to spend it with shite men.
Sorry but I’d check out
Even if his story is true (and I tend to think that it’s not), it’s still a major betrayal and he’s shattered her trust. That’s not the sort of decision that can be made without discussing it with your partner.
The longer you stay the more likely it is that you’ll end up having to pay her alimony since she doesn’t work. You should at least consult a divorce attorney.
are you fucking serious? Pack your things and leave!!
Pretty obviously meant that but if you wanna be outraged at nothing go right on ahead.
So your basically just friends who love each other living together. Have you thought about letting his seek physical intimacy outside the relationship. It wouldn't be right to expect him to live! life in a physically void relationship, you can still love each other in your own ways, but give him a chance to get his needs met too. Or you could break up with him and stay friends.
Lol that’s hilarious. If you really had morals you won’t cheat on someone who is giving you their trust, time , and love. I am cruel lol you got pregnant by another man and was hiding it and is trying to figure out what to do with you affair partner baby.
Just because your intentions were good, does not mean the was as well. If anything the impact of your actions led to him losing all trust in you and your possible future together. You literally rocked the foundation of your relationship because you had good intentions and “wanted to get her side of the story,” instead of wholeheartedly trusting your partner of 6 years. People don’t go NC with their family for minimal reasons.
Based on your replies, you still don’t truly understand the ramifications of your actions. He isn’t considering throwing away a committed relationship, you did. You did it by not trusting his answer for why he’s not in contact with his mother. You did it by not respecting his boundaries; by invalidating his trauma and re-traumatizing him by allowing her back in his life for even for just a second. I can guarantee you that he’s looking over his shoulder constantly, wondering if she’s just going to pop up. She knows where he lives now and she could just show up whenever. You took that security away. And not by a single mistake. All of these were decisions you made and now you have to deal with the consequences.
I can’t try and understand why you did what you did. Whether you thought you knew better, didn’t fully understand the trauma he went through, etc. What I do understand (partially, because I’m also NC with my mother, and one of my sibling gave my mother my new address) is he has absolutely no trust in you. Any kind of trust he had towards you is gone, and if you want to try and repair it, you have a long battle ahead of you.
Damn, someone with sense
That might be good. We like fun shapes and excuses to buy fun magnets lol. White boards are a godsend, we have them everywhere in the office and one on the fridge to remind us what fruits are in there because those things go bad way too fast.