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Your lovely Angela , ❤ instagram: devil__eyesss, 20 y.o.
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thats actually super weird imo, 2 months is enough time to already be having sex (not that u HAVE to) but i’ve never been in a romantic relationship where it even had to be discussed. and if she’s talking about being horny then i don’t see that u did anything wrong. if i was dating someone for 2 months and wasn’t having sex yet i would also bring it up with any prompting
The gas has been lit. And like the manipulative narcissist he is, he’s putting it to work.
Tell her. She should know. If she’s too dumb to see that, she’ll find out the nude way when he does it again with someone else.
16 years old absolutely know it's wrong hooking up with ex of best friend. She knew it was wrong to not tell when they got back together. So did he.
I don't know why people here act like people age before 20 have no concept of trust/morals.
I’m a disabled adult. I live! at home with my parents, and they care for me.
When you have a chronic condition, you do hope to gain or regain enough ability and independence to hold down a job, live! apart from your parents, do normal adult things. I want these things for myself. Being disabled doesn’t make that normal human desire to grow up and become an adult vanish.
In many ways, it’s a good goal to have. You keep it held above you like a lantern, something to reach for, a breath of hope. After all, what else is there? You literally can’t give up. There’s no escape from the disability. You can’t opt out or quit. You can’t even lay down and die. There is no option but to carry on, and with that comes the necessity of looking to the future.
As a partner, you need to be realistic. Look at the care that your boyfriend requires. He will always need that much care. Whether he has a job or not, someone will need to feed him and change him and help him move about. Are you up for that?
He is going to deteriorate. That’s a sad truth about all humans, it’s just more apparent in your boyfriend. Are you game to be present when he gets worse? Sickens and dies?
You aren’t a bad person if you decide it’s too much, too nude. You aren’t bad if you decide that you don’t want that life. Be honest with yourself and with him. It’s far better for both of you that you are, rather than you committing to be his carer and backing out later, when he has fully committed himself to you.
She has said she'll do all the appointments on her own and I feel like If I pressure her to meet she might feel engulfed. Hence why I think a message might open her up to it but I can't think.
Imagine you’re in the kitchen with your girl and suddenly, she reaches for a knife and stabs you with it. Blood pouring from your body, you step back and scream, and she looks down at her hands, trembling with the knife clenched tightly.
She rushes forward and starts trying to fix your wound, and you, now looking upon her in new light, keep backing away, afraid of getting hurt again, and not able to trust the way you could before.
She sees the fear in your eyes and knows. This isn’t the first time she has hurt someone. She doesn’t know why it happens but it just keeps happening, and she knows. She is a monster. All she does is stab people.
So instead of putting the knife down and calling for help, she repositions the knife in her hands and she cuts herself. “A monster must be punished”, she claims. And you’re still standing there, hands pressed tightly to open skin, finding yourself rushing forward to her aid.
“Please, don’t hurt yourself. Please, put the knife down.” And it calms her down the first few times. But after a while, after she has accepted what she has become, the knife doesn’t ever leave her hand. It will always be there, tightly grasped in her fist, until she can look in the mirror and see that she is not a monster, just a person holding a knife, who has every capacity to put it down and call for help.
How long are you going to stay in that kitchen? We can’t keep trying to help people who won’t put the knife down. Until they want to help themselves and discover why they even reach for the knife in the first place, you’re only putting your self at risk in trying to fix someone who doesn’t want any fixing.
It’s time to walk out of the kitchen, and to call emergency services for both her and for yourself. You have wounds that need to be treated pronto, as does she, and there needs to be immediate intervention so she doesn’t hurt herself or any more people.
In your situation, as difficult and as cruel as it feels, you need to remove yourself and contact the police and tell them everything. They may be able to intervene if they have dates, times, locations etc. This guy may even be on their watch list already. It’s the only way you can help – from a distance. You aren’t trained for this. You don’t need a knife fight, you need safety.
Staying silent will only hurt more people. She needs to put the knife down, and she needs to get herself some help, and no one can do that for her except herself, and those who are willing to do things for her own good instead of trying to keep her happy.
Just my thoughts. All the best to you, internet stranger.
You’re relationship sounds very healthy, and if you’re looking to do new things, do some fun dates, like go bowling, or mini golf, something that you don’t usually do that’s spur of the moment and fun! Maybe try and find another hobby that the two of you could share!
Why would he know you like him? None of this is clear to me. What am I missing?
He literally stopped talking to you after you had a stupid fight. What did you say during this fight?
Wrong subreddit.
You need to examine how you ended up in that situation to begin with. Get out, heal, reflect, read and learn.
If you guys still love each other, I would suggest to keep in contact, just to let him know you’re still thinking about him & so you guys don’t forget about each other
If it helps you, I've also deleted tinder after my first date with my now partner. We've been together since. Don't overthink it if he has shown you full attention, he probably is very serious with you. Good luck
Yea, bad idea. I know you feel like it's a connection you don't want to lose but you need to work on yourself and be OK with yourself without the drugs. She has her own demons to face and you are not in the position to really help her. Help yourself.
Sorry to be blunt but if you wanna hear the truth this is it. You will only go down with the ship. Move on and help yourself, this will be nude enough, but if you do you may be able to actually get to a place to where you have the strength to help others.
Abuse doesn’t go away. It just gets worse.
Sounds like the straw that broke the camels back wasn’t the lack of chores being done, but a lack of effort and lack of support in return. One side of a relationship isn’t always one partner taking care of the other.
What does your therapist say when you tell them you don't think you deserve to be in a relationship?
I like when you're reading someone asking for relationship advice and then 2 paragraphs down you find out they've been together 10 years and have three kids and they're discussing their relationship like it's a touch and go romance. You have 3 kids, mf. That ship has sailed.
Cannot Trust “just friends” of the opposite sex!!! Very bad idea and will eventually end up cheating on your significant other with the so.called “friend” !!!! Very bad idea!!!
I agree with you but I'm not sure things will be the same as before and I fear that it will end up badly
You can’t change people, they have to want to change themselves. You’re just going to stress yourself out and get in fights all the time. Which is an awful way to live!. I get why you’re upset, because you would like some actual quality time with him where he is present in the moment.
Just break up with him. You guys aren’t compatible. If he wants to play video games all day long, he can be single or find someone that also likes to game all day (and there are women who also play video games for that long).
It’s not about what you think is healthy or right. He doesn’t want to play less, so stop wasting your time and energy.
Exactly. If I’m gonna put in all the effort to look my best to impress him, he can pick up the check to impress me. I dc if that’s unpopular.
he’s had i believe 3 sexual partners before but as far as i know all of those times he also had a similar issue
let them fight to the death
What did she do/not do? Is this expectation reasonable? Does your family treat her well or are they critical? How does this treatment compare to that of her parents?
again, we’re not talking about the fucking stripper. are you dense?
The only person that will 100% have your back in this life, is you.
You don't change for people. You change and grow you FOR you. And then you find the person who likes YOU.
You are valuable and lovable when you figure out who you are and what you enjoy and what you need.
There are many relationships in our lives and some are amazing but serve only as a lesson to figure out our best selves. Don't buy into the disney trope of finding someone young and happy ever after. We're all on our own uniqgue paths.
So you have way bigger issues than NYE. But I'll start there.
You mentioned in passing doing something together for NYE and then never followed up with a plan. That's okay! But, you never confirmed for months and you never proposed an idea of what to do, so in the meantime, her friends have put together a plan and she has invited you. Not only did you not make it clear you wanted NYE to be “just the two of you” but you never bothered to plan anything, so people who do plan stepped in, and she invited you. So I don't see anything wrong with what she did, and you should go and have a nice time and meet her friends and make sure to kiss her at midnight.
All the other stuff you wrote…I don't know man. Parts of it makes it seem like you expect her to act a certain way without putting in the work- like NYE. Her friends are planning fun outings and she clearly wants to be out and about. With you, she can drive home at 11pm. If you want her to do that stuff with you, plan that stuff. On the other hand, ya she is maybe lying to you, but also you are bordering on stalking her with her insta and asking about her “movements”, but I also totally appreciate that when you think your partner is lying, the stalking comes next and I totally do it too.
So, go to NYE with a fresh perspective- she invited you along because you matter to her, she loves you, you have had a mostly great time together! Tell her in advance that sometimes she abandons you in groups, and that while you don't need to be locked side by side, that you want to spend this night WITH her, so can you mostly stick together that night. That's a fair thing to ask, and of course she will run off with the girls to the bathroom, dance to a song with her friends, go to the bar to get a drink without you, but she shouldn't disappear for hours or sit most of the time away from you.
And the you can decide after your exams if you had fun and if you like her as a person. If you don't trust her, if she isn't making time for you, and if you don't like how she is with her friends, then she isn't your person. But assess your own expectations of a girlfriend- they have friends, they have male friends, they likely will not stay glued to you in group settings, and when they are out, they don't give you constant updates.
Identical twins are in fact genetical copies of each other.
I would not share
Ugh I hate the whole “if you love so and so then you will submit” I would reverse this and basically say to your fiance that if she truly loved you then she wouldn't ask you to mutilate yourself to appease her family who frankly has no right being concerned with your penis.
If you are willing to pretend your religion isn't as important as hers then she needs to compromise and give you something. It should be a partnership not all about 1 partner and their needs.
ok so do you ever go down on her with zero reciprocation? Or is this just a one way street?
How old are you both?
Is it your biological child too?
“When you’re looking at things with rose coloured glasses, all of the red flags are just flags.”
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Thank you, I’m just worried with how he’s coping now later on when it’s processed he’s going to be upset with some of the things he’s said about it
Why give this any thought at all! You tried it, you asked him to do stuff the way you like, he ignored the fuck out of you. For that simple act alone it's a nope, then there's all the spam and the pet names.
Really this does not deserve a reddit post. Instant dump is the solution and then we can all get on with our lives
OK. I'll bite.
In 3 years when you have your baby and this relationship is over…how are you going to feel about his new 24yr gf of 4 months being called mama by your child?
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If a guy did something like this, he’d be labeled a creep.
So let’s call it what it is. She’s a creep.
Girl. You need to be with someone closer to your own age. He’s 14 years older than you. I can’t imagine a well-adjusted, non-abusive man going after a young woman so much younger than him.
The key word there is WAS. She WAS interested and now she isn't. Trying to “win her back” while she's already in a relationship just makes you seem like the kind of guy who won't listen when she says no.
No such thing a leagues, man, just “yes” and “no.”
“He would, like most people, do the exact same if roles were reversed.”
Most people in that position DON'T do the exact same. Most people have some kind of drive to do something with their time that is valued by their society, which is part of why the ultra-wealthy run so many NGOs, charities, etc. People who don't do any valued work are more likely to be suffering a serious mental illness than terminal weath – and could be both. OP doesn't tell us whether she is working, just not for pay – volunteering, household labor, etc., though it's implied not – or what she is doing with her waking hours, so we don't really have a good picture of the situation.
I don't think it's a kink, more like a fantasy that soulmates exist. I definitely made assumptions eith everything he said too
Why are y'all BOTH so toxic you cry over sex toys and want to make each other throw them away?
Not that he's at all right in this situation but by your own words you'd also feel “cheated on” by a toy, cry, melt down, make him throw it away and only then would you “forgive” him.
Try having sex with each OTHER. Or communicating. Or growing tf up. It terrifies me that you two screaming toddlers are raising a child.
Get an stdtest done cuz he's leaving out some things.
We have no context here. If he was actually abusive then it’s reasonable to not want to hug him. But we don’t have enough information to give nonrandom advice.
Do not plan to move with him. Keep dating and see how things go. If you're going to be with him long term, then what happens in the short term doesn't matter so much – and if you're not, then it's not like you lost the live! if your life if you break up rather than move. So keep dating him for now, with no plans to move when he does, and see how you're feeling about everything when he actually moves.
If you're still feeling good about your relationship, then start planning to move to where he is once he actually moves. The lag time will not only allow you to figure out more compatibility stuff before he leaves (two months is definitely not long enough), but will also allow him to figure out if this opportunity is actually a good fit for him before you also upend your entire life to go with him. Plenty of people decide the big life change they made was a mistake when it's just moving jobs or cities within the same country/culture – here there's an entire new cultural paradigm that also has to work out for both of you. So take things in stages; if he's the persom who ends up being your life partner, then he's still going to be that person in six months or a year.
Mix gender everyone get nude changing rooms???? Seriously ? weird
it sounds like OP has been paralyzed by her debt and ignored it,
She literally said she hasn't, and is paying for them.
Thank you! Unfortunately I am stuck in this awkward living situation where I have no where to go, and barely any money, so I have no choice but to live! with him for now :/ I really thought he was so different but finding this all out changes everything. I keep saying to myself “I would move across the country for a guy I’ve known for over a year, but not for a guy I’ve known for 3 months” which feels like the case here ?
You forgot his cigarettes? You mean he forgot his own cigarettes and you remembered?
Oh sweetie – red flags all over the place. I know it’s overused here – but run fast – run far. It’s not ok. He needs to work on himself without bringing you down in the process. This is not something that is ever going to go away. Decide if you want to live! the rest of your life like this. You deserve to be able to be you and not hide your feelings in order to “appease” your partner.
Acting like a damn child.
you hope I do? jfc. it's SNAPCHAT versus a family! I am sure when she's raising rhia child alone you'll all be there for her.
You are dating a predator, and she’s been grooming you. You are clearly not on the same level in terms of life, and I really think you should break up and go out on your own. Gain some experience without her lurking around the corner.
Read your own history.
You need to break up and go get an abortion. Never contact this asshole again.
absolutely not lmfao. she was also lying straight to my face. we don’t speak anymore
A quick google search shows you could try ivf. It’s certainly not cheap but having a child never is. You could also look into adoption (I know adoption is controversial now but I’m for adoption when it’s in the child’s best interests).
This!
Honestly dude as long as she didn't say anything bad, I think it was just a dumb mistake. It sounds like this drunkenly slipped to her sister that she was talking to in confidence. Sometimes family over shares, it happens, my mom knows I be fuckin too.
All the people saying she's crying to manipulate you are just plain stupid, sorry. She's a teenage girl who just completely humiliated herself and her boyfriend in front of her entire family. I think that would make most teen girls cry. The fact that it's entirely her fault isn't gonna eliminate how mortifying this whole situation is. Just let her calm down and then talk to her about it when her family isn't there. She sounds like she feels guilt so I'd bet she'd sincerely apologize to you.
If she uses crying as a way to get out of apologizing, THEN she's manipulating you. But just crying from being in a stressful situation does not = manipulation.
This is true. But I hear so many stories about people finding the one young and being together for like 60 years and what not. I think I just got caught up in that idea. He really swept me off my feet.
Don’t like how when you spoke to him about it he said you were overreacting, doesn’t seem to change, when you gave him a taste of his own medicine he hated it but didn’t seem to put two and two together.. and when you told him you weren’t attracted to him he literally said that you are lying?? I don’t think he really respects you to be honest. Unless the way you are communicating with him is always in a joking way that he really believes you’re playing around.
First you call the police and report him.
Then you find somewhere else to live! – on your own if you can afford it, or with friends or family. Basically anywhere not with him.
Your boyfriend is insane and dangerous.
You know why a 34 year old is dating a 21 year old? Because nobody their own age would put up with this blatant manipulation and abuse. He is doing this to stop you ever being outside of his control again. You are now at the point where you know, if you go for drinks with colleagues again, it will lead to this shitstorm of anger and manipulation, so you will think twice before going again, and that's the purpose of this three ring circus.
Just get away from this abusive asshole, he will ruin your life more than he already has. There is no point where going out for a drink should end up with you being scared to go home because of the drama that will ensue. Nobody should be treated like this.
Exactly my take, too.
Hi Op i am also in your situation. To appease my family i am having a small Islamic wedding and then eloping with my fiancée. I know it can be nude.
Any chance your wife is suffering from a brain tumor or something? It could always be that, if this is really sudden and out of character.
I have and still and getting through this mental rut with my wife. I’m slowly learning it’s from unopened locks from adolescence. The beginning of 2021 I started to realize I needed to work on my mental health, so I bit my pride I learned to hold onto when I was younger. I learned that expressing and opening up to my SO wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’ve been done dirty so many times in the past I subconsciously built a firewall to prevent anything.
I still get those moments where I’m like “come on dude, remember that one time?”, but I’m now realizing I’ve been with her long enough to open up. I do the same as your husband. I play nude to get. I honestly don’t know why I do it but it puts a huge strain on my relationship when I can just fucking turn over and speak what my brain is saying. I don’t like to assume anything towards anyone but I related so much that it could’ve been about me.
You have to show him that he can feel safe to turn off the firewall against you. It’s going to take time but believe me, it can change. He may not even relate to my situation the slightest but I thought I’d give my opinion. Hope everything’s well.
thank you for the advice 🙂
It all got sorted out. She understood why I didn't want MIL to come. She was hearing “I hate your mother and I don't want her to have a good time” instead of every point I was making about why she shouldn't come.
We also agreed to go on a local holiday and take MIL with us.
You didn’t need to be so rude ?. My anxiety just makes me really overthink things. I came here for advice, I guess I shouldn’t have
If you actually read my whole post, I suggested he has executive function deficits. It's not about him caring. It's not about him changing. It's about her getting a better outcome next year (or at least, the cake she wants).
Trickle truth. She has already done it, just slowly letting it out
Some serious projecting here.
Personally, I couldn't have someone come into my home and change that much. I'd rethink her living situation for now.
She's not making any concessions, it's “I want to be comfortable in my home and you need to make that happen for me at the expense of your hobbies/happiness”. If that's the case, I wouldn't be comfortable having such an unbendable person living in my home and I definitely wouldn't want to be in a long term relationship with them.
Same about a girl. Told my guy friend that she's bad and spends yoo much time with her “gay friend”. He started dating her, but it ended half a year later, because he got cheated on.
Why people don't listen?
Before you do that you could feign ignorance, “I tried to RSVP on your wedding website, but it couldn’t find my name…” her answer will help you decide whether or not to send a gift. But I am leaning towards hell no don’t send one.
Also, you can say, “Have fun on your bachelorette. I didn’t do any of those kinds of parties when I got married,” so she knows you didn’t have one and it wasn’t that you just didn’t invite her. That may be why she’s acting weird, although it’s no excuse.
Of you're currently have issues with immigration status and she he is willing to eave you in your home country and bail..He doesn't love nor does he want you . Girl find a new man ….he ain't gonna return once he is gone
Nobody has suggested “demanding” anything, kiddo. Holding an opinion on whether they choose to do so or not is not a demand. People make their choices and then get to live! with what other people think of those choices. Your parents did the normal, loving thing of making any kind of effort. It is bizarre for someone who has none of the circumstances you’re inventing to not make an effort. You clearly need to find an excuse to vent about your big feelings about your own family situation at someone, and it doesn’t bother me, so you’re welcome to keep going and get it out.
You didn't rape her. Her brain is fucked from the guilt religion gives you from sex and pleasure. I would back off from this relationship, i don't see how you could ever feel confortable or trust her ever again in any intimate situation.
Source: I was raped and i was raised catholic.
No. He is controlling abusive and selfish. This man does not seem to have capacity for true empathy, and to connect with you as a safe partner. You stay w him and you'll never get what you deserve. He is gross. Stop listening to anything he says it's all manipulation and not at all him caring about your emotional well being.
Unfortunately I think you’re right 🙁 Damn, I wish life worked out differently sometimes. And thank you!!
You're not compatible. And he sounds like the second that he thinks he can trap you with a baby, he will. I'd run, not walk, away from this relationship.
I.wasnt complaining about the time frame it takes …but if it takes years I would need to get a life and move forward with mybwon life correct ? I was asking in the meantime if it takes years what should I do ?
You aren't his priority anymore. My boyfriend and I too met on a video game. Been together 4 years. Living 2 of those years. We still only game together. Your guy isn't making time for you.
To add some more background, I did help in the search for daycares and Nannies. I looked at profiles on Care, looked at google and reviews for daycares, and took care of the registration paperwork for the one we chose. She felt like there were no good options and that she ultimately couldn’t trust anyone. I would have gladly watched our child if the nanny was sick or there was some issue that would just last a day or two. But it would have been something I’d have to do for a 3 month season.
I have called out the insults in the past. She apologizes sometimes after the fight, but not consistently in my opinion.
I have asked for couples therapy before. “But who watches our child” is the excuse, and that’s the problem we couldn’t solve
Why are you worried about being non confrontational?
WHY would you consider staying in a relationship that is not what you want.
He told you how he feels, now believe him and move on.
I would like myself if i had a deep cool voice, a taller high and a fitter body. What i see is there is no way i can fully like myself?
I like myself when others do too. I don't see a point to like myself for myself
Respect maybe; love no
OR, should you tell her and save her the heartache of investing even more time and energy into the guy who's cheating on her?
You're not the one who's ruining the family. He is.
I feel like the reason you were fighting is pretty important information here. Find that out first.
Girl. He lied and gaslit you. He did a line or two and got caught and worried about how you would react. I know this because I have been around it a lot in life. This is the actions of someone who did drugs and didn’t want you to know. Take that information and do with it what you will
Reading this made me feel ill. You are bot obligated to stay in a relationship with a slob. It’s ironic that you say he influenced you to “embrace adulthood” when he hasn’t done so himself. He is old enough to brush his damn teeth? And if he’s using mental illness as an excuse not to, then he needs to see a therapist.
She is not someone you should build a future with you are the nice guy she is settling for she is using you.
?♀️ 80% of women have HPV or will get it in their lifetime. Just like your ex, it’s usually not a big deal. Do your research before freaking the fuck out dude.
This is who he is. Accept him as is or move on. You won't get him to change (he will resent you for trying). As long as life is comfortable he will remain this way.
Med school and residency will get harder and more stressful. Imagine your frustrations now but with less sleep.
He doesn't sound helpful, he sounds lazy. He might be amazing but right now he is using you as an ATM and you aren't even a dr yet.
Unfortunately not
Because she wanted break after the cheating
And you are still confused why an angry guy is angry?
Hopefully you are getting some therapy to explore these issues.
What sick people.
Hey: we do celebrate with you for 3 things:
you got rid of your ex. ? you got rid of your raving mad sick disloyal sister. ? (being about: “What I do to others myself I assume others want to do to me. Well she gets her exact precise thinking. This is called “self fulfilling prophecy”) you got rid of a family chosing a cheater over the one cheated by and then even made responsible for the cheater getting the money to her piece! This is karma at work.
And cheers to your brother. He seems to be the only person in your family to see through this mess! ??
And he is on your side.
Move on. You dodged some huge missiles there (not just bullets).
Be as happy in your life without those burdens. That will be as nice a payback on their meanness as you may get.
Too much drama…get your own room and car. This way you will have a bed instead of paying to sleep on the couch. And renting a car should be from hertz or another reputable company.
I’m not, read edit please
open relationships are an absolutely terrible way to fix a relationship that is in trouble. I don’t even know how this became such a common belief that that is what they are for. open relationships are something you do when your relationship is already strong and it’s something both still want anyways. it’s a bonus addition to something stable enough to bear more than it’s own weight, not added structural support for something crumbling.
to me this is a big communication issue leading to a lot of speculation. we don’t know what it is, you don’t know what it is. the only person who has that information is him. the position you’re in right now is that if he doesn’t tell you what’s going on you have two problems: the lesser problem is you don’t know whether or not this problem is fixable or how to do it. and the bigger problem is that you’re unable to communicate well enough to be in a relationship.
so do what you can to improve the lines of communication on your end. which includes communicating strongly to him that he needs to be honest about this with you if you’re relationship has any chance of working.
FYI, putting something in someone’s mailbox is illegal. Just leave it by his door.
Honey, run now!!
If she’s talking to you, she’s either doing it because she’s into you or just for attention. So either you get a yes and you’re happy, or you get a no and she’s doing you a favor. This whole 3 month wait is really just cause you haven’t asked yet?
I hate when people don't put context in these and want advice. Have you dated awhile? Since 16 or just a few months? Live! together? Kids?
Personally, I'd be livid and if we dated around a year, I'd start reconsidering. She's taking out her embarrassment on you. Does she not have a credit card? Did she say about paying you back? Sounds like she got excited and possibly was drinking when she agreed to pay, because that's outrageous not realizing how much an entire party at a six star would be.
I don't understand the context of what's happening here. Is he walking up to you after he gets home from work and randomly grabbing your crotch or what?
What's your job? Does he come from a high achieving, high pressured academic family who are being elitist over your career because it's not in academia? Might explain where this has suddenly come from and the tears.
I had an ex do this to prove a point ?
Which is fine if you want to do that for yourself, but to try to force someone else to do it is trash
Yes, this is abuse. Further, it's OK to break up with someone if you don't like the way they treat you, whether or not the treatment is abusive.
yes, it is abuse.
Hah, yeah, of course. I appreciate it!
Honestly, I think you're absolutely deluded. But that's just me.
This is helpful input, thanks so much for your energy and time.
You’ve said so many wrong things in such a short time
She is throwing money at him, this matter not seeming like a problem to her considering her financial condition and the fact she wants their savings
And her promises are so outlandish that I seriously doubt she intends to keep them
It would be terfier if he was born Jake and was MtF to be Jess because terfs specifically hate trans women for being “fake predatory perverts” and think of FtM men as tragic victims of patriarchy
So my best friend of 8 years F 21 sent my life 360 location to my kids dad M 21 and family who were previously abusive and toxic towards me.
WRONG! This person isn't your best friend. In fact, she isn't any kind of friend at all. Who would do something like this?! Not a friend. A horrible person, but not a friend.
Turn off your location app right now.
Get a restraining order.
Tell the “not a friend” that you can see her for who she is and no longer want her in your life in any way. Then block her on everything. Yeesh.
Is she trying to date your ex? Does she think endearing herself to him and/or helping him kill you will make him love her? You need to completely cut her and anyone who may be feeding her information out of your life.
Let me see if I understand this:
Divorced man who want someone to raise his kids for him trolls around a dorm move-in day
Finds one who bites, and feeds her everything she wants to hear, and makes her think “we have so much in common”
This man gets her to marry him way too quickly
Man immediately puts her in charge of the kids and housework
Hhhhmmmm, when is he gonna get you to drop out of school? Quit your job? Make you a domestic servant? Bang maid he wanted; bang maid he got.
End it. It’s bad for the kids and it’s bad for you. Even without the hitting the screaming isn’t a good environment to grow up in, I grew up in a house with yelling, it does stuff to you.
OP,
Your relationship has not been built on communications. What you need to do is sit down and talk to him in a calm rational manner and discuss any issues that you have and also listen to him. If you can work it out then great, if not then your relationship ends soon but knowing you were able to talk about issues.
Boy that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast.
I totally agree with you but i don’t want to like force him to break of a friendship so i have no idea what to do about that
I’ve never dated someone who “couldn’t understand why I needed alone time” that ended up changing their perspective.
So you were already drank when you visited him? How drank you were? What time was that?
Could do an eyepatch and say you had some eye surgery.
Would be nice if you were right!
Thank you for replying!
They didn't tell you to see a parenting specialist. They told you to see a lawyer.
Yeah that’s true, I will wait a few days to let things settle as I bring it up!
He doesnt care about you. At worst youre the side chick/mistress or he has a side chick/mistress. That’s where his weekend and vacation times are used for.
I know, that’s the way he chose to phrase it.
He deserves it
I am talking to a therapist and she thinks I'm doing better than I was before, I was acting insane months ago now I'm sticking to no contact.
that’s a really good question, i didn’t think about that. i do know that he initially asked me out in february, but i was in a talking stage with somebody else, which i didn’t want to jeopardize, so i declined. i also asked him at that point in time, “aren’t you dating [ex girlfriend]?” to which he said they broke up awhile ago.
now that you mention that though, i do wonder how true that is. this is the first time since i started seeing him that i know for sure they were together, but i could absolutely be wrong.
She should have told him that she fucked his brother before marrying him… are you people ok??? Why are these people trying to downgrade OP's feelings?
That too.
This is idiotic
the gf and I kissed a few times which seemed to upset the colleague
So, why didn't you stop? If it was obviously upsetting him, why did you both continue?
Sounds like Colleague's GF is doing damage control while Colleague is still upset or embarrassed by the incident. Leave them alone and let them come to you if/when they feel ready.
He has no right to do that. I get angry and frustrated but u know what I don't do? Yell at kids that aren't mine. He can not do that and you need to put your foot down. If he can't control his anger he can leave.
It’s the only younger girl he has dated
You are 6 years younger than him. Is this a tr0ll post?
Well, she has the connections but they have no clue that she’s been making up all of this stuff about herself
Don’t marry him. I feel like you need sone support to end this. Can you get in touch with the women’s shelter in your area? Or your schools welfare organisation. They can get you in touch with organisations that can help you. Finally don’t doubt yourself. You sound like you are actually doing an amazing job at working towards your goals. Keep going. Wishing you all the best.
So what new tattoos are you getting
What is ur reasoning for telling them first? Are u definately wanting out of marriage? Bc if not, I wouldnt advise telling anyone else, they will hold it agaisnt her & try to split yall up.
I’m really sorry this is happening. It sounds like it was a surprise to you…and that makes it even worse.
Block him everywhere and grieve the end of this relationship.
Whatever he said during the break-up doesn’t have to mean anything. People say all kinds of weird shit, you know? Even if he is going to live! the way he says he wants….that doesn’t apply to you…it will have no impact on future. It hurts now and contributes to that ‘thrown away toy’ feeling…but that won’t last forever.
Yes sorry I did gloss over it. It was a friend group that was all just a bit much. People got really close really fast where everyone would constantly say they saw each other as family, that sort of thing. There were little things that happened in the group that made me realise I needed to get out like one person shit talking me behind my back, another making snide comments about my family. It was a lot of small things like that but they made me realise I didn't want to be friends with these people for the next four years and I needed to do anything to try and distance myself. I said for financial reasons I couldn't sign a lease with them (which really wasn't a lie) and continued to distance myself. Eventually I gave them my explanation after they asked about why I was doing that and I told them straight up that I just didn't think we were compatible friends. They were very hurt by this, which I can understand. I probably could've handled things better but honestly I just reached a point and needed to get out of there. It's not something where I am totally in the right or totally in the wrong it's just life and the decisions you make to make sure you're going in the right direction.
VLC
I didn't see a clear response, so I have a couple of questions-
Was your fiancé the father of the stillborn child?
If so, he's grieving too. What was his opinion of you carrying your mutual stillborn child's dress in your shared wedding? How has he been handling the grieving process, side from it being really very important to him the wedding would be a happy, healing occasion?
How clear were you to everyone that you'd be tucking the dress very discreetly behind a bouquet? The way you initially described things, it sounds like you wanted to turn walking down the aisle into a funeral procession and parade the dress in your hands like it's a holy relic. Your dad's family also seemed to initially be under this impression. Did your fiance also believe you were about to walk down the aisle in his, your, wedding holding the dress of his recently stillborn child in front of you like a flag or instead of a bouquet, or something?
I'm sorry for your loss, but it kinda seems that neither of you managed to communicate well or fit your grieving processes together. You wanted to have a memento at your wedding, but instead of talking it through you just stopped talking about it and planned to quietly force it through anyway (without being clear about how discreet or not it would be). Your fiance wanted to have the wedding be a break from the grief, and instead of communicating properly and talking it through decided to force his view through as well.
It's a horrible situation but ultimately it sounds like the conflict is borne out of grief and a mismatch in grieving processes – the wedding was too soon, save you both attached different highly emotional expectations related to the loss of your child to it, and neglected actual therapy because you were focusing on the wedding. The path he and his family took wasn't the right one, but honestly you're both experiencing loss and struggling to cope with it
I thought he’d be more mature and treat me better because he is older..
Oh no, I mean stay in the UK until after the wedding.
I wish people would stop calling me names over this I came here because I wanted to know that I’ll be in love again I know it’s bad, I’m not an idiot. It doesn’t make sense to me from a logical standpoint either but it’s where I’m at. A lot of people mentioned Stockholm Syndrome and that makes sense as I don’t really cry or anything anymore. It’s pretty much just weird devotion at this point. I don’t wish it on anyone.
This doesn’t sound good… I see your comment that says he’s reading the messages now but still idk. I don’t want to scare you but I went through this with an ex and he wasn’t answering bc he ended up being dead. That was almost 6 years ago and not responding to my texts will make me fucking crazy so fast. I’d maybe start calling around. I really Don’t want to scare you but what do you mean when you said you know how people get set up around here?
I'm on it, thank you
Thank you 🙂
Ya know, many people are saying this is a dealbreaker. Possibly one of the biggest dealbreakers of all time…
I'm sorry OP- I was trying to find suggestions on what you can do, but you've already specified that these feelings are coming from you knowing him better, and not liking what you've learned. There could be some time to communicate that aspects of how he handles things turn you off (??), but… yeah. What you wrote basically sounds like 'I'm with a guy I don't like, how do I turn him into someone I like'. We've all had these relationships- they start great, but you realize you're different people. That's nude, but saying good-bye to this relationship is your renewed start to finding the one you'll never want to leave.
Good luck OP- it'll be okay!
I’m not readily your story but the moment you get hit the offender needs to be your ex
I'd consider what impact that stress is having. I'd also suggest you read the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski (when you can find time!). It's about women's libidos and goes over a lot of the research, including examining the impact of external factors (like stress), and how those are central to women's libidos.
You made a commitment to your wife first bro. You done messed up. The fact that you’re minimizing her feelings about it too and are getting defensive isn’t doing you any favors. Golf is not that important.
He's not too old for the mom to go in and spend 5 or 10 minutes telling him goodnight and talking about the day…if that works for them. He is a little old for snuggled head rubs putting him to sleep and physically needing to fall asleep laying with the mom. However, it is her call, and you need to respect her boundary. You are free to say that it is to much for you and leave. There are parenting subs.
I know that the majority of men have commitment issues. In case of a divorce he´s going to lose out on a lot, that is an unconscious fear of his. And marriage itself is putting him on the same level as his parents and he probably doesn´t see himself being there. He is still feeling childish, as do most men.
I wouldn´t say he will never be mature enough to marry you. 26 is still a young age for a male, even if he has stable work and good mental health overall. If you see a great person in him I would be patient a bit more. There WILL be a time in his life when he matured enough by himself. Question is if you want to wait that long… I wish you all the best and overall you sound like a strong couple.
It is time to embarrass him about this, stop being sensitive and nice about it! Be real, tell him that you are absolutely disgusted by his lack of teeth brushing. Tell him you cannot imagine his mouth on your lips or any other part of your body until he starts brushing, and follow through with it.
This OP, what you really need to think is why this time is going to be different, what has changed? You didn't resolve any of the conflicts that supposedly lead to her ending the relationship.
You really need to have a series of serious conversations with her about this. Do not be afraid to go deeper into the matter, she shows you once she xan leave you, what is going to cha ge that this time?
No one really knows why he blew up except him. It seems that you might have to have some extended time apart. It seems something is really bothering him but he needs time to himself to process whatever that is without taking it out on you. I understand the doggie situation but he’s a big boy and can take care of the dog – or you can choose an arrangement where you take care of the dog. Whatever works best for you.
I mean this is just a consequence of airing dirty laundry. You should never paint anyone in a light you don’t want them to be seen in in the long run.
Another piece of information that I didn't mention in my original post is that my youngest daughter is pretty rigid in her perspective, which is linked to the fact that she believes she is a psychic and knows and sees things most people don't see.
Ok this is way beyond depression and she needs actual, proper medical/psychiatric intervention.
I just got thru reading a bunch of AITA posts and my mind is stuck in that mode, so I'll say YTA for thinking of bailing on this guy without talking it through with him yet.
That's what you should do, talk it through with him and at the very least tell him about the warnings you got from your friend. He very much needs to know that he's housing a grifter.
Well thats because you are an ADHD and dont know shit what pol like that go through. If you did, you would be criticising her for having a child while being an ADHD