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i feel bad for your husband, he’s just trying to take some weight off of you and all you’re doing is shitting on him. he’s in a weird situation right now with his job and instead of using his time for himself he’s using it to help and assist you. i know it’s rough and you’re at your wits end but the least you can do is save some energy to talk to him properly. To me it sounds like you’re exhausted and have a lot on your plate and you’re subconsciously jealous of your husband and thus you’re getting snappy with him/ giving short responses. best thing you can do is try and set up a day for you to spend time together like a date night (if you have a sitter for the kids) but you two need to spend time together. remember it’s the two of you against the world, not a fight between you vs your husband
Hey, if you really want to know if you want to be married, you can also propose. Sometimes, men don’t want to propose because they think that their partner doesn’t want to get married.
Yes
I have no clue and trying to think of how a random hair like that got in the shower.
I get how you'd wonder that if you've never had long hair. I'm surprised she's wondering that though because if you have had long hair you know it gets EVERYWHERE.
Like… you're at work and sit in a chair and someone's long hair gets stuck to your shirt and then falls on the floor and you step on it and take it into the shower with you. There are a million ways. It's amazing the places I have found my hair and thought “how the fuck”.
He ended up getting engaged in the ~3 months between you sleeping together and finding out you were pregnant?
Break up. You should have done so long ago.
The noise or the dirt are not the main issues here. Rather, it is her manipulation and your willingness to capitulate that are the main problems.
Also, you might need therapy.
more committed and more good are not synonyms. it sounds like yes, you are not as committed. And that is a good thing, she shouldn’t be so committed five months in either
That's a shame, he wasn't able to make time for just a phone call? While it's his birthday and he should do what he wants, I find that a bit inconsiderate
Lemme guess your dad owns Roblox and he can ban my account too huh? If you're so rich, why aren't you in therapy then dumbass ???
Ok well if you cant sublet your place or eat the 5 months of rent, and she doesn’t want to move out, then yeah you may have to spend more time at your gf’s place
He probably gave her a snowball and then kissed u afterwards
People who have been through a “hard-luck phase” often times can be
overly-protective if they later find a sympatico with another. You hit a bump
with Colin and your newbie close friend immediately jumped into the nearest
phone booth and slipped on her Supergirl outfit.
Its not awful or terrible and not just something
a 'Girls' Night together can't clear up.
She disrespected your daughter but you want her back ? Yikes I feel sorry for your daughter .you are clearly only thinking about yourself
What you might want to think about is if you’re at the same stage in life and want the same time frame for moving forewards.
If you’re at the same stage in life, there are no red flags (be aware), and his personality is youthful, then why not give it a chance for a while and see if it works.
Hook ups during work trips is very common. She might be potentially cheating on him. If that's the case he should know about his wife's indiscretion before he tries to have family with her.
It has been a year!!!!
Wake up my brother. It very much looks to me like this woman has worked her way into your life and have you pay for everything for her and her kid. You're not motivated? Where is that part time job she is supposed to be looking for?
Now you come in and say that you would like to separate after providing all this for her and ALL of a sudden she has fallen pregnant? Does this not sound like sus timing to you? I could be wrong, but something here smells fishy
Say for a second she didn't come into this situation to use you, what exactly have you done in this past year to drive her to the point where she has become, essentially, insufferable? Can't think of anything? She was probably using you
How early is too early? It's not, she lives with you. Depending on where you live! she could be entitled to things based on the length of time you have lived together. I would have gotten a lawyer yesterday, just to see what my responsibility is in such a situation
Good enough to be his girlfriend but not his wife or the mother of his kids. Next…
If you don't like how he's treating you then you should end the relationship and leave. I don't know if you're waiting around for him to make it exclusive or what, but you're wasting your time.
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I took a look at their post history as well, and it doesn’t seem like OP responds to most comments. And this has been going on for a while (Posted something about her controlling mom when she was 26, so a year has passed and OP hasn’t changed) so I’m unsure if OP is going to take any advice, this must be just a rant post.
Being friends with an ex? Nude no from me.
It doesn’t sound like you ever met. Emotions are complicated. Therapy may help.
But honestly, just get back on the horse. Locally. Internet relationships, to me, are about the fantasy.
Get involved with some hobby groups, chat up cute people, ask them out.
The decision making skills of a drunken 21 year old on new years aren’t that much better than a 13 year old. Shoot her some bail
I advise not making a clever comeback.
I'd love to hear your daughter's version of this story.
Honestly, it sounds like there is a giant emotional gulf between yourself and your child emotionally. I’m sure the incidents described do not help, nor does reinforcing narrowly defined concepts of beauty and gender and attractiveness and worth.
Maybe take a look at what part you yourself is playing in this.
You are the parent. You set the tone of the emotional bond between you and your child—not them. Forever. Even when everyone is an adult.
No. It’s the start of this relationship and you’re sleeping styles don’t mesh. Might not be a good fit.
What are you upset about exactly?
It is not very healthy and/or mature to ask for advice knowing you won't listen. Which one do you reckon he is: immature or toxic?
I mean, I can't really imagine anyone doing that, it's odd…
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Edit: I’ve been told that it’s important I include how we met in the OP. We originally met on a sugar dating website. I want to clarify that I never received an allowance from him, rather it was a spoiling relationship where he paid for most things and bought me gifts due to a sizeable difference in our incomes. Recently, he had to pull back on spending, and that did not change my feelings towards him at all, but there’s some extra context to how our relationship began.
I have been with my partner for almost a year and I love him so much. Our connection is so deep, we seem to be able to predict what the other needs/wants at any given moment, and I can’t remember the last time I felt this comfortable with someone. The problem is that they are extremely ignorant about social issues, and the emotional labour I have put into teaching him to be better is starting to drain me.
For context, this week alone we have had two major fights regarding sexism. Whilst I was working, a man came in and, long story short, told me I was useless because I’m a woman. When I told my partner about this, his immediate response was to laugh and say “why did you let him get to you?”. I was appalled. I have expressed to my partner multiple times that I am often discriminated against for being a woman, that I get derogatory comments regularly, and that because of the behaviour of men, simply existing as a woman can be exhausting. Yet this was his reaction to a person being outright sexist towards his partner. Not to condemn the man for his comments, but to laugh and ask why I let it get to me. We fought for an entire day before he understood that not only did he not support me, but by laughing and saying I shouldn’t get angry, he was giving the man a pass for his actions.
Yesterday, I unfortunately came across my partner’s group chat. I really wish I hadn’t. Their group chat profile pic is of two girls, one of which his friend was sleeping with more than a year ago. One of the girls is fully clothed, the other is not. I want to preface this by saying that I am all for women doing what they want with their bodies, including taking and sending nudes. The problem here is that I am certain that my partner’s friend did not have the consent of the women in the photo to be the mascot of a group chat, and that my partner allowed it to happen. I feel disrespected, not only as a partner, but as a woman, and on behalf of the women in the photo. Apparently, the photo has been the group chat pic for more than a year, so longer than we’ve been together. My partner is apologetic but says he had forgotten all about it, which is unlikely- the picture is small but visible every time he receives a message in the chat. Even though he’s apologetic, I can’t seem to get past the fact that he was complicit in allowing this photo to be used in the first place, even before he met me. Why did he think that was acceptable? I can also only imagine the comments that were made when the photo was chosen, and am filled with dread just thinking about it.
I want to know, is this the kind of behaviour that women are supposed to tolerate from cis men in this day and age? I’m seriously considering leaving my partner because I am completely appalled by his behaviour, but he is so good to me otherwise. My biggest fear is that all men are like this behind closed doors, and that leaving him will be a mistake because I’ll face the same issues no matter who I’m with.
TLDR: My partner treats me extremely well, but has been complicit in sexism. Is this a valid reason to leave?
I just find it funny that it is always him and no one else. Once is ok, two times is a coincidence but three times start to be very repetitive.
Well, that escalated pretty fast.
You are quite unlikable. So it raises questions.
I'd give a lot to hear another side of this story.
You are 26 and somehow managed to live! a life before your boyfriend.
No one here is saying “lol, stop being poor”. You were given tips where to run and how to trim spendings.
You chose to be snarky. Is this how you communicate with people around you?
“Desperation”.
No, doesn't seem like it. Seems like a pissy teenager throwing a tantrum when Santa didn't give him everything at once.
It doesn't work this way. Reddit will not magically fart out a good chunk of money for you and a faithful boyfriend.
It's your job take care of your own ass, not for some strangers to come and save you.
You don't want to hear what you can dig towards to but want to flip people left and right for sound advice?
Then, sit tight and suck it up, buttercup.
You GF is not trying to sabotage you. It's normal that she wants to go on dates with you.
You two have priorities that just aren't compatible. You want to focus on your work and studies and she wants to have a normal romantic relationship with dates and spending time together.
You two should find time to sit down and just talk about what choices you have considering your future since you two aren't really compatible
Is he always this unpleasant? You sleep apart out of consideration for him. And when caught out for something less than ideal on his phone, he goes on the attack? Oh, honey 🙁 Who knows what his motivation is here, but blame shifting and getting all up on his high horse about your wrongs and flaws sounds like he wants to be the victim, you to be at fault. It's either immature as eff or manipulative as eff, and neither is good.
And yet, I assume he makes time for sex.
My partner fails to comprehend this and disapproves of me being in what he perceives as a 'promiscuous' atmosphere. Recently, we had a heated argument because he didn't approve of me returning home late. It's worth mentioning that I go clubbing only a few times a year, not on a regular basis. I'm perplexed as to how I can make him realize that my intention is to enjoy myself and nothing else!
He is far too old to be controlling. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He has trust issues and because he has trust issues, he is now trying to control what you can and cannot do. I'm glad you reached an agreement you find acceptable, but all that is doing is reinforcing his insecurities and validating them. The underlying issue is still present despite this compromise, and I suggest you sit down and talk to him about it so that you can address the long-term concerns rather than slapping a bandaid on it.
What's appealing about holding yourself back because someone else can't get their shit together? Because he's cute?!
i get the feeling that most people would much rather take an implausible (imo, very fake) story at face value and help out a fellow human, rather than dismiss a potentially harmful situation.
Since this, I’ve realized I no longer fit the diagnostic criteria for borderline personality disorder
And what does your therapist say about this? BPD is a problem with emotional regulation. Clearly that relationship was emotionally trying, likely a constant source of anxiety exacerbated by the disorder, and with the relationship now over you've been able to stabilise. But you should still be pursuing healthy coping strategies and getting the feedback of professionals before you go assuming it is not a part of your life anymore, especially as it doesn't tend to work that way and worse it can come crashing back faster than you hope.
Even if he reacts to all this positively I just don't see any real benefit to telling him outside spite or a sense of vindication. He can apologise but that won't change that what he did hurt. And worse, what if his response is to get upset or defensive, then this exercise would leave you feeling significantly worse.
You’re assuming the drunk person can aim properly tho
Not enough detail.
When did this start happening? How long has it been happening? What happened around the same time as this began?
Take it from me dude, you don’t have to take this kind of behaviour from your partner. If you feel lying is the best way to stop her going off at you, you need to address this head on. I had a similar situation where I lied to an ex because I was worried about her reaction, and it never plays out well. You either end up walking on eggshells or you suppress it to the point it explodes out of you, which that will cause even more arguements!
If you want to compromise by reducing how much you message her, then that’s a valid bargaining chip to use, but cutting her off completely because you were afraid of your wife’s reaction is not the one. You’ll find all your friends have been alienated before long, and if you and your wife broke up, you’re starting from scratch!
Let's be real here the eastern and strong religious types are getting butt hurt
You actually can block a user on Discord. It will then just show as “blocked message”.
So yes, you really can’t see how you are being terrible here. Game plan…
Decide if sex with your bf is bad enough to be a dealbreaker. If yes, go to step 2, if no, this is your life now.
2a. Tell your boyfriend you want to improve things, this is something for you to fix together. Read some books, do some research, try some stuff. Help with meal planning, help with grocery shopping, ask to do more active things that will help him get in shape.
2b. If one of you isn’t willing to work on it, break up.
Is sex life improved? Then go back to step one and decide if it’s improved enough. Keep going through the cycle till you are happy with your sex life or you land on 2b and someone’s not willing to work on it.
If your answer, in a monogamous relationship, is to suggest you and you alone go fuck other people, you are a garbage human. Stop the damn pity party and painting yourself as a victim. Work on it or break up.
Wow! You're a scammer. Yea. Dump your bf and go meet him. Karma will soon get you.
Wow are you serious, that’s such a cute pic! He sounds like a giant man child, I’d move on – also considering that he showed pics of your sister to his friends. I would not be able to get over that fact.
I get that, I know when I'm uncomfortable I turn to sarcasm sometimes.
So, what do you want to do? Do you want to stay with the cheater?
Perhaps, try writting down what you want to say to him about how you actually feel and how you want to proceed.
Yeah I think I'll try to bring it up that way. Thank you, I really appreciate it.
As for my mom, you're right. Yes, she doesn't quite like him.. she's been bringing up that we should be breaking up for a while but I think it's partially because she has a bias against his family and it's like a clash of personalities. It's pretty cool how you got that.
Sometimes we forget what's saved on our phones. These were pictures of half-naked girls also. Does he have a laptop, desktop, or cloud you want to clean up too? He probably wasn't going back every few days and reminiscing.
You should not be paying a share of the mortgage and certainly no maintenance or repairs.
You should be paying rent and share of utilities.
Ask your counselor what you should do about telling the kids. Usually, would recommend telling but not going into detail. You can tell them you don't want them to take sides or at least not cut their mom out of their lives. Ultimately, it's up to them. Sorry this happened.
I admit that I was biased against your post when I first read it. Because usually people concerned with their partners friendships are spiraling in a bad way. But your rules look fine to me. Good. I hope you're being respectful and respected. I hope you're happy.
Groomer? Where's that coming from?
But honestly it's not worth losing him, if I lose someone on the long run due to life I don't mind but if I did it myself I won't accept it
It would be incredibly invalidating to him to say having a toddler is the easiest stage. It’s literally called “the terrible twos” and toddlers are chaotic as fuck.
I agree with u/tiredandshort; anyone who says a toddler is easy has been graced with an easy toddler. My first son was-my second was not easy at all and definitely gets easier with age. He also never slept well which is not uncommon.
I’d follow your heart and go for someone you feel will match up to what you want because that’s what makes a successfull relationship not just with a long term one but with sex
Sounds like A has taken advantage of the poly situation in the first place by having you move in. It’s not okay if you can move in and be invited into A and K’s shared bed but K’s bf isn’t.
Well, he is buying into a “perception of risk” hole known as the “appearance of control”. People don't accurately assess risk using statistics. They generally use heuristics. So he says “Well the main reason people crash is because they lose control of their vehicle” (regardless of whether this is actually true), “I'm a good driver and motorcycles have more maneuverability, therefore I'll have better avoidance and be safer”. This is not based on statistics or strict logic.
This is the main reason most people are willing to risk their lives doing stupid shit. They believe they are skilled and in control of what is happening. He doesn't control other drivers. He doesn't control road conditions. He doesn't control random mechanical failures. Whatever additional control or maneuverability he has is more than offset by not being surrounded by a high quality metal box designed to take the impact load of another 2 ton metal box traveling at high speeds. It's just squishy body vs. multi-ton object.