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I mentioned therapy, but didn’t go into it deeply since everyone else already had. I know it’s not a healthy response. I’ve been this girl. A lot of us have been this girl.
I had no intention to undermine the therapy recommendation, only to add something else that has helped me along the way. Women’s self defense classes create a sisterhood. You just understand each other without having to divulge anything.
As far as men saying things to her, I’m guessing you aren’t a woman. Besides, many people are saying she has been assaulted, which also isn’t mentioned in the post. Are you calling all of those people out too? I felt the way she does about guys staring because of what men said to me. Every stare made me hear the words of others. Not that I needed that, since inappropriate things were said to me near daily. Inappropriate things are still said to me regularly and I’m in my 40s. I had this conversation with two other women last week who have the same experience.
For all we know, she could have grown up in a conservative household that loves to blame women for things. That’s not assault, although arguably traumatic in some cases.
This was posted so people could give their take. As a woman, these things have happened to me and I’ve felt her feelings, even before my actual assault occurred. I never mention things that were said to me to the men in my life because I felt shame and I didn’t want them to lose it and hurt someone because they felt they needed to protect me. I know quite a few women that have kept their fathers, brothers, and significant others in the dark about things that have been said or done to them because they were afraid the men they love would retaliate and end up in jail. Even in our trauma, women will fight to protect the men we love so they aren’t stripped away from us. While my post wasn’t logical to you, it is my story and it is possible it is hers as well.
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I hardly know any guy that would tell his girl “hey please don’t post me on your social media”
All I’m asking is if it is a red flag that was it. Guys can’t ask a question on here about a girl without being called insecure / controlling etc
You guys broke up and you're ok with it. So why make it an issue? She lied and broke your trust but you've broken up and you're ok with it.
You said she on her way out, so what's the issue? Wash everything, flip the mattress or get a new one and get on with your life. I just don't see the point in bringing it up at all because you're ok with it.
Or….you guys broke up because lack of sex and now she's being a passive-aggressive bitch banging some guy in your bed. She lied to you and hurt you.
I still don't see the point in talking it out. You've broken up, she's moving out soon. Move on. Living well is the best revenge. Starting an argument, because accusing someone of breaking a promise and lying about it is automatically confrontational, is a no-win. You will not feel better. She will lie or confess. How does that help?
You waited years to introduce your children to friends? Cautious little one, aren’t you?
He's 100% not over her, no where near
Do yourself a favour n fuck him off, for your own well being
My bf has expressed his exhaustion with me bringing my hurt up and ‘making him the bad guy.’
He is the bad guy he keeps banging on about his ex, the pic of her during sex is pretty shadey especially as he told you he was over her………
For real ? there’s so many people here who think only women get mad at men for doing this and not vice versa but as a women, I’m here to tell y’all it’s gross when WOMEN DO IT too. I’m 29 and even the thought of dating a 20yo is gross.
She's going to assume it because it's happened so many times in the past. You can't blame her for jumping to that conclusion; it's a pattern of behavior you've made easy for her to follow. Should have kept proof of your innocence.
Most people see going on social media and soliciting nudes/sexting other women as cheating. It doesn't matter if you see it that way or not. That's reality.
You talk about “the past” as though it was a decade ago. It was yesterday.
I'm normally for working out relationships. However, you don't fully acknowledge the many things you've done wrong. There's an excuse for everyone of them.
Apologies don't mean anything if you don't make a change. You can recognize that you shouldn't be yelling insulting things at her, but what are you actually doing to change? Are you in anger management? Have you tried a single coping mechanism for your anger? I'm guessing not.
Take nails and a hammer to a wooden board. Send all of the nails into the board. Once all of the nails are in, take them out one at a time and tell the board you're sorry while you do. Did all the holes magically disappear? No? So sorry isn't a magic word to undo all hurt and pain? Time would eventually heal it… But it won't happen overnight.
I feel for you. I'm sure you feel like you're trying and that you want to change. She shouldn't have to wait in pain while you sort yourself. Letting go of the person you love is difficult. But if you love her, if you really love her… Let her go.
Take what you've learned from being with her and work on yourself before starting a relationship with someone else.
…I mean, that's the logical thing to feel imo.