You are living off of YOUR savings so how is he providing for you? If you hadn’t worked and saved so much money, what would you be doing now? And when your savings are gone in a few weeks, what happens then? It’s one thing for the wife to stay home with the kids while the husband works, but he isn’t working and there is no money coming in, so his 1950s fantasy isn’t even possible. Work while you can because you need the money. Don’t let him control you because it will just get worse. You have a child to think of now and that is your first priority.
We're only getting your side of this, but it sounds like you have been willing to bargain and compromise. She's probably been using the same tactic since she was a child.
I was really thin as a pre-teen and puberty hit me bad. I gained a lot of weight from overeating and health issues that were undiagnosed. I felt very ashamed of how I looked and I felt that both of my parents were embarrassed to have a fat daughter.
There is not much you can say because it will be interpreted poorly. However, I think it would be a good idea to take them to the doctor for a checkup and have the doctor express concerns about their health and any potential side effects/future issues as a result. It may be received better from a doctor as opposed to you. Less personal.
Is this rage bait? I'm having a nude time with this one. If a friend said everything in this post and all your comments to you, what would you say to that person?
Well I guess you don't need other that you feel uncomfortable. No is obliged to stay in relationship. With that said her ignoring your existence is definietely rude and disrespectful
my support network are her friends, she's lost 2 because they've 'said' they want to sleep with me (spoiler, I know them pretty well, 1 would but i told my wife the minute i met that one that my gut says she's a bad one, the other one had a partner and had her own morals, she's said she wouldn't). as for my family, they're 4000 away and narsasstic as all hell
She’s lied about where she was before and the past times I asked her about it she turned the conversation around on me and started listing a bunch of mistakes or things I’ve done that she doesn’t like. Because of this I’m not sure if I want to confront her because I don’t want to loose her.
She’s gaslighting you. And as long as you’re afraid to lose her, she will continue to do whatever the hell she wants because she knows she can get away with it.
This is absurd…no wonder the divorce rate is what it is in the U.S…..just get the divorce because you clearly are looking for an out which isn't necessary just file it for “irreconcilable differences” so both of you can move on.
You shouldn't ignore it. Someone told you about feeling they used to have, they didn't even try to pursue you yet, and that's enough for you to want to end your engagement? That is a neon sign indicating that you shouldn't be getting married. This confession should not have rocked your perception of your relationship so severely, and it would be unfair of you to marry your fiance now.
This level of “cold feet” does not happen to everybody.
Reacting to your edits, I'm also one that love to make thing in list and think situation will come down to these. In fact it will fail. You feel like this list will circle any situation that will hurt you, but it won't be. Love is sometime about being hurt. Even those that love each other's so much hurt themselves. What makes love being able to hold is just that any part of life you just make actions to make your GF proud, and your GF to make you proud. And yet, as you said in one of your thoughts, you can't be everything to her. If she feels like speaking of your relationship to some male, well, maybe she just need it. What does it remove to you ? Especially if she does this to solve an issue with you, then you win something at the end. Imagine also that she wants to go beyond some of these boundaries at some point. Well having those in place doesn't remove the fact you'll feel trashed. Those feelings are normal, its just your actions after them that count.
You can absolutely find someone who will accept you for who you are. All of my friends and I had “hoe” phases in college and they’re all married and I’m in a happy relationship with a guy who gives zero fucks about my past. It’s a matter of respect. And there’s also no need to disclose past sexual history unless a partner specifically asks you about it.
We all have pasts. You can and will find someone who doesn’t care about yours and will love you for who you are. This guy is not it.
when i say perfect i really do mean out of the movies perfect. he buys me flowers every possible chance he gets he provides me with emotional support he's understanding he's funny he's got a good job and is a nude worker he invested a good amount of time into our relationship and deals with my overthinking. The only thing that i may have had a bit of a glitch about is the fact he's quite immature- some back story- he has severe adhd and was on medication for a while, he came off them because they made him feel empty and emotionless which is why he likes to have alot of fun and jokes, not taking life too seriously. whereas i on the other hand am an extremely emotional person. sometimes i want a serious conversation which can feel forced because he likes to have a laugh as much as he can. i spoke to a few of my friends and him about this and realised we do have normal conversations it's just that the “normal” i'm used to is conversations i shouldn't have to be having at my age. I suppose there's the chance we might not be compatible but he makes me so happy, and once i've attached to someone it's really hard for me to let go. c x
Your mom might be next
You are living off of YOUR savings so how is he providing for you? If you hadn’t worked and saved so much money, what would you be doing now? And when your savings are gone in a few weeks, what happens then? It’s one thing for the wife to stay home with the kids while the husband works, but he isn’t working and there is no money coming in, so his 1950s fantasy isn’t even possible. Work while you can because you need the money. Don’t let him control you because it will just get worse. You have a child to think of now and that is your first priority.
Try scheduling a phone or FaceTime date?
We're only getting your side of this, but it sounds like you have been willing to bargain and compromise. She's probably been using the same tactic since she was a child.
I was really thin as a pre-teen and puberty hit me bad. I gained a lot of weight from overeating and health issues that were undiagnosed. I felt very ashamed of how I looked and I felt that both of my parents were embarrassed to have a fat daughter.
There is not much you can say because it will be interpreted poorly. However, I think it would be a good idea to take them to the doctor for a checkup and have the doctor express concerns about their health and any potential side effects/future issues as a result. It may be received better from a doctor as opposed to you. Less personal.
Meanwhile, she's just a damn genius.
Is this rage bait? I'm having a nude time with this one. If a friend said everything in this post and all your comments to you, what would you say to that person?
Well I guess you don't need other that you feel uncomfortable. No is obliged to stay in relationship. With that said her ignoring your existence is definietely rude and disrespectful
my support network are her friends, she's lost 2 because they've 'said' they want to sleep with me (spoiler, I know them pretty well, 1 would but i told my wife the minute i met that one that my gut says she's a bad one, the other one had a partner and had her own morals, she's said she wouldn't). as for my family, they're 4000 away and narsasstic as all hell
She’s lied about where she was before and the past times I asked her about it she turned the conversation around on me and started listing a bunch of mistakes or things I’ve done that she doesn’t like. Because of this I’m not sure if I want to confront her because I don’t want to loose her.
She’s gaslighting you. And as long as you’re afraid to lose her, she will continue to do whatever the hell she wants because she knows she can get away with it.
This is absurd…no wonder the divorce rate is what it is in the U.S…..just get the divorce because you clearly are looking for an out which isn't necessary just file it for “irreconcilable differences” so both of you can move on.
That's actually really offensive tho ? you're creating links where there is none. The discussion is not about sexual orientation here
You shouldn't ignore it. Someone told you about feeling they used to have, they didn't even try to pursue you yet, and that's enough for you to want to end your engagement? That is a neon sign indicating that you shouldn't be getting married. This confession should not have rocked your perception of your relationship so severely, and it would be unfair of you to marry your fiance now.
This level of “cold feet” does not happen to everybody.
Reacting to your edits, I'm also one that love to make thing in list and think situation will come down to these. In fact it will fail. You feel like this list will circle any situation that will hurt you, but it won't be. Love is sometime about being hurt. Even those that love each other's so much hurt themselves. What makes love being able to hold is just that any part of life you just make actions to make your GF proud, and your GF to make you proud. And yet, as you said in one of your thoughts, you can't be everything to her. If she feels like speaking of your relationship to some male, well, maybe she just need it. What does it remove to you ? Especially if she does this to solve an issue with you, then you win something at the end. Imagine also that she wants to go beyond some of these boundaries at some point. Well having those in place doesn't remove the fact you'll feel trashed. Those feelings are normal, its just your actions after them that count.
You can absolutely find someone who will accept you for who you are. All of my friends and I had “hoe” phases in college and they’re all married and I’m in a happy relationship with a guy who gives zero fucks about my past. It’s a matter of respect. And there’s also no need to disclose past sexual history unless a partner specifically asks you about it.
We all have pasts. You can and will find someone who doesn’t care about yours and will love you for who you are. This guy is not it.
when i say perfect i really do mean out of the movies perfect. he buys me flowers every possible chance he gets he provides me with emotional support he's understanding he's funny he's got a good job and is a nude worker he invested a good amount of time into our relationship and deals with my overthinking. The only thing that i may have had a bit of a glitch about is the fact he's quite immature- some back story- he has severe adhd and was on medication for a while, he came off them because they made him feel empty and emotionless which is why he likes to have alot of fun and jokes, not taking life too seriously. whereas i on the other hand am an extremely emotional person. sometimes i want a serious conversation which can feel forced because he likes to have a laugh as much as he can. i spoke to a few of my friends and him about this and realised we do have normal conversations it's just that the “normal” i'm used to is conversations i shouldn't have to be having at my age. I suppose there's the chance we might not be compatible but he makes me so happy, and once i've attached to someone it's really hard for me to let go. c x