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I'm getting close to that point. Her tantrums are horrible and the way she reacts to things is like a hormonal teenager. But she is also pregnant. and idk how long I go trying to keep her happy before I break. I'm going to end up just baby daddy #2. Don't get me wrong I'm not innocent in our arguments, and the red flags have been waving since the start. But everytime I pull the trigger and dump her. she manages to convince me I was crazy and that it was my fault and Im left with nothing to say.
He does realize that his load determines the sex of the baby, right?
NTA, and talk to a divorce lawyer.
ESH If you don’t want to see your brother on Christmas, don’t go. Or give gifts to the other kids separate. But you’re TA if you single one kid out that significantly to punish your brother.
You need to leave her. You're getting nothing out of the relationship and you're getting jerked around on a leash. You're better off out of it.
Nope, I just got home from the gym and now watching tv. Not everything needs to be verified but just 100% trust is always a mistake.
I don't think the neighbors deserve a bottle of wine. They were being loud at an inappropriate time. Most building have rules that say you cannot have parties during the weekday after certain time.
OP can still go to talk to the neighbors and try to have a calm conversation with them. But he is mad at his wife rather than being mad at the rude neighbors.
Your insecurity is not really her issue. I know it sounds counter intuitive but work on that instead of working on her doing what you want.
If you can not trust her, stop being with her. Its okay to have a past. What she should have done is telling you “Nope, i like those.” – instead she was being insecure herself and agreed. Now she lies because she neither wants to upset or delete them.
You guys play each other with stupid games but you were the one throwing the ball. Take that ball back and let her be. Rather than being insecure about it, let it be a opportunity to grow and actually see yourself as her Nr.1 because if YOU start questionign that position, she will, too.
If it's fair for both of you, sure. But this sounds super unhealthy in every sentence. He doesn't sound that interested in you, and you sound super clingy. Why do ft if he's not going to give you the time of day? And why did you get horny when he was not even paying attention? Just get off of ft.
Maybe her words are genuine, that’s a very real possibility. But humans and their relationships are complicated.. just because she says she wants out doesn’t mean she will take the steps. It’s an incentive to her maybe to have someone already lined up, but I do believe this is something she needs to do on her own. If not, you can grow resentment if the process takes a lot of time, it can not incentivize her as well if she gets to have her cake and eat it too. She can grow to regret this as she will not experience alone time to grow..
I would keep it friendly and low contact and see if she follows through. I personally don’t think people should leave one relationship for another.. it’s a bad start. Better she chooses to leave and wants you too.
Can't groom someone who is literally a year and a few months younger than you and legally an adult. Not to mention your friends are even older than you by 3 years. He just doesn't have older friends like you do and isn't on his own like most 18 year olds who are spending their teen years having fun like most do. He's a regular teenager and gotta understand a lot of people aren't like you who were 18 and living on their own and have their own place with a job and all that. Everyone has a different experience at certain ages. I'm 23 and have a family that I love and fine and like being a family man but I know other 23 year olds aren't doing what I'm doing and doing things differently, like focused on friends and taking it slow. People are just different. And if that's a deal breaker, maybe just find someone who is older and adulting since that's what you seem to he looking for.
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I was going to say, this reminds me of my grandparents on both sides – one Cuban, one Venezuelan. Both particular about the food in their houses, one bordering on hoarding and the other obsessive in counting the food she has.
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I have this in my current relationship but after seeing it for what it is I'm learning to be more present and find happiness in it.
I'm used to chasing and begging for love and affection from people who wouldn't or couldn't give that to me (my dad in this case). In just about every relationship I ended up with someone who told me they weren't looking for anything serious and chased and beg until it was serious and I was in a relationship where they couldnt give me what I needed, so I continued to chase and beg and become an anxious mess when I felt them slipping away even a little.
This ended up with me associating the feeling of anxiety with love. I confused anxiety with butterflies and this deep deep feeling of love.
So when I got in the relationship I'm in now where I'm shown love in so many ways and never have to even ask for it I don't get that “butterflies” feeling anymore whenever thinking of them and that triggered my brain to think something is wrong.
But thinking of them brings calm and comfort and I'm learning to accept that this is what love feels like and to find peace in it. Because in the beginning I was definitely starting arguments just to get that anxiety hit. It's like an addiction almost ?
Tell him this: ” You're right! I may be shabby, but at least I'm not a superficial, judgemental asshole.”
Who the hell do they think they are? I'm so offended and insulted on your behalf!
like i said, id love to be proven wrong. i appreciate your comment.
There is really nothing to talk about because his beliefs are ingrained in him and not going to change. When a person thinks they are so in love with someone, they are blind to their faults. This guy has such a long list that your love can’t overlook them and eventually that love turns to resentment. Take a hard look at everything he has said and done and ask yourself if you can deal with that for the rest of your life. He is not just badmouthing rich people in general, but your own family. Consider the source.
I think you way under-reacted. I would have gone downstairs and pulled the chord on the radio and kicked everyone out as soon as he cranked the volume. Then made him sleep on the couch. If at any point the music came back on, I would cut the chord so it couldn't be plugged back in without repairs that a drunk person is unlikely to be able to do. Now that those things are no longer options, absolutely call his mom and explain his behavior and why you need to catch up on your sleep instead of coming to dinner. I also agree with others here that if he doesn't offer sincere apologies after sobering up, you need to reevaluate this relationship.
you could pretend to be oblivious
Yeah, I don't think that would be an issue.
Do not message her. Leave her alone.
By all accounts, she's happy. If you really love her as much as you claim to, your first priority is her happiness even if it means she's happy with someone else.
This is one of those hard life lessons: don't take people for granted, because nobody owes you a second chance, never mind a third.
She has a great job, partner, puppy. She's getting engaged. Blowing all that up sounds miserable. It's a fantasy to think that would be romantic or appealing to anyone. Even turning you down would be emotionally draining and uncomfortable for her. Do you want to cause drama and conflict in her life? This is not a rom-com.
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Hugs, she is using you as an emotional support animal. Friends occasionally dump but she did more than that.
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You said you try not to act desperate but you bought flowers and went kinda over the top for a first date. You're also messaging her asking her to tell her if she's not interested. Here's my advice (coming from a person in a committed relationship):
Accept her reasons for not seeing and talking to you. It was a first date, not a year into your relationship. If she can't/doesn't want to talk, respect that. Also remember, December is full of holidays and family stuff for most people, she likely is really busy.
Focus on yourself. It was a FIRST date and a few hang outs. It is a huge deal for you because it was your first date ever and that's great. Congratulations man! You do have to realize that first dates are usually to test the waters. You're not necessarily committed to someone because you went out and if she doesn't want to talk after for any reason, that's fine. The antidote to feeling lonely about this though is to really focus on yourself. Do not get caught up messaging her multiple times when she doesn't respond. Seriously, focus on your own life. Spend time with family, work, hang out with friends. Maybe try something new like a hobby or push further into one you're already doing.
I can't stress that enough. If she doesn't want to talk to you and won't respond, LET IT GO! If she really wants to, she'll message you back later. If she doesn't, forcing something to happen isn't good for either of you.
I know it might hurt because you were told she liked you, but you also don't know how different you acted around her once you found out. She just might not like that feeling. At times, I haven't too. There will be many more first dates and if people want to ghost you or beat around the bush, let them because that just shows how much of an asshole they are. Do you really want to be with a ghosting asshole?
thanks!
obligated to stay, more for my kids rather than out of love
I'm not sure you're doing the kids any long-term favors here.
I think this is all wrong. You are not communicating. Both of you are manipulating each other.
You need to demand that either you make a plan for getting together again or divorce.
One is to be clear – are there enough feelings from both of you to build on. If she say maybe in the future / this is over – divorce. Feelings do not return just because you stay away from each other.!
Thailand worked because you were dating. Are you dating now or just meeting with kids? If not look into it. If she does not want to – it is over – divorce.
Now you need to work on communication – there have to be rules. This is something both of you need to work on. You need to figure out how to talk honestly, open, tolerant and kindly with each other. You need to understand each others expectations, to your self, to each other and to the relationship. Then talk about behaviour and how you get things done and how to follow up on them.
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I think he overreacted (especially the thing with the soda can).
Its shitty to walk through the snow so i get his point but if its caused on medical conditions he cant blame you and shouldnt hold a grudge for that. Its not like that you felt asleep to show him so if he dont accept the medical issues you have he somehow doesnt accept you as you are.
You should talk with him about it, if he keep blaming you for things that arent under your control you do better with breaking up because there are high chances to get blamed for things you wasnt even involved in the future.
Maybe try to find a better arangement than you picking him up, to ensure he doesnt have to walk home, as i can see that this is exhausting for him too.
Stop sleeping with him until you trust him again. Get an STD test Get an individual therapist in addition to couple counseling. Keep in mind you need to figure this out and just before and after birth won’t be the time to do so. You will be drained and exhausted as you get used to your new human being around.
I would perhaps speak with your husband to say that time is needed, you both are about to be parents and need a good co parenting relationship and right now you need to focus on that. Be friends instead of trying to force your marriage back to the before state.
And if it doesn’t work out, remember that parents who are respectful and friendly to each other, who show a child they are loved and who spend quality time with the kid is far better than a miserable and possibly resentful and bitter couple who are still married.
Bail out. The trust is gone. Bail out.
So, if your only comfortable starting that way. Maybe message her and ask how she is doing. You need to start the conversation at least. I dont think liking post and wishing her a happy birthday is going to do much as almost everyone on her social media is doing that. You gotta put yourself out there a little bit. Start off as if your talking to a friend
Why would you want to be in a relationship where he's “the captain” instead of your partner.
I know it feels horrible right now, but in the long run you are so much better off without him. But do go after him for child support because he's likely not going to be doing much parenting.
The best thing to do is break up. The majority of the time when someone asks for an open relationship it’s because they have someone else they want to cheat with but want to do it without any guilt. If someone wants to try out other people to make sure they want to be with you its a huge red flag.
Ikr, this ‘apart / a part’ confusion drives me crazy when folk have zero clue wtf they’re writing. Or saying.
Are you paying child support?
I'm concerned that you let your husband make this determination, and you blindly accept it. I mean, is he a psychiatrist or something, or just an armchair diagnostician?
Will he have to pay gift taxes if he gives you half of a house?
What if he dies and you are not on a deed then who'll get the house?
He'll never feel secured enough from what I'm reading..
In the hospital? Must be on admit because if they have been there a day or two it would most likely be gone.
If you’ve tried saying it in every nice way already then maybe it is time to be more direct. You could say something like “taking care of your health is good for you and also an attractive trait to me”
So she’s going to live her Japan dream and leave you behind to send her your paycheck? It sounds like you and her have different life goals. You need to talk about what you want your marriage to look like and make sure your futures align because it sounds like you’re going to end up paying for her Japan dream and a divorce when this marriage falls apart.
She is gaslighting you and deflecting by saying you’re “negative.” Voicing your concerns on logistics and finances is completely reasonable. If you can’t have a simple conversation living situation and finances then you and her shouldn’t be married; and if that is the case then it is ok. You’re really young and there are other fish in the sea. I can tell you from experience that my second marriage is everything I wished for in my first marriage— so it can get MUCH better.
What would you like him to do when you're upset? I'm asking for a detailed list if instructions
Maybe you're missing part of the story?
Well I called him now he seems like he don't want to talk but still he was on call so I started asking about have you been college today and other stuff then he was still like that I asked him how the party he was like it was good but you missed it I was like okay. He again asked me why you weren't there, it was like excuse all things you told me that you were sleeping not feeling well. I was like wow now my sickness seems excuse to you. He was you said you were sleeping then I said I already told why I was sleeping then I didn't feel like talking and I was quite and started crying I don't know why it was like I was questioning myself why you are like this.
Then he come to meet me asked me what happened why are you crying. I said I don't even know just tears falling out. Then I told that if you are thinking that I don't like that person or his bday party and not interested that's not even case. I'm like just friends or his my classmate kind of thing but I don't him that I was really not able get ready and come and sit there and fake laughing you just can't do that thing when you are not in that mood. He was like okay you should take care of your health. My immunity is kind of weak I know that I easily get sick and he so many times told me work out and eat well but I am lazy for workouts.
He told me to take care of myself and told me when you don't want to go just clearly tell that and this is how the conversation ends and he hugged me
You thought he wouldn't hit you the first time, but he did! This is the start of abuse. I also think that there is more behind WHY your husband hit you, he is lashing out at you for a reason. Pack a bag for you and your son and leave and go somewhere safe until everything calms down and can think clearly. He physically assaulted you and this is domestic violence. Your husband clearly has issues and it's aimed at you. Separate from him and stay away until he gets help.
As a woman, it sounds like just a friend. Idk about you, but I usually hand out and laugh with friends, and I spent time with them (even more if I go to the gym with them).
Texting a friend and teasing them with light punches is something very normal and common. Have you ever had a female friend before? Maybe you struggle with this cuz you haven't had this before and doesn't seem as normal.
Either way, she has a bf, even if she liked you (and again, it doesn't seem like it) you shouldn't do anything unless they break up.
He's probably talking about the line of girls waiting to be with him on Instagram….hahaha he got drunk and got a big head…I wouldn't lose sleep over it
You need to tell your husband the truth. Both of you want money? Time to put on the big girl panties and be honest. The way he sees it is someone is going to leech off him and since he’s the sole earner I understand his point. If it was your money sure go ahead and add to the pile of lies your creating that will inevitably come back to bite you in the ass, But this is someone else’s money and he’s using it to care for you and maintain your household so either be honest or try to get a job and get the money yourself. This is going to be a huge mess with the pile of lies falls. I just really hope if you love your husband that it works out between you both.
Her inability to realize the consequences of her own actions despite repeated clear communications and actions over a period of years is not his problem at this point. He didn’t hide it. He took her to the fucking bank, FFS. It is not unusual for people who have been victimized by wayward partners to try to reconcile and finally give up after a period of years. He tried for 3 years, realized he couldn’t do it, didn’t want to traumatize his kids by destroying their world while they were young, and now he wants to be free. The fact that she’s finally reaping what she sowed is a “her” problem. ?♂️
Love bombing usually comes before any abuse or manipulation.
She said she doesn't see you more than a friend. Accept that otherwise you're just being a creep. Move on and find someone who likes you romantically.
Have you tried asking her?
This is a you decision. This isn’t really one to crowdsource. You can talk to the woman you’ve been dating (I assume you’re dating women, not girls) and tell her that you took her saying xyz as breaking up and that you want to stand by that. Or you cancel with the new woman.
If you date now when you’re in this maaaaaybe agreement with someone it’s kind of crappy to both women. Use your words and be honest and sort it out.
Yes. I plan to do this today.
What the fuck? I hope you're kidding.
Part conjecture and part experience, but it does seem fairly common. Everyone has their own feelings toward this sort of thing, and naturally it will be correlated to how open and “sexual” they are as a person – as well as their comfort level with their partner. That doesn't make them wrong or worthy of being judged for it.
By finding someone who thinks you’re attractive
You dump his cheating ass and move on.
I understand. Thank you for being empathetic
There was a comment where op said that his mom has old school sexist views and has been unhappy when her son was doing chores because chores and cooking are for the wife. Also for more context there was a comment where op said wife was actively crying from an argument they had. I gather that wife didn’t want MIL to see her crying especially from a fight with baby boy.
You'll have to find a way to overcome your insecurities. As you can see, this is creating a great disrupt in your relationship. And as well relationships you may have in the future.
I don't have a right or wrong answer for you on how to deal with it. If you want to stop seeing this guy because you want to work on yourself; that is a completely valid reason. It may seem unfair. But it is more unfair to stay in a relationship and feel the way you do right now.
In the other hand, perhaps you could ask yourself what would make you feel more comfortable being with him? Losing weight obviously isn't a quick solution.
We all come in different sizes you know…. and why should we ever be ashamed of how we look. It isn't fair that people belittle us for being bigger or smaller or anything else than they are.
That's the thing. People have an opinion about others that look different how they look like themselves. Your BF however is with you and loves you no matter how you look. So the only person that can't accept you, is you right now.
Maybe it would help to involve him with what you're going through? Perhaps you need more validation from him? It's okay to want that or need that.
And you're still following her life even while married. She really did a number on you, huh
Wait, what?!? How in the hell did you manipulate her kindness? I'm not following that accusation. I understand her saying it's too much, like that makes sense because it is a lot to process. But good god she's your partner, and she ASKED for you to open up. So when you do and she's not able to handle it, there is a way for her to gracefully back out of that, like it's not cool, but it is understandable to a certain degree to then tell you that she's not comfortable with the information. And still support you in other ways, like encouraging you to see a therapist or something. But in what way did you manipulate HER?
I'm really sorry you got this reaction from her. You don't deserve that. You're going through a lot and I would imagine you thought this could strengthen your bond with her but instead it just backfired somehow and she's another source of ickiness now.
She's not going to stop, you've tried explaining to her but it seems like the attention she gets from revealing your private business matters more to her than your feelings
Judgment? Are you God or a judge? If neither then I don't care really.
The sister is wrong. Stop paying and block her
Women’s lives are literally put in danger by forced birth. I don’t understand people ( especially women!) who somehow consider it not a hill to die on. Your mental and physical health could be impacted by a man refusing your bodily autonomy but « not a hill to die on »??? What?
You’re probably more acquaintance than friend and in any case you’re not entitled to anyone’s trips. No disrespect, but now you are spending time, work towards friendship.
Aw hunny he is gay. It’s ok to walk away from a sexless marriage, he will come out in his own time but you need to worry about you. Tell him you need more and cant try to make it work any longer. Don’t make it about him, tell him at this point you are doing this for you and you need sex to feel fully fulfilled in a marriage, which I mean duh, I feel crazy after a week or two without it, I can’t imagine not having sex with my husband for that long and still thinking we’re in any kind of relationship more than just best friends. I hope you can find happiness.
if someone has a history of being violent it usually doesn’t take 4 years for signs to develop. if this is an isolated incident, like it sounds like it was, it sure does look like you’re an instigator here. there’s some missing parts to this story
Hire an attorney who hires a private investigator to gather evidence.
Once you have all the evidence from the zelle transactions and his activity, then you can confront him and probably file for divorce.
Yes he has actually accomplished all these things. I have seen his room with all his awards, looked him up on google too and he easily shows up on the university’s track team photos. He has many track photos of himself all over his IG of him and the team with the university name on their jersesys. His teammates comment on his IG too and congratulate him. He sends me lots of pics of him from his competitions as well as videos where you can clearly see him winning first place. It’s definitely him I even overheard him talking to his mom on the phone about him training in Arizona this summer with his team. He takes pics in class sometimes when bored and you can clearly see he is in school. He even made the paper in his town for winning a race for their local non school competition. He showed me all this.
He has time because he only comes on weekends and only for one day. He has an easy major as well. He also said school is just easy for him. Some people just don’t have to study as hard either. It’s totally possible he does poorly in school, but his mom works at the university (looked her up too) and he says she’s strict as hell. So that’s the only part he could possibly be lying about.
He only missed 2 classes. He does not do this often.
I was on board with this till I saw the word indefinite.
He is doing this for the right reasons and he is doing it the right way: he wants it for therapy and self-improvement and he wants to remain monogamous.
But the fact that he is still saying indefinite after 6 weeks is concerning to me. He is not even seemingly ready to bring back limited contact.
So, sorry, this isn't what you're looking for. I've had two relationships with “breaks”, and neither relationship recovered, in the first case we tried, broke up again, got back together again, and broke up again, it was a mess. In the second case, I was never happy with the terms that were essentially forced on me, so when they wanted to get back together, I declined.
He is full of it. He responded first. Why would he even respond. If he knew it was fake, he should not respond and then just call you out. Nope, he was backed into a corner and came up with the only gaslight answer he could. This guy is not worth your time and will cheat at one time or the other. He proved he is not worthy of you.
Excuses ? My comments aren't excuses . I fully own up to what I did . I was just asking what should I do in the meantime ? What excuses did I say that I was deflecting blame ? Pls point it out to me
You have gotten into a bad situation with no equity in anything. I realize you have gotten attached but this is total abuse without the bruises. Please rethink this relationship. And stop paying for his vises and phone. Make him walk everywhere as well. He needs to up his game or go. Sorry.
This has to be a troll right? Someone can't be this stupid
No, you need to respect his choice to kick you out of his life and not try to contact him when he's obviously not willing or ready to talk to you
most men will be hella mad for not having BJs
Sounds like you’ve decided to seek a therapist! Sweet! Ask them for some tools to keep in mind for the future when you doooo want to have kids because even if you feel like you’ve fully processed, getting pregnant again, encountering difficulties with fertility etc etc can easily resurface the grief you feel now.
This is why I try to pick up chicks at orgies..the one you finish with is never your 1st choice and you're honest with each other about it.
Im not telling him not to be hurt, I literally told him to figure out if he can continue the relationship with this knowledge and to work through what he’s feeling in therapy. I’m telling him to talk to his wife to see why she felt she needed to and to give her the respect to take her feelings into account, and then go to a therapist to really dig into what he’s feeling and what it means for his relationship. But his insecurity about not being first choice is not something that absolves him of any responsibility to be a good partner and do the thing that will be healthier for himself and his relationship long term.
Bring two pair of boxing gloves and use them if needed. You may win or you may lose but at least he knows you arent taking it any longer.
Humans are sexual creatures and living life as an “asexual” is abnormal
They're not “living as an asexual.” They don't feel sexual attraction. This isn't up for debate, and your opinion on the matter is irrelevant. This is fact.
Guarantee it’ll blow up in her face 100x worse than this if she lies
Think about having kids with her, would she vaccinate them? Would she get them medical attention when needed or would she put potatoes in their socks? This sort of behavior only escalates. You saved yourself a lot of grief by ending it before then. You'll meet your person soon and future you will thank you.
Normal men don’t think this. Men obsessed with porn and masturbating with a death grip do.
Yeah I don't get what she's trying to fix…OP did you want to sew yourself up down there? Solder it closed? Tf… get rid of the “man” and I use that term VERY loosely (ironic isn't it) and get yourself checked by the doctor and into therapy.
he noticed i was upset then he tried to say it wasn't meant to make fun of me, now he says it was just a bad joke and im hurting myself by dwelling on it.
No, HE hurt you and if it was just a joke and no big deal it shouldn't be a big deal for him to apologize knowing it hurt you.
Says a lot that he'd rather tell you to get over it than apologize when it was his thoughtless hurtful comments that made you upset
He snorted coke and overreacted to try and hide it.
Yeah ok buddy. Maybe you should write a book. This is fiction
I had a similar thing with my exgf. I had to bring up us being labeled as in a relationship with each other on social media. She ask why. I tell her that it's odd that would even be a question. Also that it's weird for her to not want to be especially when she told me to join in the first place. She ended up doing it. I notice the areas she is involved in are… racey and have a notable amount of content and people who are actively in affairs and also swinging seems to be a thing. We have a talk and i tell her about my issues and where I have a problem and how could I work on it and if there is anything she could do to help me with trust issues I really didnt want to have. That I did trust her but not the people I could she see was spending time talking with and starting to hang out with. All seemed cool and figured out, though some of what was said gave me some suspicion but I tried to not think much about it. She broke up with me less than two months later.
This was all very recently. I am your age OP. My ex is still in her twenties. We had been together for over 6 years. This was actually a very new long distance relationship. She had moved and I was gonna be following her.
While not the same thing obviously, I see some parallels going on here OP. Do what you will with what I have said. My only real input is that hesitance towards wanting your partner involved in your social media is weird. I would happily tell my partner (and did) my reddit SN and my alts, and I dont tell that shit to my best friends.
This. I’m an addict and when OP said his ex gets upset about these small things my heart sank. Because he doesn’t see them as big but she absolutely is picking up on these little red flags that add up to relapse. Also, hiding substances is addict behavior.
I wouldn’t marry a woman who refused to do this less than once per week. So that’s on him. I’ll find someone who gives me what I need.
He's been involving you in his fetish without your consent. Do not mentally shift blame onto yourself for looking at his phone, he's the one that's more in the wrong. He's just butthurt that he got caught out.
how long have you been together? do you live together?
it's weirder if you've been together a long time and/or live! together, but tbh by the age of 37 it's likely she's not that interested in introducing yet another boyfriend to her family. That doesn't necessarily mean she has a problem with it if you ask, of course, but don't be surprised if it's not something she's really keen on. I haven't bothered talking to my family about my love life since I was in my early 30s.
Legal agreement that if you were to split, you would each get out what you put into the house up front (assuming she’ll also have some down payment by the time you buy together) and that you split equity built from there. Make sure both are in agreement, both have a lawyer of your own review and then hopefully live happily ever after
It’s not narcissistic. Magical thinking possibly because she’s really unlikely to change her entire way of thinking. Actually it’s more narcissistic to believe that only you have the answer which is what you are describing in her. Immature. Probably. Likely to change? Doubtful.
I was more thinking so she doesn’t end up with an abusive older male who uses her ‘bad behaviour ‘ as a way to control her , but regardless to get out
“Found out he ain't s**t, huh?”
he’s adamant that she lied but didn’t cheat
Cheating is a whole spectrum. This woman lies to you frequently, she loves other guy''s attention and is stringing them along.
Why would you bother?
Funny thing here is, that abusive sister seems to have done the exact same thing as OPs abusive ex! (lying low until married)
And that it had backfired straight into her face!
Are you actually 35 years old? What an asinine question.
He’s not your friend, he’s made it clear that he only wants to hook up with you. He’s willing to string along another girl and use her against you. Now he’s made the “friendship” conditional in his favour. You should just drop this douche and move on with your life.
That sounds like textbook emotional abuse, and I honestly think you'll be a lot happier without her.
He is not a dildo or machine and therefore it is not his job to be available for her 24/7. If he has pain or any other reason why he does not want to do it, then he should not force himself to do it. I wonder if she isn't satisfied by the way they do it or if she is bored.
I heard many people referring to her as a voluntourist.
It sucks when a breakup feels like of coming out of nowhere! The only thing to make of it is that she’s moving on and you should, too.
It’s super frustrating, and in time you might learn more details from acquaintances and social media, but you may never learn more.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter if she moved on because she met someone else or just realized this relationship is no longer working for her. It only matters that is over, and she’s been kind enough to tell you that, so mourn the loss and take time to heal and move on as well.
She does but she says he’s her husbands even though she’s been having unprotected sex with me do a long time now and saying she’s on the pill. Turns out she wasn’t. She’s fucked me around and I don’t find out she was even pregnant until 14 weeks. She’s 20 weeks now and has done a gender reveal and it’s messing with my head a bit.
I've felt like only a convenience for some time now
girl EVERYONE here….EVERYONE can point out the red flags. EVERYONE but you. Does that not make you think, maybe wonder?
Even better actually
Take the cats if you can, leave the girl. She clearly does not give a shit about you relationship. If you can't take the cats and she is capable of caring for them, leave my Man. Loving someone is a natural thing when you have been with them for three years, but it's no new thing to love someone who treats you poorly. Love alone is not enough.
Don't block, let her send her crazy shit in text. I had loads of texts from my ex, never blocked him, thankfully was able to show the judge who he really is.
You know what else makes you gain a lot of weight? Pregnancy.
Might I recommend the good old classic condom? If you absolutely refuse that (because why sacrifice your own comfort), I would have a gentle conversation with her about talking to the doctor for recommendations. There are non-hormonal forms of BC.
But again, can’t recommend condoms enough.
☝️
She never told you about the trip until you told her you had plans that weekend, then she invited you after she found out you had other plans already? Tell you you can now go and see how she reacts.
It's a matter of trust. You trusted her with your card and she proved to you she cannot be trusted.
I would ask her for the money back and break up with her.
What did YOU communicate, chosimg to be lied to, drawn into a date with “year long gf” “for her birthday”.
What did YOU communicate getting her into your apartment rather than getting her to sleep at a motel?!
Incredible.
She was NOT insecure.
She was just done with your bullcrap.
The ages is enough of a red flag. Send a dumping text message and move on
Cut things off at least with text.
Very good advice. I do love him a lot- he is great besides this issue. But it is also a deal breaker because I have an outgoing personality, it is hard for me to be pinned up
I really hope my wife shows me more grace.
Lol, same
I’m not certain about Viagra’s effect on libido if it has any, but I was referring to how it helps you get erect regardless of whether you’re aroused. In people who don’t have ED but who have a low libido, it can be a way to have more sex than your body feels like having.
When you are sexually thrilled by your partner and he says “I wish I were bigger for you,” you need to tell him that he wants to be bigger for himself. Because it wasn't you who asked him to have a bigger dick. You need to redirect his mindset.
In my experience, the more you like someone, the more attractive they get. My partner & I are both pudgy middle-aged aged people with the usual tell-tale wrinkles, saggy bits, thinning hair, etc. so we’re not objectively “hot,” but we each think the other is absolutely gorgeous and sexy. We’re past the dating stage and have committed to each other for the long haul, so we’re more concerned about our health than our vanity.
Unless you’re forcing someone to look or dress a certain way, or worst-case expecting them to surgically alter their body, you’re not necessarily a bad or selfish person for having a preferred type, but you may be missing out on a great person or limiting your options. And you may find it’s really not that big a deal as you get older.
Agree. It was probably ok to exchange a dig a couple of times, but likely OP was borderline negging her. Sounds like he was a bit insecure and wanted her to “not take herself too seriously.” She was likely “matching his energy” by throwing the insults to her character back in his face.
OP if you read this, try not “making jokes” at the expense of someone else. Even if you think they like it. It’s a sign of weakness and insecurity and there really isn’t any reason to do it other than to make the other person less confident and more defensive. There are other better ways to achieve intimacy and vulnerability. I’m sure this is the reason why she ended it with suck and cock and a ghost.
As much as I would love to dump his belongings on his yard he will see me as “overreacting and crazy”. I in no way want to make this easy for him and the other women.. it’s unfair how I am suffering and they live happily ever after
Oh.
Since you’re clearly only wanting one answer. I’ll give it to you.
Yes, one day he’s going to wake up and realise that you were the best thing he never had. He’s going to show up at your job with a dozen red roses and a 3carat diamond ring. He’s going to take you to the Maldives and you’ll live happily ever after in his super yacht.
I think that breaking up and seeking out something new that better fulfils your needs is the way to go.
Maybe you'll end up waiting years for the distance to no longer be a problem and realize you never really liked him that much, it was all more wishful thinking than anything.
This is often a problem with LDRs.
Of course I can’t say whether he has them or not, but it is not true that they would be the same all the time if real. First of all, sensory issues definitely vary based on the situation. Second, many of us autistics have more of a problem with them when we’re dealing with other stressors (makes sense, because we’re dealing with one issue on top of a bunch of other issues). Additionally, the fact that someone doesn’t display their issues in front of certain people doesn’t mean they don’t have them.
Ur a troll. You can't even keep the story straight.
I’m 33 years old and I cannot imagine being romantically interested in a 20 year old. 1) you’re probably just rebounding. 2) I would not trust a 35 year old man that wants to date a 20 year old.
This is the bit that gets me even more than the cheating.
It doesn't matter if she lives at home and has no financial responsibilities. She has no responsibility to pay for his utility bills or groceries! If he doesn't want her eating his food, he should stop inviting her over. Doesn't want to use his gas? Tell her to drive her own car over and not pick her up! However, literally no one is inviting their girlfriend over and then getting mad she's not helping pay for the utilities in a house that isn't theirs. That's just ridiculous. Imagine a friend with benefits asking you to pay a percentage of the water bill because they take a shower every time they come over. See how dumb that sounds? I'd literally never invite my partner over and then make them pay ultities to MY place.
And he called the other woman “old and wrinkly”. Given that she still works – and in nursing, at that – it's highly unlikely she's any older than like 65 at the most… which means a woman who is at max 20 years older is “old” but it's OK for him to be 20 years older than his own wife.
The biggest thing that is making me uneasy is the fact that she is denying me the ability to be there once she confronts the roommate. That is her ONLY saving grace and means of evidence.
I think the person you were replying to needed to put a sarcasm tag.
Very necessary in text format xD
So now she is a cheater??? Hahaha
Wanting to make sure you work IRL before becoming an official committed relationship is actually incredibly wise for him to do. You guys may work great over the phone but it can be entirely different in person. Can either of you visit the other yet?
It's been two years, I have zero sympathy for you and your inability to recognize yourself being used by him. Wake the fuck up
Sorry man but this whole situation is sketch. In no world would I go out with a guy my boyfriend was already uncomfortable with alone. I get that you weren't home so she made plans before you got there, and it would have been fine if it was with friends! But she basically went on a date with this man because she likes the attention that she's receiving from him. This is not professional in any way.
This question is too deep for relationship advice subreddits. You both deeply need therapy, together and separately. This whole event has been traumatizing for the both of you, and you need time to recover.
You knowingly entered into a relationship with a cheater. This is literally what you signed up for.
Your daughters will grow up hating you for this.
Yes. It is just food. So how am I a child when I didn't want to engage in an argument that started over hotdogs? Down vote for you
He’s not interested in 50/50 custody.
“Wouldn't you get fired if we went for coffee? That seems inappropriate.”
“You missed the entire #metoo movement, huh?”
“I make it a rule not to s**t where I eat. Plus it would be inappropriate”.
I want to be ok about this, since he assures me it is strictly friendly for him. how can I get over it?
I don't know that you necessarily SHOULD get over it. The situation as described is pretty shady, to be honest.
She has been in love with your boyfriend for a long time, so much so that she couldn't stand being friends with him if there wasn't a romantic component.
She's tried being platonic friends with him several times and each time has said she can't do it, she's still in love with him.
You say it's different now because this time he's in a committed relationship with you, but you're not really a factor here because:
She refuses to meet with you. Does that sound like someone who is over her love for your boyfriend? When I'm a platonic friend to someone it doesn't make me die inside to meet their partners. She's actively avoiding you because it's too painful for her, that is spelling out “STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM” in giant neon blinking letters over her head.
Additionally not only are you not allowed to be present for their local interactions, now he's at her place. Living there, for several days. You do not currently exist for her either in an emotional OR a physical sense.
I don't think the fact that he's in a committed relationship now has changed a damn thing on her end, because she hasn't let it change anything. She won't meet or see you. She won't come around if you're around. And now she's back at her home, with him there, and you not. This doesn't sound like a situation you should be forcing yourself to get over, this sounds like a situation that your boyfriend probably shouldn't have allowed to occur in the first place.
And I want to be clear, I know 90% of relationship_advice is opposed to opposite sex friendships. I am not, at all. I am usually the first person in line to tell everyone else they're being paranoid or they need to trust their partner more, etc, etc. But even I think this situation is not good. I might feel differently if she had gotten to know you and acknowledged your existence in some fashion, but instead she has gone out of her way to act as though you don't exist and that was clearly because she still has feelings for your boyfriend, because she practically spelled that out. He's currently staying in her home several countries away from you, she's desperately in love with him, and he sounds like someone who doesn't have a lot of romantic experience. This has disaster written all over it, and I think you've been trying too hard to be the cool accommodating girlfriend. This situation is not cool.
Time and time again, he says what you want to hear at the start knowing he'd be going to the parties anyway. Why are you putting up with this hypocritical behaviour?
Yes before but no more I’ve detached after finding out
You haven't even met in person and you plan on marrying him?
That alone should be enough reason to tell you this is a bad idea. He's scamming you.
It's because here on reddit you should be able to do whatever you want and be friends with whoever you want without consequences.
They are right that he can't control who they are friends with, but he can control how interacts with them onwards. Their actions have consequences afterall. My priority would be making sure my SO and mother of our child would be comfortable, so if that's means they will barely be apart of our lives that's the consequences of their choice.
So, he's “improved” from serving you piles of shit, to “only” serving you spoonfuls of shit and expecting you to like it.
He's still being verbally abusive, and after reading the rest of the post, he sounds like a dumbass.
You know what you have to do, OP, right?
I am sorry, but it sounds like you are done. If she is unstable, I recommend you contact her family so someone can come to your location so she doesn't self-harm.
Sounds like you have a fan
Differing political opinions used to be fine.
Nowadays, Trump supporters are so extreme, brainwashed, hateful, and ignorant that that alone is a huge dealbreaker.
Side note: Trump did not, in fact, “fix our economy.”
He might think you are Canadian, and just being nice, not realizing you want to date.
I suggest being more upfront.
The purpose of dating is to find someone you’re compatible with long term. You’ve only been together 8 months. He’s not your person. Don’t waste any more of yours or his time.
My view is you’re fucking pathetic. Thirsting after internet strangers and looking for people to peg you but upset someone had her arm around her? You deserve each other.
This is a red flag ?
We are projecting your own post onto you. I don't have any problems with the few vegans I know, because they don't force it on the rest of us or judge. We all mind our own business and diets.
Listen to the people in your life, your friends and therapists probably know what’s best for you. Between your depression and your meds, these cause physical chemical reactions in your body that make you view the world and people around you completely differently. Wait until you’re healthy/healthier and reassess how you’re feeling
I understand what you're saying. While our attempts to talk about things have been futile, primarily because I'm a little lost/worried and she strongly feels that we should try again, I'll talk to her with the context of your response and see how that goes. Thank you so much for your advice!
It's important to consider the impact of actions on others. In this situation, it's understandable that you may have felt hesitant to inform Chris's girlfriend about the affair. However, it's important to acknowledge that by not informing her, you were withholding information that could potentially affect her well-being and ability to make informed decisions about her relationship. It may be worth reflecting on why you chose not to disclose this information and if there were any underlying fears or beliefs that influenced that decision. Ultimately, it's up to each individual to decide what feels right in their conscience, but it's important to consider the potential consequences of our actions and how they may impact others.
Why would you stay with him at all?
You chose to keep in contact with her and grow your feelings for her.
What part about it bothers you? That you feel inexperienced? Insecure? Do you think less of her? Does it change your feelings for her?
I get the Etsy situation and how you feel about that, that girl is crazy for suggesting something like that. I think your boyfriend giving her the benefit of the doubt was innocent and sounds like if you would like more support and validation from him you should discuss it. Seems like you guys have a pretty good thing going. Honestly being around someone who is jaded and cynical 24/7 is very tiring. I understand you have a different worldview than your boyfriend but be mindful this difference could be used to uplift you / ground him, or it could push you apart. I had a lovely boyfriend who sounded a but like you, he was a lot more jaded than me and in the end in his constant cynicism, became an energy vampire. Couldn’t take the negativity towards others and I had to leave. Hopefully that doesn’t happen to you guys too.
you are correct though, the different terms are problematic
No. It hasn't.
You just can't bring yourself to say that, though, can you?
It has failed every legal test and will keep doing so. There is no way it can ever be successful. Thankfully.