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He could possibly be having an affair with a co-worker during the day. Something is definitely wrong and you need to find out if it's an affair!
Girl…RUN AWAY FROM HIM
More like, “hey look at me I need to be your first target”.
Wait, what. No, you do not deserve to be treated like that. I’m sorry but this doesn’t sound like a healthy partner, at all. No one should ever tell someone to off themselves. I’m sorry you’re going through this. The best advice is to let him go and get some help maybe at therapy. You’re being emotionally abused.
I know that she’s a good person. She helped me and others many times. I can’t not care for her.
It’s okay if she brings her drama to me, as long as I’m not the cause of that drama.
“My house is on fire and I'm going to die if I don't run outside, should I run outside?”
I just wanted to understand why a lot of people in the thread think like this. Personally, if I was in the OP’s shoes and hadn’t read a Reddit thread like this one, I wouldn’t have mentioned it to a potential partner.
It’s not because I want to be deceptive or want to keep her from making an informed decision or anything, I simply would have just thought previous sexual history prior to that relationship wasn’t really anything worth talking about and wouldn’t have thought this would be a factor in her choosing to be with me or not, and in a vacuum (aka not reading this thread and hearing other people’s views), I wouldn’t have considered this an active form of deception either due to how unimportant that detail is to me.
I also don’t expect my partner to disclose their sexual history before we entered into a relationship so I wouldn’t think my partner would have that expectation of me to begin with. Not sure if that makes sense.
Considering you have such ugly opinions about her, just move on. She doesn't deserve your extreme overreaction and reading into things.
For medical care, yeah we do what we have to.
For a vacation? Don’t do it.
A million percent this. Thank you for posting this. I was this heartbroken and exhausted mother and I should have went after every penny I could get. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I am starting my life over now, two decades after a 13 year divorce battle. I am finally able to live! my life. I am so sorry for your mother. It makes me so sad to see someone else having to go through the same as I have.
“f you figure it out”, and break off all contact.
This sounds like a reasonable approach, given the premise.
Man let the new dude deal with her… adios
He's just got a thing for the little things in life
She didn't say that it's an unimportant holiday. She said she doesn't wanna make a date out of NY, because it's only two of us. So it's either alone or me plus her and some friends of hers. It makes me anxious that she doesn't want to spend it together 🙁
Not at all accurate. Partner and I have a good 20 hoodies, my 20 or so work dresses, and my whole larp costuming crammed into a small walk in closet. It's fine. You hang them up, you squish them down and keep going
She can do whatever she wants in her home, but she can't dictate what he does in his. She's trying to control him. Her being pregnant doesn't mean she can tell him what to do. If he wants to date now, three months from now or six months after the baby is born and is proven to be his, he can.
Plus 1 for reframing, it's such a powerful tool when you learn how to do it.
I’m not blaming anyone since we’re on Reddit and don’t have enough information.
I’m giving possibilities.
If you’re confident enough to make a criminal judgment on a post of 200-300 words. Society is fucked.
He’s most likely a predator, but the other way around isn’t that crazy. That’s my point.
Don't press send.
You're feeling lonely, leave this is the past where it belongs.
Tomorrow is another day, this need will pass. Leave your ex in the past where they belong.
no. why do you need to meet your ex? that is history. stop being a weirdo and live! your life with your wife, not some ex.
So you made fun of his height…because he wore a suit?
With each comment, you make it more clear that your ex did the right thing by dumping you. Now you make fun of his clothes?
You are really cold. And now you’re alone. Lol
So true, I wish he would just communicate with me but deep down I think he has a hot time putting what he wants into words. He is also very stubborn lol
A lot of times it’s unresolved childhood trauma.
So you are with someone that doesn't want you to be with anyone, but on the other hand, you are quite certain he is seeing other people? How is that a fair expectation?
Anyway, tell him straight up: “I'm at a point where I want to be in a committed relationship, I hope of course that you'd want to give us a try, but I understand if you aren't ready for that”.
Also for your consideration: you are like riiiiggghhhttt on the age of an inappropriate age difference, and what you describe above are possibly manipulation tactics on his part (making you feel special by telling you he doesn't want you seeing anyone else), whether he knows it or not.
If you completely trusted each other you’d be allowed to have friends 😂
Sounds like you need to let this relationship go. Neither of you is happy, and you appear unable to understand or resolve your issues. Cut the cord and move on.
I’m seeing a therapist. And have been given anti-depressants but it’s stuff like this and not really having anyone to talk to that really triggers this. Sometimes I can’t stop crying and I feel so lonely. When I tell him he just says that he feels lonely. He copies every one of my feelings.
lmaooo… imagine the fucking horror of your plumber telling you the situation
HEY OP. READ THIS GUY’S COMMENT!
He’s not having sex with her. He’s just using her to get off so he can sleep. There is no intimacy or connection. And I doubt he’s putting effort into getting her off every night. The whole conversation about it seems like a business exchange vs any indication of passion or love or spontaneity. It sounds so boring. I’m not surprised his wife is turned off by him. And she’s right, it does sound like an addition. If you literally can’t sleep Bc you need to jerk off, then that’s a problem.
You’re acting like they’re the only two other people on the planet. You left your ex for a reason, and M isn’t making a clean break with her ex for an admittedly obscure reason, but she's still not making herself available for anything more than a secretive little mess.
Let M figure out what she wants, and start fresh.
This is really interesting. Everything in me wants to believe that if she just understood where I was coming from she'd empathize but clearly it's just made things worse. I hope I'll be able to keep this in mind and remove myself instead of getting baited. Thanks for the tips. Counterintuitive but makes a lot of sense when I think about it.
Your boyfriend may have a medical issue, sounds like he needs a sleep study
Gonna be honest this just sounds like a run of the mill affair. I suspect you won't like my post and will probably be angry.
Plenty of people after they are already caught up in the emotional aspect of an affair suddenly seem great big problems in their relationships, problems that they also dismiss the possibility that they contributed too. Maybe he sucked, but I don't think you are a reliable narrator even for yourself.
A lot of people see marriage as this kind of catch all for all their issues. They also have this notion that life is about being happy. It's not, and this guy isn't going to be and answer to that either, he will have other things that are not so great.
You seem self absorbed, but then everyone who cheats does, the idea that your kids are happier is kind of a tell. I suspect you gauge your kids happiness by your own, which is also typical. But hey I could be 100% wrong here.
The thing that is supposed to keep you from cheating isn't because your relationship is perfect or even good, it's because it's the right thing to do and you made a vow. All marriages have stretches where it's hot. Even the best ones. That's not to stay you have to stay married, but really going through the steps of divorce when the marriage is not working out pulls out a lot of your own bullshit. It's harder to pretend like you aren't part of the problem when you have a fallback fantasy that you can just bring up in your head whenever reality might intrude.
Finally people who are quick to want to forgive themselves for doing things that hurt others are suspect to me. But at least some part of you knows that's BS which is a good thing, it means your not to far gone, or a sociopath.
I suggest you get yourself a good counselor who pushes you and doesn't just reinforce your inner monologue. Or don't and just call me an asshole, then you can wait until this fantasy turns into reality and you are right back where you were before. Then I suggest you get yourself a good counselor who challenges you.
This is a really great and how I feel right now mimics a lot of this. I do want to talk with her, set some boundaries, and see if I can get her into therapy. If she can handle everything I really do believe we can recover. I'm not positive that things will work out that way but I may have to break it off.
Her parents live! pretty far away in a very rural town. She has very few friends, not sure if this gives you any ideas.
He's the one broke up with me, and said doesn't wanna completely lose me from his life due to he likes my personality. Wanna be friends with me. I really feel the same. So I said I can be friends from tomorrow when he breakup with me. But he said we need a time. But I don't know how long.
yeah agree seems like it!
Yepp thats how grooming starts
What? I don't think you understand the military at all and are making blatant inaccurate generalizations without any facts.
Anyone can make an inaccurate assumption. That's why many of us ask questions before making them.
Cause it was with a woman and op probably finds that hot. There are guys like that
Your a tool he is using to ignore his feelings for Natalie because he is too much of a coward to try to confess/acknowledge hos feelings for her as he is worried their friendship would get ruined.
But you and him cant go on like this. He is too 3ntangled with Natalie and it also sounds like Natalie is in not so great stuff and is dependant on him to bail him out(which can vary from drugs/crime or even mental illness struggles that could have been triggered by stress as she has a lot of trauma from a young age).
Her problems will become YOUR problems. Do you want Natalie to take priority if your pregnant? Her calling an emergency jf your in labor? Or her acting as a second mom to your kids?
They are both too co dependant on each other to the point people expect it.
He is suffering because he is in denial and is feeling tirn between two people but you are also being painted as a manipulative bad guy when in actuality, its uncomfortable for anyone to be uncomfortable in a situation like this. Any “normal” person can say this situation os fucked.
For them, however, they dont see it as weird because they are used to this dynamic between the two but its not a 'normal' situation or healthy dynamic (your fiance having q hot time seperating intimate and love for example shows how rhid dynamic growing up has fucked his boundaries in regards to prioritizing people in his life until a point he shouldnt be in a relationship til he figures that out, or be with Natalie because yhen theres no need for boundaries apperently)
You cannot erase Natalie from his life because that js her ONLY family left. That IS her family so that can also be why you asking about removing her/rescuing her presence was like asking a mother or father to hide the existence of one of their children.
No matter how hot you will try to fix it (like you did for awhile) he will be resentful towards you for putting a 'wedge' between them anytime he goes home to visit (vecause family will not cut Natalie out even jf you want him to) or anytime she reaches out. She is so entangled in his life that the resentment that he has obviously secretly built up over time will only get worst anf worst and worst.
Do you want to build a future with this dude, includ8nf possibly have kids, only for him to cheat on you with her and/or leave you for her eventually whistlist his family secretly or openly hates you/the relationship and openly prefers natalie?
If you can, unmesh YOUR life with his. If mutuals ask why the engagment is off just say you feel that he would be better with Natalie and you feel like a third wheel qnd this is better for everyone. People may call you jealous but you could always say I would be trying to keep him if I was jealous, I just see that I will not be a priority compared to Natalie, and I want to be a priority. To make everyone happy I feel this relationship isn't healthy on either side and needed to end. (If people still come at you for being controlling/insecure I would pull out that you felt they were TOO close and you also discovered that they were past sex partners, which neither mentioned to you ehich makes things even more uncomfortable, and she confessed to him before, therefore your reasons for wanting both of them to some boundaries up in the relationship is understandable. Then also say if people feel you are toxic snd controlling then they should just feel relief that the relationship is over but your just happy that your out of being a third wheel).
You know what to do.
I don't know how much it costs, he just said that it was a bit expensive, but I'm guessing it was around that price range because he's not stingy (that amount is quite a lot here where I'm from)
She is angry and frustrated that her sex drive dipped, and is putting the blame on you.
I can relate as someone that is usually immensely sexual, but sometimes had weeks or months where it just didn't work.
Shit happens. It's not your fault, but she is taking it out on you.
OP completely overreacted. They stopped and focused on him for weeks. He started having a panic attack because his mom was going out. He was 16, not 6. They should’ve gotten him into therapy for sure but OP made unreasonable demands on their relationship because he didn’t like the idea of his mom fucking other men. That’s a personal problem. The fact that he still can’t get over this shows how much therapy he needs to unpack this. You don’t have to agree. There’s nothing wrong with the parents being in an open relationship.
Yup, he went through an incredibly traumatic experience that his parents ignored.
If anything, it will make him a better, more attentive partner.
why does HE have to sleep in HER bed?
why does HE have to be at HER place?
why does HE have to eat HER food?
I hope HE never darkens HER doorstep again.
Could be out of spite? Idk, most of the people I end up looking up on social media are people I hate, because I hope to see that they are miserable so I can gloat about it.
Maybe drawings of CP? Still 100% vile, and possible a real child was used for source material. But I could see someone trying to justify it as victimless, because it's “just a drawing”
All I’m gonna say is that I have 3 siblings and my mother was on BC for 3/4 of us. It is t guaranteed to work. Condoms are simple and easy to use. It’s worth it if you are t trying to get pregnant atm
Echoing what everyone else said, don’t tell him. An abortion with be emotional enough, no need to try dealing with him as well.
For the less than nothing it’s worth, I think you’re making the right decision. Good luck!
I did and he shut me out. It is what it is. Hopefully one day we can reconcile and build a relationship again.
It’s hot to imagine the roles reversed.
We don’t live! in a society where sex work is one of the only viable pathways to stability/wealth for men in lower socioeconomic classes.
It's not clear from your post, but it doesn't seem like you have actually ever discussed any of this with your partner. It seems like you have just let your emotions build & build to the point you are now a pressure cooker ready to explode.
At this point, I don't think that there is much point or value in bringing all of this up with your partner, because it seems like you have checked out and are done. So what is the point in talking about it.
If you want to be single, then be single. Don't stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in.
And in future, if you do end up in another relationship, don't sweep problems under the rug and let small problems snowball into relationship ending ones. All of the problems that you have described with your GF are fixable, you just needed to talk about them and give her a chance to fix them.
Honestly, I think the parents are being really selfish. They know their kids are married, and they know it's going to make life more complicated. But they made the decision anyway.
OP and his wife didn't get to make those decisions before marriage because they didn't exist. But his father and his MIL did know the consequence that it would make their lives more complicated and if there was a break up of either couple would be messy and they took it, so they are the ones to live! with that consequence. So no I don't think they get to make any demands.
They want to be together fine, but OP has a right to his feelings.
I'm 35, and go out drinking with my partner who's 26, who the hell said you're too old when you get past 21?
Also, best of luck with your baby.
So there’s a lot of good comments and resources out there to learn about the nature of addiction, but there’s one thing I want to add that you might want to bring up with him.
Having a pill addiction isn’t what it used to be. Sooner or later you start needing to buy pills on the street, and street pills are often DIY. And with pressed pills you never know what’s in them, meaning there’s plenty chance he’s going to get one with too much fentanyl sooner or later. I know that opioid use is something people tend to think they’re above because of the stigma and extremely serious nature of that addiction. But we don’t get to choose to avoid it anymore, at least if you’re taking drugs that don’t come from a pharmacy.
Call the police and tell them that you own your home and your ex girlfriend is refusing to leave while disturbing the neighbors.
You’re at the point where you need to stop worrying about what happens as a result. If she refuses to leave, there will literally never be a situation where she can move home quickly. She created this situation.
Thanks for your input! Thankfully, I make enough to also save for my daughter, investing a couple of different ways in order to make sure she'll have something. But I agree, I could have used that money 100% for her. I am currently in therapy (again, bipolar). Should I also find counseling for her, as this will be a big change? As for my current bf, he was supportive of my daughter when she was a toddler but has become distant as she's gotten older. Any advice for co-parenting from another state?
Give the man his space. There is nothing unreasonable about his position. Clingy is rarely a good look.
This isn’t a situation where any one person is truly at fault here. You probably shouldn’t have tried to stay through all the red flags but I think we’ve all done that in the name of trying to work things out.
Being the dumper is hot, especially if you still care for your ex. Don’t re-engage and try to focus on the pros instead of the cons. You can finally look forward to your weekends instead of Mondays, so try to reconnect with the things you couldn’t do while her and her kid were around. That could be gaming, hanging out with your buddies for hours or late into the night, or even just walking around your place butt-naked.
I’d also recommend you treat yourself to a nice meal since you’re now on your own and next expected to pay for an extra mouth or two. You’re gonna inevitably feel bad and stew over how you handled things so just create experiences that consistently remind you of why you broke up with her (the reason being you’re now free to enjoy all these things you couldn’t/live without restrictions).
Going to the gym is also good. If you’re like me, hyper-focus on all the stuff you didn’t like and get angry and turn that into fuel for your gains. If you’re not like me, physically exhausting yourself is a great way to avoid thinking about the stuff upsetting you and can help you get a better night’s sleep if that’s something you end up struggling with in the post-breakup aftermath.
It may not feel like it while you feel guilty and wrong for hurting her, but you did good here. At the end of the day, you realized things couldn’t continue so you ended things before they got worse. You’ve saved her and yourself a lot of hurt, resentment, and time.
Trooooollll!!!
Anyone can get married, not everyone can become a doctor! You earned this. Besides why did they choose to have their wedding on your graduation? Is your brother not happy to share some spotlight with you?
I mean considering that you’re moving time goalposts with every comment you may want to start educating yourself on them.
This has gotta be the strangest thing I've ever read
Why does he have to be the one to break up? You’re an adult. Adulting often involves doing things that give us grief and inconvenience. Man up and do what needs to be done instead of whining on here.
Your poor bf thinks you are happy with him. You’re lying to him every day. Stop it. Let him find someone who does want to spend the rest of their life with him if your not that person.
So if your GF told you to eat her ass and you refused, she can slap you as discipline then force you to eat it, right?
Go on vacation. You don’t want a bf this insecure. If you cave with this next time it will be going to dinner with people he doesn’t like or weekend trips. It’s a slippery slope. Just don’t go down that road
I loveee how he left out the part of him snapping as if that would change the fact that he’s a literal man child. Don’t forget to tell them how you need your gf to help you pack.