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I know he's not broke because he worked for a year, with decent pay.
Ok couple of possibilities:
He lied about having a job with decent pay He's making decent pay but has a drug habit to upkeep He's a cheapskate
Regardless, have that conversation. You're only going to feel worse the next time ya'll meet.
Friends with benefits isn't exclusive.
theres another watch from the same brand thats only around $540 which im way more comfortable with buying but i feel like its lame to buy the second best thing
+1 for this. A good friend of mine died of cancer and his mom tried and failed for years to get Apple to unlock his imac. I haven’t spoken to her in a bit but I don’t think she ever got access.
Yeah what he did was overkill. The way it started wasn't terrible. The picture upset you and he interpreted that as you wanted it taken down so he told his friend you were upset and asked it to be taken down. If that is all it was I would say it was a miscommunication and something the two of you could work on for how to handle things the next time there is something that bothers you. But the part that was overkill was him then showing the photo to his friends at the bar and making sure everyone knew why you were upset. What purpose did that serve? Was he polling his friends to see if they'd be upset if their SO's friend had posted the same picture? I don't get why he'd do that. I mean yeah sure, a pic of him with his arm around a friend probably would not anger most people, but you are right, he should have talked it through with you and handled it privately rather than bring all of his friends into the situation, but clearly only made things worse. I think you need to decide if you still want to date someone who handles problems this way… because he took a tiny problem and turned it into some major drama, and my guess is that this will continue to happen.
Spanish is the second most widely spoken language in the states. You may not find someone from the same country as you (although the way you describe guys from your country maybe that's a good thing?), but there are definitely better dudes out there who at least share the language with you
Since you wouldn't actually have to die, it's a very silly expression.
As a mother this makes me fear for my children more then I already do so many sick people in the world
Stand your ground, definitely sounds super awkward! Just keep being polite with your no’s.
Move on and leave your wife
You’re welcome.
Stand your ground and don’t let her crocodile tears fool you unless she genuinely apologizes for her tardiness. She has to SHOW YOU that she’s making an effort to do better and be more conscious about timely obligations. If she just promises and uses words, tell her it’s no longer enough.
Well done on successfully pushing your child down the road to obesity
You will be SO much happier with this man out of your life. And truthfully, he’ll be better off too. You are both WAY too comfortable with cheating and treating people badly.
Block him for good, don’t let him come back. Yes, you are a doormat. Stop being one. You’re making each other’s lives worse, stop it.
Yeah definitely don’t re-marry her
Agreed. In this first post, he says, “How could she do this?!” Do what? Have normal human feelings that our brains make often without our input?
He also says she's remorseful – but about what? Again, we have lots of feelings we never act on, and we shouldn't have to be remorseful for all of them. Should I feel remorseful for other stuff my body does that I can't control? Sorry I had to yawn, guys, didn't mean I was tired.
His ego is obviously hurt, but that's something he should be working through solo.
It’s how vague it is. Definitely got a weird feeling reading it too. Like what exactly did his partner say she expected? Maybe she’s referring to the fact that she expects she will be doing most of the childcare as mothers often do? Maybe OP can reassure her that he’ll be stepping up there? I need more context here.
She’ll be mortified. You’re obviously a guy so wouldn’t get it
She’ll be mortified. You’re obviously a guy so wouldn’t get it
She’ll be mortified. You’re obviously a guy so wouldn’t get it
Same that I was thinking.
Are you happy in your marriage?
Do you feel she learnt from her mistakes?
Apparently she made a bunch of them when she always young and single.
Weather or not she should have told you it’s up for debate, some people prefer to know, some don’t.
Overall you knew who she was, and that she had other partner during that time.
She can’t change the past, she can only learn to comunicate better.
If you want to get over this get out of this sub , where having sex while being single is considered “gross” or a sin, and find a good therapist.
She was cheating before the alleged assault happened. If you dump her, she’ll probably start dating her “assailant”. I would let her go.
Thanks for that 🙏 and all other comments
Isn't that extremely cruel? That would leave the person forever wondering what they did wrong.
How the f*ck do you know what stage of life someone is in based purely on age, life isn’t some linear robotic timeline. One person in their 30’s could be married with 3 kids, a dog, a house and a full time job, another could be single still in their studies, living with their parents and working a part time job, theres no guarantee in life that by the time your 30 you have your shit together or that your life is any different than it was in your 20’s. It’s extremely obtuse to automatically expect that someone in their 30’s is in a different stage of life when we have no idea of the circumstances of their life.
She’s leaving to study abroad? Just dead it bro.
You’re going to have to tell him. Just as you’ve explicitly told him several months ago during that fight that you don’t want to have sex, you’re now going to have to explicitly tell him (hopefully this time without a fight) that you’re ready.
Stop worrying about your former line manager, his wife, and their marriage. Do not continue any non-work communication with him. If you can't block him, at least ghost him.
Were you used? Yes, but don't beat yourself up over it. You did the right thing asking to transfer, but there's nothing more you need to get HR involved in.
Have a bath together. If you're not comfy, wear your swimsuit.
The ice WILL break.
He doesn't know what he's doing either.
We had this issue where whenever I needed him he wouldn’t really be there and it slowly affected our rls so much that we almost broke up and he has been trying. Today when I said I was down he ask me to talk to him about it but I said it’s okay because I was afraid that it might turn into a fight like it always used to. But in the end he called me which was something I appreciate because I always told him a simple phone call would make things easier but I didn’t feel better listening to his advice. I just felt more low.
I’m glad you commented this because I felt like this several times before but shook it out of my head bc I thought he would tell me if that were the case. Idk if he is or not but some things that stand out to me:
1) his voice changes. Idk if this is an autistic thing but he sounds like two completely different ppl one day versus the next. One of the voices sounds like his tongue is always tied with no accent? Then the next day, he has that cool swagger voice with his Accent native to his city/state (this is the voice I hear mostly on the phone )
2) he either can’t look at me while he talks or he STARES ME DOWN lol I like the staring but it’s like he’s staring at me and not processing what I’m saying. I’ll be waiting for him to respond but he’s just staring and smiling. Sometimes when he is talking, he can’t look me in the eyes
3) certain times it sounds like he is saying something forcefully and trying to force a certain way of talking which makes him come off as cold. Like when he says goodbye to me he says it this weird way that sounds like it’s supposed to be “sweet” but it really sounds like he’s trying to get rid of me.
She asked him a regular, normal question to ask in a gym and then got hit on.
Normally, you start by establishing a relationship of any kind with them first, beyond her going “hey are you using that”.
Also, before you come at me again with even more ridiculous questions, I can't read a stranger's mind from this far away, I don't know what she's actually thinking. We're all just speculating here and this is one of the possibilities whether you like it or not. But how fast you got offended makes me think you also do this, so try to stop hitting on women in the gym alright bud? Women go to a gym for a workout, not to be hit on.
Good point
You are absolutely deflecting and have in no way addressed what I said. I will give you the key points again.
“I have little respect for men who are well and healthy and have a wife who is well and healthy but refused to allow her to have a baby.”
” I understand you “had an agreement” however I think it's utterly naive to expect her to not change her mind about having a child.”
“Kids are a disruption yes however that disruption pales into insignificance in the long term. Kids help you grow.”
The idea that the bride's family pays for the wedding is rather archaic. These days many couples pay for their own weddings. If parents want to chip in, that's fine, but it shouldn't be expected.
Imagine being 44 years old and calling yourself the “pullout king”…. Embarrassing
Go to therapy bud. You didn't make her angry you made her sad that you won't take care of yourself.
You are going through some awful shit, the solution is not just to “be a man about it”, that is absolutely not how we are supposed to be as men. And like it or not, you aren't coping on your own 'as a man should', so that line of logic is not helpful here. You described several mental health issues that you actively ignore and that you feel like you're a ship without a sail. This isn't something you defuse because she's mad at you.
She is straight up worried about you because you're describing not being even close to happy with life. You're in pain, she wants to help you. Nobody is weak for admitting that life has dealt them some heavy blows. An entire profession does not exist just only for women to use and for men to ignore. Someone who loves you very much wants to see you be the 'non-kicked in the balls' version of yourself you once were (to use your words). Think about it from that angle and maybe be open to considering that possibility, because I promise you this isn't something that will just go away and get better
none of your business
It doesn't specify anything for dating. I just don't get why she can bring multiple people around our kids, go on vacations, have these guys babysit them, and as soon as I start dating I have to follow all these rules she wants about me bringing one person around the kids.
I think you're a complete weirdo for having racism on your mind all the time. The rest of what you said was hilarious.
I don't think there's a rule. But, a lot of guys hormones start to wane around 35 where it becomes less common. I can't remember doing this except for maybe back in high school. But, as long as he's keeping it private I don't see an issue, The issue here is you've taken something he has kept private and made it not so.
If you're decently attractive there have probably have been guys that have done this with you. Women do it with guys, too.
She has it.
So first off, if he's not a douchebag then he shouldn't care you had to shit or shower
And secondly, everyone is acting like it's so fucking strange that you asked if you could use the shower at 3am
Like wow, I live with my parents and if my partner with no warning just cranked the shower on at 3am that'd trigger me because I know it'd wake up my parents and be a bit of a disturbance, since you know, it's 3 fucking am in the morning
So I think it was super respectful that you asked imo. Maybe asking to go the bathroom is a little off though lol.
Anyways, I wouldn't worry to much or let reddit get into your head, most people on this subreddit are shockingly socially retarded it's actually pretty frightening to read sometimes
My advice with nearly 50 years in the game:
Don’t.
Throughout your life, you’ll meet plenty of people. A few of them will be as charming and magnetically magical as this one. You may be in a position to make a move but, that becomes less likely as time goes on. You’ll be in a relationship, you’ll be recovering from heartbreak, you’ll have an STD, you’ll be depressed and broke and barely surviving…and a multitude of other variables in life that render you unavailable.
So, you’ll have no choice but to let them sail right passed you. They’ll linger in your mind for a while and you might catch a glimpse of them again but, they will fade and inevitably, you’ll find another celestial wonderment and it’s starts all over again.
Also, not everyone who we think is amazing at first glance ACTUALLY is. Some people are paid to be charismatic and engaging and charming but, that’s not necessarily WHO THEY ARE. You’re seeing one side, one slice of a complex person.
Get used to it. Accept it. Enjoy the time you have with that person at that time. Some people in life we view, as a distant star. Some, we actually collide with and create sparks. Some will even hover close and fade away. Enjoy all of these interactions for what they are and not what they could be.
When I read newspapers, I wonder how can people (especially women) in their right mind get wasted so much that they can't remember what happened if their life depended on it.
Please tell us again how attractive you are and how into your wife you are. Not sure we got the gist of it from your comments.
Just block the woman. JHC. Why are you in a “relationship” sub asking about something that isn’t even a relationship?
He's not a pedo. They both been in highschool together. Her a freshman and him a junior/senior.
Thank you for your input and perspective. It certainly feels like I'm holding him back from what he wants to do. I wasn't computed into his equation and I am still shocked he lied to me and I didn't suspect a thing at all. Made me afraid of what else he can be lying about.
I am very sad and I know I deserved more than what I received today and making it up to me is not gonna make me feel better.
I have a lot to think about. We had huge plans this year and I see how much I considered him in my future and he didn't think of me in his. I thought we were doing great but I suppose not after all.
We’ve known each other for a lot longer, talked way before we started dating
It’s time to let the man go. It’s not ever going to get better. Trust me, after being with my ex for 9 years, it never got better. And he’s now the man I asked him to be for years.
You’ll find a man that’ll treat you the way you want/need to be treated without a second thought. And if not, that is also okay. It’s okay to be single and enjoy your life doing what you want to do, and not what others want to do.
You dont have to break up, just break his stupid mindset.
Tell him the following “Shut the fuck up, i like it and i will listen to it and if you get angry over that, go fuck yourself.”
Usually that works quite well.
I would like to get it figured out. He's pretty affectionate and clingy (in a good way) normally. But seeing each other has been more spaced out since he got his new job schedule. So I was thinking that it wasn't much to ask to spend the last couple hours of the day together
Why are you on this post if you are trying to call out trolls, instead of genuinely being helpful and giving advice to people in need? Also English isn't the first language of everyone in this subreddit, by the way, get off your high horse.
So 6 months ago you split with the toxic father of your newborn and you are now dating another toxic guy? I think you need to step back from dating and focus on yourself and your baby. You need to figure out why you keep jumping from one bad relationship to another. You are only 21 so you need to get off this destructive path you are on.
So what. Other it being an issue for you, who cares? Discuss it with him if you want, but I’d wait for him to bring it up in time. You 2 are still very young. Let it go.
she’s gonna scream jesus when you find the next guy balls deep coming home early from work bro
He probably should’ve either sorted this out before you made things official, or decided he couldn’t get past it and not pursued the relationship any further. It’s not fair of him to keep throwing it back in your face after knowing what happened and still choosing to date you.
While it’s admirable for you to be really supportive and sensitive to his feelings around this, it sounds like it might be at the point where you need to tell him to either sort it out or break up. That he can’t keep using the information against you in every argument or issue.
He is controlling.
its obvious by the comments you are not mature enough, you refuse to see where you are wrong. date someone your own age, you are wasting his (and your) time. work on yourself and stop dating people half your age, this age gap is disgusting and wrong. you have come to this sub to recieve advice and people have given advice where they find it to be necessary. you have deleted your comments and have been very defensive, because you know it is wrong too. dont be daft.
Not your problem anymore. Dump her abusive ass
We all do things we hate. Wash your sheets weekly. Your room stinks.
Yeah, she’s explained that a bit. She has confessed a multitude of other things in the past that I didn’t have any problems with. This one just seemed off. She also said that it’s not something she was or is into but it makes her feel bad that it peaked her interest as a child.
Completely agree, when you’re having children you should probably be getting your shit together not dropping acid.
Yep. The “inexplicable” personality shift is going to be cheating and/or drugs. Every time.
You two aren't a good fit for building a future together. The sooner you accept and move on, the happier you'll be.
Or perhaps they all have principles. Maybe he was raised as a protector. So when dude raised hand the family responded because they knew what happens to men that strike women. Consequences. Some are harder than others.
Love this response. For the relationship to work, GF will need to take this difficult but necessary step.
Dear lord, you sound exhausting! I go get my hair done once a month, and I’ve been with the same stylist for 6 years. Never ONCE has my husband said he wanted to go, or expressed an interest in meeting her. Because he knows that’s my time.
Did the boy do the follow up sperm counts? Did he actually get the surgery? Is he baby trapping you? Vasectomy aren't always done well but why do we not think a guy can't baby trap?
It sounds like your sister is a co owner. I'm not going to give you crap about the ritual and ceremonial stuff because that is deeply personal.
I do think your overall attitude about your sister is really negative, controlling and dismissive. You don't get to police how other people feel and it's telling that despite hearing days in advance you're
I have concern, because whether or not she meant what she said and did while blackout drunk is secondary to the fact that she downplayed the anniversary, rebuffed your efforts to spend intimate time together, and chose to get wasted. Even before she was abusive with words, she was disdainful of you. I don't know that that is something that can be worked out. I would seriously consider my other options if I were in your shoes. You don't deserve that.
so we can save money in his account.
WHAT OH HELL NO.
Joint high-yield savings with BOTH your names on the account and both of you are needed to approve any transfers or withdrawals.
Also, start talking about how the deed, mortgage, etc. will look, and what the process is if you split up. Always take an active role & discuss everyone's interest in any large financial decision, married or not.
When a conversation about hopes and dreams is enough to sever a “love” its time to re evaluare how quickly you jump into commitment. Sounds like you two didn't communicate enough before yall got hitched.
What are the fights about? Do you feel fulfilled by this relationship? Do you see her as someone you could build a future with or are you staying bc you've been together for two yrs?
dont stay with her bc of her mental health issues. Thats not love, thats sympathy/pity. Its not your job to manage those things.
And now yiu can never trust him again…why would you've asked if he was planning his solo trip with the opposite sex?? It's supposed to be solo and you trusted him. He's lying and gaslighting you for sure. Thsi was all planned. I hope yiu kick him to the curb because how can you trust him ever again
It isn't though. A boundary is a red line that if you cross, he leaves (say cheating, for example). This is an edict or attempt to dictate your behaviour. This is unhealthy and not something you should just accept.
She’s clearly not capable of a healthy relationship, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. This is a huge red flag she doesn’t respect you, and isn’t capable of respecting different opinions. Those two things are required for a healthy relationship, along with communication, compromise and compassion. She showed none of that here.
Show some respect for yourself and start preparing to leave.
This would be beyond my comfort
“She believes relationships can evolve and change from romantic to platonic..”
This also works in reverse. Ex's are ex's for a reason, but they also dated for a reason.
I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be comfortable with this, talk wth her again, and hopefully, she can understand and give your feelings more resurrect than a tired reversed platitude.
George Carlin had a great quote for this, “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
You need to specify, “I’d like to be engaged,” otherwise he won’t know. Men are dense… really dense.
She needs professional help. She has serious attachment issues that she needs to work on.
Because he expected you to be crying and begging him to stay with you. You're not, and it bruised his wittle ego. Poor baby. Good job, and take care of yourself!
Why don't you just go ahead and break up? Why string her along if you already know you don't want to take the next step with her? Let her find someone who really loves her and would love to marry her. Its obviously not you
Thank you to everyone who has already shared their opinions. I’m probably not doing a great job of explaining my situation.
While it is helpful to hear that I am being too critical and not loving, I will share more details. Several years ago, I bought us tickets to a concert for our 8 year Anniversary and texted her mother asking for a babysitter. Her mother was more than happy to babysit, but my wife was furious that I asked her mom without permission. Since then, I have been a little gun shy in seeking date nights for the two of us. Trust me, I would love to spend the night with my wife just her and I without about children, but she has become so obsessed with them that she refuses to spend anytime away from them. We didn’t even go out on our anniversary last summer without them (I.e. no date night since 2021). Yet I’m the bad guy because I think it’s normal to spend time away from our children.
Hence, I compare my relationship to other friends. My friends who hired a babysitter and came to the party without kids. My friends who tell me about how they have guys weekends away from their families. The only weekend I’ve ever spent away from kids involved over me leaving for work. I haven’t seen my brother or sister in person in over a year because I feel extreme guilt leaving my family to see my siblings who live over 7 hours away.
Sorry for seeming ungrateful, but I feel like my spous has no chill.
Wtf? Leave.
I’m not going to be rude to him.
Just to let everyone know i haven’t said a word to my boyfriend about his finances. Haven’t said anything about what he should do with regards to moving. Haven’t meddled in ANYTHINg. I haven’t even told him half of this stuff that i wrote on this post.
Dump her
Why wasn’t he there?
i don’t think he’s really a recovering alcoholic if he’s drunk every night still, he might seem great for you especially after a divorce, but your lives just don’t seem to align. imo there’s a greater chance you make your way back to one another later after you can pay your debt off or he can stay sober, rather than forcing it now.
I mean you're fantasizing about this bj enough to post about it on main dude, that's pretty, uh… you know what, whatever, I give up. Imagine a woman saying they were turned on by a guy sobbing and being extremely vulnerable and they accepted oral from him. It's pretty obvious how sick this is when you remove porn tropes
Send him an invoice for your services
There seems to be two problems here. One is definitely the girlfriend she saw $$$$$$$$ and got stars in her eyes. Not good.
The other one is, honesty prior would have been good. Also, while it's good to be wise with your money no one likes to be lied to. If you have THAT much money you shouldn't really be trying to pretend to not have that much.
You should conservatively spend portions of it. She's a teacher and that's an exhausting and underpaid job. If you could afford to take her on vacation and you didn't i could understand why she has reacted that way. A small nice vacation would barely make a dent. $6000 out of $24 million twice a year is a bat of the eye.
It's her choice. But she involved you. Up to you, would you not make a call about a random building on fire? And if she can't appreciate your burdens, what friend this?