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  1. As a father I stand by my previous suggestion that you refuse this request outright. In my opinion it isn't right to bring a child into the world knowing with certainty that you cannot be the father they deserve. I'm sure your partner would be a fine mother but she can do that without your genes and frankly I think her wishes are coming from a wholy, though understandably, selfish place. Whatever you choose to do, I hope for success for your partner and peace for you in your days to come.

  2. I think he doesn't realize how much of a jerk he is because he believes his behaviour is normal and acceptable. Growing up his parents never had a healthy relationship and his role as a childhood was to joke about things so everyone would smooth it over and forget about it. His mom hasn't worked for years due to mental health issues and he judges her for being lazy, mainly because his dad now has 2-3 jobs and she spends his money while criticizing him all the time. His parents don't have a great relationship overall because she gained a lot of weight and he criticized her for it as well as emotionally cheated on instagram models. In turn, this makes him view his mom as a naggy, spoilt brat and his dad a distant, unemotional, very hot working, asshole. From what I've seen from his relationship with the parents he has relatively no relationship with his father, just an ordering his son around type of relationship, whereas he'll always be self-righteous and brutally honest with her while she just rolls her eyes and ignores him (which I think sort of enables his behavior) and I'm pretty sure he might've thought I've been a pushover (just as I have thought of him) when I keep bringing up the same issues. He's never opened up about how he's actually feeling or what he's going through unless I push him to and yet he still expects me to read his mind and go out of my way for him. As for me my relationship with my father is respectful but has never been close, and I used to have the same relationship with my mother as my boyfriend did with his mom but over the past few years we've gotten closer, kinder and more respectful.

    I'm choosing option 1. I think his intentions are good but he lacks self-awareness. Today I told him that my boundaries and needs are a cry for help and that this relationship hasn't been making me happy for a long time, and that it fills like he's always trying to get his needs met without considering truly knowing what mine are, and amongst other things I essentially poured my heart out. He sent me this: “I will let you feel my presence by knowing that you can always reach out to me. I will try to validate you more by acknowledging and accepting your feelings. I’ll practice responding rather than reacting. I bow to be a better listener. I’ll prioritize time to take care of my mental health. Figure out more of my attachment style. I’ll practice to take lead more so you don’t feel that your imitating things do do all the time. Be more trying in saying what I’m going to do. I’m going to try to understand myself. Find more things in my life that bring me happiness. I want to set goals myself as well as for each other. I’m doing this for me because I want to see the repercussions of my actions.” So I guess we'll see! What do you think?

  3. Definitely tell her and also go NC with him once you’ve done so. Offer the girlfriend support once you’ve told her as this will be a massive shock for her especially once she sees proof.

    Imagine if you were in her shoes? Would you want to be told?

  4. Not really sure what we're talking about here… You mean your EX BOYFRIEND…. Right? Self respect my friend comes before EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING

  5. I’m guessing he takes care of his family obligations though, loves you, his kids etc. 4 years you knowing this is going on, I’m assuming he’s probably a pretty high value guy that had he used discretion and not thrown it in your face, embarrassed you, or offered to bring it to your doorstep, this wouldn’t be a gigantic issue, you do seem reasonable. Ya, I think he’s taken it too far.

  6. I’m the past she told me they ended on neutral terms since they had different purviews or something so she wasn’t going to speak bad about him

  7. the only thing is they, from what ive gathered from both their accounts is that they know each other irl and are relatively close friends. if one owed the other money why would they get some random third party that neither of them know personally to sort out this situation?

  8. Can't wait to read about the boyfriend's side on r/greentext soon, all the other bota gonna roast his ass 😂

    Also yeah you should breakup. Your boyfriend deserves someone better, and you need someone…. non-autistic..

  9. All this BS Drama isn’t about a phone. It’s because he’s cheating AGAIN and too much of a coward to tell you straight up. So he berated you into leaving so he can tell people it wasn’t him, it was you.

    This will NEVER GET BETTER and what’s more, you know it. Cut your losses on the house as best you can and begin the REAL LIFE you truly deserve.

  10. Your relationship hangs in the balance because of you. Jenny should never have had to stand up for herself to your parents. They’re your parents which makes it your responsibility to talk to them and have Jennys back. You never should have asked Jenny to consider moving from a workplace that she’s worked very hot to be in for you. This whole situation sounds like nepotism which would piss me off if I were in Jenny’s position and had worked my ass off for this job. If you truly want to continue to have a relationship with Jenny, it’s your responsibility to have her back and put your family in their place.

  11. To OP the sister is random, but to the girlfriend the sister is more trustworthy being alone with her boyfriend than one of his random friends. (Is what I think the other poster was getting at)

  12. Agreed but the issue is that of course she needs to be informed to be able to make any kind of decision. All the rest is irrelevant.

  13. Thanks ☺️ girls change their minds all the time. When we are not ready to have kids, we just brush it off quickly saying we don’t want any kids. That doesn’t mean I don’t want kids in the future or just not with you. Either way. I’m just saying she’s still 22 and not thinking about kids. But yeah all the advice is stupid to you

  14. Dating apps I have not tried, I’ve just been wary of the meeting people live and the safety of it all

    It can be frustrating meeting people live!, but it can also be really fun. Just make sure you get to know people, and meet them in public for the first time, keep a friend updated about your whereabouts.

  15. You're off to a good start, but take another few weeks before the bf/gf thing and another few years before marriage…

  16. u/thesobber, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  18. u/Academic-Ad-1844, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  19. You're not compatible with a man who is “acting shady.” This more then likely would've ended with him cheating (if he hasn't already). Life is too short to be with someone who acts like this, really. Your ex clearly isn't ready for a real relationship.

  20. There are a lot of Mormons who fundamentally misunderstand their own doctrine and promote falsities. This is likely the case for the one's you've met. It's one of the reasons I left the church.

    The actual truth of it is that Mormons belive in three kingdoms of heaven, and the highest kingdom has three circles (honestly if you've watched avatar the last air bender, think of ot as bag sing se). The innermost circle is available only to those who have been sealed in the temple. Which means that actually the Ultimate Salvation is dependent on both men and women. They're tied to each other. And yeah, honestly I always thought that sounded stupid lol.

    As for what branch I was from, I moved around a lot growing up. I attended church all over the world. When I left the church, I was living in Utah though, which has a higher concentration of really fucking weird Mormons.

    And as for the husband/wife roles….leadership is slow to address anything, but there hvlave aplenty been some efforts to change. And movements by a lot of more progressive Mormon women, queer Mormons, and bipoc Mormons to really change the harmful gender norms is gaining traction. What I see from watching from the sidelines has been promising, but I don't feel like going back to church to help out.

  21. I mean I didn't propose to my wife until we had been dating for ten years.

    Everyone's experience is different

  22. Therapy can help, but for it to work you would have to actually want it to. It doesn't sound to me like you want your relationship anymore, no one (especially no one on the internet) can either do the work of making it work or breaking up for you.

    I don't doubt that in 11+ years there have been times when you treated your husband badly, very few of us are saints and many of us are far from it. But if your husband is unwilling to let go of that, however justified he might be, then the relationship cannot work. Both of you seem to be resentful of the other. This resentment will set the tone of your relationship, so if you're not going to “fix it” or “end it” then the two of you will continue to on-line the life you are currently.

    My parents ended up having each other but we're never able to end it or fix it, and they made each other miserable up until my father passed away. I don't recommend that life.

  23. I don't normally comment on these things but maybe I can offer a bit of perspective from her side.

    I was in her exact position at the same age but we'd been together for 7 years. It tore me to shreds to break up with him because I really thought he was the one. We were so in love. After year 6, no dice, I STILL hung out for another year, hoping hoping hoping he'd just bite the bullet. I put off so much waiting for him to come around. I was fully open about what I wanted and I thought he was too. I'd drive myself crazy thinking he'd do it on a camping trip or even out for a walk, or in our living room for heaven sakes! Year 6 Christmas he gave me a wooden box that looked like a ring box, my heart about exploded – he handed it to me and said, don't worry it's not a ring! (It was a necklace) and then my heart sunk, and I knew I had to end it.

    My biggest mistake was not communicating with him more and prying more into why he was hesitant. I figured the ball was in his park and I didn't want to push him, knowing he loved me etc etc. After a while I started to feel like there was something wrong with me. Eventually I went to counselling, gained some confidence in myself and left. 29 is not a time in a woman's life to play games, especially if she wants kids. I loved him so much but I knew I had to leave because the reality was that he just wasn't there with me. When I broke up with him he said let's get married let's get married. By then I had become so apathetic and my emotions had been all used up about the idea, and it felt like he was grasping at straws. I walked out the door and didn't look back.

    Pull up your big boy pants and have an honest conversation with yourself, and then her. The ball is definitely in YOUR park, not hers. This is clearly important to her, and part of being in a successful relationship is taking care of things that are important to your S/O. Let her know or let her go dude, or she will make the decision for you.

  24. You can be upset over whatever you want, but in reality what can he do about the situation? He can't stop the rain and it sounds like it's not stopping soon.

  25. Once a cheater always a cheater is cliche because it's true.

    Also, he's never going to feel comfortable moving into that house because you consider it your house. And you're making that clear with your rules. You're going to fight a lot and then he's going to cheat again.

  26. Hun, you two are no longer compatible You need to book an appointment for a vasectomy NOW! Cuz she will “accidentally” get pregnant and hide it from you as long as she can (or at least until it’s too late for an abortion)

    Time to file for divorce. There’s no gentle way to end things you just have to tell her you are done having children and you don’t want to stop her from having any so you are letting her move on with her life

    NTA btw

  27. The point isn't whether it's cheating or not. The point is that you and another woman agreed to lie to your wife.

  28. I think when you felt the need to explain why lingerie would make you upset, it became clear that you aren’t feeling secure in boundaries for yourself. We all know that this is very inappropriate, you don’t have to send guess yourself.

    I know you want to be kind to her and are glad she has friends, but you said she will hold on to them no matter what, and these aren’t good people. It’s okay to point that out. That this isn’t typical friendship, and you’re afraid she is getting used and might do something she regrets later, to be accepted.

  29. Temporary as in we stopped talking for a few days and i kept begging her to give me a second chance to prove that I'm a good person. But after this I don't think I could do it

  30. Well it has been significantly reduced. We went from having sex 2-3 times a day and snuggling all night to now im lucky to have sex 2 times a week! Now we dont embrace at night either! Its just been quite an adjustment and I definitely feel less connected in our relationship.

    Yes we had a baby and things are continually going to change, but at this point I was hoping we would be sleeping together again.

    I also feel like the longer we wait to teach our baby self soothing techniques the harder its going to be.

  31. I mean at the end of the day he can afford to act that way and he isn't hurting anyone. The actual problem seems to be her highness who can't stand being embarrassed in front of her high high high end buddies. I mean, cope. If someone was buying me food I wouldn't complain about them mixing rice with jalapeños.

  32. Your parents failed you, OP. Not because of who they were having sex with but because you were clearly not well and they did not get you the help that you needed. Ignoring your teenager having constant panic attacks is just shitty parenting and they should have gotten you a doctor and a therapist immediately so you could have worked through this trauma with a professional. I hope you go to therapy now as an adult so you can address these traumas from your childhood so they cannot affect your adult relationships.

  33. Respect his decision. Walk away from the relationship and any marital dreams. Be a supportive friend through their transition.

    Happy he found his way, but I'm sad this means the road to marriage is over for you.

    My spouses cousin, her spouse came out trans (MtF). She stayed in the marriage while her spouse was getting the hormones (they have a teenage daughter, 16). She was pretending her marriage was going so well you would have thought she is the posterchild of a successful marriage with a trans spouse. Made tons of posts of going to LGBTQ events. Loved the attention her spouse is trans. Well, she was lying the whole time. While she was married, she met a guy, dated, got engaged. Quietly divorced her trans spouse and married her boyfriend IMMEDIATELY. Then she pretended her ex spouse didn't exist 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ but still is involved in those LGBT activities for attention purposes 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️.

  34. Why would you want to be married to someone that respects you so little?

    There’s really only 2 possible realities in this scenario:

    1) Their relationship is either flirtatious or they plan to / already are cheating, in which case your wife is a scumbag and you should leave her.

    2) Your wife genuinely thinks this was just a thoughtful gift and thinks your friend meant nothing nefarious by gifting it to her, in which case your wife is a fucking idiot and you should leave her.

    In all seriousness, no one is that naive, your wife is either already fucking him, is planning to fuck him, or just gets off on the attention / flirting. Either way she doesn’t give a shit about you or respect you in any way. You will resent her and yourself for not standing up for yourself. It will hurt now but do yourself a favor and get out of this relationship.

  35. My man likes to think he does alot too. But he does the dishes, and that's it. I cook, clean up after him (clothes, dishes etc), and do all the upkeep. I said to him like if I stopped doing everything I do, TRUST ME, you would know. Why do you think the mirrors are clean, the toilet and sinks are scrubbed? Ect.. it's not magic. Lol

  36. No babe, let him go. I dated a guy who was into that and he always asked me first to do anything new to me(like slapping my face Wich i hated it )and if I didn't dig it, he wouldn't do it never again. I don't know if you voiced your discomfort but if he's getting mad at you not wanting to have sex, that's the only red flag you need to know to go away.

  37. I don’t feel like keeping a number unblocked and not responding to texts is entertaining the guy but okay. Might entertain my ego, but it doesn’t entertain him at all.

  38. Maybe tell him what she said, and ask him to keep his distance in future. Not that you don't trust him, but that she may be trying to stir up shit, and cause problems between you. Better safe than sorry.

    Also discuss drinking limits. Not drink enough to get drunk, have friends watch your back type thing.

  39. Wow… I’m so sorry. 💔

    This is totally inexcusable on everyone’s part, but yours & your friend who showed up.

    You invited them in advance, reminded, did all the work, then texted grown azz adults & they blew you off. Excuses are cheap. Your friends are crap & im being generous.

    Take time to re-evaluate these people who have shown how little they care and respect you. You poured yourself into making a celebration which specifically included them & they showed exactly how much they care.

    For your birthday, get new friends. Let them grasp their loss when you’re no longer available. I wouldn’t want a bday redo from them. Only a reminder of how awful they treated you. Unless you allow them to plan a big party and… you don’t show, don’t contact anyone to let them know you’re not coming. (Sorry for the pettiness… those people pissed me off)

    Happy belated birthday 🎉

  40. Neither does a mohawk for some, they just like the looks, but for some it's seen as punk. The mustache is seen as a pediophilia mustache by some.

    Try mutton chops if you really want to see how facial hair impacts how people see you.

  41. I asked her in person so that wouldn't work, but I appreciate the thought. I'm going to leave her alone but if she does reach out to me I'll keep your apology in mind.

  42. This made me cry. I was raised around DV and my dad was openly bringing new girls into the house when my mum was away. So yeah makes sense

  43. It’s his way of trying to control you.

    All the time you agree to this ludicrous idea he will be able to keep you under his control.

    Don’t fall for it. Take the bonded pair then cease all contact. Block him and never let him contact you again.

  44. You’ll be at this party with your partner. You will hang out with him and his friends, you’ll not be alone.

    Also, his ex is just… His ex. Just another person at a full capacity party. You don’t even have to talk to her or to pay attention to her. She’s irrelevant.

    Go to the party, be yourself, have fun, meet new people. It’ll be fine. You’re all adults, you can handle this.

  45. I think I really messed up when I missed his birthday dinner because I was with Max. I told him that work held me up.

    As if any of this is true.

    “My son has like 1 good friend and we both bailed on his birthday event to shag”.

  46. But there is no justifying this, Hypothetical or not. It’s irreverent at this point in your life whether or not 10 years ago you thought about taking someone on a movie date, or who you wanted to fuck. She’s ridiculously irrational and toxic no matter how you try to rationalize it.

  47. She is correct. What is in her phone is none of your business. You are not entitled to be in every single area of someone else’s life.

  48. Don’t date women that mouth off in confrontational situations. They’ll get you killed and are a liability.

  49. How unfair he has to on-line with your suspicions…..after you have literally caught him cheating.

    Has he worked to rebuild trust that he broke and provide you with security and peace of mind? Because anything short of that is rug sweeping and insufficient.

    How dare he have to deal with the consequences of his own actions. How are you not over it immediately and blindly trust him again? Just because there are things that have triggered your suspicions, doesn’t make it okay to dismiss them. Right or wrong, he should be working to rebuild rather than just move on. He is not

  50. but I have mutuals friends and want to ensure she doesn't give me a bad name to my mutuals. Suggestions?

    here is a thought, I you aren't doing anything shady/wrong, then you dont have to worry about getting a bad name…You shouldn't care what she is doing and of course she will probably bash you, generally what ex's do…just go with telling your fiends “ahh, she just misses my fat cock and is angry I took it away from her. Bitch will say and do anything to try and get back at me for taking away that tasty treat” that should explain everything to your friends…move on my man and don't worry about what she will say, otherwise you will have to worry about what all your exe's are saying. best to just not care about that and be a good person for the next one.

  51. Usually when someone a large sum of money, it's for drugs or to feed an addiction. This wasn't twenty bucks. This was a substantial amount of cash he hunted for. People have pretended to be homeless when they have totally normal jobs to feed addictions and keep it from their family.

    He also stole valium, which is a pretty big detail here.

    Him saying he doesn't like drugs doesn't mean shit when he has proven that he is not trust worthy. People that steal can lie as well to hide addictions. If he feels that admitting to drug use will change your opinion of him, then…yeah, he's gonna lie so he can stay in the inner circle.

    I'm going to be brutally honest with you….if he was willing to steal valium from you as well as cash, he could be doing the same to your mother. Reading your story made me think right to a bf of an cousin. The bf dis that to her mother – got close and friendly, related over the fact that they were both from a sounthern state, would make her dinner sometimes. Stayed buddies with her after cousin broke up. Mother thought of the bf as a nephew. Turns out he was stealing her anxiety medication and cash. Nothing big. Just a twenty here and there. Wouldn't have ever caught him if not for the fact that she started being a few days short with medication and suspected her daughter of stealing from her, got a camera. Nope. It was the charming man that she bonded with. Gave her a boohoo story. She set up boundaries…and yup, he just got craftier and only took shit out of where he knew there weren't cameras, lol. Pawned stuff she had in garage in boxes she would never know were gone unless she really looked for it. Dude crashed her car and that was it for the relationship.

    You need to steel yourself, OP. People can be really fucking bad when they are feeding addictions. They will say and do whatever it takes to get what they want. Dude is already comfortable stealing a chunk of cash from you as well as your medication…would you have ever suspected it if not for the cameras? Imagine what else is going on. Yeah, this might be all he is doing, but you need to protect yourself and your mother. :/

    He stole from you. you have no idea what else is going on when there isn't cameras.

  52. “Oh you game for a little at night when everyone else is asleep once the chores are all done and everyone’s been put down for the night I bet you’re a horrible dad and don’t have a job”

    -idiots on reddit

  53. I suppose so, we’ve already had multiple discussions and last night we fought about it. I’m just afraid if he agrees to get me better headphones he’s really gonna unleash his kraken 💀

  54. I can see where you're coming from and that's why this is such a subjective question.

    Personally, I feel that spending intimate or sexual energy on something this interactive that isn't your partner is enough of a gray area that I wouldn't do it.

    If you don't have those conflicted feelings, more power to you.

    I guess we'll see in the next 10 years or so if AI has developed enough to be a better smooth talker than you or I if we still have the same feelings about it that we do now lol

    Out of curiosity: If this kind of AI was integrated into a sex bot, thus changing the non-physical aspect of the interaction, would you still feel the same way?

  55. Yeah no she had cheated on other guys with that ex as well. I didn't say she was wrong to date him just that the guy she said had no chance did. Even getting back with an ex isn't bad but talking to one while in a relationship? Yeah, no. My fiance and I don't have any contact with any exes. And before you say anything it was my partner that brought it up in the first place, because there's no reason to put yourself or your partner in that situation

  56. You need to be honest with her about your feelings. Give her your timeline and then let her make her decision from there. You may lose her but marriage is not easy and you should not feel pressured into it.

  57. This is really it, blue balls and all of that nonsense is a myth used to manipulate women into providing sex to men even when they don't want to.

    You're still young. Don't waste your time with some asshole that pushes you to do things you don't want to.

  58. I dont know how too use reddit, I can't see the comments people are leaving, someone please message me and tell me how too view the comments.

  59. Thank you for your input! I think I just need to reinforce that this is the norm rather than anything abnormal, and it's been very hot to realize that because I'm just used to a college dynamic and I haven't started working full time, but I'm sure once I start I'll realize that it's the normal thing to do and it doesn't mean my relationship is deficient

  60. You can go alone/with someone else, you can make it a dedicated takeout day at home or just review the menus and see if there’s something she can eat. Why would she go to a place where she can only drink water? Would it be a nice experience for you? I’m confused.

  61. Seems like a pretty simple choice..if you want to have sex and not be a cheating douche, you have to marry her or break up and find someone else..Which of the two options do you want?

  62. The part that gets me a bit messed up is when she said she wasn’t like this when she was single and it came to one night stands / hookups / FWBs or whatever. On one hand, yes she has confirmed her low libido, but that “wasn’t like this until I was in a relationship” comment also makes it seem like she is maybe over thinking and psyching herself out somehow maybe …? Why? No idea

    The concept behind being able to have a one night stand and never have to see them again makes sense – can do things or try things you wouldn’t normally with no need to re on-line that the next day. But if that’s the case, then it almost strongly implies she’s not entirely comfortable with me and scared to open up and be herself, which would hurt worse.

  63. I'll give you a simple tool I use when I'm confused. Get a piece of paper and make 2 columns. Good things about the relationship on the left and bad on the right. Try to get at least 10 things in each column. Let the paper lead you. You may see a trend.

  64. Tell her that you will feel more comfortable wearing a condom.

    If she loves you then she will respect your decision

  65. op thank gods of all religions you saw this trait early and let them go. people often show themselves to us. Its we who choose to ignore.

    on the sidenote please give advice on how to make good money in tech and save like you.

    thank you so much

  66. So long as he doesn’t try and stop you doing 20’s things because he’ll be in his 30’s soon and try and make you settle before you’re ready then it’s fine.

  67. ougghhhh that would make me so damn mad. if he's not listening to you when you try to communicate and bring up your concerns, then you can't make him and you would probably be better off breaking up with him

  68. Ok fine

    I think you should just be friends. I read the next comment thread. What happens if she changes locations and another coworker or customer befriends her and kisses her? What happens if this guy comes over a 3rd or 4th time and kisses her? What happens if he doesn't like you and doesn't want you around her? These are some scenarios that could occur.

  69. OP, sounds like you got white knight syndrome. You’ve been rescuing this girl, and as long as she needed you, she was great. Now she’s doing things on her own and you’re seeing the real her for the first time. This is who she is. You can’t trust her. Want to be dealing with this noise years from now? When you have kids to manage and worry about? Move on now, the pit she’s digging for you will only get deeper and harder to climb out of.


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