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I know what I'm about to say isn't very PC, but evolutionarily speaking men don't benefit from not having sex with their female friends. They benefit from having sex with them and potentially fathering as many children as possible. Women, on the other hand, benefit from male friends because what a friend does is provide emotional and/or physical resources that could help their child.
Men conquer women via sex. Women conquer men via relationships. That's why the female version of a male “player” is a woman with a lot of male friends. They are both playing the same game. They both have just as many options on the shelf, ready for them if they ever decide to.
In the same way that a male friend is just waiting it out so that one day his female friend will have sex with him, a female woman who is having sex with a man but not getting commitment is waiting it out in the hopes he will commit. Neither is right or wrong – just the product of our biology.
Getting shot down is never pleasant. But we all somehow get over it and online through it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get on with life. And try again with someone who shows some interest in you.
Sounds like he’s still got feelings for his ex. That’s just a mean thing to say in general though basically saying you’re not pretty to him. Hopefully he apologizes.
I'm sorry you caught an STD. You need to tell him. STD are treatable, but not curable and if you plan on having sex with him again he needs to know you have an STD.
If you bought a house would you let your bf online there without paying anything?
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It’s one thing if she came to you first before dating this person to ask if it’s okay, not as permission, but to make sure she isn’t crossing a boundary line of respect with you in case you weren’t fully over your ex.
But it’s very telling, red flag actually, that all these people, including your BFF & ex, they hid this for a YEAR! A FULL FUCKING YEAR!!!
Like who does that????
That’s some super sketchy immature toxic BS.
Also full stop, wouldn’t blame you if you lost trust in all these people, every single one.
It’s one thing if it was a guy you were ONS, FWB, or only dates for a month and it was LONG after it was over, then I wouldn’t care. But you were with this guy for five years…
That’s not easy to get past when something like this happens.
It makes you wonder if at someone during the relationship your BFF developed a crush on him & if he developed a crush on her, so that when you two broke it off, just jumped into quickly.
Cause that’s the full on impression…
It’s also less about if you move on, this is what I take the most to heart is the lying and being sneaky. The hiding of things even when you were dating him is also another issue.
I’m in your corner Op on this, we don’t know each other, but you’ve got my full support for what ever you feel you need to do❤️
Marriage counseling not fricking Reddit.
It isn't irrational at all. It is a normal part of life to consider what you want for your future. It is entirely rational to realise that what you want isn't the same as your partner and that love isn't enough.
You sound burnt out emotionally from supporting him and getting nothing back. Perhaps you are a fixer type of person and it comes naturally to look after people but at a certain point that well runs dry. (got the t shirt on that one).
Your panic attacks are a physical sign that your body is saying no, your brain is saying no.
It isn't irrational to realise that love is not enough, that you have to have the same values and goals and you are using your logical brain to work this out, but your heart and caring side find it nude to stop because you know it will hurt him and you both. Facing that is painful, the sunk cost fallacy makes you think of everything you faced and the idea of doing all that and not having a future together is a painful realisation.
You know what hurts though, that your dreams are being pushed aside and likely his dreams as well as you don't want the same thing he does. Embracing being the bad guy is also really hard, I would seek more support to work through this if you can afford it.
When I read your post the idea of having children with him, sitting in a rural house and having to support both the children and his needs feels like exhaustion and resentment will be the overriding feelings. That is not what you need, you need someone to do it with not for.
I realise that this might also mean not having children and that is something you also have to consider and that is also probably part of the equation, are you okay with possibly not having children? does the idea of having them with him fill you with joy or dread? And if dread then I would explore that further perhaps with someone in person.
You need therapy for your self esteem.
You can't buy real love. The sugar baby thing means paying a woman to pretend to like you in exchange for cold nude cash. If you think that the sugar baby will inevitably fall in love with your sparkling personality (that you aren't confident is enough to attract women to date you without being paid) if she just gets to know you, you're being delusional. If a woman is hard enough and has good enough social skills to make money as a sugar baby, then she's naked enough and charming enough to attract men who are desirable enough companionship without paying for it. Sex workers don't date their clients for real.
Let me put it this way: if you found someone very unattractive, but they offered to pay you lots of money to date them, would the offer of money suddenly make them attractive to you? If Dick Cheney offered to pay you to date him, would Dick Cheney become genuinely attractive to you?
If you want real love, then work on improving yourself and putting yourself out there.
32 year old American trying to lockdown and capture a 22 year old foreigner 🙁 I already know his character, he sounds like a manipulative exploitative user. Please don't let him trick you babe he doesn't deserve you or any future children with you
She is doing really well but also has a ankle monitor because she has a dwi that can test for alcohol.
If you’re just hooking up, I see no need. But if you see a relationship then hiding a massive portion of your life isn’t a good idea. What if he sees photos or you introduce him to a friend or family member and they tell him, it’s always better coming from you as soon as you see potential in the relationship, than him finding out some other way.
I think she is making the right decision. This is beyond repair.
Just keep this in mind next time you get bitter and want to one-up your partner should someone choose to make you a partner of their again. Remember that person, just like you, even if you earn more social constructs of value in dollars, has a choice every second to be with you. Or not. You hope they want to remain with you ? Get your shit together and treat them like they matter. Get your head out of your ass (bank account).
I don't know why you are even thinking so much about it then. She obviously isn't a gold digger. She is treating you and your Kids. You don't pay her bills. Accept her explanation, laugh about it and move on. Because there isn't a reason to worry if she is like you describe.
Who knows, and who cares.
If he’s insecure enough to act this way, but too immature to use his words and communicate effectively then he’s not in a good place to be dating.
He wanted a break he got it, say goodbye Felecia