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First of all I am very sorry this has happened to you. I am sure it hurts to know that this person is no longer a friend and certainly cannot be trusted. Thank goodness you have a good husband.
Next I would tell her that sending your husband nudes crossed a line that she is never coming back from and that she should never contact you or your husband again.
Then you may want to do one of two things. 1) move on and let it go unless she persists. 2) if she has a husband you may want to let him know. If she persists, I would make sure every single mutual friend knows and that they need to evaluate their friendship with her.
Because of my job, I'm a mandated reporter. I just did my annual training last week. Almost this exact situation was described in the training as a situation where I would have to report this to child protection services
I can't comment for all men, personally I (33m) don't judge how much my partner (34f) loves me based on how often we have sex, we support each other through the good and bad, our last 2 years have been terrible for us both health wise, I spent 6 months in hospital this year and she has lost family members in the last 2, relationships are built on trust, if he's basing everything on sex that to me suggests that he doesn't value your relationship on an emotional level, if his “emotional connection” with you is based on intimacy in the bedroom and you are OK with that then crack on, if you feel that there is a need for more than that with you, bring it up and talk to him, we haven't had sex for a few months and that's OK, we have an emotional connection, intimacy isn't just about sex, it's about being OK with feeling vulnerable, talking about things that are important and sometimes difficult to hear.
I think your confusion is really valid. This is super suspicious, but if he's lying, it's a really weird lie to choose.
I'd be honest. “I'm honestly unsure what to believe. You must have known how this would sound – why would you wait for hours for your friend to have sex (paid off or not) instead of just taking the cab home? I trust you, but this seems like a bizarre choice. What were you thinking?”
I see a lot of you assuming his comfort levels and letting that dictate your behaviour, and nothing to suggest you’ve actually tried to discuss this with him at all. Maybe try that before assuming he’s untrustworthy and disrespectful?
Absolutely no one said that. But she is an adult. You cannot force her to not be with this guy. That is her choice. What advice were you hoping for? Someone to tell you to lock her up in your basement so she can’t see the guy any more? I mean there’s just nothing to be done. Meanwhile you are obviously being hurt over and over by her lies and cheating. I’m sure she’s wonderful and you like her, but that’s no way to on-line.
I’m being blunt because honestly it seems like you really need a wake up call here. You have to have some self worth and respect man. You are literally being treated like a side piece. You don’t deserve that. She needs to take care of herself.
That’s a red flag for me. Sure you two are compatible?
I agree with a lot of what's been said. I would add, think about the principle… having multiple men over your house when you are not there… in what world is that remotely okay. We don't do that, allow that, respect that, and forgive that. No man should ever, gay or straight be in your house after hours. Especially ones you don't even know and when you are not there. Sorry for your situation, it's not easy, stay strong!
My niblings to a tee. Two of them you can tell are siblings because despite some differences in skin color (one got the dark olive almost brown E. European skin from their dad, the other has their mom's ivory skin) their faces both resemble their mother and each other. The other is ghost-pale just like me, but with bright blue eyes (mine are hazel), light brown hair (mine is red) and freckles (same as me). Looks absolutely nothing like their siblings, especially the one with darker skin, and while the pale skin/freckle combo has led to me being mistaken for their mother over their actual mother when we're all out together, they don't actually resemble me much in any other features. Don't actually resemble ANYONE in the family for that matter, save for their blue eyes which are copy-paste from their dad. It's like all the random recessive genes had a party with that one!
I mean, you can’t know for sure. You don’t know these people, you’re just a stranger on the internet. But yeah, maybe she’s not the one for him.
I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want others to know she’s in a relationship with so many followers I would start think she likes the attention from other guys
Okay, that? That's what I mean when I'm talking about your outrage. You completely ignored the entire latter half of my comment, where I tried to be empathetic in explaining why people are so angry about your comments.
You don't want empathy. You want to be right. And you're not.
Fucking hypocrite, saying no one else can handle being called out when you can't handle it yourself.
Sleep training = let the baby cry until it knows no one loves it and gives up crying
Just like they did in the Romanian orphanages. Look up the ongoing emotional / psychological damage to those kids who are now adults.
If my husband “demanded” that I neglect my baby to convenience him, then he could leave and good riddance.
He didn’t of course, because he was a good dad who understood that being a parent is a lot of self sacrifice at first.
You should have written that in your post!
You arent in the wrong, she pestered you after you made yourself clear to her. She was wrong for that and should have just let it go.
So the other person is right that not drinking heavily could help this, since it would prevent you being in as compromising a position as you were.
At the same time, this is not your fault. “No sex without sober consent” is common knowledge. Some people are simply lacking in common decency.
A reasonable response:
“Ok babe, i really think thisbis a bad idea but you are an adult. At least let me drop you off and pick you up. Call me if you need me or something bad happens. I’m always there for you.”
Handcuffing… yeah. That’s a red flag. I’d dump him. And report him to the police.
Thanks for the advice. That's so awful though and I'm sorry that happened to you.
No, you're not jumping the gun. I once thought I could change my exes mind about the kids thing too, but alas.. People usually mean what they say.
He wants kids, you don't want any more. Mark it as incompatible and find someone who's more aligned to your way of thinking.
OP, I really don't understand all the comments that treat this as something light. That an adult person bathes 2 times a week is something disgusting. Yes, I understand that there are people who do not have the privilege of having water every day, but that does not mean that they still have shitty hygiene. What's more, probably people who don't have water every day look for ways to improve their hygiene despite it. Your wife has water available and she still chooses to bathe twice a week? That's not right, this has to be your hill to die for.
Is her skin really so sensitive to showering that she has to use a LOT of post bath lotions? Did she really look for a way to shower often and that her skin is not so affected? Did she really look for a way to replace the shower with something else in her daily hygiene or did she just stop showering?
NOBODY likes to be told that they are dirty or that they have a bad smell or that they have poor hygiene, I am sure that the vast majority of us would react badly if someone told us that, but as thinking adults we have the ability to overcome that anger and shame and understand that it is better to be told that you have a bad smell than not to be told anything. In my opinion, the best thing you can do for your wife is to tell her directly that she smells bad and try to find a solution to it. Whether it's bathing more often, cleaning specific areas, etc.
You aren't owed a friendship after a romantic breakup, and frankly the concept is overrated. He didn't want a friend, he wanted a real relationship and it didn't work. Trying to be friends with an ex is like surviving on tofu when you really want some fucking meat.
He's a guy. He probably didn't want to have the deep in person “GF and I broke up,” with every person that crossed his path one by one. Or maybe he's trying to boost himself up with stupid memes because he feels like shit.
Regardless, his business is now officially not your business.
Tell her the truth if she ever asks, but don’t volunteer the information unless she asks.
Girl, just cheer loudly for them and maybe you lucky and they’ll hear u and react
Ok, I'll overshare a bit but I hope it helps.
I have an almost non existent libido. It wasn't always like this but I was also single for like ten years before I met my wife and there wasn't many people in between.
Used to and still do occasionally watch porn as the only times I'm ever in the mood, my wife is either unable to have sex via her period or she just isn't around as we both work.
I have been tested and found to not only have low testosterone and we often are less than consistent with the injections but since trying for a baby and it's not working, we both got tested and it turns out my swimmers are 99 percent mutated and probably won't ever get her pregnant without expensive lab work and assistance. The idea of having sex now is just utterly defeating as I feel like a failure of a man who can't give his wife the one thing she wants. Just when I find myself not thinking about it all the time, she brings it up again and just destroys me from the inside out.
What you need to do, coming from someone who suffers from this daily, is for him to get his blood tested for testosterone and diabetes. Being a large man, if he has a lot of fat, it can slow down the bodies ability to evenly maintain a steady, high level of testosterone and also, by loosing weight, the stress of being smaller than before, the ability to gain some stamina and the confidence he will have about his body will spread through other areas of his life, including the bedroom.
Support him when he needs it, don't harass or make comments about his inability to perform as that will drive him to even larger bouts of depression, and tell him to get a hold of his shit. He is a full grown man who isn't providing the gratification his partner craves and needs, he is dropping the ball and he is responsible for his body. By leaving this up to chance and maybe letting it fix itself, all he is doing is driving a wedge in between you two.
In the words of a great man, “it's time to nut up or shut up.”
I know everyone’s situation is different but I had a situation at work where a colleague’s wife had become convinced he was cheating on her with me based on some texts that she misconstrued. I was not remotely involved or interested in her husband, but she had threatened to confront me. I told my colleague that if she ever came near me, I would go to HR and file a complaint. He ended up getting her to back down, but it created all kinds of work problems.
WTF is a 32 your old man wanting to hang with an 18 year old female for? there's only one answer my guy.
And you already know what it is.
You're not in the right place to argue on what her husband genuinely feels about this. So you can fuck off with your useless advice.
Besides grappling with the opposite is way too inappropriate for someone that is married to a partner that doesn't feel comfortable with it. In many cultures it's even frowned upon to engage in such acts.
There is a fucking reason why there are women's section and men's section in such sports lol.
OP can either utilize that or do her husband a favor by leaving him if she can't even do such a sacrifice out of respect for his feelings.
Vaginismus can be obvious to the partner too since the muscles literally cannot relax to allow penetration. It's described as “feeling a wall” so he would know because he wouldn't be able to get in without force.
Hahaha. Sorry, that was good.
Make him contact you. If he asks what is wrong, let him know what happened and that he cannot be depended on.
Even if nothing’s happening, he lied and that’s something I’d wanna talk to him about asap.
I would just ask him about it, but as of right now, I'm viewing it as him just keeping intimate details of his life private from on-line friends.
Put your hands on both his cheeks and look him right in the eye and say, “You forgot my birthday,” see his reaction, and go from there.
I didn't see this toxicity coming.
S literally said the exact same thing as your Psycho ex had said about not talking about your past. He gave you the exact same sign but you chose to put it aside in order to seem “understanding”. That was your cue to nope out of there.
Do all men do this?
You're in your 40's. You know this isn't a gender thing. This is an abuse thing. There are tons of abusive women out there who demand that their partners have no friends, don't go anywhere without them etc etc.
Is this the role of a woman in a relationship – to pretend she didn't exist outside of a man but the same thing doesn't apply to him (which isn't right on either end)?
Again, you're in your 40's. You know that this isn't about gender.
If you haven't already, get some therapy first before trying to date again.