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Once in high school okay yeah nasty teenage girl shit. But TWICE when you’re MARRIED good lord
I gave him my number but he keeps avoiding me, he never gave me his. He is very confusing
How do you imagine this potentially naked conversation will go?
Your behavior matters.
Your intentions do not matter at all compared to your behavior.
This excuse you've come up with about “unintentionally” emotionally abusing your wife is not a good or meaningful excuse. In fact, it is a sign that you aren't willing to take responsibility for your behavior, make amends, or make meaningful change.
If you want to reconcile with your wife, you are going to have to stop looking for excuses and start looking at your options to make amends and rebuild, if those options exist
Ah man telling a woman to calm down usually isn’t a good idea. It is possible that she is more irritable due to lack of sleep and stress from caring for a baby. And the baby is 2 weeks old. She could have post partum depression. Have you told her you are sorry or asked her when she is coming home? Have you told her how you would feel if this went on for weeks?
I thought I'd worked through something like this once. Wrong. Your situation may be different, but this kind of betrayal has the potential to always bother you. Because he couldn't keep his pants zipped, now you're looking at going through the best years of your life feeling devalued, insecure, inadequate and suspicious. Suspicion changes who you are and how you'll interact with him for a long time. From my experience, I'd never try getting over this again, especially with someone I wasn't married to.
Haha the pettiness in me thought about that but there's no way I could or would! Yeah I know it will be a struggle to get the trust back, thanks so much for your response!
Take time.
Google conversational narcissism. It does NOT mean the friend is a narc (though she could be that too if she has other characteristics) it just means that she’s super bad at conversation and thus only knows how to talk about herself. Lack of emotional support skills (easy to google and most people learn or don’t learn these skills from their social environment growing up) depression, and self esteem issues often makes this habit worse. If you read up on it you’ll find potential solutions for it.
But in your specific circumstances, if you feel resentment, then you’re ignoring your boundaries. So figure out how much you’re willing to support her with out getting support back, and do that. Or before you get upset, let her know youre cool with listening but need emotional support yourself like you offer her and ask her if she’s open to listening to you for a bit. And if she’s not good at it, you can offer to coach her. But that can be a lot if thankless work so might be best to just set limits that keep you from resenting her and hopefully you can keep the friendship since it does sound like she has other good qualities.
when people get angry they say things they don’t mean i think this was the case in this situation
You guys need to report the assault though. Someone like that absolutely will do it again and victimize more people.
does she know you suffer from depression?? have you considered seeing a specialist about it to see if you need medication?
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Based on your responses I think your bf is using you as a replacement for his ex. He's not looking for a new experience and a chance for new love… you are literally a replacement. I personally wouldn't be comfortable with dating him and just dump him and move on.
Well if he insists on going to that hotel and you insist on not going to that hotel, then you're at an impasse.
This is a moral thing, and that's entirely dependent on your values. You're an adult and can make whatever choice you want to, but at the end of the day you'll just have to live! with whatever the outcome is.
Just remember this though: If he is able to maintain a multi-year secret relationship with you while he's married with children, don't for a second think he wouldn't do the same to you if guys end up getting together.
Also, another point to ponder is that it's not just about you two and “being happy together”. The partner he's currently married to also invested a lot, and they have kids. It's one thing to FAFO when there's only another adult in the situation, but it's entirely different when you add kids. If you decide to continue to pursue this and be with him long-term, then you have to think about them. Because if you do get together officially, you will be a part of their lives and you will have to be okay being a step mom, potentially labeled as a home-wrecker, and deal with that entire co-parenting/divorce dynamic.
I had a relationship with a married woman when I was 15.
Nobody is investing anything. That would imply you're actively trying to build something, and that is not happening. At best, he needs to get his situation with his wife sorted out before pursuing another relationship. He is, at worst, using you. I suspect he's using you.
Get yourself standards. Surely you respect yourself more than this. I need to ask, though. Are you using “moving in together” as the litmus test to see if you can trust him again?
These are definitely not all females thing. While yes I sometimes have bad days and I’m upset once I’ve talked it out I’m usually not as upset anymore might still be a bit down but I always try to make sure it doesn’t effect anyone else. Personally while I feel like everyone technically gossips I don’t rudely talk about people to others if I’m upset or mad at someone I might say some mean things about them but I usually don’t mean it and am just venting to get my feeling out then I’m calm and look at the situation again and then deal with it. I’ve never been in a real relationship so I can’t say about the staring down other women thing but I don’t care if other women are near or around my man the only issue I would have is if she is like all up on him and like pressing her boobs into him. Just like I don’t care if my man thinks other women are attractive cause alot of women are hard as fuck just like some other guys are hard as fuck. Just no touching other people if you want to do that then break up with me first. I know I’m not always the victim and hell I might be a villain in someone else’s story I try not to be and sometimes I am the victim and sometimes it’s my mind playing tricks on me. Congratulations on your exam and on your job those things sound amazing and she should have celebrated with you. Personally I would have suggested getting whatever you want for dinner and I would make you whatever desert you wanted as a celebration Now the sex thing is different for every person some men and women have high sex drives and some have low ones so it’s just a individual type thing.
Well, this took a turn I was not expecting. I feel so sorry for you that it wasn't just Mia's husband coming on to you but you find out Mia has the hots for your bf and has been around him a lot in spite of her feelings and never saying a word to you.
I think you need to stay away from Mia and her husband from now on. They are toxic and you and your bf will be better off without them in your lives.
Since it’s a LDR, is it your child? First you need a paternity test and then decide if you want to raise it yourself if the baby is yours. But be aware it is naked to take care of a baby so if she doesn’t want it, she should consider adoption. A lot of women her age choose adoption and it is better for her and the baby. With her issues, you both should look into that.
stop having sex with her, you have to wait a while to get tested, then GET FUCKING TESTED. in the meantime, tell your wife you cheated on her. it's so cruel to cheat on her then have the audacity to think she owes you sex. what the actual fuck is wrong with you.
Respect her boundaries. You obviously are concerned about them, but ya really shouldnt be man. Some ppl are repulsed by kissing,sometimes even as a result of a mental disorder. She has a crush on you and has a fear of kissing. These arent mixed signals. The facts are there bluntly in front of you, you gotta understand that not everyone thinks the way you do.
This is gonna sound mean but I dont mean it in a mean way and couldnt think of any better way to phrase it: Dont u dare pressure her into sex, you'd be a certified peice of shit if you do. Your 'excited horny teenage self' can wait and be a decent human, I have no doubt that ur mature enough to be able to do that.
Sadly, yes. Also, it's such a complex and layered trauma that it's really wise to talk to professionals about what to do. Maybe it could cause the survivor more harm by having someone else act on her behalf without her consent now that she is an adult. Regaining a sense of autonomy is an important part of healing from trauma. Again though, I'm not a professional. I'm just someone who experienced trauma and one of the lucky handful of people who was able to access tools that I was also lucky enough to have work on me, so my PTSD is in remission. I can't imagine the kind of deep seated trauma from the kind of situations the OP only just touches on.
So your dog spends all its time in a crate, other than when its out for a walk?
And: did you guys discuss this at all before moving in together?
I appreciate the concern but 19 is not half of 27. And this did not answer what I explicitly wanted advice on.
Lol i'm a pet owner and have owned many, as in dozens, of pets in my life. What in the fuck would I do with a pile of hair? Zero interest.
If i dated someone with a drawer full of dead animal hair I would also be weirded out.
Yes I do because I know none of them would want me being friends with their friends / siblings so how is it fair they can do whatever?
I may be wrong- why does her touching herself bother you?
This is the way
But that's kind of the issue- he might very well have been thinking, “If it were me, I would hate for her to make a big deal out of my birthday, I'm just going to stick to my usual plans and go out just like I would want her to do in my place”.
You can't assume what you want and what he would want are the same things. Some people want alone time, some people want couple time. If he had disregarded your expressed wants, I would feel differently.
Also…not everyone does anything at midnight of their birthday. I'm a big fan of birthdays and making a production out of mine, but lots of people I know haaate that stuff and it would not occur to them naturally that “celebrating your birthday” involves anything outside of the specific birthday party.
I totally get why you feel a bit left behind, but I do think that unless you feel like he has a pattern of ditching you or something that this is just a good lesson about communicating your specific wants. Next year tell him exactly how you want to spend the day.
He might not be gay, but he’s definitely feeling some sexual attraction towards men.
What if the police come arrest you both due to drugs and Child Protection Services takes your child?
But If I don’t give in I don’t know when he’ll kiss me, hold me, etc. I’m a very affectionate person
Count your lucky stars that you won't be signed up for the indentured servitude that brides call “being a bridesmaid”. Go to the wedding, get her a nice gift, be happy for her… but don't go out of your way to be enthusiastic or help out. You are absolved on listening to inane wedding details every minute and the second she asks for help you can cheerfully say, “Sorry, friend, I'll be front and center dancing at your wedding but anything else sounds like bridesmaid duties to me and we both know I'm not your bridesmaid.”
Why is he bringing them up? Can you give some examples?
Uhhh, that's not very “old fashioned” at all. Old fashioned dating included sitting in someone's parlor (going to their house) and talking for what could be hours. Literally hanging out, as far as modern terms go, though there was usually a chaperone or relative around. People would go to a park and just hang out with their partner and that was the whole date.
Tbh OP, stop doing paid dates because it sounds to me like that's all she kind of wants from you – for you to pay. Suggest splitting 50/50 and go bowling. Go for walks and that's the whole date. Ask if she wants to hike together as a date, if your area allows for hikes or camping. See how she responds to dates that involve equal cost from her or no cost in general.
Aside from this, you need to decide where your line in the sand is. That's what you need to discuss with her. “Hey, I feel like you don't want to spend time with me outside of these specific moments and it's really killing this whole situation for me. I don't feel like you care about me, and when I brought it up before you just brushed it off…which made me feel even more like you don't care about my feelings. This genuinely needs to change or I might have to rethink whether we are a good fit together.”
Does sound like they are still together yes. She should be really wary.
It could have been that she was away with the kids for the first couple of dates so your friend could go back to his house.
She needs to keep pressing him for a timeline of when he is moving out or the “ex” is moving out and to watch his reaction carefully.
It may just be better for her to cut her losses now before she’s invested any more time on him and fallen for him completely.
You end the marriage. You can’t trust him, and you have reason to believe he has done this before. He doesn’t think he has done anything wrong, and he hasn’t changed and will not change.
She was messaging him daily and I then told her I couldn’t go through with it. Her reaction was not good – she accepted it but has been moody with me for several days now after breaking contact with him at my request. She has asked me several times if she can get back in contact, but I really feel that crossing the line between fantasy and reality would be too painful for me to bear. She has insisted it would be a 1 time thing but when I asked her if she would block him afterwards she refused.
I’m sorry bro but your relationship is already over. I doubt whether she has actually stopped communicating with him. And if she has, 99.99% sure she’ll restart.
Might help both of you to know why he isn't doing it off of his own accord.
As far as I know, the most recent thing, contact is completely dropped. I spoke to the individual on the phone and let him know that if she contacts him in anyway to be a good person and let me know. He has my number. I have his. He’s blocked on everything for her.
!remindme 1 week
You need to know what you are going to do if he says no. You can’t unring a bell, so if you say this makes me feel uncomfortable, can you adjust how you interact here and he declines, what is your next step?
That there was three months of psychosis sounds horrible!
HOW?
The first time my friend had a psychosis episode (also several months long) the doctors blamed it on her vegetarian diet… It was total bullshit. Idk how these people have degrees.
You are not being clear here, so I'm not sure you were being entirely clear to her.
You were pursing a teenage girl. There is no stability because the brain is still developing -so is yours for that matter. Impulse control, logic and desire for attachment is front of mind- literally. You are leaving the onus on a teenager to tell you, an adult, to move on with your life, even when you see she has a boyfriend…oh but wait…she said a flirty thing but cut off communication? Which is it? Do you see? You are staying in her orbit because you choose to, not because the teenage girl is keeping you there with her strength and prowess.
Take a giant step back. You cannot fix this person. You need to really look at your own wants and needs and think about if you want to on-line this life.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. If she is an addict that is not a fun place to be with a partner.
I'm sure it will hit you soon and you've grieve, but seriously, she did you a favor.
To move on takes time. Your heart will hurt for a bit, but try to focus externally. Hang out with friends. Try a hobby or activity you've always wanted to try. If you can, volunteer to help those in need. This is what helps you focus outward rather than inward.
Stop being an attention seeker. Block her and be done with it. Smh
It sounds like your LB doesn't like your fiancé much if he apparently withdrew somewhat when you got together.
But you should tell him how much you love him. It's not creepy love, and he should feel happy to be loved like that.
My mistake, I regret it infinitely but I guess I just need to focus on what to do going forward now.
not thinking that.
I think you should be scared. Violence is scary. Yes go on the visit and let him know it’s a break. You’ll see by his reaction whether he prioritizes himself over you. If he gets angry about the break, blames you, makes excuses, that means he prioritizes himself. If he prioritizes himself, he will do that in his next violent episode, which means you may get hurt.
If he apologizes and says he is getting psychiatric help for his breakdown, tell him that you’re glad and that you can talk more about it after the break. Anything other than this response from him puts your life in danger.
Don't worry the naked guys in another country will take care of her for the next month. Yes you give up on the relationship.
no, but you know that.
its not about the money directly, its about the deceit.
I bet he's saying its not a big deal.
But it is
Yes
And, she is not money independent if they are paying for phone; as long as they pay they will track you. Tell them if they won't stop you will get rid of the app and cost them money, then they get to make a decision…
10 minutes is a really long time. Like genuinely. Speeches in elementary school were, what? 5 minutes? And it already felt like hearing yourself talk for 5 minutes straight was too much
I couldn't imagine talking for 10 straight minutes as the person I was talking to was visibly uncomfortable. I feel like her interaction with him wasn't even 10 minutes long
When you talk to her just be open and honest about how you're feeling, if you've been together for a year then I'm sure you guys can work through this, just be sure not to let her downplay how you're feeling. Once again, 10 minutes is a very long time
We aren’t getting married so closest to getting on the deed would be a legal document stating what I contributed and what profit it entitles me too. (If I were to contribute)
This is why you don’t get married young. Your ideas of marriage and ‘friendships’ are immature.
I recently learned that Snapchat has this thing where you can block someone who blatantly hits on you despite knowing you’re in a relationship. Your girlfriend might not be aware of this feature so you might want to pass it along. I’m assuming she isn’t aware of it, as anyone who understands boundaries and isn’t fishing for attention would already have done so.
OP he showed u who he was after the first year of dating. Do not buy a house with this man. He has zero respect for you or your relationship!
You ignore his red flag The style of wedding is more important? You say ‘I’ don’t have the money not ‘we’. And it’s probably accurate. Why is he not concerned about the expense? Is it because a guy worried about health insurance has money issues?
You should not get married. Your reasons and problems sound unwise. Unless you want a future divorce. That said. If he’s not marriage material, find someone without red flags.
Hanging on to bad isn’t helping you. After 3 years this should be clear.