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Seems like you are underreacting here
Telling someone to take their time and explore their feelings for somebody else because as long as that makes them happy gives them the idea that you don't really have as much in this relationship as they thought
But as honorable as your intention was you find out that you're ex-boyfriend is just taking advantage of you and lying to you and still being involved with the other person so use that as your fuel to understand that if this relationship ends it wasn't due to anything that you didn't help him and support him in
I actually went through practically the same experience as this. My dad died 6 years ago and my mum was not coping well for a long time and was starting to smother both me and my sister and wanting to be with us all the time. Eventually, after about 3 years, my sister directly told her that while she understood she was sad that she felt smothered and that she and I had lives of our own and could not be at her constant beck and call. My mum did sulk for a time but she now has a life of her own that she pushed herself to do after what my sister said. I am honestly so thankful my sister said what she did as I too was too scared to say something, but my mum is far happier now for it.
She is NOT a good friend. She’s not even a friend. She is doing this in front of you and you’re telling yourself “it’s nothing?” She’s asking about you “having him” and you think it’s just jealousy?
This most certainly IS something. It doesn’t matter that this is a five year “friendship.” It doesn’t matter what she’s been there for and helped you through. She now wants to help herself with your boyfriend.
Personally, I’d end the friendship because a friend wouldn’t do that to me. If you insist on hanging on to her (and I think that would just be stupid), then you separate friend time and boyfriend time. Under no circumstances are they both to be anywhere in the same vicinity as each other even while you’re there (because she doesn’t seem to care if you’re there or not). Some will argue and say this is controlling. I don’t care. This person needs put in their place or something else I’ll get banned for.
Stop making excuses. Confront her. Tell your boyfriend to shut her down as well. Wtf?
I am sorry you are going through this. I was in a similar situation a few years ago with an ex boyfriend. Started smaller, like throwing stuff, hitting walls and similar. He was also verbally abusive, but the psychological aspect of his abuse was the worst part. And then, at some point, he started hitting me during arguments. I was so deeply blindsided and manipulated by him, I barely got myself to leave.
I have been so so much happier since then. It may be hot in the beginning, but I recommend you to do the same.
Good luck and stay strong.
We need an update stat
his sperm, his choice. this doesnt affect OP in any way. it would be considered controlling if she were to try and manipulate him
He just told you he doesn’t want to be alone… he doesn’t love you. girl, leave. Hes going to do it again. Stop asking why he did what he did… it doesn’t matter. move on.
To me, asking such a personal, sexual question on a first date is a red flag. I think she’s dodged a bullet here.
It’s not who you are, but it’s part of you.
You said others don’t want to handle their partners baggage, and that’s true. But they need to know what baggage there is.
“I have depression, in my daily life it looks like _. I manage my symptoms by _, and on really rough days I take extra care by ____. I don’t expect it to effect you, or my relationship with you, but it’s part of my reality.”
When you’re ready to say that, you might be ready to go from casual dating to a relationship.
How could any self-respecting adult not resent someone who feels entitled to interfere in their love life, of all things?! Few things are as private and not-other-people's-business as who we choose to share our heart and soul with.
I she asked unprompted, she already has someone in mind.
Ask him out then. Like some people say for this situations, you already have a no if you don't try so is best to at least try to gain a yes.
I'd recommend that you don't grow complacent – keep wooing her even years down the line. A lot of people grow comfortable and assume that they've put in all the work they need to, and forget that relationships require upkeep.
That being said, you can never guarantee that one of you won't fall out of love. That's just life.
This is totally BS and not acceptable. It is your house too. You are allowed to speak respectfully and share your thoughts and if people speak to you of course you can talk and if they can wear clothing, so can you. Absolutely ridiculous rules from your spouse and if it were me I would say so in no uncertain terms.
You're a huge ass. And have no understanding how SA affects people! And just because some sick f##KS think it fun to make jokes about something doesn't mean it can't happen!
Idk if you were pregnant or not in that instance but I feel like that’s an appropriate response given the circumstances
thank you to everyone who’s given their inputs so far. rn i’m gonna log out and go to bed because i desperately need it then i’ll check back in with this post tomorrow
I'm trying to regain the trust and have that perception changed of me that she currently has. I do see future with her but right now yeah the relationship has a lot of healing to do.
This type of flirting is cheating! Red flag and very disrespectful to you and your relationship and IMO degrading to you.
Yes very boring too… I just gotta suck it up buttercup…Christmas only comes once a year.
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Coercion is not consent.
We love each other and she’s an adult who can make her own decisions. I don’t see the issue.
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Yelling at animals is abuse so even if bf gently set the cat on the floor he has been abusive
2 months? Did she self diagnosis BPD or is it a real diagnosis, from a psychiatrist? You should NOT move in with her yet. Go to her place. If she's admitted she's chaotic, just wait. The instability, moodiness, impulsiveness and PRESSURE of being with someone who truly has BPD is often too much. It's not a reflection of YOU but you definitely need to know her better.
I have a part time job struggling to find a full time job. I make a high pay an hour at my current job that I won’t make any where else. My current job won’t hire me full time.
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I mean, he’s more attracted to you when you put on make up and get dressed up. You could definitely bring this up as talk about him physically expressing himself more with you when your out of make up but… I think he’d just tell you that you’re prettier with it on then not.
Flip side; he could’ve saw the effort you put into your appearance and wanted to give appreciation and affection. And maybe saying you’d like that reaction in regards to other features of your life (whether it’s career success, a goal was reached in you hobby, idk you made an amazing spaghetti sauce) to show that appreciation for rather than solely focusing on your physical appearance.
Bottom line; talk to him and tell him you want more of that for him, or at least it not centering around when your make up is done.
From your comments, it appears as though your gf’s tan is natural (I.e., not a fake tan) and the character she’s cosplaying is Asian, so I’m not sure what Kate’s problem is.
Also, if your gf’s darker skin tone is from a natural tan, then that’s (one of) her natural skin tone(s), no? It’s not like she’s slathering layers and layers of self-tanner on and pretending that’s her natural skin tone.
r/unethicallifeprotips is the place for tips. People have asked that before. The answers are there.
Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy. I bet it won't take long for him to find someone who can appreciate that. You should sit around and think about how happy he is going to be, without you.
Go no contact. If he wants to be a racist piece of shit, he can do it in a void.
If he upsets someone, he says he was just playing around
fake apology doesn't really care what other people think
Don't propose until the two of you have lived together first and have saved some money back for a ring. Don't just propose because someone else is doing it and you feel pressured. Keep to your plan of waiting until next year and give yourself some time to get settled into life and on-line together. Geez you're both only in your early 20s and have plenty of time. It's not a race to see who can get married the fastest, it's a serious lifelong commitment. I'd also like to add that it would be in very poor taste to ride Mitch's coat tails and propose on the same trip. It's really annoying when someone steals something you already had planned out. He may say it's fine but deep down I'm sure he'll feel it was a pretty shitty thing to do.
Then you are doing everything you can at the moment, if she keeps rejecting you and you already let her know there is not much else you can do
I became single at 36. 'Celebrated' my 37th only because my mum made me. I was too depressed to do anything. I wanted kids and I couldn't see myself meeting anyone 'in time'. I also live in a place where there are a lot less men than women, and women typically emigrate from here to meet a man. Just a bad situation as at this age everyone is married.
I then met a guy so, so unexpectedly. Everything has just fallen into place in a way that seems miraculous. We were on the same page about everything. We've just moved in together and are engagement ring shopping.
It's not too late for you to meet someone else. You can and you will. But you won't if you stay with this guy.
Be brave.
Oh god that was an awful read. Like truly terrible.
Also, I’m sure your kids would be happy if you left him.
Thanks for being so kind ?
And is open to trying when he comes back
Please learn from my mistakes so you don’t continue to make your own each day by staying with this piece of shit. There is a man out there who is going to mean the world to you who will make you HORRIFIED this treatment was EVER even remotely normal to you. Please carefully make a plan and get away from him, permanently. It’s only going to get worse.
you need to get an abortion and then you two need to see a therapist because wtf
Oof. While i agree with you about the baby bedding to self sooth, you're off your coconut if you think the frequency of sex is going to go up anytime soon.
I’m sorry you feel you can’t say anything, but maybe you could use body language to convey he’s overstepping. Move, flinch or shrug him off. A stern look can go a long way. He’s probably stupidly thinking this is flirting and it’s possible he’ll escalate and, although I know you’ll handle it then, it’d be better to warn him off now and save you any worry. Good luck.
I don’t think he was demanding anything. It appears like he was being very kind. And I had two babies both with absolutely no medication and yes it was hot but these days people are so fragile.
Or take it to his grave.
Never let another person have so much power over you. Take your power back. Work on your mental health. Join a gym…that is very good for mental clarity. It will take time but you will move on from this…stronger and better. Go to an animal shelter and adopt a puppy, it won't replace your other puppy but you will be saving a life and you will have a friend for life and maybe this puppy will save your life. We all need someone to love and for someone to love us back.
Yeah, this is actually it for me. I’m thinking that at this point, SAMI needs to suffer the consequences of her actions. Like…GIRL.
This dude is incredibly immature and self centered because he's trying to maintain a positive outlook on his life as a single person? Like fuck him for not begging to be back with her on social media, right? Incredible.
It's better for them to see two healthy households than one broken one. You don't love your husband anymore, and you don't feel like you can trust him emotionally. He severed the connection by taking active steps to try and sleep with other women. The fact that he didn't because you said no doesn't change that this is what he wants, and this is how little he values monogamy. You CAN divorce a man for asking you something, even if he respects your no, if you require a partner who would never want or ask for this.
He sounds like not really worth keeping, much less having a child worth. Please don't go through with the pregnancy, you will neverbeabletotake that back
Sounds like he’s trying to trap you. And from another comment, it sounds like you’ve only been together 3 months? I hope you end things with him soon. Things don’t normally end well with men like him..
Realistically, there's probably not a lot you can do about this. You can't change your son, and you won't change your husband's point of view. You'll have to just let things play out. Your husband and son both sound like alphas.
I think that's the cringe part of this situation. Sex between two people is supposed to be about the pleasure for both and when one is neglected, it becomes something completely different that isn't healthy or good at all.
Seriously, as a fellow muslim myself, please leave him..it will lead to more gaslighting…
This is one of those tough conversations you have to have before marriage. And it’s also not something to compromise on. If she led you on to think she wants kids it was manipulative but you went to far and you acknowledge that.
Are you subconsciously on the lookout for similarities between her and her mother? I can't imagine my MIL being the first thing to pop into my head when it's my partner who “hurt” me.
Lol, I’ve had healthy LTR’s my whole adult life. 🙂 I’m not worried about it.
In the USA, the number one cause of death of pregnant women is murder by their partners.
There's someone using drugs and getting siucidal-by-car (a good way to kill others, and showing poormental and emotional stability), right after a phonecall from their girlfriend who calls them out on their BS.
Why TF wouldn't the police contact the midwife?
You are playing with fire there. Take a step back and let that relationship figure itself out.
Fair enough
First rule of marriage you need to learn…always have your wife’s back.
Buddy. You're a doormat.
You said your fiance grew up and has done better. Time for you to do that too.
Your groomsman should be out the door if his partner doesn't behave. He should be on the ground begging your forgiveness for his partner causing you drama. She should be escorted out and trespassed every time she's seen at your events.
Grow a pair. Do something instead of complaining.
You really have to pick a side, and one of these people you're marrying
It sounds like he would rather marry Bob & Sarah.
Sex with multiple “friends” that you invite to your wedding while failing to let your husband know.
What about her makes you want to remain married to her?
Right? I practice BDSM. And you have to go very intentionally out of your way to leave marks and bruises. And that’s even with a partner who’s significantly larger and stronger than me.
The cat legally belongs to you. You have the paper trail with the rescue and the vet. In the eyes of the laws pets are property and your husband had no authority to give yours away. Reclaim your cat and lose your husband. Being irrationally jealous of a pet is delusional behavio.
Father of 2 adult children here. Here’s my advice.
Your family and especially infants, babies and toddlers come first. Your kid has a soiled diaper? Change that puppy. Kid needs to eat? Freed them. Kid needs attention? Take care of it.
Your wife also needs help and attention before you get to play. They’re your child too so don’t dump all the work on her.
My hobby is woodworking. I didn’t get a lot of time in the shop when my kids were young. It was a bit frustrating but there are priorities and if you want to stay married you have to get them right.
You can play your games after everything else is done.
Nope.
You can just tell him it's not working out and it's time to call it a day. End of discussion.
Currently having a conversation to end things wish me luck ig ?
“Small things added up to her doing it” man fuck that bitch trying to turn it around on you.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It will get better.
A break up is easier in the long run this relationship is like slow-death. It is killing you, your pride, your self-respect, your love. End it. Get your grief work done and move on. “
OP the amount you two spend together is not healthy even the healthiest marriages know that time to yourself is very important
Bro this is b emotionally abusive
she made you stop hanging with your friends- which is why she hogs your car
she wants you to spend all your time with her
You can't text or say anything without her getting upset
Bro this is no way to on-line
there's a reason she is dating a man twenty years younger because no man her age would put up with
Bro you can find someone who you don't have to spend every moment with and who will work with you to make the relationship good not make you feel so anxious you deserve so much better please leave this relationship will never get better. Heeres a message on clingy and needy people and tell me if it sounds familiar
Needy and clingy people can become obsessive and emotionally abusive. They will find ways to keep tabs on you so that they are always on your mind. They need constant attention and there's little you can do to make them happy except to be with them all the time. Neediness can turn into bad behavior to the point where unless you comply with everything they way, they'll make you believe you're being awful to them