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58 thoughts on “vanessavega

  1. Maybe communicate to her and find out what works. Try look for something new. Also sometimes my boyfriend doesnt cum, and sometimes i dont, due to lack of energy most of the time and stress. I dont get offended by it. Also i dont think we should expect someone else to be wholly responsible for making us feel good. Maybe its media (porn) creating expectations in the bedroom we cant always meet.

  2. If she can't respect neither you or a thing you loved, why still keeping her? She clearly doesn't value life like you do, dump her ass to the street.

  3. Idk, seems a bit weird. He says they’re really good friends but you only hear about her now. And why the need to see each other again just because she’s moving when they had all this time to meet up where he could have introduced you already? If that was the case, then you wouldn’t feel as weird that they’ll meet before she leaves since you guys know each other. Also, i think it’s perfectly valid to feel uncomfortable about your s/o seeing someone he used to sleep with. I think you should tell him how you feel about the whole situation, see how he reacts and go from there. Though it seems like he’s set on seeing her since he told you that he’s not gonna hurt you.

  4. First of all, I just want to say that I feel sorry you are going through such a difficult time and that I’m sure you’re completely shattered by what has happened. You are seeking advice because you are struggling with your emotions on the situation because you still have love for your wife but can’t understand what to do with knowing she isn’t the person you thought she was. That’s just it, she isn’t who you thought she was. Now, your reality is something different than it was. I’m sure you feel like you can’t trust yourself even because you thought she was someone different who would have never been capable of hurting you this bad. You have to move on. You have to find trust in yourself again. Then you have to rebuild your self into a better person. Once you fall in love with your self again, you will be able to traverse into another relationship that will be worthwhile. I’m sorry but this will be difficult. It will also be worth it. Good luck.

  5. I don't know how old you are, but if you don't stand up for yourself, you are doomed to keep repeating this. She is a serious control freak with a double standard. You don't need Reddit to tell you this.

  6. u/JLA_turtles, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

    The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.

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  7. Not only is weird, it's usually predatory and eends up badly because the older one uses their life experience to manipulate and control the other person.For proof just take a look at the stories involving such age gaps in this same subreddit… If that isn't eye opening i don't know what it is

  8. Yeah, this would be a deal breaker for me. The gift I would give myself is researching storage lockers, divorce lawyers and getting my finances in order.

  9. Hello /u/quietlifeintheforest,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  10. We’ve had sex and have talked about the things we like sexually. And you think me sending him porn is a big deal? What you’re saying makes no sense at all.

  11. A relationship is two people, not one. You can't make the relationship work alone, and you shouldn't want to.

    You can't make him a better person, that's his job. If we could cure people's issues for them, no one would have issues.

    And you need to understand very quickly that patience is not a trait you want other people to rely on.

    Being alone should not be scarier than being with someone who neglects you. If you stay with him, you're telling him that the way he treats you is acceptable, and things will never change.

    I've seen your story a thousand times, and it never winds up in a good place for the person who wants the other person to use them as a tool to better themselves. Most of the time, they lose motivation to better themselves when they find someone who accepts them for who they are and accommodates all of their shortcomings. Why the hell would anyone want to do any work and stand on their own, when someone has so graciously laid themselves on the ground for them to sit on?

  12. My husband and I have great communication but we also tease each other a lot. When we bring up past stuff, it’s a joke. He recently did something stupid. So stupid that some women would loose their minds, and no, I not saying what. He asked me to never bring it up again, and I won’t, but I still laugh in my own head about it. She needs to respect you and quit torturing you for the dumb thing you did.

  13. I've been abused, too, not like you and not with visible scars, but I have had a tough time talking about it with others. I don't want to overwhelm them, I don't want them to see me differently, I dont like to think about what happened, im embarrassed that i didnt stop it, it just all kind of sucks. I hate being vulnerable and i dont really trust people, and telling even a bit requires both those things. I wish I could just erase that part of me dometimes and be who I am now, but bits and pieces still come up no matter what I do.

    My partner doesn't know a lot of details, but he knows enough to get it when I say I'm having a tough time with some old bs. It was healing for me to be vulnerable with someone, and not have them take advantage, and even for them to be mad on my behalf. Seeing how another person sees my abuse helped me process what happened, it's still tough sometimes but I'm healthier because I told someone. I could not have this 25 yr marriage if I hadn't been willing to ve vulnerable and trust a little. Even if I hated it, it was good for me in the end, and my life is better for it.

    Your gf has shown lots of signs that she's worthy of trust. She's been patient, she's been vulnerable with you, she's probably starting to think of partnering long term. It's fair for her to be frustrated if you're unwilling to be a little vulnerable and trust her at least a bit. Who knows what her friends or imagination have come up with as a reason you would be hiding, or what implications that might have for her. You don't need to tell her everything, but you need to at least set her mind at ease, and give her a chance to be understanding. She can't be your person if you don't trust her, and you can't trust her if you've never given her an opportunity to be trustworthy. Don't let your abuse stop you from being able to have a healthy relationship. ❤️

  14. The reason I posted this despite it being a year ago is because we still talk about it today and she insists she did nothing wrong. I don’t know fully how to feel about it and we both agreed for me to post it on Reddit to get other peoples opinion and maybe come to a conclusion of who is in the wrong

  15. Fair. For me the fact he said you don't have the qualities clearly indicates she may do something that doesn't make him want to be with her long term.

    Or he's an asshole.

    You original comment was more of a reflection of your own bad experiences with men tho. It happens a lot on Reddit

  16. for whatever her reasons are… thats what we are here to discuss really. a woman can make a sex joke around me and all i would think is she is comfortable around me to joke like that and if we just met i would know that she is comfortable talking like that to everyone. the reasons are what we are discussing.

    she does it for a reason is all.

  17. It's a huge issue. I think you should break up for your own good. She's lucky btw, since you get “sleepy-depressed” and not “angry-depressed”.

  18. You know what? Then stay as it is, don't do anything. You're a misogynistic piece of SHIT for even thinking she needs to help you do chores! You're the bad one OP! You need to book her a relaxing trip RIGHT FUCKING NOW! How dare you even consider asking her for more when she exists! That's enough!

    Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy?

  19. When the woman is too busy drowning under the weight of all the childcare and household responsibilities – it's harder for her to find strength and opportunities to ever leave him.

  20. Given that then I'd say this is a wake up call that there's actually possibly no room for genuine romantic relationship here. At least you both weren't on the same page.

    She's not wrong for sleeping with other people if you're not exclusive but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel upset by it.

    It might be best if you tell her you no longer want a relationship and if she asks why you can either be truthful in that you realized she was sleeping with other people and that turned you off. Or if you want to avoid stepping on her toes in that way because really probably should. Just say you realized the distance was too much.

  21. Healthy relationship between 2 equal partners:

    If one partner isn’t in the mood, the other says, “okay.”

    That’s it, end of story-no guilt, no argument, no problem.

    Also, healthy- “Here, I’ll cook tonight.” “We can do the dishes together.” “Why don’t you go relax in the bathtub, I’ll put the kids to bed. Every night.

    You have growing into adulthood, and realizing that you would like a partnership.

    Unfortunately, to him, you are NOT a partner- you’re the maid and nanny he likes to f. Stop letting him use you!

    And he ridicules you, as well! You will be shocked at how much more peaceful and content your life is when he is no longer in it.

  22. If we ignore the obvious that it’s time for you to cut contact for your own safety and sanity. He doesn’t want you as a friend. You don’t want to be anything but a friend. So end it.

  23. Um yeah look, this clearly isn't working. I don't even understand how you ended up together. You clearly don't want to be married to someone like your wife and she clearly isn't happy being married to you. You don't have kids yet, I don't see a reason for you to stay together.

  24. If this is a true story…

    Do not go to your country unless you never want to see your husband again, unless you want to become a prisoner or die.

  25. Soooo, her family apparently dropped the ball on getting her into the therapy she needed to deal with her parental abuse and abandonment. It's not at all unusual for girls with “daddy issues” to act out sexually and seek approval from guys (both boys and men) and that probably explains her live! Lolita activities as well as her enticing you into this desperate, all consuming situation. This all makes sense. What's curious is that you, also just 18, feel it's your responsibility to treat her for these emotional problems (issues that require years with a professional licensed psychologist to “work through”). The short answer is this is above your pay grade. She needs professional help and all you can do is urge her to get that. But if she broke up you she may not listen. So the best thing you could do for yourself is to stop having sex with her. You're never going to get over her if she's under you. Good luck

  26. Well this would be true but I live! in an at fault state, technically adultery is a crime but it hasn't been prosecuted in a long time and I think was even nullified by some higher court but regardless. Yeah adultery would affect the assets division and she did cheat on me when she left the kids with an unconscious adult(me) without telling me and when I had just gotten home from night shift. Eg I get off at 7 am I'm asleep by 9-10 am I get woken up to her not being there and 2 screaming kids at 12 or 1 this happened multiple times.

  27. Nobody said she's a cheater, but she obviously still isn't over the guy, hence the crying.

    and let someone love her right

    Unfortunately her ex is married, so she's SOL on that one

  28. A 30 year old man still playing teenage games. Please for the love of yourself be done with all of them. This is way too much unnecessary drama coming from people that want to hurt you. Dump him, go no contact and move on to better and happier things.

  29. Maybe in the future y’all shouldn’t date family members to avoid situations like this, and because it’s gross. As for your son, mind your own business, and before you say your son is your business no he’s not, he is a grown man free to make his own choices

  30. I’ll be honest that this would be a dealbreaker for me. I think therapy can help with self esteem issues and communication but it can’t teach someone to think independently and that’s what I’d need in a partner. If I had a medical emergency I’d want someone who’s judgement I could trust to make decisions about my health for me – could you partner do that for you? Or if you have children how will you be able to make parenting decisions with someone who can’t explain their thoughts? There are so many circumstances when you need to depend on your partner and I wouldn’t feel confident in trusting his judgment when his ideas come from random sources, and he can’t explain them in any depth.

  31. Do you know how common affairs are?? Did you know 84% of affairs begin as “innocent” “platonic” friendships? Every single couples therapist will encourage strong boundaries around friendships and even ending friendships of it threatens the monogamous relationship.

    Her concerns and feelings are not “irrational”. Calling woman irrational for normal feelings is so dated. Wake up.

  32. Honestly, I don’t think people read this. OP WAS taking care of herself, she just wasn’t dressing alt. If I need to have a specific hair style and to wear make up everyday for my partner to desire me, I’d feel them same. There are loads of men who would want to fuck you when you’re just chilling with your messy bun in your sweats and it sucks your husband isn’t one of them. It’s one thing to appreciate when we put in the extra effort to look good, but that’s not feasible for most people. I’d definitely be worried about aging with a man like this.

  33. What are you getting out of this relationship? Your post history show that he lies constantly, doesn’t contribute financially, and gaslights you. Why are you with him? How could you believe anything he says about anything?!! What is the point of this relationship?

    In case you need to hear it again: making up a whole fake relationship and persisting in talking about it in detail is deranged. It’s not normal or healthy.

  34. Men like this don’t like women. They actually hate women. They like using women, but he doesn’t respect you and he never will.

  35. I mean – if you knew that planning wasn't his forte, why did you set him up to fail ?

    I think you need couple's counseling. Trying to “test” him to see if he loves you by making him do something you know he's not good at is really counter-productive and kind of mean TBH.

  36. A “normal life” doesn’t include a mother who emotionally and physically neglects you.

    And why on earth would a child feel ashamed that their parents aren’t together in 2023? Where is that shame coming from?

    Just because your life with a single parent wasn’t positive, it doesn’t mean you can’t create a completely different outcome with your daughter. Starting to think the shame is coming from your direction and it’s stopping you from taking steps towards what really needs to happen here

  37. You can’t switch off OCD. Identifying when you’re stuck on something and trying to break out of an obsessive spiral are things I was told to do for OCD though. He might have thought that indulging OCD obsessions would make it better and now that he’s forced to stop them he’s seeing a real improvement.

    OCD and ADHD are worth seeking professional help for. So are other mental health struggles…. But these are big “bang for your buck” kind of things. I personally would not date someone who refuses to seek treatment for OCD.

  38. And as importantly… who uses the car and how long could the earring have been there? if you know it wasn't there yesterday is there today? If friends haven't used the car in that time then it becomes a huge mystery.

    If you never look in there and it could have been there for weeks? That's different than if you u/No-Comfortable5961 looked in the cup holder yesterday afternoon.

  39. It makes me feel self conscious and low in confidence to go into another sexual relationship though.

    Don't worry about that for now. Better to be single and working on yourself and feeling safe within your mind and body before going into your next relationship.

  40. No, you don't want to go because your relationship is washing down the drain and this guy doesn't prioritize you.

    “Oh he has recently tried to change” sure, by committing to traveling with his friends, and trying to save face by bringing you along.

    I have actually no clue why you made the centerpoint of this post about “not wanting to go with somebody who has already been there” the actual meat of your issue is about your relationship problems, not your preferences on traveling.


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